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#insecurity – @ariaulaarikae on Tumblr
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Ari Aula Arikae

@ariaulaarikae / ariaulaarikae.tumblr.com

A fallen hope. A shattered dream. A broken heart. A lost soul. I’m a person with a lot of personal and life insecurities. I’m flawed, fallible and unfathomable. I’m Ari.
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Am I shallow for yearning for beauty?

And to look like others I find attractive? I often find myself wishing I had those beautiful eyes or those perfect teeth... that hot body, legs, calves, nice ass, nice hair... that flawless skin...

I keep wishing I had those. And keep analyzing my own, and criticizing their flaws.  I know that I'm insecure but... does that also make me shallow to want to look like those I find perfect?

#blog#beauty#shallow#life#insecurity#insecurities#guy#envy#jealousy
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Reviewing my 2013 Goals/Resolutions. Omgosh what was I thinking?!

  1. Be more open, but only to people I trust*  Still having problems with this one.  lol It’s hard to trust people...
  2. Find real good friends, maybe a real best friend who’s not a teddy bear* Nope. Still haven't found any especially from where I live. Sighs.
  3. Try to document a piece of my life at least once a day.  I managed to update my blogs at least a couple a times a week.
  4. Start vlogging. I tried recording myself and it turned out really bad. Omgosh I was so awkward… So yeah… eeek
  5. Record myself talking. Sometimes I made a recording of me talking about random stuff at night before going to bed. I haven’t listened to them though but I'm sure they very cringe-worthy!
  6. Do more vocal exercises* I haven’t done any since late November though. Need to start doing this again! 
  7. Sing more* [√]
  8. Take up acting/singing classes. They’re expensive!!! So I guess maybe someday… in the future… or never… idk...
  9. Take a part-time job. I tried to find a part-time job but I decided not to because I felt like I wash’t good enough… Yeah I don’t have any confidence myself. No one wants to hire someone who’s not confident anyway...
  10. Clear my acne & acne scars* My acne got better but it got worse again. It’s very depressing. And the scars are making me more depressed. Sobs I'm ugly!!!
  11. Gain weight* SOBS why is it so hard to gain weight!!! 
  12. Exercise at least once a week. [√] I actually managed to run 2-3 times a week for 3-4 months! So proud of myself! :)
  13. Do more stretches. I’m still not flexible! :(
  14. Read more* [√] I read more than I did in 2012. So yay?
  15. Buy myself a smartphone (call me maybe?) [√]
  16. Eat healthily* Still working on it...
  17. Be more confident* Hmm this is hard. For me sadly.
  18. Offer free hugs to strangers after gaining confidence. lol Like they would want me to hug them… Why was I thinking? @.@
  19. Record myself dancing in public, again after gaining confidence. Again, what was I thinking? lol @.@
  20. Save up money, or still some (kidding!) Errr just so you after my national service and since started studying now… I don’t have a lot of money left in my bank! In other words, I’m broke! :(
  21. Do more charity & volunteering* Sobs. I seriously wanna do more of this! :(
  22. Draw and doodle more often* [√]
  23. Buy more clothes, nice clothes with the right sizes! -.- I don’t look good even with nice clothes. It’s true. 
  24. Make a time capsule box for 2013* [√] Kinda did this… but it’s not really for 2013. I have a box where I keep a lot of memorabilia… 
  25. Keep notes of good memories that happen in 2013 in a jar. Sadly, 2013 did not bring me any  a lot of good memories… Hopefully 2014 does….
  26. Take more picture of myself even if I look horrible - that’s like always :(  Nope. I cringe every time I take a picture of myself. I always end up deleting them. I’m so ugly!
  27. Make cute shirts for Elix, my teddy bear. Sorry Elix… :(
  28. Try to get at least 7 hours of rest every night. But I don’t get much now since I have started going back to school...
  29. Pray more* [√] Sorta. I learned how to pray though. It’s not really perfect but I'm still working on it! :)
  30. Spend more time at the beach, relaxing. Not enough tbh. The last time I went to the beach was a few months ago and it wasn’t a nice experience. @.@
  31. Lessen my body hair - don’t judge me! Actually leg hair LOL Yes - don't judge me!
  32. Travel to a different country at least once this year. Hmm should have never mentioned this `cause I can never afford to travel!
  33. Learn to play the ukulele. Crapsicle. I forgot about my ukulele!
  34. Appreciate the little wonderful things in life more. Still working on this...
  35. Appreciate my parents more. But I can never repay the all the things they've done for me tbh...
  36. Re-learn basic Italian - Mi Piace Britney Spears! I didn't have the time to learn lol
  37. Keep my hair a little bit longer so I could have my curls back! My hair is longer and so unmanageable now… And I'm balding. I think. I am! EEK NO!
  38. Buy a new laptop - Mac or PC? [√]
  39. Buy a professional camera. Too expensive!
  40. Have a “spa night” every week. lol
  41. Go to at least 2 concerts this year. I went to… zero.
  42. Learn a new word every week. [√]
  43. Breathe properly. It’s hard because I always have this anxiety...
  44. Don’t be afraid to be dorky. But I get embarrassed easily though…lol 
  45. Laugh more even if people make fun of my laughter. Working on it...
  46. Do more self-reflection every night before bed. [√]
  47. Learn how to stand up for myself. Still working on it…
  48. Harness my anxiety/panic disorder. I’ve been getting lots of panic attacks lately…And sadly, I can’t really control them...
  49. Learn how to love and accept myself* Still working on it...
  50. Love more, hate less. Still working on it...
  51. Fall in love * lol. Obviously a joke. @.@

So I managed to accomplish 16 out of 51 goals. That's not bad... 

#resolutions#2013#review#me#ugly#insecurity#panic disorder#reflection#self-reflection#health#guy#self-acceptance#self-esteem#acne#people#friendship#lonely#goals#accomplishments#sexuality#singapore#singaporean#asian#male#silly#new year#2014#my goals
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