Toxic representations of love in media

All these unhealthy representations of love in books and media replaying outdated patterns, cycles and hurting each other all ‘in the name of love’? I’m over it.

Write about couples that are teamplayers ready to brave the whole world for each other. Write healthy representations of flawed individuals working through their stunted emotional awareness, those toxic behavioral patterns ingrained by social conditioning. Even better yet, write about couples that are above and beyond all that, individuals that have worked consciously and carefully at healing themselves by themselves instead of forcing their partner to play the role of a therapist in a mutually draining and destructive cycle.

Write about couples (regardless of gender or race etc) that value the sacredness of love and recognize that what matters most is healing and growing and supporting each other’s development. It’s not about proving who’s right, or stunted emotional development, or playing games or inability to communicate. All of these plot devices only work so far.

Books and media are so potent. It’s human nature to absorb what we are exposed to, life imitates art imitates life in a continuous cycle. If you’re an artist, show how it can be better. Healthy =/= artificial or uninteresting. People need healthy and inspiring representation. Whenever I find these tropes and setups in media, personally I lose interest. It’s 2019 and it’s time to aim higher.

From the very first draft, it was a goal with AOT to build a vast array of characters.

Many types of relationships (love, friendships, family ties etc) are presented precisely to explore their variety, authenticity, all the interesting ways that human (I mean. . . otherworldly) relationships can unfold.

Even more important is showing the contrast between a toxic and unhealthy relationship, no matter how much they love each other and strive to make it work; and a healthy relationship that is full of growth and support because they’ve learned how to appreciate all the complexities and beauty involved in a soulful bond.

In books especially, it’s easy for the boundaries to blur when we meet characters with tragic backstories or heavy baggage, characters that are grey, anti-heroes that brace the line between sympathetic villain and antipathetic hero - it’s easy to romanticize the negative and reason it as human flaws which should be accepted. Maybe the writer intended them to be so, maybe they tried to do the opposite by raising awareness with writing about them. That’s why books are so subtle and intricate, and the message more than the actual content can relay a lot of unhealthy lessons which are absorbed without realizing.

What I’m saying is, it’s good for writers to create mindfully. To not just project whatever systems and habits they grew up with, with no fault of their own. It is good to filter through those writer’s reflexes, to use discernment and strive to look beyond your art, to your legacy: What are you leaving behind? What message are you transmitting - about life, relationships, vulnerability, guilt and so on? What have you inspired into people with your words?

It all works on a subliminal level. Which is why it’s important to write in an authentic and discerning manner, to always do better and better.

Don’t settle for the realities you grew up with. Expand far and beyond, and see what you can create.

There is no limit.