the cold calculated demeanor of someone not to fuck with

(no text ver under the cut!)

Why are there so many of that British fuck's body parts here? I want him ripped limb from limb but this isn't what I meant at all.

Hiiiiiiiiiiyaaaaaaaaa

You can’t kill us all bitch

probably my silliest idea up to date. sorry that mans slowly turning blonde its lifelong and he will die innnnnn 4 seconds.

A habit.

Shout out to Arthur for looking different every time I draw him.

fuck all of you, reblog to give Arthur Lester every single 13th century disease

scratch that give them to Trump

Orthur

Orthur

Orthur

Wallace Larson? Stupid idiot motherfucking Wallace Larson goddamn fool book collecting dust eating rat old bastard shithead idiot The Order of the Fallen Whore. Biggest clown in the circus laughed out of town cowboy motherfucking Wallace Larson. Stop pinning when I talk about Wallace Larson I hate him so much. Why does he have so many fucked up cultist? Why does he decide to fuck around and find out? Just set them loose, is he dead? Is he a bastard? Man has such a visceral effect on me. Not even in the room never seen this man’s face and I know he has the world’s shittest bow tie. Get away from me. If I wanted to get into heaven and god said: “Wallace Larson is waiting inside.” I would piss on gods feet for the sole purpose of getting sent back down. If I have to deal with Wallace Larson speaking one word, in person, on voice, in podcast, not only will I close the tab, I will delete my bookmark out of spite and have to re-watch the entire series again for the experience of being able to skip all the times when he is mention or alive. I don’t even know why I hate him so much. He collects books, but I am just mad because I am angy. He better have some fucked up backstory to explain this. If he is just some rich shithead who is a fan of creepypasta and wanted the IRL version I will go ham. Better have had a book made him kill a man cause if he didn’t I’m gonna make him. PayPal.com/Ifuckinghatewallacelarson. Episodes not even about him, vaguely mention what is, supposed to be maybe his manor and I lost it. Where the fuck is Wallace Larson? If he’s still alive I’m going to so deeply wish he wasn’t. Crusty old man. I’ll punch Larson, and his sad, frail old man twig bones, and will simply flake apart under my epic, huge meat fist and he will disintegrate. Until all that’s left is one final book he kept on him at all times simply titled: “Now you fucked up” in ancient Yiddish. I am not breathing I am hyperventilating at this point. I hope there’s a date given when Wallace died or will die so I can make it a remind on my phone. Every day, once a year, I will see it and do anything but pay respects to the man who had so many fucked up if true cultists.

save me characters doing fucked up things out of self-preservation…..characters doing fucked up things out of self-preservation save me………..

save me character who made an undeniably terrible decision but man i dont know what i would have done either………

I think the fact that John has control over a couple of Arthur’s toes is too often overlooked. Imagine if the “fuck me? Fuck your eyes!” line had been “fuck your TOES”

Idk i just feel like it would have been better

Mwuhahahaha

dear malevolent podcast fans, why does no one ever talk about john and kayne and their whole dynamic . not even necessarily ship dynamic. no one talks about them NEARLY as much as we should be.

do you guys ever think about how whenever arthur and kayne have their weird gay shit going on, john is the one Witnessing it? arthur can't even see kayne's gay ass. JOHN can though. and he DOES. do you guys ever think about that. how he's forced to watch that?

do you guys ever wonder about what exactly happened with the whole deal to get john out of the dark world? why did kayne say uhh "the things you did to make this deal happen" . WHAT things? did kayne make john give him a little kissy? like did john have to massacre millions? theres so much to be explored here guys come on why aren't we talking about them more

they have such a weird freaky power dynamic and no ones even talking about it. it doesnt NEED to be like a ship thing. just in general. BUT ALSO do they even have ??? a ship name??? these are two of the main characters of the podcast guys. i know we all care about arthur sooooo much but..... but what about them.......

THEY CHANGED THE MALEVOLENT WEBSITE'S TRANSCRIPT FONT

hot take: malevolent mpreg isnt canon because arthur did not birth the worms and just because they were in his stomach doesn't make him pregnant

I’m not trying to be rude to you, OP, but this the worst take I have seen in a hot while. “Malevolent mpreg isn’t canon because Arthur did not birth the worms”.

Where did they teach you that one needs to give birth to be considered pregnant? Not having the baby doesn’t cancel one’s pregnancy, it just means one got some sort of abortion.

And yes I will consider it mpreg, but rather a more parasitic pregnancy. The purpose of the fetus being within a womb during pregnancy is to feed on/ steal the nutrients from the mother/ host. The witch maggot-pregged Arthur for that: So they’d feed on his insides while evolving from larvae/ nymphs (depending on what kinds of bugs they were, I don’t think it was specified) to a more stable/ capable form. Not only they were the bugs of a witch, but also this happened in someone against a uterus (and was parasitic), so of course standard human pregnancy definitions don’t cover it, we must interpret it through magic.

