bruce wayne, incapable of not supporting children: good job out there today shazam. you should be proud
the rest of the justice league who don’t know about billy: what the FUCK is happening right now
I feel like it would be even funnier if Bruce didn’t actively know Shazam was a kid, but its just his dad instinct goes off whenever Shazam is around and even Bruce is kind of weirded out by it.
Batman: You need to be more careful out there Shazam, your look before you leap attitude is going to get someone hurt.
Shazam *Visibly pouting and looking glum* yes sir.
Batman: *Sigh* I can’t stay mad at you. Look, how about you hit the showers,, then we get some pizza for the watchtower. My treat. We can discuss strategy then.
Shazam: Sure thing Batman! Thanks. *flies off*
Green Lantern: Okay Bruce? The fuck is going on with you and that guy?
Batman: I DON’T. KNOW. Its like every time I see him I find myself planning a college fund for the guy.
Green Lantern: He’s like in his thirties right?
Batman: I think so? I mean I don’t really know anything about him outside of work. I think I may need to do some digging here Hal because this is starting to freak me out.
Well now I’m imagining Batman and the Shazams eating pizza.
Hal, casually sliding over: Hey, Cap, how old are you?
Shazam: Oh, y’know, immortality–it kinda blurs after the first few thousands years
Batman, sweating: You’re immortal? When was the last time you drank water?
Shazam: JUICE IS A PERFECTLY GOOD SUBSTITUTE–
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Nightwing: So Bats said that I couldn’t always eat donuts but it’s like, what’s the worst that could happen?
Shazam, nodding: If you can eat food, it’s better than nothing.
Batman, speaking to what he assumes is an immortal god, not really sure if Shazam even eats: You should eat your vegetables
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Batman, walking through the Tower at late-o’clock, watching Shazam and Cyborg play video games: Get some sleep, it’s important that your body gets enough rest