So Not Ready For Love

Sometimes I'm glad that I've never truly been in love  because it makes it easier for me in a sense that I don't have to worry about trying to figure out my feelings for that person I'm in love with or come up with the best way to spend our dates or whether that person really likes me back...!  I hope that I don't fall in love though because I don't think I'm ready for any of that. I do... did have some crushes though and having them gave me a taste of what it is to almost be in love and it's actually kinda scary.  There are so many things in my life that I need to figure out before I could try to love someone... and I need to learn to love myself first before I could let someone love me...  But hey -- anything could happen... which is scary! lol People change and what I say now might not be the same as what I might think/feel in the future... lol Ah the future is so scary! Eek!

Sometimes I Run, Sometimes I Hide. Sometimes I'm Scared of You…

Last Friday I was hiding from him.. I didn't want him to see me. I was embarrassed. I feared he would sense my feelings for him. It was actually kinda stupid. 

But today... today he saw me. He sat beside me on the train. I was trapped. I couldn't run away. We talked. He asked where I was last Friday. I lied and told him I didn't know that he came to visit. I tried to stay cool but the truth is I really wanted to run away... but at the same time, I also wanted to hug him and tell him how much I missed him and his beautiful smile. 

I really like him but at that moment, I felt so unprepared. I felt ugly. Why'd you have to see me at my worst? 

I just don't think I'm good enough for someone like him. God, please let me get over him... please...

I Don't Like Crushing On People...

When you like someone, the thought of them makes you nervous; it makes your heart race. Dang it -- It's been months now and I still have a crush on him... I thought it was over but I guess it'll take a lot more effort and time to let these feelings fade away...

Ahhh this is why I don't like crushing on people... I feel so stupid and hopeless! I need a distraction from this distraction!