(The Bad Batch) Crosshair x Reader: Absence

(Author’s Note:  I usually steer clear of angst, but this sort of just happened.  Y’all are going to hate me after this.  Oh whaaale)

warnings: some angst, Bad Batch episode 1 spoilers.

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   You released a sigh into the air, the sound breaking the lonely silence that had settled since you decided to lay down for a while.  You half-expected to hear some sort of response- a mumble from Tech, a laugh from Wrecker, chatter from Omega, or a sigh from Hunter- but the room fell into stillness once more.

   As you lay on your side, arms encircling a familiar pillow, you gazed at the opposing wall.  This was the first moment you had to yourself since the events that transpired on Kamino.  You’d been busy at the front of the ship assisting the others or simply surrounding yourself with them to keep certain feelings at bay.

   But just for a little while, you finally decided to let yourself have the time to process and to just feel.  Without the company of the others to keep you occupied, Crosshair’s absence was more jarring.  It wasn’t something you’d been able to ignore in the first place, of course.  Even in a room full of your squad, you found yourself searching for him or expecting him to be hovering nearby only to remember that wouldn’t be the case.

   Another sigh rose into the air, and you shifted to lay on your other side facing the wall of the bunk.  The pillow still held stale traces of his scent, and you hungrily breathed in what was left and hoped with each inhale that it wouldn’t fade.  You thought back to the last time you were near him before things went from bad to worse.

   Crosshair placed himself on the bench, rubbing his head in frustration.  You watched him with worry.  He hadn’t been himself since this Order 66 was given.  You’d seen him at odds with Hunter and growing increasingly agitated as time went by.

   Omega slid onto the bench beside him, her eyes mirroring your concern.  Although somehow, her look was more sympathetic, as if she knew what was happening to him.  She rested a hand on his shoulder and spoke quietly.  You decided to remain at a small distance for another moment before going over to talk to him.

   Moments later, a shock trooper approached the cell.  “CT-9904, you’re coming with us.”

   Your eyes widened as the cell shield went down.  Hunter quickly placed himself in front of the sharpshooter in protest.  “Oh, no, no, no,” he said, holding his hands up.  “We stay together.”

   The trooper wasted no time in hitting Hunter in the stomach with the butt of his blaster, evoking a grunt as the sergeant crumbled to his knees.

   “Hey!” you shouted, darting forward.  “Cut it out!  No one is leaving this cell alone.  If he goes,” you gestured to Crosshair.  “I go.”

   “CT-9904 was summoned, not you.  Now stand down!”  The trooper raised his blaster to strike you this time, and you readied yourself to fight back when you felt a firm hand grasp your wrist.

   You looked to see Hunter standing to his feet, giving you a warning look.  For a moment, you thought that maybe it would be better to stand down and not cause more trouble, so you relaxed your shoulders.  However, that changed the second Crosshair stood from the bench and started walking toward the troopers without so much of a glance or word to any of his comrades.

   “Wait!  No, I can’t just stand here and-” you caught Hunter off-guard and tore your arm free to hurry after Crosshair.  “What are you doing?”

   “I’ve been summoned, _________.  Good soldiers follow orders.”

   “But Cross,” you murmured, hot tears spilling down your cheeks as you reached for his gloved hand.  “I’m scared.  Don’t leave.”

   At the use of his nickname, his face changed.  The bridge of his nose scrunched slightly in confusion before his eyes softened and replaced the challenging gaze with a tender regard that he usually saved for you.  It was like whatever was clouding his mind was shaken away for a moment.

   “I don’t have much of a choice,” he told you, shooting a wary glance at the troopers that surprisingly were paused at the entrance to the cell.  Then, his expression hardened once more as he released your hand and walked into their custody.

   “No!  Crosshair, wait!  You lunged forward, but a large hand grabbed your shoulder.  “Wrecker, let me go!”

   “__________,” he said, his voice low and broken at your distress.  “It’s not gonna’ change anything.”  As Crosshair was led away, you jabbed a finger at the guards.  

   “He’s not their guinea pig!  You hear me?”

   They were out of sight, door sliding shut behind them, and you were left standing there breathing heavily.  You slammed a fist against the wall and turned to see the others watching with pained expressions.  Omega still covered her mouth with her hands in shock.

   “I’m sorry,” you told them, ducking your head.  “Sorry to make a scene.  I didn’t mean to make things worse, but…”

   “No,” Hunter said.  “I understand.  We…” he gestured to the rest of the group.  “ we understand.  We just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

   Things quieted down after that.  You placed yourself on the bench where Crosshair had previously been seated and waited.

