The Misadventures of J. Arc

BMI: Jaune

Juniper: Oh, Jaune~?

Jaune: Oh great… hell is here…

Pyrrha: What are you talking about, it’s just your mom?

Nora: Hi, Mom!

Rin: Hello, Mrs. Arc.

Juniper: Hello girls!

Jaune: What do you want mom?

Juniper: Can you answer something for me~?

Jaune: No.

Juniper: What? But, I haven’t even asked you anything.

Jaune: Aye, but it’s you, so what ever it is, is something I don’t want to answer!

Juniper: Please~!

Jaune: …

Jaune: Haa… fine ask your question… But, it better nit be MFK, or so help me!

Pyrrha: You relented pretty fast.

Jaune: She’ll keep bothering me until I finally say yes, so I might as well as get this over, and done with.

Rin: Wise choice.

Juniper: Okay, Jaune… BMI…

Jaune: BMI; the hell is that?

Juniper: Breed, Mate, and Impregnate~!

Jaune: WHAT?! What the hell is that?

Juniper: It’s things you do when you have se…?!

Jaune: I know what it is! It’s just, why are you asking me this?

Juniper: I thought you were tired of doing, MFK, so I decided go spice things up.

Jaune: Ironically I would have preferred that… Haa… okay… who are the poor victims you have chosen this time?

Juniper: I want you to BMI: Pyrrha, Rin, and Nora~!

Jaune: WHAT?!

NPR: 😳😳😳

Juniper: What? I’m simply curious what you would do with your friends if given the opportunity to, BMI.

Jaune: But, Mom, you’re asking me to do this to my…

Pyrrha: Jaune, answer the question.

Jaune: What?! Pyrrha, you can’t be…

Nora: Answer the question, Jaune.

Jaune: But, she asking me to…

Rin: Answer the question.

Jaune: But…?!

NPR: ANSWER THE QUESTION!

Jaune: Okay! Okay! Okay!

Jaune: Haa…

Jaune: I would, Mate with, Pyrrha.

Pyrrha: Why?

Jaune: Do you really want to know why?

Pyrrha: Yes!

Jaune: Okay?! Because I believe you are not ready for the other two options because you’re focusing on your career.

Pyrrha: A fair assessment.

Jaune: I’d breed, Nora…

Nora: Why?! Tell me?! What position would you take me in?! How long would you do me?! How many loads would you dump in me?!

Juniper: Oh my~!

Jaune: …?!

Jaune: I s-said, Nora because I thought she would be into it. I didn’t think she’d be that into it!

Nora: I’m totally into being breed like a brood mare by you, Jaune~!

Jaune: Uhhhhhhhhh?!?!

Pyrrha: So that’s what, Nora’s moaning in the middle of the night were about.

Ren: Like yours are any better.

Pyrrha: Y-You know?!

Jaune: And, lastly I would… I would impregnate, Rin…

Rin: Wonderful~! When shall we start!

Jaune: B-Beg pardon…?

Rin: You said you would impregnate me. Shall we get started now, or what?

Jaune: You want me to do that now?!

Rin: Yes.

Jaune: B-But, what about your career of becoming a huntress?

Rin: I much rather have a career as a housewife for our children than be a huntress.

Jaune: But, we’re still in school!

Ren: And?

Jaune: Ah?!

Jaune: Guys help me out here.

Pyrrha: Help you impregnate, Rin? Of course I’ll help~!

Jaune: Help?!

Nora: Would you be upset if you knocked me up while you impregnate, Rin?

Jaune: WAIT, WHAT?!

Rin: Come on, Jaune; let’s go start our happy family~!

Jaune: Ahh, no wait! Mom! Save me!

Juniper: Make sure to drink lots of water dear~!

