Something or Other

chelsea peretti’s opening monologue at the tenth annual tech crunchies

Chelsea Peretti is braver than any us marine

A Catholic Chuck E Cheese

Pizza and arcade, but run by nuns who hate the liberals

...Nun Pizza with left beef

A Catholic Chuck E Cheese

Pizza and arcade, but run by nuns who hate the liberals

...Nun Pizza with left beef

there's something very scary about the way we argue and entertain discourse on israel or on settler colonialism when, on the ground, israel has totally isolated northern gaza and is currently systemically liquidating jabalia (a refugee camp in northern gaza) just as they have, from the very beginning, said they would do. just as large swathes of israel came to be in 1948, to 1967, to the west bank today. there's something scary about watching indigenous people undergo a genocide in real-time in 2024 like they're squatters on some prime property while nobody moves except to argue about semantics. there's something scary about people being trapped and killed like fish in a barrel while you can text them and follow them on social media and watch their pleas in video as soldiers and tanks come closer. what the hell is this

jabalia in northern gaza has been under siege for over a week. no food aid in. constant bombing. journalists being openly targeted. the bbc describes israel's plan to use medieval siege tactics to ethnically cleanse and settle the north of gaza as a "controversial plan" while acknowledging that not only does israel not allow people enough time to use the humanitarian corridor to evacuate, they also shoot at people evacuating and are still targeting the south. they have also made it clear that whoever leaves will not be returning.

i don't really understand how the news can describe the process of genocide in such stark terms and call it a "controversial plan" instead of what it is: a horrifying crime against humanity.

Doomsday prepping isn't about actual preparation. It's about the middle-aged man's power fantasy where all his hobbies and hang-ups turn him into the most badass and important man in the world.

These people were ready for an SHTF (shit hits the fan) where survival meant hunting, fishing, and living in the woods while the city folk begged them for help.

They weren't ready for an SHTF where survival meant listening to scientists, staying at home whenever possible, and being basically considerate to people around you.

Thinking about a duct tape wizard

It takes so much courage to admit you were wrong ever, let alone publicly, especially if you’re involved in conspiracy stuff like this. Infinite respect

I watched Xiaolin Showdown, I liked it. I made this earlier this year.

I fucking despise when things fake being higher quality than they are. I don't mean like slapping a slightly misspelled brand name onto an identical non-designer product for purely aesthetic reasons I mean like rivets or thread that are actually glued down rather than punched or stitched. Fake pockets on jeans that are actually just an extra seam. Heavy looking chain that's plastic or very soft flimsy metal rather than anything sturdy. I bought boots which looked like they had a stitched sole 8 months ago and lo and behold the glue holding the sole on is revealing itself by falling apart. You PUT a STITCH IN THERE. YOU HAD THE NEEDLE AND THREAD. AND YOU DIDNT ACTUALLY STITCH DOWN THE FUCKING SOLES. Oh it makes me so mad. Cheap cunts taking the aesthetics of durability or practicality while handing you a product that won't last you the year

beats headphones add weights to make the headphones seem higher quality. they ADD WEIGHTS. i don't know the actually quality of the materials used for the headphones, but i know that adding weights is just... bonkers, really.

some time last year in a daze i signed up to be a community notes contributor on twitter, and i have not used this ability once in any meaningful sense, but i do appreciate that it sometimes provides me with exclusive advance previews of muppet discourse

Hanging out with old people rules because after a while they trust you enough to confess to murder totally unprompted

Wait what.

Sometimes old ladies had to kick the ladder out from under their stepfathers when they were girls and that’s valid

oh, my little old lady murder story was her replacing the medication in her abusive husband's capsules with rat poison.

"back in the day, our grandmothers worked on their marriages and didn't get divorced!" nah, friend, they COULDN'T get a divorce so sometimes they killed their fuckin husbands. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

My grandma murdered her first husband the first time he beat their daughter.

My college was next to an assisted living facility and one time we went over there to draw people’s portraits so we could get practice drawing older people. The lady I was drawing idly told me that she "dealt quite handily with her first husband” while making a stabbing gesture. Five minutes later she requested I make sure not to draw her double chin. I honored that request.

So when I was a child my grandmother told all these great stories about growing up in the Alaskan wilderness. Amazing bad ass stories about her and my great-grandmother. I recently asked my mom why my great-grandmother moved from Texas to Alaska in the first place. Turns out my Great-grandfather was abusive to my great grandmother for years and she lived with that until the first time he hit my grandmother, who was like three at the time, my great-grandmother got him very drunk and beat him to death then moved to Alaska to hide from the cops.

Men don't realize their life expectancy went up thanks to divorce.

Source

:))))))))

My mom is a gastroenterologist and she once told me that the old wives' tale of people who died of "stopped digestion" was pretty much made up to cover up for women who got fed up with their abusive husbands and slipped some rat poison into their dinner (esp in rural areas). Local doctors knew who these men were (everyone knew) and the community pretty much nodded along when the death certificate said natural causes. The widow would dress in black for a couple years and basically go on with her life.

applying for internships and i think the job market may be irreparable

You win the internet today, my friend 🏆

"skibidi toilet is ruining gen alpha" do none of you people remember asdf. i remember asdf.

the kids are gonna be fine. they just happen to be incredibly annoying like every kid before them

what does the fox say. i like trains. LEEEROY JENKINSSSSS. etc. we were all kids once. they are carrying on the tried and true god-given tradition of baffling and irritating adults. power to the children

Why does basil smell so fucking amazing

Good points. Wait what was that first thing

why is tumblr such that you can say something people believed in the middle ages absolute orthogonal to reality and everyone will just nod?