   You rolled onto your back, staring at the top of the bunk as the memory came to a conclusion in your mind.  That was the last time you’d seen the real Crosshair.  The one that you’d seen in the hangar on Kamino was not your love.  Your teary eyes met his cold ones, and though he didn’t fire at you, you didn’t see much of a reaction in his expression.

   A knock on the door caused you to stir again.  You turned your head to call whoever was at the door inside the quarters.  The door slid open to reveal a form much shorter than you expected.  

    “_________?”

   “Omega,” you said, putting on a soft smile to let her know she was welcome.  “Do you need something?”

   She gazed at you sympathetically, returning your smile kindly.  “I just wanted to see how you’re doing.”

    “I’m alright,” you replied.  “I just…”

   She approached the bunk, eyeing the small signs of Crosshair all around including the pillow in your arms.  “You miss him.”

   You tucked your nose back into the pillow to breathe in his scent once more.  It was nearly gone.  Your eyes watered a little at the realization.  “Yeah, I guess I do.”

   She rested a hand on your shoulder, much like she’d done to him in the prison cell at Kamino.  “The Crosshair you know is in there somewhere.  It’s that chip.  We’re going to get him back.”

   You looked to her as her smile grew, looking less concerned and more hopeful.  It was contagious because you were starting to feel that glimmer of hope in your chest and smile in return.  “I’m sure you’re right.”

   “In the meantime, I know it’s hard.”

   You hummed in agreement, a new memory coming to mind.  Your smile turned into a chuckle, earning an intrigued look from Omega.  “I was just thinking about this one time.  Before we got together, Crosshair and I went to a market for a supply run…”

   “Oh hey, that place looks like it’s got some decent stuff,” you said.  Crosshair’s eyes followed your gesturing hand to a fruit stand, the toothpick between his lips twirling idly.  He didn’t give a verbal response, only following you as you veered off the main path to approach.  An elderly woman with a large sun hat smiled as you paused to get a good look at everything.

    “Well hello there,” she greeted you.  “Can I help you with anything?”

   “Hello!  And yes, could I get a dozen of these?”  you gestured to the baskets of fruit.  “And a dozen of those?”

   “Most certainly, dear,” she nodded.  As she bagged up the product, you turned to see Crosshair hovering less than a foot behind you.  He surveyed your surroundings with those keen eyes of his before he noticed you looking at him.

   “What?”

   “Nothing.”  You grinned.  “See anything?  Any separatist droids perhaps?”

   He plucked the toothpick from his mouth to reply.  “Very amusing, ________.  I haven’t seen anything except for some shady pirate staring at you.”

   “Really?”  your grin quickly faded into a grimace as your eyes flickered to the side.  “Where?”

   “Behind me.”  Crosshair returned the toothpick to the spot between his teeth.  “I’m blocking you from his view.”

   “Oh.”  You straightened up.  “Thanks.”

   “Here you are,” the elderly woman stated, handing you one bag of fruit and Crosshair the other. You handed her the credits. “I also just wanted to say what an adorable couple you two make!”  She plucked a single flower from a nearby bouquet and handed it to Crosshair.  “For the young lady!”

   You wanted to duck your head in embarrassment while Crosshair rolled his eyes. Still, to your surprise he didn’t even bother to correct her.  He merely accepted the flower in silence and turned to you, his hand hovering for a moment before he settled on tucking the flower behind your ear. 

   “Bye!” You waved at the lady as the two of you walked away.

    “…Later on, I caught him looking at me when I had the flower tucked behind my ear.  I knew then that he had feelings for me, just like I did for him.”

   “So he’s always been a little…difficult?” Omega ventured.

   You laughed.  “Oh yes, but it was always an act.  Sometimes, he made it easy to see past that to the big heart underneath.”  You scooted off the bunk, releasing your hold on the pillow so it fell back in its spot, and proceeded to smooth out the blanket.  “Thank you, Omega.”

   She looked confused.  “  For what?”

   “The talk.  It really helped.”

   “Oh, yeah, no problem.”  She smiled.  “I’ve come to think of the squad as family, and…I don’t like to see my family hurting.”

   “I think of this squad as family too,” you agreed.  “ And I’m glad you’re a part of it, kid.  Let’s see if Tech needs anything up front.”

   The two of you became lost in chatter as you headed for the doorway.  You paused to take one final look at the empty quarters and at Crosshair’s bunk that you’d left as neat as he had.  A genuine smile spread across your face as you turned off the light and let the door close behind you.

HELP I'm having Crosshair feelings......💔😞