when your mind wanders off to make something but the chaos channel aint there anymore

bonus:

Saudade, saudade, for the things that were

(a word that means, a “deep nostalgia and melancholy for an absence of an important ‘something’ or loved one”)

And I see in my periphery

The last vestiges of your existence

To Unus Annus: Memento Mori

For tonight, you rest.

Memento Mori

I was here, when the channel started. I was sent an ask that was surprised at Ethan and Mark’s twitter bios, and when they showed the suits and spirals and the timer for one year. For the chant Unus Annus, for the community that banded together in shared hashtags and posts, memes and creations.

I fell out of some videos. They weren’t always my cup of tea. I obsessed over others, and talked about them a lot. I created, I drew. I made. I watched, I shared.  

And then, somewhere in the middle, I endured, because 2020 was a test of pain and healing. 

As November 14 neared, I realized I fell in love. In the routine, in the chaos, in washing dishes and laughing about the backlog of videos that I still needed to watch for Unus Annus. I was so in love with creating that I pushed myself to do so, despite being burnt out, that I made pieces that evolved my art to levels my 10 year old would have never realized I would ever do. 

I cried, earlier. Realizing the there was a time when I fell out of love, got disheartened at myself and the world, of what I created before that gap and what I could do now. I set aside a whole day for this goodbye, and I just never realized that the who I am today is vastly different from who I was, yet more understanding of myself. 

You don’t know how much it means to me, to see people look at Mark and Ethan stimming or being haphazard, and say you’re okay. To see Unus Annus make content everyday despite quarantine, no matter how random or bad or good or great, because it’s worth it. That every day is a new day. 

Mark, Ethan, Amy and the editors’ content of Unus Annus was inspiration to create, the aesthetic and theme a reminder, but the community made it alive. Even if the content will go away, you made me live in 2020. 

You don’t know how much that means to me.

for tears are gentle caresses to the aching heart that represses—

that of which truth is needed to be accepted;

an inevitability 

of death.

To Lixian, Best Editor!

(thank you for everything you do, we appreciate you!)

to my favorite cursed boy, E-boy Mark I’ll miss you

Unus Annus was always about treasuring the ephemeral, the terminal, the inevitability, done through making memories of what had been made. It seems fitting that I draw them in The Little Prince style; a story that shows that there is nothing more unique to the time you have given on this channel that makes it so important.

(Edit: Quote was incomplete.)

Memento Mori. 

Unus Annus Vibe (Journey to the End)

Hello guys! So this is the reupload, sorry for all the chaos. But this is the cleaner version, one that I’m really proud of!

The bass drum that plays in the back is the “Unus Annus” tempo chant. So if you want to chant with it, feel free to do so! 

I made this as a reflection of Unus Annus. A bit somber (piano), crazy (drum beats, thanks to @markiplier and @crankgameplays chaotic energies), fun, but in the end, will eventually end. It’s also a unique experience too.

This was made in Garageband in iOS, so it’s a bit digital. But, music making is one of my hobbies and I wanted to share it to you all. Thanks for listening! Tell me your thoughts, I would love to hear them!