"Halo"

Word count : 3000

TW : Quick mentions of injury/Jail life

Summary : This scenery is inspired by some scenes from the teaser trailer but Harley free. Reader is visiting Arthur in his cell, comforting him which ends up being a healing experience for both of them.

The smell of garbage and hopelessness was hanging in the air like thick smoke. The instant chattering of the inmates impossible to keep you from feeling it in your bones. You begged for some white noise, for a sound less tormenting. Soon you will be able to hear his voice. Soothing, even if it was cracking. Only a few more steps down the stained hallways, passing some more guards, hearing some more screams and shouts. Laughter coming from a cell nearby. It wasnˋt him but you could tell it was some other inmate trying to mimic his cries. They probably didnt even know it was a cry. In here, he was the man who laughs. Always. The mocking sound send shivers down your spine. It  hurt you deep down in your heart, which was so full of love for this man, it didnt had any capacy left for anything else. You could tell by the way they tried to imitate his laughter, that they didnt knew about the painful source it was emerging from. That he had to fight it all his life. To endure it when he felt it crawling up his throat when in reality he was begging for a single tear to run down his cheek. Sometimes the tear would come but only from fighting so hard against the laughter. To them he was the man who never cried. Humiliation? He would be the man who laughs. Tasting someones fist and his own blood? He would be the man who laughs. Eletroshock therapy……

You fought for a long time to be allowed to visit him in his cell. Without the cold, stained glass between his skin and yours. Sometimes when the glass got all foggy from his breath you envied the surface for being covered with what was part of him. You wish it was your skin feeling the moist fog coming out of his mouth after he was cracking a joke that would only make you laugh.

You didnˋt notice your fingers starting to crumble the letter you were holding. The one you wrote for him  a week ago, so he had something to hold on to when you were back home again. Home. Who were you even kidding? Home was where he was, and if that meant home was a filthy cell in Arkham state hospital, then so it be.

 You would take off your clothes, fold them and put them under his sleepy head at night. Arthur rarely had been sleepy before,insomnia was holding him tight in itˋs claws, but the doctors made sure to keep him calmer. They made sure the man who laughs isnt laughing all through the night.

Even though it was never quiet in the hallways. Never a moment of rest, you knew that on his side, with your sweater functioning as a shared, tiney pillow it would work out somehow to find some peace. Even if only for a moment, even if only for a lullaby long. You would hum and sing him to sleep while youˋre touching his unwashed, curly hair. And his tiney body would soon stop shaking underneath your loving hands.The shakyness would come back in waves with every glimpse of a nightmare but you would be still awake,making sure he will be comforted by your hand on his forehead. A sweet, warm kiss or two or countless to make him drift back to sleep, even though he promised not to fall asleep to not miss a minute with you.

 But sleeping in your arms was not wasted time. It was the most precious gift under the sky. Especially in here. Your arms, a shelter within a cell. A tent within a harsh reality that wasnˋt able to effect him as baldy anymore. He knew that if he reached out to his own head he would find your hand. He would have proof the sensation of a hand in his hair wasnˋt just a dream. There was an arm and a shoulder to lie on. There was you.

„Miss,you now have an hour with Mr. Fleck.“ The Guards voice woke you out of your thoghts and you realized what you did to the letter in your hands „Dammit, what was I thinking?“ you cursed as you tried to even out the paper. The letter was important. It was something real, something physical to touch.

The door made a heavy sound as it opened. You could get a glimpse of Arthur through the small window which said „E258“.

Was that all he was to them? A number? While his name sounded like a poem to you, this number written on the door of his cell seemed like an insult which tried to strip him off his personality. You wondered who the other inmates were before they had been put in here and given a number. What their story was and what dreams they had before they ended up sounding like one pile of unbearable noise.

You wondered about if anyone in here was treating Arthur nicely. If he made some friends.

„Miss?“ the guard nodded as he pointed inside the claustrophobic space.

Then you saw him.

His gloomy eyes deperately searching for something that feels real. His tiney frame cradeling itself back and forth. There was so comfort here except a vivid dream world in your own mind. The memory of a song you used to love when you  were still able to see the blue skies whenever you wanted to.

 You hoped that he still had this amount of imagination. To make the black and greys his favourite colors. To make the mocking laughter coming from the other cells his favourite songs. You wondered if he ever danced around his cell on sleepless nights , imagining you between his arms. You craved to be the ghost of Arkham staying with Arthur night and day. Less like a spirit but more like an guardin angel wrapping him in golden, protective light.   

When the door fell open Arthur was barely reacting. He doubted it to be happening like everything else around him, including himself. The guard told you something else but you  werenˋt listening. All you could hear was Arthurs silent hum. Quiet as it was,to you it seemed more dominant than the arguments and fights going on a couple of feet away. It was like the place was filled with Arthur. His hums and heavy dreams, his sweat, tears and breath.

„Hey, my love“ you said, you could barely stand to be still a couple of steps away from him, but you wanted to give him a moment to realize you were real. Arthurs white undershirt was hanging loosely on his skinny body. He must have lost even more weight since last time you saw him.

Arthur was looking at the dim light that came from the ceiling. As if your voice was coming from there. He looked exhausted from always dreaming but never sleeping.

„Darling?“ you carefully kneed down beside him. His hands still wrapped around his knees, while he as sitting on the floor beside his so called bed. For a moment you thought that seeing him in his cell was actually worse than getting to see him behind the glass window. Wittnessing the reality of his every day life in here was unbearable. You desperately wanted him to get out of here. To bring him dinner to a sun flooded kitchen table, to wrap him into a fuzzy blanket.

„….is love, sweet love…“ he hummed quietly as he finally looked at you. His eyes trying to adjust his new reality.

„Y/N?“

„Yeah, its me. I am here now, Arthur. Do you hear me? Itˋs okay. I am here“ You placed the letter on the small table.

Arthur closed his eyes and smiled as if he was trying to absorb the information. To see if it would still be real when he opened his eyes again.

You started at him, waiting for him to do so. Desperately longing for looking into his eyes. He still kept them closed.

„…its the only thing…..“

He continued cradeling himself

„….there is just…….“

„Arthur? „

„….too little of….“

He quietly chuckled as he re opened his eyes. An emerald green universe of dreams. He opened his arms , waiting for you to get into his embrace. Eyes awkwardly focused on nothing. But his grin spoke more than words. He knew. He knew it was you.

You threw yourself into his arms within a second but yet you felt weightless, almost non existend as you fell onto his body. Did you become a dream the moment he held you? Part of his wold that was created out of imagination and hopes? Arthur was still hoping. For colors, for music and love. He was still craving after all he had to endure in here. Craving to be held.

His hold was surprisingly strong despite his weak body. You felt it while your own body seemed to disappear. You wanted to be real for him but if you were a dream……oh boy, if you were a dream you could stay with him forever and never had to leave for a single moment in time again. Time, space, cellar doors or rules……Nothing could effect you anymore. A dream can stay with you in every situation. Asleep or awake. You so desperately wanted to be his.

„Youˋre…here?!“

He needed this to be real.

You needed this to be real.

For once.

You coudnt talk as you opened your eyes. Can dreams talk back to you? You bet they can.

He needed your body to be something to touch. Not just a shilloutette of light standing beside his bed at night. Like an angel. Like something heavenly he made up in this hell that was these four walls.

The light coming from the ceiling crowned his head like a halo as he adjusted his position to hold you tighter. How ironic that this place which treated him as a dangerous criminal made him look like a saint.

Arthur shifted into your arms. The halo was gone. He wasnt standing in the light anymore.

But he was the light. He was tenderness. Holding him might have lasted a minute or an entire lifetime. It didnt matter as long as it lasted. Arms around bodies and  souls merging. Time is nothing.

After a little eternity of holding his little frame he stood there with his arms hanging from both sides of him. As if he didnt knew what to do with them anymore, now that they didnt held you.

„Arthur?“

„Hmm?“

„Could you….maybe take a step to the left side?“

He looked confused

„Is there something wrong?“

„No, ist just….I wanna see the real  you“

And as your right hand gently pushed Arthur  into position, the light  coming from the ceiling was crowning his head, making his curls look lighter in color. Making his halo shine.

Arthur smiled. Every single line that was carved into his handsome face moved, getting deeper.

„Perfect“ you whispered.

Arthur didnt even ask. He trusted you. He didnt move until you came towards him and hugged him again. This time you wanted to hold him tighter but you didnt dare to. Fragile as he seemed you were afraid to hurt him. Telling from the exposed skin on his chest and arms he suffered multiple bruises and cigarette burns.

„Who did this to you,love?“ it was hard to hold back the tears now.

Arthurs hands didnt move,lying on your back like they had always been there.

„I….um…I….canˋt remember“ he mumbled into the crook of  your neck.

„…but ist….fine…Iˋm getting…I think I am getting better. You know i´ve been thinking of some real good jokes. Of songs even. I was wondering if I could mix the two? Music and comedy and come up with a funny tune to make the days go by easier….and…I was wondering if….“

His voice cracked

„If what, Arthur?“ you losened the embrace to hold his face in your hands.

He swallowed hard „….Nevermind“

„You can tell me“

„I know“

„But itˋs okay if you canˋt right now“

Arthur nodded gratefully. Somehow all he needed was silence shared with you. The chattering down the halls became ore and more distant. Mutet even. By the music he was hearing when he looked at you. He wonˋt tell you. Not for now. But one day he will. One sweet day he would tell you about the song that was you.

„I wrote you a letter. Its actually not even close to what I have to say. But…“

„I am sure ist just perfect“ he muttered with a crocked smile. Eyes more focused now. „Thank you“.

You noticed a small wound on his temples ,placing a gentle kiss upon it.