Jaune: You traitor!

~~~

Glynda: Mr. Arc…

Jaune: Yes, Professor Goodwitch…?

Glynda: You impregnated… your entire team…

Jaune: Yeah… Mom, put ideas in their heads, and well… that happened.

Glynda: I see… Juniper getting involved would certainly answer things… But, let me ask you something.

Jaune: Yes, Professor?

Glynda: Why wasn’t I involved in this game of BMI?

Jaune: …

Jaune: Eh…?

MFK: Rebirth

Jeanne: Hey, Jaune! MFK between, Pyrrha, May, and Rin?

Jaune: …

Jaune: Are you talking about this life… or the last life we lived…?

Jeanne: T-The last one…?

Jaune turned to look at his sister, his eyes filled with an ice cold, yet silent rage that screamed in defiance at the audacity that she had just said such things to him.

Jaune: You know very well what happened in my previous life, and you know very well what happened to them! So, why do you dare ask me such a question?!

Jeanne: I-I’m sorry! I just thought it would be nice to know what you thought of each of them, alright!

Jaune: Jeanne… Pyrrha, and May both died at the, Fall, and I impregnated, Rin. Pyrrha, and May both were killed because I couldn’t do anything to save them, and I fucked, Rin during a moment of unbridled passion, but I couldn’t stay with her so I could marry her, and be the loving husband who looked after his wife, and the caring father who looked after their daughter! So there, there’s you answer on who I would, marry, fuck, or kill…

Jaune: Happy now?

Jeanne: N-No… I’m sorry, Jaune. I thought this would be a fun little game, and you would have fun with it… I didn’t mean to drudge up such harsh memories…

Jaune: Well… It’s not a fair question…

Jeanne: It’s not?

Jaune: I’d probably have a different answer in that life.

Jaune: …

Jaune: No, I’d give the same answer now as I would back then.

Jeanne: And, that would be…?

Jaune: M, M, and M. I would marry them, each of them, make love to them, grow a large family, and eventually die of old age beside one another. That’s what I will do.

Jeanne: W-Will do?

Jaune: May was female in both our worlds, so she’s most likely still is in this world. We’ve both met, Pyrrha, hell we correspond with each other regularly. All we don’t know if, Rin is in this world. If she is I will marry her, and live the life with her that I dream of ever since I met my daughter.

Jeanne: But, what if it’s not, Rin? What if it’s, Ren?

Jaune: …

Jaune: Then he will be my, ‘brother from another mother.’ Just like he did in my last life. That’s all I can do.

Jeanne: That’s all you can do…

Jaune: …

Jeanne: Sorry I asked you all of this, I didn’t mean to drudge up so many bad memories.

Jaune: Well, you can make it up for me.

Jeanne: How?

Jaune: MFK: Yin, Pyrros, and Blake?

Jeanne: …

Jeanne: …

Jaune: Jeanne?

Jeanne: …

Jeanne: …

Jaune: Jeanne… are you okay…?

Jeanne: …

Jeanne:

Jaune: …

Jaune: Okay then…

The Knight

Jeanne: So uhh… That a… That a nice look you’ve got there…

Jaune: Oh, thanks.

Jeanne: …

Jaune: …

Jeanne: Your giant jakalope is nice.

Jaune: I knock up, Rin!

Jeanne: …

Jeanne: Well… That explains why I was in there for so long this time… Hehe… H-How did that happen…?

Jaune: Well… Rin, saw me as the, Rusted Knight…

Jeanne: Like from the fairytale?

Jaune: Yeah, I-I’ll explain that later. A-Anyway, I appeared in your room dressed as I am now, armour, and all. And, the only person I saw was, Rin. And, she just sorta lost it…

Jeanne: Lost it?

Jaune: She took one look at me, said, ‘Hello Daddy~!’ And, she pounced me…

Jeanne: Rin has always had a crush on you. But, she’s always managed to keep her emotions in check. However, I think seeing you like this, broke the camels back, and she didn’t care about the repercussions of her actions, only that it happened. Can’t say I blame here honestly…

Jaune: I’m regretting it though…

Jeanne: Because you won’t be there to help her?