Pregnancy isn’t the occurrence of birth, but development with the intention of such thing, and that is what the witch was planning: For her bugs to develop inside of Arthur, then break free. That’s maggot-preg.

NONE OF THESE WORDS ARE IN THE BIBLE PLEASE STOP I FUCKING HATE YOU STOP

erm actually, 71.69% of @kaynes-pussy's words ARE in the bible, according to this site

Reblog if you want a terrible, 3 sentence fan fiction in your ask, based on your url

THIS HAS OVER 40,000 NOTES AND WITHIN FIFTEEN MINUTES I FOUND THIS IN MY MESSAGES:

“and then i saw him walk across the room. he got very close to me and whispered “back that sass up”“

80,000 NOTES AND I GOT ONE!

“ He descended upon me, that pink archangel, with those pink and ripe nipples. “

12 minutes “Oh not. Not another fire bender!” I said to myself. But then he came up behind me and grabbed my ass. So he’s cool now I guess 288,250 notes

HALF AN HOUR AT MOST “Its okay,” he said leaning his walking stuck against the wall and removing the young man’s glasses “ let me frost your roll” matt the blind cinnamon roll blushes as his core softened for his new lover.

i need that

My url is pretty vanilla I doubt something will happen even

Woah thanks anon!!💞❤👀

I don’t even think that’ll happen to me in the next 9000 years

Hope it happens, but my url is just a nickname

Edit- I love the one I got :>

Go on.

Hit me.

Yessssss pleaseeeee

Let’s dance.

HECK I GOT ONE THIS IS UNREAL

OHMYGOD H O W

I hope

it actually happened holy shit

hm my url’s kind of odd i dunno abt this

Y’all-

🅱️lease

My name is perfect for this. Hit me with your best shot.

I HAVE A MIGHTY NEED!

This ought to be good

I dare you.

I want this.

I want it too

Please

I kinda want this but i think I’ll cry at the story I might get

Oh god

Y e s

Do it bitches

Everytime I reblog one of these things, nothing happens.

Y’all cowards best step your game this time because I need this in my life now

I would very much like one.

Yees

Please.

I t h a p p e n e d

And It’s amazing

Omg please

someone please make a story out of my URL

HIT ME

“Juniper’s dragon was smart kind fierce and very loyal. Her dragon wasn’t the fearsome kind like most dragons seen in fairy tales or folklore to warn people from going inside strange caves with gold in them as he is small and the size of a parrot. Her dragon Mardos was actually a fun and silly goofball. However when Juniper is in danger,Mardos isn’t a goofball no more as he turns into a hulking beast with flames hot enough to melt obsidian.” HERE

ooooo

“Nico the overlord was a fearsome and terrifying leader of demonic legions. Or so the local kingdom thinks. Nico actually DOESN’T do anything bad as his minions are often crueler than their master which is why they run off doing evil things in their name even when they want nothing to do with villainy. The overlord is quite nice and goofy in fact,as they only spend their time collecting coins or knitting sweaters within their dark underworld castle than committing any misdeeds. It’s infamous reputation was only given to him after everyone started to get word of horrible lackeys committing atrocities in their infernal leader’s name.” Boom.

¨IT ALL WAS CRAZY¨ - THE UNFOLDING STORY OF LOCAL CANADIAN CRYPTID 22

Trina Tricok (@TrinaTruely) is a massively popular online beauty influencer from Canada, who this past August took the internet by storm when she posted a casual ¨Get Ready With Me¨ style video on TikTok recounting her run-in with a new cryptid.

¨They seemed sweet.¨ recounts Trina in her now viral video. ¨Saw them wander at a distance at the edge of the woods with like, a phone? I could´ve sworn that old blogging site uhh tumblr? Yeah that one was open on the screen as well I think like…it all was crazy seeing that!!¨

Local Canadian Cryptid 22, also dubbed simply as ¨22¨, has gained popularity online due to rising curiosity following this video. Many are now feverishly searching on the now dead blogging site known as ´Tumblr´ for clues to the whereabouts of 22.

Click here to watch an interview with Ms. Tricok

(here u go I tried @localcanadiancryptid22)

Do your worst, I insist.

This would be hilarious to see what people come up with (eventually, maybe)

This is going to be so bad /pos

throat club!!!

need to see this with the limbposters

i would like to apologise to the woman sat behind me in costa who just watched me boop arthur lesters tits on tumblr dot com

y’all can boop me all you want

on it! >:3