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Ari Aula Arikae

@ariaulaarikae / ariaulaarikae.tumblr.com

A fallen hope. A shattered dream. A broken heart. A lost soul. I’m a person with a lot of personal and life insecurities. I’m flawed, fallible and unfathomable. I’m Ari.
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Reviewing my 2013 Goals/Resolutions. Omgosh what was I thinking?!

  1. Be more open, but only to people I trustStill having problems with this one.  lol It’s hard to trust people...
  2. Find real good friends, maybe a real best friend who’s not a teddy bearNope. Still haven't found any especially from where I live. Sighs.
  3. Try to document a piece of my life at least once a day.  I managed to update my blogs at least a couple a times a week.
  4. Start vloggingI tried recording myself and it turned out really bad. Omgosh I was so awkward… So yeah… eeek
  5. Record myself talking. Sometimes I made a recording of me talking about random stuff at night before going to bed. I haven’t listened to them though but I'm sure they very cringe-worthy!
  6. Do more vocal exercisesI haven’t done any since late November though. Need to start doing this again! 
  7. Sing more* [√]
  8. Take up acting/singing classesThey’re expensive!!! So I guess maybe someday… in the future… or never… idk...
  9. Take a part-time job. I tried to find a part-time job but I decided not to because I felt like I wash’t good enough… Yeah I don’t have any confidence myself. No one wants to hire someone who’s not confident anyway...
  10. Clear my acne & acne scarsMy acne got better but it got worse again. It’s very depressing. And the scars are making me more depressed. Sobs I'm ugly!!!
  11. Gain weightSOBS why is it so hard to gain weight!!! 
  12. Exercise at least once a week. [√] I actually managed to run 2-3 times a week for 3-4 months! So proud of myself! :)
  13. Do more stretchesI’m still not flexible! :(
  14. Read more* [√] I read more than I did in 2012. So yay?
  15. Buy myself a smartphone (call me maybe?) [√]
  16. Eat healthilyStill working on it...
  17. Be more confidentHmm this is hard. For me sadly.
  18. Offer free hugs to strangers after gaining confidencelol Like they would want me to hug them… Why was I thinking? @.@
  19. Record myself dancing in public, again after gaining confidenceAgain, what was I thinking? lol @.@
  20. Save up money, or still some (kidding!) Errr just so you after my national service and since started studying now… I don’t have a lot of money left in my bank! In other words, I’m broke! :(
  21. Do more charity & volunteeringSobs. I seriously wanna do more of this! :(
  22. Draw and doodle more often* [√]
  23. Buy more clothes, nice clothes with the right sizes! -.- I don’t look good even with nice clothes. It’s true. 
  24. Make a time capsule box for 2013* [√] Kinda did this… but it’s not really for 2013. I have a box where I keep a lot of memorabilia… 
  25. Keep notes of good memories that happen in 2013 in a jarSadly, 2013 did not bring me any  a lot of good memories… Hopefully 2014 does….
  26. Take more picture of myself even if I look horrible - that’s like always :(  Nope. I cringe every time I take a picture of myself. I always end up deleting them. I’m so ugly!
  27. Make cute shirts for Elix, my teddy bear. Sorry Elix… :(
  28. Try to get at least 7 hours of rest every nightBut I don’t get much now since I have started going back to school...
  29. Pray more* [√] Sorta. I learned how to pray though. It’s not really perfect but I'm still working on it! :)
  30. Spend more time at the beach, relaxingNot enough tbh. The last time I went to the beach was a few months ago and it wasn’t a nice experience. @.@
  31. Lessen my body hair - don’t judge me! Actually leg hair LOL Yes - don't judge me!
  32. Travel to a different country at least once this year. Hmm should have never mentioned this `cause I can never afford to travel!
  33. Learn to play the ukuleleCrapsicle. I forgot about my ukulele!
  34. Appreciate the little wonderful things in life moreStill working on this...
  35. Appreciate my parents moreBut I can never repay the all the things they've done for me tbh...
  36. Re-learn basic Italian - Mi Piace Britney Spears! I didn't have the time to learn lol
  37. Keep my hair a little bit longer so I could have my curls back! My hair is longer and so unmanageable now… And I'm balding. I think. I am! EEK NO!
  38. Buy a new laptop - Mac or PC? [√]
  39. Buy a professional cameraToo expensive!
  40. Have a “spa night” every weeklol
  41. Go to at least 2 concerts this yearI went to… zero.
  42. Learn a new word every week. [√]
  43. Breathe properlyIt’s hard because I always have this anxiety...
  44. Don’t be afraid to be dorkyBut I get embarrassed easily though…lol 
  45. Laugh more even if people make fun of my laughter. Working on it...
  46. Do more self-reflection every night before bed. [√]
  47. Learn how to stand up for myselfStill working on it…
  48. Harness my anxiety/panic disorderI’ve been getting lots of panic attacks lately…And sadly, I can’t really control them...
  49. Learn how to love and accept myselfStill working on it...
  50. Love more, hate lessStill working on it...
  51. Fall in love * lol. Obviously a joke. @.@