„You know they say laughter is  the best medicine“ he said „But I disagree with them here. This is.“

You started kissing every inch of his face. Every wrinkle, every pore, the scar on his upper lip. You felt his mouth forming a smile when you did. And even if it was just wishful thinking, it felt like he was healing in your hands. Arthurs hand searched for yours while he hesitated about kissing you back. He was not used to this. The two of you had kissed before but he still remained rather insecure about being physical. He wasnˋt sure about how to act around someone he  was in love with. What if the way he was talking to you was not the way he was supposed to? If he said something wrong that would make you like him less? But then again….he knew deep inside that if there was one person in the world he could be himself with, it was you. If only he knew himself better. Sometimes he didnˋt knew what to do, how to act or who to be. But with you he felt like you truly saw something in him. And he wanted to be this man you saw when you looked at him.

The man with the halo.

Arthurs hand was holding yours inside his palms now. Carefully at first until it grew into a tight grip.

„You came“ he breathed into your face.

„Of course I did, darling.“

He let go of your hand „Iˋve made something for you“

Arthur nervously turned around to reach for a small object lying on the floor underneath the tiney window which barely let any sunlight in. He kept it in his left hand while he lit himself a cigarette.

„Oh, what is it?“

Arthur exhaled some smoke as he opened his hand.

„Um…we are not allowed to keep a lot of stuff in here….but….Iˋve collected some stones and Iˋve been carving this one here until it looked like a ….um…heart. Well…It was more like Iˋve been rubbing it against stuff because obviously we canˋt keep any sharp objects here. So….it….does not even look like a real heart… I am sorry….Itˋs….probably just some random, fucked up stone…Iˋm…“

You took the small object and kissed it. It was the most beautiful gift youˋve ever receiced.

„Itˋs beautiful…“

Arthur laughed. It was a geniue laugh.

„ Y/N? Are you crying or what?“

Now you had to laugh too.

„I guess I am“

„Iˋm glad you like it but itˋs really not that special“

„Oh, Arthur, belive me. It is.“

You carefully put the stone that had been carved by Arthur very own hands into your backpack. You will keep it under your pillow, once you arrived  at your apartment that should be the apartment of the two of you. The home that kept him save and sound. The kitchen that tranformed into the perfect venue for a waltz at 3 am. The smell of home cooked meals and tangerines filling the air.

„Will you lie down with me for a bit?“ Arthur puffed away his cigarette as he pointed to the dirty bedsheets „Iˋm sorry itˋs not that cosy. I wish I could offer you something more…“

As you crawled under the sheets with him, he lay on his back, his head turned to the side so he could face you, watching as you took your sweater off to place it gently under his head. He twitched when you accidentally touched his wound.

„Oh, Iˋm sorry my love. Better?“

„Yeah“ he whispered, as he pressed the cigarette butt into the ashtray lying on the worn out bunk bed.

He buried his face into the fabric. It would be so much easier to cope having a piece of you to sleep on.

You worried about how it was probably not allowed to gift him a sweater you brought but for now his lovely head was resting on it while a peaceful look crossed his exhausted face and that was all that mattered.

You lay down beside him, using his chest as your own pillow, able to feel his sharp ribs sticking out. His hollowed out belly rising up and down with every breath.

„Did you eat something today?“

He didnt answer, afraid to worry you even more.

„Do you think I am allowed to bring you home cooked meals?“

Arthur sighed „Umm…I donˋt think so…Itˋs okay. Iˋm not even hungry“

A silent tear rolled down your cheek. Half of worry half of happiness to have him near.

„I like my new sweater pillow. It smells just like you“ he smiled, trying to hide his own concern that it might be taken away from him soon.

„You know, Iˋve got a lot of time in here. To dream I mean. To work on jokes in my head and think of songs. Sometimes I can hear the music coming out of the lamp on the ceiling. But only when the lights are on. Strange isnˋt it?“

You combed his hair with your fingers „Arthur, when you are out of here…One day you will be telling all these jokes in crowded comedy clubs and singing all those songs in Gothams most famous Jazz clubs. And I will be there clapping along with the audience before you go off stage to grab my hand and go home to our kids who watched it on live tv and are so proud of their dad.“

Arthur started humming  an unknown song that he made up in multiple versions . Each song lyric with a different kinda ending. There were so many options to choose from and he liked that.

„This sounds like my favourite version“ he whisperd bewteen the hums.

And for a moment you could have sworn the light coming from the ceiling started flickering and flooded the grey cell in golden spotlights.

Take that pain away

Fluff

Arthur x Reader

Word count : 1300 ish

Warnings : None ( Except mentions of a mental hospital)

Youˋve been staring at the blank page before you ,for who knows how long. It must have taken you all morning to come up with a silly little poem that clearly wasnˋt good enough. Nothing was good enough to express your love for him. Not even the most marvelous poems of your favourite writers could tell what you felt when you held him in your arms. You brought the pencil to the paper and wrote „When Iˋm holding you, Iˋm holding my whole world. And when the world is getting too mysterious to understand, I know that we still understand each other. Sometimes I think that I understand you better than myself. Itˋs like my mind was living inside your head before it got planted into me. And I let you bloom inside of me. My sunflower, my light.“

Before you put the page into the burgundy colored envelope, you drew two little stick figures holding hands but not without adding a red dot for a clown nose to one of them. You knew that Arthur loved these small details and since he was a child at heart, those two lovebirds would put a smile on his face.

His face! Oh how you yearned for the moment youˋll be holding his face between the palm of your hands again. It has been too long. The last time you felt the fine lines of his crow feetˋs beneath your fingertips, while you kept brushing your thumb over his beautiful yet tired face, wasnˋt how it used to be. Arkham state hospital was not a place to feel homey in. Even though Arthur was sleeping in the same bed for weeks, the sheets never smelled like him. His soft curls didnˋt smell like his Prell shampoo and even the brand of the cigarettes he smoked in there tasted so differently. It felt like glimpses of Arthur were taken from him. Waiting to find their way back home into your arms.

A look at the clock woke you from your daydreams. „God, itˋs time“ you said to yourself „Itˋs…..time!“ A smile crossed your face as you got up from Arthurˋs couch to get your keys. The act of smiling alone felt like part of him was there already. You couldnˋt even remember feeling a smile on your face. Not like that. Not a genuine one.

You couldnt even remember how you got on the bus, time was moving differently now. It had to. Every minute you had to wait until you could pick him up at Arkham was a minute too long. Your fingers kept tremblin while you watched out the window. Gotham city passing you by like all of this was nothing. This big city, the wide sky above, all those strangers and buldings. It was all non existing. The only thing existing was the vision of Arthurs head resting on your shoulder at the bus ride home.

Arthur was talking to one of the doctors when you arrived. All you could see from here was his back. His tiney frame which, no matter how fragile it might looked, always seemed like it was about to start dancing any second. The slightest movement coming from him was an act of art. Naturally like a waterfall. Step, step, step, floating into a world of his own.

He nodded, nervously running  his fingers through his slick back hair. Some dark strains almost reaching his sharp shoulders. You could see his blades stricking  through the fabric of his shirt. Oh! To touch him. To feel his bones against yours, his breath hot against your hungry kisses. To let his body fill your arms and let your heart overflow with love!

„Y/N“ he  whispered as he turned around to see you. A whisper that felt like a scream to him. A scream for love. „My god! Youˋre here. Youˋre finally here…. I was….getting nervous…I know you arenˋt even late but…Youˋre never late. Iˋm still getting nervous. Iˋm sorry Y/N…. Iˋm not makeing any sense do I ?“

Tears streamed down your face as you held him close to your heart „Arthur….“ .A name breathed like a prayer. Ghosting along his hollowed out cheeks. A slight sensation tickled your chin. He didn´t shave for three days. „You are making sense. You always do. You do to me.“

Arthur pressed his forehead against yours, eyes half closed. Seeemingly sleepy but blissed out.

„Letˋs go home“ he mublmed in his drowsy voice. „I canˋt wait to be home with you“. A shy smile appeared  when you grabbed his hand. Both of your hands a shaky mess. But somehow calm and peaceful inside. Like a thunderstorm harmonizing with the peaceful noise of pouring rain.

Arthur didnt let go of your hand once when you were sitting beside him on the smelly bus. He took the window seat but didnˋt even take a look at the city he was born in. Heavy eyelids being kept close as he rested his head upon your shoulder. Nothing could ever compare. The change in his breathing was noticeable on the sensitive skin of your neck. Arthur falling asleep on you like that was a gift, knowing he was always having troubles sleeping. Even sleeping pills wonˋt free him from insomnia. But now with you, he was at ease. For a moment , right there is a noisy city bus, he was allowed to rest savely upon your shoulder. And you knew this was your purpose. To be his rest. His save place. Now and forever.

Your hands unlocked when you entered his apartment. What a cruel act to unlock your sweaty palms. What a relief to watch him walk into the kitchen and drink a glass of water.

You stood there, in the rounded out doorframe, so unapologetically in love with the man in front of you.

His emerald eyes pierced you through and through as he chugged down the water.

„A penny for your thoughts“ you whispered, slowly walking up to him, reaching for his waistband.

 Arthur put the glass beside to hold your face between his gentle hands. Something he does when he was about to kiss you. Is it just you or did his eyebrows look even darker than usual?  

You let your other hand brush over the dark circle beneath his eyes. Was that a tear? He was so beautiful, so pure and raw… so real.

To be inside him now. Oh to switch bodies and know how it feels like to be and breathe in his body. To become him entirely.

Arthur slipped his tongue between your lips as he whimpered sweet nothings in your mouth. You tasted everything he ever felt. You became it.

He still didnˋt answer your question.

A penny for his thoughts.

The world for his thoughts.

Arthur led you to his worn out couch.

Those sheets. His skin. His bones pressing against your ribs. This was home.

The letter you wrote for him was still lying on the table. He will read it tomorrow, after youˋve been making love all night. After you illuminated him from the inside and after he made you the person you always longed to be.

„My love“ you  whispered between the kisses „I missed you so m….“

„Shhhht…“ he breathed heavily while you gently pulled his pants down.

„Just…mmmhh…just…“

You loved him.

You loved him so much as his muffled voice whimpered

„.please take that pain away...“

And while you pulled him as close as your physical bodies would allow, you felt his mouth trembling.

