Male PMS

Lately I've been so moody and angry. I think if I were a girl, I'd be having my PMS by now. EEK. 

I get really annoyed over little things like not being able to nap well or not being able to find a freaking eraser in this entire house. Where are all the erasers?!?! How come we don't have any in this house l?! I need one right NOW!!! Oops. Sorry.

Anywho... I think I'm just going through a phase in my life where I'm being a bit rebellious and angsty and just plain angry. I guess it's my body or mind way of compensating the times I didn't get to fully be a teenager when I was supposed to because I was too busy worrying about my insecurities? But I'm still worrying about my insecurities... and now topped with this male PMS? NO! 

Now -- where is that darn eraser?!

Inner Child (2008)

When I was in high school, I was made fun of a lot for being different. It was a period in my life -- a freaking long one -- where I was going through a lot of changes with my body, my skin, my weight and especially my voice. 

My voice sounded really bad. Every time I tried to talk, my voice squeaked and cracked... and cawed. Yes -- it was that bad! I sounded sort of like a dying chicken-crow hybrid. It was so embarrassing. I was ridiculed and called awful names A LOT. My high school years felt like eternity. I remember dreading going to school every morning, and would always be anticipating to go back home...

I did have a few friends though but I still felt so lonely. No one really stood up for me when I was bullied. I felt like a freak -- I still do though.

I would always find myself being alone during recess. I would go to our school library and hide myself there among the books. Sometimes I would sneak in a sandwich and have my lunch there. Sometimes I would bring my lunch to the boys' bathroom. Yes -- I was that sad, lonely kid who ate his lunch on the toilet, in that dirty bathroom cubicle... 

There were a lot of bad moments -- really difficult times, but I think I'll share them for next time.