Jaune: Yeah… She told me it’s what she wished for, what she wanted more than anything else. Her eyes… Rin’s, beautiful pink eyes told me that this is what wanted. That she was telling the truth from the bottom of her heart. So, I gave her what she wanted. But, I can’t help, but feel sorry that I won’t be there to help her. And, I probably won’t be able to see it as often as I would like to… I don’t regret doing it… Just that I won’t be there to help her when she needs me…

Jeanne: Don’t worry, Jaune. Me, Nora, May, Mom, Dad, and the rest of my brothers; All of us will be there for her, you can count on that.

Jaune: T-Thank you, Jeanne… I’m lucky to have a sister like you in my life.

Jeanne: Hey, that’s just what… S-Sister… Y-Y-You called me sister…?!

Jaune: Well, we are sorta like twin aren’t we?

Jeanne: But, I-I thought you hated me.

Jaune: I’ve been stuck there for a long, long time. I’ve had plenty of time to think some things through. And, I was never truly angry at you, Jeanne. More so with the world, and the people I’ve had to face. So, will you forgive me?

Jeanne: There’s nothing to forgive, big bro.

Jaune: So, I’m the big brother in this relationship? Probably for the best, you are one hell of a hellion to deal with.

Jeanne: Oh, how rude of you.

Jaune: (Snrk!)

Jeanne: So… Do you have any ideas on what the baby should be named?

Jaune: Since I won’t be there I thought I should leave that to, Rin. But, if I had to pick one…

Rin: Ahh?! Oh… H-H-Hi, Jeanne… H-How was seeing, Jaune again?

Jeanne: …

Jeanne: Dammit! He was about to give me a name!

Nora: A name, a name for what?

Jeanne: For my nephew, and/or niece~!

Rin: Eep!

May: What are you talking about?

Jeanne: Why don’t we ask, Rin instead~?

May: Rin? What did, Rin do?

Nora: Does it have to do with that thing she’s hiding behind her back?

Rin: N-N-N-No! No it doesn’t!

Jeanne: Rin, Jaune told me what you two did together.

Rin: H-H-He did…?!

Jeanne: Yes. And, he asked me to be there for you. Me, and my whole family will be there for you, Rin. So you don’t have to worry, we’re here for you, you’re not in this alone.

Rin: Promise…?

Jeanne: Arc’s promise.

May: W-What the hell are you two talking about?

Nora: PleasebewhatIthinkitis!PleasebewhatIthinkitis!PleasebewhatIthinkitis!

Ren: H-Here you go…

May: Is that…? No way?!

Nora: Fuck yeah! I’m gonna be an aunt!

Jeanne: Congratulations, Rin! You’re going to be a mom!

Rin: T-Thank you, Jeanne… I know its so sudden… But, I saw, Jaune, and I saw how he looked… I-I wasn’t letting him get away from me again. So, I… Yeah…

May: I knew you had the hots for him. But, damn… I didn’t think you’d go that far with him.

Jeanne: Well Team ARNZ, we better pack. We’re taking a trip to see my parents! And, once there I can introduce my family to my two new sisers, and wife!

May: Wife?! I understand, Nora, and I would get adopted by your mom…

Nora: FUCK YEAH!

May: But, I didn’t think you need to marry, Rin just because, Jaune knocked her up.

Jeanne: No no no. Rin is my new sister. Your gonna be my wife, May.

May: …

May: You going to give me a ring now, or what?

Shall We Sing Together Again~?

The Twins: Age Seven.

Training in how to use their respective weapons once more.

Jeanne: Whaa! Ooph?!

Jaune: You okay, Jeanne?

Jeanne: Yeah…

Jaune: Here, let me help you up.

Jeanne: Thanks.

Jaune: No problem.

Jeanne: Haa… I just don’t get it, Jaune… I know how to swing a sword, but every time I swing it I end up kissing the ground! I was never like this in Beacon! Jaune… What’s wrong with me…?

Jaune: How old are you now?

Jeanne: Seven.

Jaune: And, how old were you in, Beacon?

Jeanne: Seventeen. Wait, is that the problem, I’m comparing my young self to my old self?

Jaune: Among other things. You’re body hasn’t developed enough to fight like you used to; Your muscles strength is nothing compared to when you were seventeen. Hell, you’re not even as tall as you were back then. We’re training to be as good as we once were when we we’re in our late teens. It’s gonna take us years before we can even start to bare a fragment of a semblance as we once were. Give it time, Jeanne. We’ll get there eventually.

Jeanne: Haa… I’ve been rushing it haven’t I?

