August 2013 -- U Want a Hot Body? U Betta Work, Bitch!

In August,  we celebrated Eid and thank goodness I managed to avoid visiting some of my relatives! If you read one of my older posts, you would know why I despise them. OK -- maybe 'despise' is a very strong....  I'm just not very fond of my relatives. They can be so judgmental, and  are super annoying! lol :S

Last month was also a pretty depressing time  for me because I didn't feel so good about myself -- what's new? I know right? lol. I was worrying so much about my future and wasn't sure whether I should go back to studying or get a job,  which to be honest, I think would be really impossible since I don't really possess any useful skills. And this was compounded by my other never-ending insecurities about my appearance and my sexuality. AH I just hate feeling so insecure... 

So after Eid,  I started to try to get back the weight that I had lost during the fasting month. I'm still trying though but I'm not really sure how much I had  really lost or if I'm gaining any back. I have also started to run/jog at least 3 nights a week for about 30 minutes. It's quite an achievement for me personally and I'm quite proud of myself for being this consistent although I'm gonna be honest that -- sometimes I dread doing it haha but I like how healthy I feel afterwards which makes it worth it I guess lol.

So... yeah, I'm gonna do it again tonight and listen to Work Bitch while I'm running! The song is definitely my latest obsession and it's actually kinda motivating lol. "You want a hot body? You better WORK, BITCH!" OK, Britney... I'll try... @.@ 

If I Were A (Pretty) Girl

Sighs — I wish I was a pretty girl! I see so many ads for female models/escorts and they offer such pretty pay!

Omgosh if I were a pretty girl, I’d totally sign up! But I’m not a girl… and I’m not pretty. Pretty guys are lucky too… Sobs.

Tomorrow I'm gonna start searching for a part time job... Sighs I feel so nervous... I'm not sure whether I can even do this... Wish me luck!

Making Life Changing Decisions Is Scary!

Today, my dad popped me the question that I've always dreaded asking myself: Are you going back to studying or going to find a job? I didn't reply. Well, I couldn't reply because I simply had no idea what to answer him. I looked petrified though and I think he sensed that as well -- well, obviously since it was evident by my facial expression. The entire time while I was staring at him,  I was actually freaking out inside my head because his question really hit me kinda hard that I'm already an adult and it's time for me to make  life changing decisions. What also freaked me out was that he even suggested that I should work for the company he's in. EEK! NO!!! 

To tell you the truth, I'm really scared. I don't know whether I could even find myself a place in a university or even find a job. And I just suck at interviews! Ah but I really need to make some money. Gosh... I'm so confused right now. If I go back to school, what should I study?  No -- what DO I wanna study? Hmm time to make some decisions... Oh gosh --  being an adult is so hard! I'm so not prepared for this! Eek!

Aw man, I have to go to work tomorrow... :(

The place where I work, gives me anxiety and I don't like it. At all!

Somebody save me...