„I will, Arthur. I will…"

...

Tag list

@jokerownsmysoul @ajokeformur-ray @jokerislandgirl32 @jewelzcullen @iartsometimes

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A save place

Arthur comforting reader that suffers from depression. He is right on your side. And understands.

This story was a request by Anon with some personalized details in it.

Words : 4000

Fluff with mentions of depression and OCD

I was listening to this song while writing it :

Gotham city was passing you by like a blurred pastel painting on a huge canvas. Whoever created  this image of skyscrapers, damaged buildings and concrete walls was dipping his brush in grey too often. Every building here was just a copy of another. How could a big city like that make you feel as if there was no other place to go ? You could literally sense how citizens felt trapped in here.. Like there was no world outside Gotham. No chance to leave. Especially in the part of the city where Arthur lived.

Arthur. The only person you felt drawn to in this city. Not only here. He probably was the only person you felt drawn to in the entire world. Arthur was different. In the most adorable way. He was the opposite of the envoirement he lived in. The opposite of all these people driving with you in that smelly bus right now.

If he was a piece of art on a canvas, he would be a calm place in the nature. Hidden somewhere so far away, most people would never find it. Most people would never get to see the beauty of that place and how much comfort it had to it. But you did.

A smile crossed your face. Still leaning your head against the dirty window. It felt heavy from all the tension, all the thinking. You kept your eyes closed, but the play of light and shadow still made you aware of the streets passing you by. The past days you didnt felt like smiling at all. It was strange, feeling it on your face again. Like a friend who visited you after being abscent for  too long. By now, you couldnt really feel it inside. But you know you would, as soon as youˋll feel Arthurs arms around you. Those warm and loving arms, which created a whole new world inside of this one. When he was holding you, it wasnt like you still were in Gotham city anymore. Or the rest of the world. It was your very own place. Your very own canvas. And you were the painters creating a bubble in which only you and Arthur existed. It was save there. Even when depression was weightening down on you, heavy like a dark coat you coulnt get off…Arthur was there to crawl underneath that coat and wrap his arms around your bare skin. He was lifting the weights, even though he had his own to carry. He knew. He understood how it felt. He understood that that sometimes the sadness would be so overwhelming, it would still linger on you while being with him. He never took it personally when you were having a bad day or your OCD was showing. He knew better than that. The sadness sometimes was still there, but it wasnt unbearable anymore. With Arthur it became  something like a quiet background music, something distant. Your heart was concentrating on the music he was radiating instead. The music you felt  inside when he was gently kissing you on the forehead before you fell asleep beside him. The songs that kept playing in your head while he was making you a hot chocolate, because he knew that would make you feel better.  Youˋll never forget the day he told you there was constant music playing in is head. Ever since that day, you could swear to hear it too. Thats how strong your connection had grown. And he kept playing your love song over and over and over again.

Next station.

You finally reached your destination and got out of the bus. You still werent used of the constant  noice the city was making. It wasn‘t like any other big city you went to before. Gotham never slept. It was always awake but never listening. If insomnia was a city it was this one. The sunlight hit you face less blurry, now that the stained windows werenˋt a barrier between you and the open sky anymore. You still had to get used to the traffic and had to remind yourself to cross the streets extra carefully everytime you  were in a hurry. The place was crowded and all you wanted was to get to the building where Arthur would come out from his therapy session any minute. He asked you to pick him up a few days ago , which meant the world to you. It showed how much he trusted you and how desperately he was looking forward to see you after therapy. The fact that you havent seen each other in a week didnt helped with your mindset at all. Depression was hitting hard , it was screaming out his name for some relief, constantly getting louder. Even noisier than the traffic  around you. Right within the dark and silent  spiral of depression, Arthurs name was a poem of light. Sometimes whispered to yourself, just to calm your throught process down. It was working like a charm.

You kept standing there for about ten minutes, until finally that door opened and you got the first glimpse of your beloved.

„Y/N. You came!“ the dark circles around his eyes seemed lighter the second he saw your face. „Of course I did, silly boy. You really think I wouldnt come to pick you up?“ Arthur immediately wrapped his arms around you. The familiar fabric of his jacket was pressing against your body. It felt like home.  He didnt say anything but he knew that sometimes it wasnt easy to do anything when being depressed. Even the things you really were looking forward to. So he truly would have understood if you didnt came.

„Iˋm glad youˋre here“ he whispered into your ear with a voice that calmed your inner demons immediately. Arthurs mouth was resting in your neck like his life was depending on it. His hot breath warming you from the inside. „One week without you?“ his voice all muffled from his lips being pressed against your skin „Never again. I canˋt wait for us to spent the night together“. Arthur loosened his embrace to look you in the eyes. His glance was full of love for you. It wasnˋt hard to tell he missed you just as much as you missed him.

„How was therapy?“ you asked, while you both made your way to the bus stop. Arthur lit himself a cig, before he wrapped his free arm around your waist. „Um…oh well, same as usal I guess“ he muttered with the cigarette  tucked between his lips. „But then again….she asked me to work through something with my journal. I will show you later. But first…hot chocolate and lots of cuddles at home?!“ He smirked at you, pulling you closer as the smoke escaped his half opened lips. „That sounds wonderful, Arthur“ you replied. The weight on your shoulders  slightly lifting.

„Having a hard time  again?“

He always noticed. Arthur was very empathetic  and immediately sensed when you were struggling again. A nod was all that came from you. Soemtimes it was hard to put your emotions into words. And you didnt wanted to burden him with your issues, knowing he was fighting his own.

„You know that you can always talk to me about it, right? If your OCD is torturing you again or anything.  You know Iˋll understand. We…..“ Arthur took a deep drag from his cig „….understand each other. You were always here to listen to my  thoughts, no matter how dark they had gotten. And so will I. “

The moment he told you, you felt a bit silly. How could you ever think there was something you couldnt talk to him about? There was nothing in this life you couldn't get through together. There would always be storms coming in and  thoughts occuring you both wish wouldnt exist. But you didnt had to face them alone anymore. None of you.

„I know Arthur….it….means the world…“ you replied arriving at the bus stop. Arthur took the cigarette out of his mouth to press a kiss upon your lips.

„Hey, whats the difference between a clown with a fake smile and a clown with a real one?“

He asked as he snipped his cig away to grab your hand an lead you into the bus.

„I donˋt know, what is it?“

„You!“

A  heartfelt smile was crossing our face. Arthur always managed to make you feel better. It was the little things like a spontanious joke which you appreciated the most about him. Your relationship was filled with those little miracles that kept you going. Like him holding your hand while riding the bus. He kept looking out the window most of the time. Arthur was such a daydreamer, his mind often kept drifting away, his thoughts scattered all over the palce. But with his hand holding yours he was making a statement, a promise that no matter where his mind was taking him ever now and then. He was right here with you. And he wouldnˋt let go of the one he loves the most.

The certainty of being loved by  a wonderful soul like Arthur made this world so much more bearable. This bus ride was nothing like the one earlier. The harshness Gotham and the strangers around you had no effect on you anymore. You only had eyes for this beautiful man, sitting right beside you, while the sunlight got caught up in his brown curls and made it look like dark gold.There was something so deep and mysterious about his emerald green eyes. They said a lot when he was being silent. He had the eyes of someone who had seen the true face of the world and had escaped into his very own version of reality. And now you were part of this reality. And you felt the center of it pulsing in the palm of your hand, which was covered with his graceful fingers. Here in your very own world, the one you and Arthur created together, no one could harm you anymore. Or him. It was your save place, your comfort zone. Home.

As soon as you got out the next bus stop to Anderson avenue it was only a short walk to his apartment building. It wasnt the kinda neighborhood you wanted to walk alone after the sun had set, but with Arthur on your side you felt save. It was more than clear that if anyone out here threatened you, he would step in and protect you at all costs. The building had a slightly wrecked look to it, but his apartment was warm and cosy inside. You couldnt wait to walk in after getting out of the elevator that used to get stuck a lot and the cold looking, grey hallways which matched the rest of the city.

 The keys unlocking the door was such a welcomed sound.

„Make yourself comfortable,hun“ Arthur  said, taking his light bown jacket off. The one that seemed to be his second skin. How many times did you dream about wearing it yourself when he wasnt there with you? You wanted to wrap yourself in it and disappear under his big hoodie, smelling the cold smoke lingering on the fabric. You imagined how the insides of his hoodie would smell like the Prell shampoo he used and how comforting it would be to be surrownded by that smell when you were alone at home. Alone with your thoughts and haunting memories. His jacket alone would help you to make it through the worst part. But now…he was here. Even better than that, you were with him. In his home. Youˋve been here many times before but you never needed the savety of these four walls more than now. The world had become too much for you lately and Arthur‘s home was the only place that didnt felt like you needed to run away from it all.

You took a moment to take a deep breath as Arthur headed into the bathroom. You missed sitting on that couch. The worn out cushions and his favourite pillow. It felt so much more like home as your own room did. Arthur took his time in the bathroom while you sat there with your mind all over the place. The racing thoughts going in circles again and again, until it all went down to a big blurr that made your head spin quite a lot.

„Y/N?“ Arthurs hand caressed your cheek  „Are you okay?“

„Um…my head…“ you looked up to him, watching his frown grow.

„Itˋs the flashbacks coming in, isnt it?“

A silent nod was your answer, as he started to  gently rub your back with the palm of his hand.

„Iˋm right here Y/N.“ a gentle kiss pressed upon your forehead. Nothing in this world hold more healing power than that.

„ Is there anything I can do for you?“

„Just hold me“ you whispered back.

„Count on it. I wonˋt go anywhere“ he mumbled, his lips wandering down to your temples. „Except….into the kitchen to make you some hot chocolate, what do you think?“ he grinned as he stood up. His thin figure always moving graceful, almost like there was something dancing inside of him. You wondered if it had to do with the music that was constatly playing in his mind. If actual melodies were causing these beautiful movements that never ceased to captivate you.