Jaune: A bit. But, we’ve got time to become the knights we once were! Okay, lets stop here for today, cause if you fall again, Mom will accuse me of picking a fight with you, or something.

Jeanne: Yeah, I rather not fall again for the third time.

Jaune: Eighth time.

Jeanne: I fell seven times?!

Jaune: Yeah…

Jeanne: Okay, yeah I need to slow down a lot!

Jaune: That you do. Come on, lets go home.

Jeanne: Okay.

As the duo were walking through the forest, their training swords left behind, Jeanne decided to ask a question that had been plaguing her mind for years now.

Jeanne: Who do you think will be there?

Jaune: I’m sorry?

Jeanne: Beacon Academy, do you ever wonder who will be there? My team JNPR, or yours?

Jaune: Hopefully my, Team JNPR, and Team RWBY. I got along better with them then I did with their male counterparts.

Jeanne: I hope they’re there too. After you came, the guys in my world lost it. And, I couldn’t handle how they viewed me anymore. How the lusted after me…

Jaune: Yeah, that creeped me out too. Did you ‘fix’ that problem?

Jeanne: Yeah, I asked, Headmistress Selma if we could trade, May, for Pyrros. We voted three to one, Pyrros was sent to, Team RWBY, and I got my new little sister on my team! It was the best!

Jaune: May…? May Zedong?

Jeanne: Yeah, did you know her?

Jaune: Not as well as I wanted to…

Jeanne: What happened?

Jaune: We, May, Pyrrha, and I got close… Romantically close… I was going to ask them both on a date. But, then the Fall happened, and they both died… I hope at least those two are there… I want to have the life I dreamed of having with them.

Jaune stopped as he felt a hand on his shoulder, he turned to see, Jeanne gave him a comforting gaze as she gently squeezed his shoulder.

Jeanne: We’ll see them again, Jaune. Just you wait.

Jaune: Thanks, Jeanne.

Jeanne: So, anyone else you’re hoping to see?

Jaune: Since you mentioned it, I was hoping to see, Selma.

Jeanne: Headmistress Selma; Is it because if she was in your world you wouldn’t be stuck in a hellish shadow war that ruined everything?

Jaune: Yeah, pretty much.

Jeanne: I was hopping to see, Rin, again.

Jaune: Why’s that?

Jeanne: I was hopping she could become my sister!

Jaune: Are you going to adopt her like you did with your, May?

Jeanne: No I was hopping you’d marry her actually.

Jaune: …

Jaune: Eh?

Bad Timing

Jaune: OI! Put me down you fucker!

Jaune was having a bad day. Missing breakfast, dealing with, Marrow wanting his coffee instead of just getting his own. Dealing with SDC personal picking on the little guy just trying to get to work. Being picked up by a, Beringel about to be thrown on the ground like a sack of flour.

Yeah, he was having a bad day.

But, Jaune wasn’t going to let this thing just toss him about! Quite literally at that.

Jaune raised his sword, and brought it down with a roaring cry as he heard the sounds of tearing of metal, and splintering of wood as his blade impacted the monsters skull!

Wait? Hold on now.

Splintering of wood, and the tearing of metal? Grimm skulls don’t make those kind of sounds.

For some idiotic reason, Jaune had closed his eyes, something you never do in a fight that for some reason he did?! To find his sword lodged in one of, Beacon’s cafeteria tables through one of the food trays. Jaune looked over, and saw, Rin’s shock expression, partly hidden behind a pile of mashed potato’s.

Jaune: Ohhh…

Nora appeared on the other side of, Rin, and waved at, Jaune.

Nora: Hi, Jaune!

Jaune: Hi, Nora…

Nora: So, what’s with stabbing the table with your sword, and covering, Rinny’s face with the wrong white stuff?

Rin: NORA?!

Jaune: Uhh… I was attacking a Beringel… I WAS ATTACKING A BERINGEL?!

Nora: Cool. What’s that?

Jaune: It’s a bloody, Grimm monkey!

Rin: I’m sorry, Jaune, but why are you reacting as you are?

Jaune: I’m armed; I’ve got my armour, and weapons on! Jeanne was in her school uniform eating lunch! She’s going in to battle unarmed, and underdressed?! And the fucker was about to throw me?!

Rin: Oh no…

Nora: Oh shit!

Jaune: Oh this isn’t going to be good…

