Saudade, saudade, for the things that were

(a word that means, a “deep nostalgia and melancholy for an absence of an important ‘something’ or loved one”)

And I see in my periphery

The last vestiges of your existence

To Unus Annus: Memento Mori

For tonight, you rest.

Memento Mori

I was here, when the channel started. I was sent an ask that was surprised at Ethan and Mark’s twitter bios, and when they showed the suits and spirals and the timer for one year. For the chant Unus Annus, for the community that banded together in shared hashtags and posts, memes and creations.

I fell out of some videos. They weren’t always my cup of tea. I obsessed over others, and talked about them a lot. I created, I drew. I made. I watched, I shared.  

And then, somewhere in the middle, I endured, because 2020 was a test of pain and healing. 

As November 14 neared, I realized I fell in love. In the routine, in the chaos, in washing dishes and laughing about the backlog of videos that I still needed to watch for Unus Annus. I was so in love with creating that I pushed myself to do so, despite being burnt out, that I made pieces that evolved my art to levels my 10 year old would have never realized I would ever do. 

I cried, earlier. Realizing the there was a time when I fell out of love, got disheartened at myself and the world, of what I created before that gap and what I could do now. I set aside a whole day for this goodbye, and I just never realized that the who I am today is vastly different from who I was, yet more understanding of myself. 

You don’t know how much it means to me, to see people look at Mark and Ethan stimming or being haphazard, and say you’re okay. To see Unus Annus make content everyday despite quarantine, no matter how random or bad or good or great, because it’s worth it. That every day is a new day. 

Mark, Ethan, Amy and the editors’ content of Unus Annus was inspiration to create, the aesthetic and theme a reminder, but the community made it alive. Even if the content will go away, you made me live in 2020. 

You don’t know how much that means to me.

for tears are gentle caresses to the aching heart that represses—

that of which truth is needed to be accepted;

an inevitability 

of death.

here’s fanart for the only guest of Unus Annus that told off Mark and Ethan, your caskets are beautiful ma’am

To everyone, as Unus Annus ends:

Know that I love all the art that I’ve seen about Unus Annus, and about this community, and I see you all, GOD I see you all. You create so much and I’m SO BLESSED to see what humanity can create with such a simple concept. Unus Annus was... black and white, but the color that people put into it is amazing, and I hope we had-- we had more time to appreciate you all.

Please know that as a fellow artist, as someone who edits, as someone who writes, as someone who memes, I know the hard work that is put into making, and I love, love, love you all, for being here, for making. Thank you so much.

To all those people who have reblogged our creations, you don’t know how MUCH JOY you bring us. You guys don’t know the happiness we feel in knowing that someone even dared to look and like and much less reblog and tag. 

Every. One. Every single one of you, it makes me so happy to have seen so much for Unus Annus, from anons bombarding blogs to lurkers to active members of the community. I can’t believe the talent and the care from everyone that I saw because of this channel. I see people improve throughout the year, fall out of love and come back again. 

I see you all, and appreciate you all, and know that even if I’m crying right now, it was because I’ve never really realized how much love I have for the people in this community. 

Memento Mori indeed, but my love for this community... thank you.

To Lixian, Best Editor!

(thank you for everything you do, we appreciate you!)