„Hmm, sounds wonderful“ you smiled, while watching him disappear into the kitchen. You could still see him from the couch and could have sworn he was humming. He was music, he was song. And you wanted to play his record over and over and over again. He was the song that needed to be played when the invisible darkness inside of you was taking over. The lullaby that helped you to find some rest at night, when the silence around you made your thoughts seem like endless screaming. Arthur was the soundtrack of your life. Every sad and every happy moment. Raw and uncensored.

You pulled a small notebook out of your pocket. Youˋve been writing your thoughts down lately, trying to get them in order. It was something Arthur was doing for years now and he recommented trying it out. Just to get it out of you sometimes. To bleed ink, like the poets used to call it. You turned the pages and realized how dark your writing had gotten the past few weeks. On some pages the date was missing and some were even torn or ripped out.

„Voi la, your hot chocolate, just as you like it“ Arthurs voice brought you back to the moment and you put your journal down. He was handing you his favourite cup. The one with his handwriting on it. He wanted to make it look like one of those Murray Franklin show cups he couldnˋt afford. The fact that he choose his comfort cup to serve your favourite drink warmed you from the inside, just like the first sip.

„Careful Y/N itˋs still hot.“

„Thank you, my baby“

Holding his cup in your hands felt heavenly. Like nothing could go wrong tonight.

Arthur  didnt hesitate to get his cosiest blanket  and cover you with it. A second later he crawled under it to join you. Thats when he found your pocket journal lying around. You totally forgot to put it back into place.

„Is that yours?“ he asked, while his knee was touching yours under the sheets.

„Yeah. I tried to get some stuff out of my head through writing, since you recommented it to me“

„Howˋsit  going?“

You took another sip of the hot drink „Sometimes I feel better afterwards. And sometimes it doesnt seem to work at all.

Arthur nodded „Yeah I know that feeling all too well.“

„But you know whatˋs always helping?“

„Nah, what is it?“

„You. For you are my muffin.“

Arthur smiled from ear to ear „Your muffin, huh?“ it was easy to tell he was close to blushing.

„Or no…actually. You are my grape cake. Because grape cake is my favourite.“

Arthur playfully slapped your arm with the journal „Stop it!“ he laughed, but he actually wanted you to continue forever. He was someones favourite! Yours!

„Never!“ you teased him back.

„Okay, Iˋllbe fine with being your favourite whatever.“ Arthur shook his head in laughter. A geniue, heartfelt one which made the most beautiful wrinkles beneath his eyes even more visible. You could have stayed under this blanket forever, spending the rest of your life staring at his face. The dark eyebrows which framed his piercing eyes so perfectly,his beautifully structured nose and cheekbones. And his curly hair, which softened the sharp lines of his jaw.

You put the cup on the table and kissed Arthur on the corner of his mouth. A smirk formed immediately.

„You can read it if you want to“

„Your journal?“

„Yes“

„Are you sure? Isnˋt it…too personal or something?“

You disagreed. There was not a thought, no matter how dark or twisted you you wanted to keep from him, for he was the one who understood.

Arthur pulled you closer as your head sunk onto his chest. His chestnut colored sweater soft against your cheek.

Arthurs hands kept reading and turning the pages, he didnt say a word but disappeared into the depths of your mind. All he did was pulling you closer and closer, holding you tighter in his arms.

„Baby?“ you muttered into his chest.

„Huh?“

„I am sorry you have to read this…I know itˋs…dark.“

Your boyfriend  put the pocket diary beside and started stroking your hair.

He knew the calming effect it had on you.

„Itˋs okay. I can deal with it. You know that.“

„But…“ you ankled your head to look him in the yes „…isnˋt it hard to read?“

Arthur placed a loving kiss on the tip of yur nose „No…it actually isnˋt because…it makes me feel understood. It shows me that I am not alone in this and… I can totally follow your thought process. Itˋs so familiar to mine.“

„Really?“

„You can read my diary too if you feel like it.

Arthur offering you to get a look into his most private thoughts touched you deeply. You told him how much it meant to you and  he didnt hesitate to go to his desk, the one he used to write on late at night, when insomnia was keeping him awake again. The little corner in his living room where he would sit and smoke while writing jokes.

„Itˋs mostly jokes. Dark humor. And… thougts that had been running through my head, weird stuff mostly, I hope you donˋt find it disturbing…there are some drawings and…. Oh well…some brainstorming bout practicing my stand ups and shit… Sometimes I get the feeling I figured things out and then the next day Iˋll go through the pages, reading it again, realizing itˋs a mess. White noise on paper, you know? But I guess if anyone could understand…it has to be you.“

Your head was resting on his shoulders, while you were going through the pages. His gentle fingers didnt stopped stroking your hair for once. Not even after he lit himself a cigarette. His free hand eagerly continued to comfort you all through the evening.

His journal was filled with sadness and disappointment about life. But also with dreams he had, like going to California to play songs at the beach. It contained jokes, poetry and song lyrics. Doodles even. You could tell he was an artist at heart. And his sadness and hope would shine through his art. Honest and raw.

Reading his diary only made you love him even more.

One of the latest pages looked different than the others. It showed a drawing of two characters  holding hands while walking along the beach. Right beneath it was written : My one and only person.

Arthur noticed how long you paused, just to stare at that certain page.

„Thats us! Do you like it?“ he asked, his hand now traveling down your neck, shoulders, collarbones,…

„Oh my god,baby. I donˋt even know what to say…“

Arthur leaned in to kiss you „Ist by far the happiest page in my journal.“

You wanted to express to him how much this meant to you. That somehow this simple drawing of two figures holding hands was everything. But you didnt knew how to. Words would truly fail to discribe. The darkness surrownding you felt lighter. It was still there but it didnt had so much power over you as before. If the perfect love letter existed, it was these two figures on one of the very last pages of his worn out diary. And while you still tried to think of what to say, you let your body speak instead.

Arthur watched you putting his journal underneath the pillows, before you gently pressed your mouth upon his upper lip. You could feel his scar, taste it, as he took your face between his hands to kiss you back. „Arthur….“ You whispered into his half opened mouth, as if it was a prayer. Your face felt save between his gentle fingers. You knew you could trust him with your life. Arthur slightly pulled back for a brief moment to lock eyes with you, just to see your reaction, your love drunk expression. You asked him to please donˋt stop.

„Love me Arthur….just….love me…“

He softly pressed his forehead against yours and slightly breathed out. The sensation of his warm breath ghosting across your skin soothed your mind.

Arthur smiled before his lips found yours again. He seemed to be at peace with himself and the moment, and you  were too, as his taste filled your mouth and his true colors showed the moment you closed your eyes ,to give yourself to him compleately.

Arthurs hand slipped under your shirt, shy at first but with great desire. His hands warm against your chest. For a moment you held your breath, wondering if he could feel your heart racing. Being that close to him was the best feeling in the world. Having his taste and scent surrownding you, taking him in, becoming something wonderful and loved between his hands.

You could swear to see his lights shining through your eyelids as you lept them closed. It was like staring into yourself but seeing him at the same time. Truly seeing him. As everything he was. The way he deserved to be seen.

But from time to time you opened your eyes to look into his face. To witness his happiness and love drunk facial features. He was so in love with you and it showed with every movement, every glance of his intense,green eyes.

You adored him as he took off your shirt and bra. It was easy to  tell  he wasnˋt very experieced to do so. His head sunk between your breasts so his lips could explore every inch of you. Now he wasnˋt the only one being seen. He saw you too. His closeness was a different form of intimacy than youˋve ever experienced before. A connection on a soul level.

Arthurs fingers traveled further down, reaching the waistband of your pants.

„You are so beautiful“ he mubled , while your own fingers nervously started to unbotton his cardigan, his shirt….Until his bare chest was being exposed. Fragile yet beautiful. Like himself.

It was impossible to resist kissing the parts where his few, thin chest hair would tickle your lips. How could anyone ever wanted to hurt him?

Arthur gracefully placed himself on top of you, after your right hand tried to pull down his white  underwear. „I wonˋt let anybody hurt you. Ever“ he whispered. „If anybody is hurting you, I swear….I will…“

„Shhhhht….baby“ you placed your index finger upon his mouth „I know.“

And when your bodies and minds melted together like one infinite dream, you knew that this love would protect you from anything.

Hey Anon, Thank you for your ask. I 'm okay and I hope you are doing well,too?! I am soooo sorry this took me so long but I finally sat down today and wrote your request. I was thinking about that request since you first send it to me. It was a beautiful one but also a tough one. Itˋs a sensitive subject and I was struggeling with how I wanted to write it. I was afraid to write it in a way you wouldnt approve so I am a bit nervous posting this and I hope with all my heart that you will like the result. This request was close to my heart but a bit of a struggle until I finally sat down. I am sending love to anyone. Especially everyone who had to go through this or still does go through it.

Words: 1900

Trigger warning: Mentions of self harm

Arthur nervously chewed on his pencil ,while the blank page of his journal was staring at him like it expected something good to happen. More than one good thing happened in his life recently and he absolutely hated how difficult it was for him to put his emotions into words. Words worthy of how he truly felt about not being alone anymore. He felt like the emotion of it was a seed he didnt knew how to water properly ,to make it the flower that was a written page in his diary. One he would like to show to you , randomly in the middle of the night. To proof how he felt inside. Blooming.

He always felt like he wasnˋt good with words but so much better with showing his feelings off in a different way. A movement of his body when you were slow dancing across the bedroom, a piece of music hummed into your ear while he was pulling you closer, the touch of his thumb brushing your cheek before he leaned in to kiss you. Body language was his way to express what was growing deep inside of him. A love so immessurable, he was becoming a new man. And you were his garden he wanted to spent the rest of his life in. He wanted to build a cabin right in the middle of the gardens heart and plant roses and violets. Once he figured out how to water them and which flowers demend more sunlight or which ones prefered the shadows. He wanted to learn every aspect of your soul. Flower by flower. Petal by petal. To let his roots grow towards yours. Arthur touched the artificial flowers on his desk. They reminded him of who he used to be. Unreal and far from what he desired to be. No sunlight could have touched him  enough to let him grow.