~~~

Jeanne: Owww… W-What happened…?!

Jeanne see’s a bright light above above her then a shadow rest above her. Jeanne needed to focus her eyes to see who it was above her.

Jeanne: N-Nora… Is that you…?

Nora: Hello, Jeanne… You’re dead.

Jeanne: WHAT?!

~~~

Jaune: But, my team is with her, so she she’ll be fine!

Rin: You don’t sound so convinced.

Jaune: No, I have my own, Nora, and you know what she’s like…

Rin: Fair.

Nora: Hey!

~~~

Ren: Nora!

Nora: Hahahaha! I’m sorry, I had to!

Jeanne: You’re joking, right? I-I d-didn’t die fighting some sort of monkey Grimm?!

Nora: No, you didn’t die fighting that monkey Grimm.

Jeanne: Oh, thank gods…

Nora: You died before you arrived at, Beacon Academy.

Jeanne: WHAT?!

Nora: Yes, everything you been experiencing is just the imagination of your dying mind.

Jeanne: WHAT?!

Ren: NORA!

~~~

Jaune: …

Jaune: Does, Jeanne have any comfort foods, cause she’s gonna need it…

Rin: Yeah, your, Nora is mean

Nora: As we should be~!

JR: …

Nora: So, Jaune you wanna sleep with, Rin?

JR: Wait, what?!

Nora: Threesome with, me, and Rin then?

JR: WHAT?!

Rin: FMK

Rin: Okay… Well this is a relatively easy decision…

Jaune: It is? I thought since it involves the three of us it would be a hard choice.

Jeanne: I mean, we’re going against, Nora so obviously she’s going to marry her. So, one of us is going to be killed.

Jaune: Still, I don’t want to, ‘die.’ Makes me feel worthless… Well more worthless than I already am…

Jeanne: Oh, don’t worry, Jaune. Its, Rin, uou know she wouldn’t do anything mean to you.

Jaune: Yes, but I am irrationally paranoid.

Jeanne: Why did so many people hurt you?

Jaune: Shits, and giggles…?

Rin: Okay… S-Shall we get going?

Nora: Yeah, lets get this going on to more happier grounds

Jaune: Right, sorry for making this such a downer.

Jeanne: Were sorry, Rin!

Rin: It’s okay, you guys have been going through a lot. Okay! So: Kill, Nora.

Nora: Cool.

Jaune: Wait, seriously?!

Jeanne: Why?

Rin: W-Well… Nora, and I have already done before so…

Jaune: Wait, what?!

Jeanne: You two have done it?!

Nora: Oh yeah! We got drunk on accident a few years ago. Then we got a bit handsy~!

Jeanne: You did what?!

Rin: The sake we had that day was pretty… strong.

Nora: So anyway we went at it, and then we woke up in each others arm.

Rin: Which is pretty normal actually.

Jaune: And, pretty comfortable.

Jeanne: Wait?! You slept with, Nora?!

Jaune: No, but I have had, Nora crawled in my bed while I was sleeping. It was very nice; so warm, and comforting.

Jeanne: Naww, I wanna do that…

Nora: Just you wait then~!

Rin: Just hope it doesn’t end up like us. Since we were naked…

Nora: That was such a lovely sight to wake up to~!

Jeanne: So you’re going to, ‘Kill,’ Nora because you’ve already done it?

Rin: Yeah, that’s pretty much it.

Jaune: Wow, they’re completely different than my, Ren, and Nora.

Jeanne: How’s that?

Jaune: Nora pines for, Ren hard, and Ren just doesn’t see it.

Jeanne: Ouch.

Nora: So! Who are you gonna do the do with~?

Rin: Oh, I want to sleep with, Jeanne.

Jeanne: Y-Y-You what?!

Rin: What? What’s wrong?

Jeanne: I-I-I just didn’t think you wanted to… d-do that with me?!

Rin: Hey, I’ve had dreams of being… intimate with you.

Jeanne: You’ve dreamed about us doing it?!

Nora: Don’t worry! Her dreams weren’t as bad as the ones the guys have about you! But, so juicy~?!

Jeanne: What are they dreaming about?!

Jaune: I don’t think you want to now…

Rin: You don’t.

Nora: But, the bunny suit!

JJ: The what?

Rin: Shh!

Nora: Naww…

Rin: So, I mostly want to do it because I’m curious.

Jeanne: What about…?

Rin: Well, haven’t you ever looked at someone that just makes you wonder; what if we dated, if we kiss, what if we… did it?

Jeanne: A few times…

Rin: So yeah, that’s why I would… ‘Fuck’ you.

Jeanne: Oh… okay. That sounds nice…

Nora: Plus you get bragging rights on banging the, Angel~!

RJ: NORA?!

Jaune: Okay… Well, this is probably how, Pyrrha feels…

Rin: So, I would… M-Marry, Jaune…

Nora: But, why…?

Jeanne: Yeah, why?

Rin: I just think he’s handsome, rugged, and nice. I feel safe, and protected around him. And, I wouldn’t mind being his darling little wife, with our little, but growing family~! It just sounds so nice when I think about it~!

Nora: that does sound nice~!

Jeanne: I would love that to happen in my life~!

Jaune: …

Jaune: To be honest, if I had, Rin in my world. I would totally marry her if I could.

Rin: R-Really?!

Jaune: Your beautiful, cute. So caring, and kind. Honestly I would be a very happy man if I had you in my life.

Rin: Aww… Thanks, Jaune~!

Jaune: Also, because I know that look, I would marry, Nora if I could.

Nora: Yes! Co-Wives!

Rin: Nora that’s…?! Actually, that sounds nice… Really nice.

Jeanne: Awww… If it wasn’t for the fact I would be dating myself, I would want to marry, Jaune too…

Jaune: You would what?!

Should have specified who are the three individuals being MFK are.

My fault.

///

Jeanne: MFK

Nora: Hey, Jeanne?

Jeanne: Hmm?

Nora: Merry, fuck, kill: Yin, Rin, and Pyrros! Go!

Jeanne: Uhh… Why?

Nora: Because it’s fun!

Jeanne: Okay. Uhh… Merry, Rin.

Rin: Wait, r-really?

Jeanne: Fuck, Pyrros.

Pyrros: Yes!

Jeanne: And, kill, Yin.

Yin: What, why me?!

Jeanne: The puns.

Yin: Shit!