So I managed to accomplish 16 out of 51 goals. That's not bad... 

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I'm Extremely Sexual & Naughty

So one of the personality tests was to find out how Machiavellian we were and I was one of the two most machiavellian persons in my class. WHAT?!

Our lecturer told us that those who are more Machiavellian are manipulative and that they would go through lengths like cheating and bribing to get what they want. And she also mentioned that this type of people would tend to seek for sugar daddies / mommies...Sugar parents :P  Whaaaaat..... LOL

I mean I can be very cunning at times but not to the point of cheating or bribing or... having a sugar daddy although I did wish for one a couple of times before... but it was just a joke! LOL Or was it? @.@

Anywho... maybe I am very Machiavellian because someone once said this to me, "You seem pretentious and you seem like underneath your "innocent" facade there is something extremely sexual and naughty about you."  @.@ LOL So mean omgosh... Sigh...

So I guess this test further confirms he said about me that I'm a bitch behind this innocent facade... @.@ 

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I'm Personality Type B

So I did some googling and found out a more comprehensive explanation on this personality type.

I disagree with some of the traits mentioned about this type though like the ability of handling stress (hmm I have a panic/anxiety disorder and I get super anxious when I'm under stress) and the fact that my type doesn't have a sense of urgency ( I think I have at least a moderate sense of urgency), less competitive (Hmm I get competitive especially when I'm pissed lol), and non-aggressive (ok I'm not really gonna argue with this but I do get frustrated easily). 

So anywho... I'll post what I feel that is accurate about my personality traits from this type:

Patient

Patience is a virtue and Type Bs are born with it. They remain calm and patient even under stressful situations and have a lot of self-control. They are less likely to get frantic about things and generally swear by the old adage of ‘Slow and steady wins the race’. They are also very tolerant and flexible and can change in order to adapt to changes. You would hardly find them complaining or lamenting about anything.  Non-aggressive

These individuals rarely tend to be aggressive or frustrated. Even if there’s something against their will, they are not prone to lose their temper. They are more likely to handle the situation very subtly and patiently, without getting irked. They are hence said to have lesser chances of getting any heart diseases or complications caused due to stress.  Socializing And Enjoying

Type B personalities are normally laid back people who hold a relaxed, creative, imaginative, artistic and friendly approach towards life. They spend their free time in leisure activities like socializing, shopping or having a good time. Due to their cheerful nature, these folks are surrounded by friends and lead a good social life.  Emotional Bonding

Their heart rules their head and hence they are very emotional and sensitive. They like expressing their feelings and are generally not indifferent towards others.

The contradictions: 

Although I'm ok with socializing with people, I tend to not spend so much time around people because I really enjoy solitary and also, I feel awkward being around people... and just in general. I'm socially awkward is what I'm trying to say... Oh and I'm very insecurity about my looks. So yeah I try to withdraw myself from society... lol I know it's sad. 

And I am cheerful but it's not really that genuine. I mean, I feel like I'm masking the fact that I'm unhappy about myself with false cheerfulness, if that makes sense... 

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