Until there was you. His garden. He finally became what he was supposed to be. A sunflower. The flower of joy and happiness. But also the flower of the man who once drank yellow painting to commit suicide by putting happiness inside himself. At least that was the rumor Arthur heard on tv when he watched a documentary about Vincent Van Gogh. And he was quiet fascinated by it. Somehow the though was relateable to him. In a very abstact, sad, beautiful way.

„Last week“ he wrote , trying to draw a sunflower but it just didnt turned out the way he intented to. „She  finally felt comfortable enough to wear a short sleeve in front of me. I guess that means she really does feel save around me. Ah, it means the world!“  Arthur smiled to himself when he drew a tiney heart and filled it in. His heart was so full of you. Just thinking about the way you took off your comfort sweater for the first time to show him the scars of the past ,created a feeling in his heart he couldnˋt name. 

It has been a while since you let him know about your struggles with self harm. And Arthur could tell that it wasnˋt an easy thing to do. He would always remember the moment he first saw your naked arms. The pattern of hurt on your fragile skin. This moment of vulnerability and strengh. He wanted to kiss it. Arthur wanted to kiss along every single scar to show you how beautiful you were to him and how much he belived in the power of a gentle lip kissing where it hurts the most. But he didnˋt. Arthur wasnˋt sure if it was the right moment yet. He didnt wanted to do anything wrong. So he just sat there, thinking about placing kisses all over, while he picked his own eyebrow with his fingers.

„One day“ he wrote underneath the heart „I will kiss  her scars and she will feel what I felt when she was taking care of me“. Arthur put the pencil down and took a deep drag of his cigarette. Smoke filled his lungs but he wished it was your breath instead.

A familiar noise interrupted his daydream as he put the remains of the cig in his pink ashtray. „Hey darling, Iˋm home“. Your voice made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. The way you called him darling was music in his ears. His favourite song he repeated in his head when he was at work or taking the bus. He sometimes hummed the words „Hey darling“ , as if it was a prayer. „Hey darling Iˋm home“. Home. That was never the word he would have used to  discribe the place he was living in. Never what he thought of when he felt the worn fabric of his couch underneath his naked skin or was lying in the bathtube, checking for how long he could handle to keep his head under water. This place with all itˋs heavyness wasnˋt home. But it transformed into a home eveytime you opened the door to wrap your arms around him. A genlte kiss upon his forehead. His noticlable frown  underneath your lips. Hey darling, Iˋm home. You are home, finally. We are. A home.

Arthur shifted his position ,so your lips immediately found their way to his forehead. „Forehead kisses“ he thought „Are her way to tell me how much she cares“. He closed his eyes for a moment. His dark lashes covering his piercing eyes like a curtain, to feel the moment with all itˋs gentleness. When Arthur opened his eyelids again he noticed something wrapped around your wrist. His heart stopped for a moment. The thought of you harming yorself again hit him so hard he forgot how to breathe. „Y/N…are you….okay? Oh my god…“ Arthurs index finger reached out for your wrist. He barely dared touching it. His tear filled eyes blurring his sight.

„Yeah, I am. How was your day, Arthur?“ you replied as you sat down on his lap to kiss the corner of his mouth. You noticed his lips trembling underneath your own. A tiney earthquake emerging from within. His day was okay while he was sittin on his desk thinking of all the beautiful things he could write to you. Until you came home with a hurt wrist. Now nothing remained okay. Seeing you hurt was worse than his own pain. Your wound was his wound. Arthur held your face between his hands, unable to responde with a kiss.

„Are you…. Are you hurt?“ he whispered, pointing at your bandage. He wanted to be here for you. Now more than ever. His mind was travelling back to the day you found him with a bleeding forehead after he hit his head against the wall. He recalled your hand resting on the spot that hurt so much and how it lead to the first forehead kiss he received in his life. Thatsˋs when he knew he wasnˋt all alone in this anymore. Thats when he knew that, yes there will be bad days , even together but he didnt had to face them on his own anymore. There was someone looking after him. Someone willing to ease the pain. To heal his wounds. Old or recent. He remembered how gently you held his hurting head, fingers brushing  back his hair to clean the wound. Heˋll never forget the first act of kindness and love from a loved one.

And now it was his turn to tell you itˋs going to be okay. His turn to take care of your wounds.

„No baby, Iˋm not hurt. Iˋve got a little suprise for you…“ Arthurˋs eyes glanced deeply into yours „A…. surprise? What do you mean?“

You lifted your arm smiling at him. Thats when he noticed your wrist wasnˋt bandaged but wrapped in some kinda foil. You slowly started to unwrap it, a big smile lingering on your face. „Darling, I hope you like it“.

Arthur couldnt belive his eyes. Were once was a scar six letters showed. Written on your wrist. Six letters so familar, he started sobbing.

„Oh Arthur….“ You touched his cheek „You like it?“

He covered his mouth with his right hand, mumbling.

„I thought about this  for a while now. Getting your name tattooed to cover my oldest scar“.

A single tear ran down his happy face „Thats…. Just…. Wow. I…. donˋt know what to say. Thatˋs my name. You got a tattoo of my name. „ Arthur couldnt stop staring at the letters. „Can I….touch it?“.

 You smiled „Not yet, itˋs still fresh and I need to put some cream on it.“

„Oh! Yeah…. Of course.“

Arthur tried to understand what was happpening right now. A minute ago he was afraid you hurt yourself again and now  he found himself looking at a tattoo that was his very own name. Part of you.

He felt your other hand touching his blushing cheek „I really wanted this to remind me of how beautiful things can happen after experiencing so much pain. There is this scar and itˋs still there but somehow it belongs to my past and it doesn´t define me. It never did. And now there is you. The light that came after the dark. The one who understands my scars and eases the pain by loving me for who I am. I love you, Arthur, I love you so much itˋs so demanding and beautiful and …..now youˋre always on my mind, in my heart and under my skin.“

Arthur gently lifted your hand, careful enough to not touch the tattoo. „I love you“ he whispered „Can I…. can I kiss your…“ goosebumps covered your skin as his upper lip found itˋs way to travel across your arm. Soft kisses, thoughtful and warm, scar after scar. You couldnt help but cry a little. Arthur froze „My god, Iˋm sorry I only wanted to…“

„Donˋt stop“ you whispered through the tears „Please….“

The light in Arthurs eyes came back when he realized it was happy tears running down your cheeks. Tears of relief and inner peace.

„Remember when you found me after….“

„I do, Arthur.“

„That was the first time I felt truly loved“ he breathed, while he continued kissing your skin.

„You found me at my worst. And loved me. Especially where it hurt the most“

You closed your eyes, concentrating on the softness of his lips. His presence was medicine. Calming and warm like a favourite sweater.

You remembered  very well. It was the day you knew that you would give the world to protect this man. The beautiful soul that Arthur was. You couldnt change his past but write his future. You and him together. Sitting in front of a blank page, where anything was possible.  Every yet unborn poem was demanding to be written. Every small moement of happiness. And when the pages get torn and some parts get blacked out, you would be here to put a sticker on it. Heart shaped. One thatˋs glowing in the dark. So when he openes his journal at night he couldnt see the scribbles and blacked out parts. Only the bandage that was love.

Just like the words written on your wrist.

Arthur.

„I wanna do the same for you“ he mumbled between the kisses „Loving you where it hurts the most…so...“ he lifted his face, looking at you „…where does it hurt?“

„Every inch untouched  by your loving hands“.

Only a heartbeat later Arthurs thumb gently brushed over your bottom lip as he whispered „Let me take care of that“.

The taste of Arthur <3

Darkness is filling the room with it´s mysterious but gentle touch. The pale moonlight falling upon Arthurs pillow is the only light sorce beside his breathing. I think of him as a man who keeps breathing in the darkness of his surrowndings, exhaling light in it`s purest form. Breathing it into me with every kiss.

Make me light while darkness is pulling us closer.

My face is buried in the crook of his neck.My save place. My comfort zone. My world.

The tickle of my nose wakes him up. Softly as he deserves to wake up from his cruel dreams.

You`re back with me. You`re save now.

He smiles. Its too dark to see his lips twitch but I know.

I always know.

“What are you doing?” he chuckles with his drowsy voice while I kiss his along his collarbone.

“Getting a taste of you” I whisper, placing more and more kisses across the bone.

“How do I taste like?” he asks, eyelids still closed, heavy with sleep. Nightmares still lingering between his long eyelashes.

“I can taste the whole universe  while loving you”

“How?”  a smirk against my cheek.

I kiss his neck once more. “This tastes like home.....”

Reaching the spot behind his ear “.....comfort”

“Your bottom lip tastes like hunger and lust itself. While your upper lip tastes like vulnerability”.

My lips wander up his face.

“The tip of your nose tastes like joy, the lines betneath your eyes like peace. “

His eyelids flutter as I kiss them gently “Your eyelids taste of dreams and night.”

“You`re forehead tastes like the need of being loved. Your hair...your`re hair.... I will not even start....”

“Your chest tastes like passion, your ribs like fragility. Your tummy like desire.”

Arthurs body is shifting towards mine.

“Your arms taste like compassion, your legs like curiousity. Your shoulder bone like poetry. Your pinky toe ? Pure happiness.” 

Arthur takes my face between his hands. His mouth meeting mine.

“Your hands taste like gentleness” I mumble between the kisses “ your fingers like cigarettes and love. “

Arthur smiles as our lips part “And how does my soul taste like?”

I mirror his smile “All of the above!”

Headcanon:

 Arthur making love to you on his couch while his mum is asleep in her bedroom. She doesnt even know that he has a girlfriend because he was too worried about her reaction and her being annoying, so he tries to be really , really quiet. And everytime a sound escapes your lips and you can`t help whimpering his name, Arthur presses his lips on yours, kissing you hard to keep you from making noises.

Silly winter fun with Arthur

Headcanon:

*Arthur never experienced the beautiful side of winter. No one took him out for a fun day of sledging, snow ball fights and building a snow men as a kid.

