@archerygun / archerygun.tumblr.com
In the spirit of confusing the fuck out of the new Year 11s, here’s an old GCSE shitpost I dug out while I was making my Halloween costume. Based on the assertion that Inspector Goole would fucking floor the Blood Brothers narrator in a fight. (He’s coming after him for being mean to the poor). North on North violence if you will.
Man, I dunno how many of you read My Brother Is A Superhero as a kid because they were definitely popular in my area but like, thinking back, that series is SO much funnier post-GCSEs oh my god.
Tl/dr for anyone who didn’t read it, the narrator is the little brother of a guy who got a load of superhero powers to save the world from an asteroid. Also it’s set in Bromley (South London). I’m also pretty sure at some point in the books his older brother is like fifteen or sixteen and crucially the main character is all “Ooh look at my stupid neek of a brother who’s more worried about exams than the fact he has telekinesis.” the entire time.
So like. What got me thinking. If an alien appeared to me 4 months ago before my exams and was like “Hey I’m gonna give you magic cos the apocalypse is coming lol.” my first response would also be “But I have GCSEs :(“
Like yeah Luke Parker your Year 7 ass might think that developing the ability to fly is more important than your grades but you have not been subjected to the absolute nightmare that is being chronically GCSE-brained. I was totally on his side as a kid but now I’m 16 I’m like “No that’s just the GCSE student response to everything.”
When I was a kid I read Zack Parker going “I have to put my school uniform on to get me to do my homework because it puts me in the right frame of mind.” as chronic neek behaviour. NOW I’M 16 I’M LIKE OH BABE. OH BABE. I UNDERSTAND. WE’VE ALL BEEN THERE. WHATEVER WORKS. YOU GET THROUGH THIS HOWEVER YOU NEED TO MY COMRADE IN ARMS 🫡🫡🫡
Zack Parker the ten year olds were not ready for your GCSE student behaviour. I understand you now I am 16. Oh god.
Why is the funniest and ngl most accurate GCSE student rep in a book aimed at 9 year olds. That all just hit me like a punch to the skull.
Sorry for the utter incoherency you just experienced but I fear I am a man ruined (British education system strikes again 😔).
Can't believe I forgot to ask! How did you find drama? Which scene was it on?
Forgot to answer because I’m scatterbrained as shit lmao please forgive me.
We somehow got like, the singular 1950s scene (the one where Mrs Lyons talks about wanting a child), meaning I had to be more vague than I would have liked to be about costume because this stupid goddamn play had to be set across 4 eras instead of just one, lovely, now I have 4x the workload for costume.
At least the long question was about Mrs Lyons because talking about characters that go a bit insane is much easier than talking about characters that don’t like Eddie or Mrs Johnstone.
I think I did alright, although I fucked 6.3 up by not talking about interactions between me and the other actor enough. Live Production was easy as hell because I get to go “He’s just like me fr” for 32 entire marks.
Another meme because Drama is finally over and I don’t have to touch this godawful play ever again.
Good luck with your drama today!!
Here's to hoping you get a good scene 🤞
Thank youuuu. I’ll need that luck. I think I need a Bible level miracle to get anything above a 6 lmao.
What do you mean revise for Drama I’m just going to watch copious amounts of Life on Mars and hope I get a 70s era costume question duh.
Feeding English Lit quotes into this opposites day bot on character.ai like god intended. Try it. It’s free.
"Though he despised the theatre he had crossed the doors of one" is my favourite thing ever, thank you so much op
Thank my absolutely terminal case of GCSE mind rot.
Guys no exaggeration, in the end of term quiz this year (our final one ever) in English we were told to give our answer sheets to another team (peer marking so there’s no cheating) THIS FUCKING GUY ATE ANOTHER KID’S ANSWERS TO STOP THEM WINNING.
Just fuckin put it in his mouth and started chewing.
Got sent out by the teacher for eating paper.
Blood Brothers needed two hours to say what Pulp said in 3 minutes.
Oh my god the effort not to shit myself laughing at my English teacher’s expression when half the class (secondary school average level of intelligence - we’re not set for English, some of these guys forgot there was a murder in Macbeth) knew what hamartia/a fatal flaw was. Thank you Rick Riordan it seems we collectively retained something.
Missing a single day of school in Year 11 like
I got a warning from my school about appropriate conduct because I emailed this to my media studies teacher while miserable and stir crazy during the holidays and in no state to think about the consequences of my actions.
She did come up to me in class like 3 months later and said it was funny though.
Feeding English Lit quotes into this opposites day bot on character.ai like god intended. Try it. It’s free.