*Everytime Arthur sees a kid in wintertime, holding their parents hands, being excited about some of those activities, he remembers how much he wanted to do this as a kid, when he was watching christmas movies on tv, wishing he could be one of them.

*One cold winter day you and Arthur take a walk out in the city. A kid is building a snow man with his dad on the sidewalk and Arthur just can`t stop starig. You notice, asking him if everything is okay.

*Arthur tells you about how he wished he had one of thoose childhood memories and how much he wanted to do this with his own child, if you`ll ever have kids together.

*You take Arthurs hand and warm it with a kiss, telling him what a wonderful dad he will be. Someday. And till then you could do all of this together. The two of you and it will be wonderful.

*The next day you surprise Arthur with a sledge you just bought and take him out to a beautiful park with a small hill.

*You take him sledging and start a snowball fight. Arthur loves being silly and chuckles like a little boy when his snowballs hit you. He runs after you and caughts you everytime because he is such a fast runner.

*You built a snow man together and Arthur can`t help it but taking his red clown nose out of his pocket, (which he always carries with him in case he wants to cheer up a lil kid) and puts it into the snowmans face.

*He looks innocent in his red, oversized winter jacket. The snow gets caught in his brown curls as you both fall down into the soft snow. Arthur makes an snow angel, just like he had seen it in so many christmas comedies,and calls you his angel for making his childhood dreams come true.

Imagin Arthur wearing his brown, cosy cardigan on his naked skin. Unbottoned so you can see his beautiful chest. while he is walking out of the kitchen with a plate of self made christmas cookies. There are remains of flour in his hair and cookie dough on the corner of his mouth. He laughs about the mess he just made and cuddles up on the couch  to share the cookies with you while watching cheesy christmas comedies.

Finding Arthur crying in an alley

Headcanon:

Finding Arthur after he had been kicking the trash cans, hurting his knee. He`s been sitting there for a long time, crying his eyes out. Not because his knees hurt but his heart does. It started to rain, his clothes are soaking wet. Arthur lost all sense of time. He doesnt even know where to go now. After what happened with Hoyt, he doesnt feel like going home to Penny. So he just sits there on the dirty ground, watching the rats run over his brown shoes.

Thats when you you appear. Taking notice of this broken man, asking him if he`s okay. He looks at you and you realize how inredibly beautiful he is. How much sadness his intense eyes are holding.

And he tells you the truth. That he is anything but okay. He`s actually lost and doesnt know what to do. You help him to get up, support him as good as possible, because he can barely walk. You open your umbrella, puling him close to you, so you both fit under it. You can tell by his face how greateful he is. Even more as you ask him if he wants to get inside to dry his clothes, having a cup of coffe.

He nodds, so you take him to the next best coffee shop, where its warm inside and he can get rid of his wet jacket, which was lying heavy upon his small shoulders.

Arthur holds the cup in both of his hands.  You realize how gentle his fingers are and caught yourself wondering how it would feel to hold his hand.

And then....you just talk. Arthur tells you about his job, his mum and how his boss was letting him down today.

You listen closely, hanging on his lips. Hoping to get to know him better.

And finally he smiles.

A genuine smile that lights up the whole room.

Because deep down he knows.

Erotic moments with Arthur

A short story about Arthur making love to you / NSFW ;)

“I want to bury myself inside of you” Arthur gasped into your half opened mouth. Your lips lingering on his upper lip scar, like you wanted to hold on to that part of his body. That small spot was where you found him. Your salvation. Your rescue. Hope.

“...so deep there is no space left between us” he added, his breath heavy with coffee and cigarettes blowing warm into your face,

“I`m going to make you mine” he pulled on the waistband of his pajama pants, his messy bed hair falling to his forehead, which was shimmering with sweat.

“I already am ...” you whispered. So quiet yo`ve been afraid he wasnt even able to hear the words, but he did. Arthur always listened. Even to the silence. Even what was said between the lines. He was able to hear your words unspoken. Especially the ones unspoken. He knew the meaning of every moan and breath escpaing your shaking lips. And he knew he was the reason for them.

“What?” he asked but his mischieveous smirk already showed that he knew the answer.

“Yours” you breathed while Arthur was sucking your bottom lip. You still held on to his scar. Dont let go. Never let go.

You needed to feel his vulnerability.

If only you could bottle up his smell and taste. His essence.

Arthurs hands travelled all over your body, his left hand grabbing your wrists, holding them close together while he pushed you closer to the bathroom wall. His arms were stronger than they seemed.

“I wanna touch you” you begged with your hands unable to move. Arthurs grin got wider “So? Where do you wanna touch me?”

“Everywhere” you replied.

“Tell me where” he  whispered but with a strong voice, hot against your ear while he placed tender kisses on your neck. One after another. Teasing you.

“I wanna touch your face.. your chin...your chest.....”

You felt him smile against your ear

“Down your tummy, you hips, between your legs..... I wanna feel how much you crave me”

Arthur allowed you to use your hands now.

You pulled down his PJ pants. They fell to his knees without a sound. The only sound in the room was Arthur and you breathing.

Your fingers, curious as always, reached down between his inner thighs to wittness his beautiful arousal.

His skin was tender and warm.

Arhurs soft tongue parted your lips as he started to rub himself against your hands.

Your tongue mirrored the dance of his and soon you got lost in the rythm that played inside is head. Kissing Arthur was like slow dancing. Getting fucked by him was like he was slown dancing on your insides.

Arthur gently pressed you against the bathroom wall and buried himself inside of you. Starting his dance. His eyes searching for yours. Always searching for yours. To see the love they held for him.

He told you how he could see himself in your pupils.

“Tell me that you love me” he tried  so hard to sound confident but his voice cracked, which gave the love he made to you an incredible touch of vulnerability that turned you on even more.

“I love you Arthur. I love you so much I wish we could stay like this forever.”

As you reached around his torso, you felt his unique shoulder bone move under the palm of your hand. The details of his body always felt so intimate to you. Like a secret you shared togeher and no one else knew about it.

You were his first and his last. And nothing could ever come between you.  You were the only person in the entire universe that knew him so well. Knew his body so well. His mind.

Arthur gently pushed himself inside of you. Like there was still a way to go deeper. His lips close to your ear, kissing it  “Do you think I`m  beautiful?” he asked as you ran your fingers through his curly hair.

“Oh my god, yes you are , Arthur. You are so beautiful.”

“So as you” he moaned as he almost reached the point of no return.

Watching his facial expressions while he couldnt take the pleasure any longer made you reach your point,too. The welcoming heath that rose up in your very core and made your body tense, exploded into a final state of being relaxed and blissful. You focused on Arthurs dark eyebrows twitching. The fine lines beneath his eyes. But then you closed your eyes to just feel how your body embraced him from within.

“Come inside of me Arthur. I need to feel it “ you whispered.

Arthurs movements increased as he mumbled sweet “I need you`s” into the crook of your neck. A soft bite near your collarbone as you felt his warm juice filling you.

His heavy breath was the sweetest love song that ever escaped his lips.

His trembling body the final bow after a dance.

Arthur reading your diary

Many times we talked about Arthur handing you his journal to let you have a look inside of his mind. How much trust there must be between you and him to let you read whats written on these pages. Especially the scary stuff.

But now imagin it the other way around.

You letting Arthur read your diary.

A diary filled with your most intimate thoughts about him.

Romantic ones, scary ones, erotic ones,....

It would mean the world to him to see that you trust him with it because he knows how private a diary can be. He would pay so much attention to it, trying to read between the lines.

He`ll be so flattered to read the erotic parts, like your sexual fantasies about him. Or seeing polaroids of himself between the written pages.

Imagin him reading stuff you wrote on a day when depression hit you hard. He would be so very empathic and understand deeply what you were going through.

Some things would be difficult for him to interpret or understand so he would ask you about it. What your original thought behind this sentence was or how you felt the day you wrote that.

Some things he might missunderstood and get confused or even upset about it, but you would take your time to explain it to him and he`ll be thankful to be able to share all of this with you.

Reader defending Arthur at HaHas

So this one was a request by the lovely @jaraysha1121.

Summary: You get a new job as a clown at HaHas. You are fascinated by your new work mate Arthur Fleck. When you notice that he gets bullied and beaten down by others you just have to do something about it. And of course there is no chance of not falling in love with this mysterious, beautiful soul.

The red nose, a wig, a pocket mirror, clothes, some magic trick items and lots of make up. Seemed like there was nothing missing. Why was there still this feeling of not having it all together? You let out a deep sigh as you closed your bag and headed to the door. The first day of being new at work was always the hardest. You had done it serveral times in your life. No job seemed to be the right one. None of the jobs you did in the past was fulfilling you or making you happy in the slightest way. You didnt even expected work to make you actually happy. But at least you were looking for something that would make it okay to get up  in the morning. To not make it a chore to get into the bus and drive to see the same people everyday. Mostly poeple who made it hard to like them or talk to them. You just needed change and being a hired clown at a place called HaHas sounded like fun. You didnt had any experience in being a clown. To be honest, you didnt even knew if you were funny. Your friends thought you can be but mabe they just tried to be nice. Anyway, you didnt had the energy anymore to work for a regular job. There had to be something different. Maybe you foud that you`re a natural talent when it came to making people smile?

"Fingers crossed" you whispered to yourself as you closed the door behind you and made your way through the crowded streets. It was an half an hour bus drive to yur destination. When you started to observe people on the bus, you felt lucky to not have your clown gear on already. Their faces looked judgemental, like they didnt had any sense of humor. Maybe Gotham wasnt a nice place for clowns at all.

But now that it was too late to decide different you tried not to worry too much and focus on your new working place instead. When you arrived you realized that it wasnt the best corner in Gotham city. If Gotham even had something like a nice eara, it appearently wasnt this one .The garbage strike still going on made it even worse. You counted at least three of the famous super rats crossing your way.

"Oh my god...why do I do this to myself?" you whispered. More self talk. More doubts. The walls were covered in Graffity and dirt. The door that lead to some stairs didnt looked inviting eighter. You opened it and walked up. A grey haired man welcomed you "You must be  Y/N, rigtht?" A silent nodd. "I`m Hoyt and this is HaHas. " he checked his watch "A little late, huh? Not the best impression to leave on the first day." He lifted his eyebrows.

"I`m sorry Mr. Hoyt. I had to take the bus and there was a 10 minutes delay and...."

"Anyway" the man with the red shirt lead you into the locker room "This is the changing room. The open locker in the left corner is yours. I hope you got all your stuff with you?"

"Yes I do"

"Great. So there is the make up table---- Hey Gary for gods sake, can you please make room at the make up table for our new coworker? Well....not too much room you take away anyway" .Hoyt was laughing hard at his own joke. Thats when you noticed that the man he was talking to was very small. Why would he do that? Making fun of his height? Gary didnt reacted at all. He seemed used to this, which made it even more painful to watch.

The little guy came up to you to shake your hand "Hi. I`m Gary. Welcome to HaHas. I hope you`re going to have a great time with here". Hoyt rolled his eyes "Let the lady get on her place. She`s already late and has to put her make up on. "

Gary made an annoyed gesture "Dont take it so seriously. He is just being Hoyt. Its nothing personal. " You nodded, not feeling very well. On the other side of the room there was a table. Two clowns playing cards and talking to each other. They didnt even cared about you entering the room. This was a big let down for you. "I dont feel very welcomed here" you admitted while you looked at Gary. He sighed "I´m   sorry to hear that. Its not the best place to find new friends I guess" he looked down on the ground. He truly seemed like a nice guy. "But hey, if you have some questions or need anything. Just let me know, okay?" "Alright, thank you Gary" you tried to fake a smile and headed to the make up table to get ready.

But now another man was sitting on the chair in front of it. He seemed so lost inside of his thoughts, he probably didnt even noticed you or any conversatio that was going on in this room. The skinny man`s back was facing you. But you could see his face in the reflection of the big mirror in front of him.

He was holding a brush in his left hand and everytime his arm moved to paint his face, you could see his shoulder bone shifting underneath his fragile looking skin. It almost looked like one more move and his bones will pop out. He was wearing a blue pair of pants only. The rest of his body exposed. His face hidden behind white make up, which gave him an haunting look that made his green eyes seem even more intense. There was something so hypnotizing about the way he moved. Even if t was just his wrist and fingers. The way he was holding the brush. So gently and throughtful. He seemed like an piece of art and he was the artist of his own appearence. But it wasnt just his looks. It wasnt just his well structured face, his nose that pointed slightly downwards, his dark eyebrows which were even visible through all the grease paint. It wasnt just his high cheek bones or his noble chin. Not even the fragility to his body or the dots on the back of his hands.

It was something deeper. Something inside of him. Something hidden. So deeply hidden that you felt like you just discovered a treasure.

That sad eyed man with the white face and the sharp shoulder bone was radiating a light within this darkened room. Even though not a hint of a smaile was crossing his face, there was this light coming from within.  You couldnt tell if he was even aware of it, because he seemed sad. More than sad, he seemed so lost inside of a world that wasnt his. His enviroment , this room, the other clowns...everything was a stranger to him.

You watched him staring at his own reflection as he took the brush to paint his tongue white as well.  Maybe he was a stranger to himself.

The way his eyes focused the mirror was haunting. He was trying to make sense of himself. You didnt knew who he was but you could tell that there was something more to him.

Watching his tongue turn white hit you. You didnt knew why it made you feel something, but it did. Why would someone use make up to paint his own tongue? Maybe he was trying to match his inside and outside. To make it all the same color. To taste what`s on the outside. To taste what others saw in him?

Oh how much you wanted to have a look inside of his mind. What was he thinking about? How does his voice sound like?  Just the thought of this man being one of your new work mates made you blush. How couldn you ever walk pass this individual and now get weak in the knees? It was impossible not to be drawn to his presence. He was magic.

"Arthur, god dammit. What are you doing there? Its Y/N`s turn to get her make up on. " Hoyts voice woke you from your daydreams.

Your new chef looked annoyed "I´m sorry. Arthur is a bit of a freak sometimes. He`s always somewhere else. HEY ART did you hear me?"

That was his name. Arthur. What a beautiful name for a beautiful man.

He finally moved. Slow and graceful. Like he was still dreaming. He ran his fingers through his brown curls. His hair looked soft and almost reached his shoulders. All of the sudden he seemed stressed.

You slowly walked up to him but he seemed surprisingly shy and barely dared to look at you "Hi. I`m..... I`m sorry " he mumbled as he lit himself a cigarette, grabbed his bag and left the room.

Your eyes focused him as he walked away.

And for the whole time of putting your make up on, he was on your mind.

Arthur wouldnt leave your mind that night eighter. Your first day as a party clown was alrigt but you coudnt concentrate on anything but him.  You wondered where he was now? Where he lived? If he would ever talk to you? Andwhy he seemed so lost in himself? You wanted to know everything about this man.

Arthur. Arthur. Arthur.

That name was the only thing you had.

This wasnt enough.

You wanted more.

All of him.

You giggled to yourself, feeling crazy about fantasizing of a stranger you havent even talked to yet. But this image of him appeared in your dreams at night and it was the first thing you thought of in the morning.

The next day you couldnt wait to go to work. Not because it was the best thing ever to be a clown, but because of Arthur. Maybe today there was a chance to get to know him better. Or have a nice conversation.

Thinking about taling to him made you also think about his lips. There was something on his upper lip that seemed special but you couldnt really tell what it was. The face paint was hiding most of it yesterday. Maybe a scar? A birth mark? You had to find out and kiss is. Whatever it was it needed to be kissed and loved.

"Oh my god Y/N you need to stop" you thought to yourself. You felt a warm sensation floathing through your body while you thought about kissing him. Thats when you knew you fell in love with a stranger.

Your second day at work didnt started as you expected it to be. The mysterious man named Arthur wasnt in the changing room when you arrived. You felt your heart hurt for a moment. You were lookign forwars to see him again. Maybe talk to him. You tried to recall his voice when he said he`s sorry before he left the room. He sounded soft and sweet with an innocence to it.

A heavy heart was beating in your chest as you put your clown clothes on and did your make up. A big guy named Randall and a man who seemed like a male stripper , talked to each other on the lockers. The big one had a dirty laugh. He was probably making fun of the little guy.

The make up in front of you was impressive. You brought your own but  you realized  that this was compleately unnecessary when you saw all the things on the table.  Which make up could possibly be  Arthurs?

"Hey you`re the new girl right? I`m Randall" the big guy walked up to you, making you feel uncomfortable.

"Yes I`m Y/N" you replied.

He grabbed some of the make up  and threw it on the table where one of the others sat. "So Y/N. Whats your job here?"

"Um...." you nervously played with one of the brushes. Was that the one taht touched Arthurs tongue? His cheeks? "Hoyt said I`m hired for a kids birthday party today. I`m going to do some baloon animals".

Randall shook his head "Baloon animals are already Arthur`s speciality. But nevermind. I think Hoyt will get rid of him soon anyway. "

No,no,no,no. Please no.

""Why?"

"You will see" Randall made a face "He`s a weirdo. There is this laugh he does. Creepy. "

"You mean like part of his act?"

Randall put his clown nose on "No, I dont think its part of his act. Wait till you hear it yourself."

You nodded. This Randall guy was making you feel more than uncomfy. And it seemed like he was talking bad about Arthur. Which made you dislike him even more. You havent seen much of Arthur yet but you could already tell that he was a wonderful soul to be around. His presence filled teh wohle room just by sitting there.

"So where is he?" you asked

"He`s at a childrens hospital right now. At least thats what the plan says. He`ll be back in about four hours I think. Why?"

You shrugged "Just wondering".

Randall lifted his eyebrow and headed out of the room.

You checked your clock. Four hours. Perfect. So tehre was a chance to see him today.

You put your purple wig on and smiled.

Three and a half hours later :

The birthday party was going well. The kids loved your baloon animals and you didnt screwed up once. You felt pretty proud of yourself. Being a clown was much more fun as you expected it to be.

Back at HaHa`s you already felt an different atmosphere to the changing room as you passed the doorframe. Arthur. He must have been here somewhere near. You felt his presence even though you coudlnt see him. Just a few seconds later there was proof of what you felt deep inside. Arthur walked out of Hoyts office, looking down. He was in his full clown gear. Today his face wasnt just white. He had blue painted shaped around his eyes and a big fake smile decorating his lips. You could tell that his own  lips didnt smiled at all. Neighter did his eyes. He was the definition of a sad clown. The puffy, green wig  gave him a cute, almost childish look. But it was obvious that behind all of this a very attractive man was hiding.

"Hii Arthur." you smiled, hoping that today he will actually look you in teh eyes. Arthurs seemed more than surprised that someone said hello to him.

"Oh.....hey!" he replied, searching for his lighter. A pack of cigs was falling ou of his pocket. He nervously picked his eyebrow as you kneed down to get it for him.

"Oh, thank you. Thats so....nice of you."  the hint of a smile was crossing his thin lips.  Like it was somethign special to him that you handed him the pack of cigs.

"No prob. I`m Y/N by the way" you offered him your hand. Arthur  blinked. Shaking hands with him felt strangely intimate. He first looked down on the floor but then his eyes met yours. Just for a second but you immediately felt your knees getting weaker. There was such intensivity to them. He seemed unpredictable but vulnerable at the same time. Sexy and sad.

"Hi Y/N. I`m Arthur. Arthur Fleck....I hope you`ll feel fine around here. Being the only woman among all of those idiots..." he turned around to get to his locker "I hope they will treat you with respect." He looked into the mirror inside of his locker. Again with a huge imaginary questionmark on his face. He took his wig off. The moment he did  touched your heart. Like he was taking a mask off. A huge par of the fake happiness disappeared. His beautiful brown curls sticking sweaty to his forehead. He looked so different with his hair exposed. You wondered how his bare face looked like. You never saw him bare faced and it was something you really needed to see.

Arthur sat down on the make up table and lit himself a cig. He inhaled the smoke like the cig was something he held on to. His graceful fingers holding that stick with such subtile tenderness. It was hypotizing.

"Seems like some of the others make fun of...how was his name? Gary?"

Arthur nodded "Not the best people around here. I`m sorry you got hired for HaHas. "

"Oh dont be!" you said a little bit too enthusiastic "Maybe not all of them are nice people but you definetely are and its very nice to....meet you, Arthur".

You could have sworn to his his cheeks blushing, which was impossible because he was wearing all that make up. But it was all in hs body posture.

Arthur exhaled the smoke "I dont know what to say....but yeah nice meeting you too. It feels good to be noticed" he replied before he put the rest of the cig in the ashtray and started to wipe his make up off.

You wondered abou what he could mean by this. Who woudlnt notice him? Now that he said it you realized that none of the other guys payed any attention to him. Not from what you have wittnessed by now.

Watching his make up coming off was magical. You just couldnt get your eyes off him. And then you realized taht he noticed. He looked at you through the mirror, smirking. "Oh, I´m sorry for staring" .

You felt embarrassed. What would he think of you now?

"Its okay. Its a good thing you know? Being seen."

Every inch of his bare skin being exposed made him eve more beautiful. The tiney wrinkles beneath his eyes, the true color of his dark eyebrows. And then the scar on his upper lip. The mark you noticed underneath the make up before. It was more visible than expected and gave his face an incredibly  mischiveous look.

You wanted to tell him how beautiful he was. But you felt too scared to come off as weird.

When his face was compleately free of make up he turned around to look you in the eyes. But he didnt said anything. There was just this auspicious silence between the two of you, looking at each other.

Until Hoyt entered the room "Hurry up a bit. I wanna close the doors a little early today. See ya tomorrow guys".

Arthur got up to grab his stuff "Gonna change my clothes at home then" he mumbled. You got your bag too and you left the building together.

"Where do you live?" you asked him.

"Um....Anderson ave" he lit himself another cig.

You felt sorry for him. Anderson ave  was a real bad neighborhood. Even for Gotham.

"Okay Arthur. I live in the other direction.Buuuut.....see you tomorrow I guess?"

He nodded, lifted  his eyebrow for a sec. The cig tugged between the hint of an smirk.

"Sure" he exhaled the smoke.

You tried to ignore the urge to kiss him on the cheek and turned around to get to the subway.

Tomorrow couldnt come soon enough.

Waking up the next day felt different. You couldnt even tell why. There was this feeling inside...of something not being quiet right.

You arrived at HaHas with a smile on your face, trying to remember that dream you had about Arthur last night. Maybe today there was a chance for some small talk again. Somehow talking these few lines to him the day before filled your heart with joy. You almost danced down these stairs, opened the door to check in and looked curiously across the room. Arthur must have been here by now. You made sure to check the plan the other day. Maybe that was the bad feeling in the morning. The joy in your heart vanished as you opened your locker to get your stuff. Putting on these clown clothes still felt funny. Literally. Especially the big shoes. It was more than difficult to walk and almost impossible to run while wearing them.

You painted your face, using the brush you thought was the one used by him. What if you would let that brush slide over your tongue,too? A look over your shoulder. No one should watch you doing this. Wouldnt it be close to a kiss? You chuckled, feeling ridiculous about having these thoughts but you did it eighter way. You took the brush and let it travel all over your tongue. The taste of the face paint was even worse than you expected but you didnt cared. All you could think about was that it was the same brush that touched Arthurs tongue and there was something sexy about that. You put the brush back on the table, checking your white tongue in the mirror. There wasnt as much faace paint on it as when he did his make up but you couldn still taste it.  

You coudlnt help but wonder how he would taste. His tongue in your mouth. The insides of his cheeks....his upper lip....you got totally lost in a daydream, unable to notice that the male stripper was standing beside you, asking you to please hand him the water color pallette.

"Oh sorry....Of course. Here....! I was lost in my head for a sec".

The middle aged man didnt even react to what you said, took the colors was gone.

After you finished your clown make up  you were just about to leave, as Arthur came through the door. But there was something missing. The light he used to radiate all through the room was dim. He looked even more haunted and sadder than before. His whole posture screamed help. The way he was dragging his own feet and carrying his brown paper bag like it was heavy. Heavy as his heart. Seeing him like this hit you hard. Arthur passed you like he wasnt even aware of your presence. He was elsewhere. Some place inside of himself. Maybe in a total different dimension even.

You watched him go to his locker, getting his stuff ready,bending over, taking  his shirt off. That was the moment you noticed. His shoulders and back were covered in bruises. They looked fresh, maybe from the other day. Arthur sat down and put his shoes on. They were way too tight. Even for his  small ankles. Everything about him seemed fragile. He reminded you of the last leaf on an autumn tree. A leaf that has been holding on to his branch for so long, because it was strong and full of dedication. Knowing that soon it will fall. You could see his veins, which also reminded you a beautiful leaf. You wanted to let your hand slide over his backbone. It  visivlewas all, thats how skinny he was.

it hurt so much to think of how this could have happened. Some must have kicked him in a very volent way. You asked yourself what kinda moster could every do this to a sweet soul like him?

The briuses made his sharp shoulder bone look even more fragile. He seemed touch starved. You didnt knew anything about how he lived his life but to you he behaved like a very lonely man, which hurt your guts.

What happened ? Who did this to him? And how could you help him to feel better? You needed to find those fuckers who treated him like that.

"Some nice colors on your back there, Art!" Randalls voice echoed through the room. "Wasnt your fucking clown suit colorful enough?"

Arhur didnt react. He now noticed that you stood in the doorway and gave you a quick look, obviously being embarrassed that you wittnessed how Randall was picking on him.

"Maybe he was just having a wild night with his girlfriend...." one of the other guys sad "Oh wait....did he ever had a girlfriend? Kinda problematic if you are 35 and still living with your mother if you know what I mean".

Radall laughed out loud "Especially if your mother is even crazier than you. Right, Art?" he playfully punched his bruised  shoulders in a "best buddies"way but you could tell that it was hurting Arthur. His muscles twitched under Randalls hand. Still not a word from him.

This was enough. You coudlnt handle to watch them bullying him anymore.

"What the fuck is wrong with you guys?" you yelled "Picking on him because he took a beat down? Look at his body. He is hurt."

"Uhhhhhhh" Randall howled "His new girlfriend is trying to defense him. "

He took a step closer and whispered in your ear "Hey, if you ever get it on with him, just let us know if he is doing this crazy laugh while fucking, too".

That was it.

You slapped him. That big ass Randall guy. Right in his ugly face.

Arthur looked at you. Shocked but with a smirk on his face. Satisfied about tehfact that Randall just got hit.

Randall looked at you. There was so much anger in his eyes.  "What the fuck? Who do you think you are ?" He screamed, lifting  his hand to punsh you as Hoyt entered the room. Asking what was going on in here.

"That bitch just punshed me" Randall yelled. Hoyt couldnt help but laugh. Two seconds later he acted seriously pissed and asked Randall to come in his office.  The other guy left with them.

Now it was just you and Arthur.

"Thank you so much Y/N" his litle voice coming from the corner of the room. "I cant remember the last time someone actually stood up for me...I guess...this was the very first time in my entire life."

"Oh Arthur. would you let me see these wounds please?"

"Oh its not wounds...its just" he twitched when you carefully touched them with the tip of your fingers "Bruises..."...

"Who the hell did this to you, Arthur?"

He took a deep breath in as you opened an first aid kit.

"Some kids....the robbed me in an alley. Its Gotham after all and I guess not everyone likes a clown."

"Thats terrible. No one has the right to do this to you. And I like clowns...especially this one!" You pointed at him, smiling. Arthurs eyes lit up.

There was his light again.

He a muffled giggle escaping his lips.

"I have an firs aid kit. May I help you by putting something on your bruises that will soothe the pain?"

Arthur nodded thankfully and awaited the touch of your hands.

Oh to be touched by some loving hands. He dreamed about this all his life. Someone who sees his pain.

You caressed his back in curcles as you carefully put some cream on it. Touching him for the first time made you feel fuzzy and warm inside. Somehow his skin felt familiar. Like you had never touched anythign else in your life before. Like he was part of you and your senses.

"Am I hurting you?" you asked.

A curl was falling to his forehead as he shook his head "No. Its feels....good. It feels good to have someone who.....cares." Arthur seemed not only thankful but touched deeply. Was it possible tat this gourgeous man was living his life all alone? Unseen and unnoticed, walking this cruel city like a ghost. A light that no one was able to wittness?

"I know how it feels" you whispered "Being bullied by others. The other kids picked on me at scool".

"I hated scool as a kid" Arthur replied "I have this condition which makes me laugh . The laugh doesnt match how I feel. I try to fight it but...I feel like choking when I do.  Its bad. People can`t handle it."

You took your hand and touched his hair. It was even softer than it looked. This wasnt part of taking care of his visible  bruices but the ones on the inside. "Ignorant pricks! They have to deal with it? No. You. You are the one who gets tortured by it. God, sometimes I hate people."

"Me too"  me mumbled. His green eyes gazing at you as you wiped another curl out of his face "You`re beautiful, Arthur. Inside and out. I can see this. I can see you."

His eyes watered. He closed his eyelids and a diamond tear came through the dark curtains of his eyelashes. You kissed it away.

That moment was the most intimate you had ever experienced.

"How on earth did you saw me?" he asked with a voice as sweet as honey.

"How on earth could someone not see you?"

"Ask the world" he replied, looking out of the window. The sun was shining through, hitting his hair. Making him look angelic.

"We can create our own world, Arthur. And you will be seen in it".

Arthur touched the back of your hand. Gently like a feather, before he leaned in to place his lips on yours.

Now you knew how he tasted like.

He tasted like remains of face paint, cigarettes, love and possibilities .

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