hey bestie i heard your 1850s doctor diagnosed you with hysteria and i’m here to help

about to make a bad post

I wonder how Russell T. Davies, a Wincest shipper, feels about canon Destiel

I’ve had to live with this knowledge for years:

*releases pack of dads into home depot* go……be free

invasive species encroach on lesbian territory

This is a common misconception because they’re such similar environments, but you should be aware that dads are native to Home Depot, while lesbians are actually native to Lowe’s. At this point, however, both dads and lesbians have made themselves at home in both Home Depot and Lowe’s to the point that trying to separate them back into their original ranges would probably do more harm than good to the delicate ecosystem of large chain hardware stores.

A properly raised and socialized Dad will be perfectly comfortable cohabiting with Lesbians. Its not really “encroaching on another’s territory”. You wouldn’t say that about foxes in a forest that also homes bobcats, would you? No. It’s just two different species that have both evolved to live in similar/the same environment. As long as they recognize each other as equals, Dads and Lesbians are more than capable of cohabitation.

Now, if you were to release a pack of Lumberjacks into a Lowes or Home Depot, that’s where chaos will reign. Being adapted to a far harsher and more demanding environment, the Lumberjacks would simply push Dads and Lesbians both out and also consume far more than a sustainable amount of resources. It would be like releasing bears at a country club.

As a former timber-harvester… I feel this is potentially accurate in theory. But highly improbable in actuality.

Lumberjacks, like most megafauna species generally require more space than the average hardware store, even a big box store could provide. The misconception is that Lumberjacks are a social species because of how they often work and live together.

This is a matter of necessity, not preference, and a survival technique for thriving under the LogBoss.

A “pack” of Lumberjacks, if not under the environmental pressure of a LogBoss will naturally disperse until they each have a wide territory.

Lumberjacks rarely fight for territory.

One on one, a Lumberjack could drive out a Dad or Lesbian, however the latter tend to travel in social packs.

Lumberjacks will passively retreat on the presence of large numbers of people. Kind of like Sasquatch.

Getting a “pack” of Lumberjacks assembled would be hard enough unless they were forced into a Hardware Store by a LogBoss. In that case, they would already be in a heightened and potentially agitated state far above their natural behavior. This artificial scenario can be likened to a circus animal running amok. If it had been in the wild, the incident would not have occurred.

Free-roaming Lumberjacks are the cryptids of the Hardware ecosystem. They are surprisingly quiet and unobtrusive.

Please stop labeling Lumberjacks as dangerous roving social predators. They are intermediate level omnivores and remarkably peaceful unless threatened.

As a hardware store worker I can say that this is all 100% accurate.

now how in the FUCK am i supposed to leave tumblr when a god tier post like THIS is just is just waiting for me daily?!?!?!

question where does the “art student” or “DIYer” “crafter” or “soap maker” or “miniaturist“ etc. who has ventured into the store for supplies fall into the ecosystem/what is their impact of said ecosystem?

Most of the above are native to craft and hobby stores (art students, historically, are native to museums, but having been introduced to hobby stores, have found a niche for themselves and thrived), but all can be seen in hardware stores on occasion due to territorial overlap. They are generally low-impact, as they tend to stick to specific small areas and primarily utilize different resources. While a large group of any of them can be disruptive (art students, in particular, are known to travel in packs), in general, they are more likely to have territorial disputes with one another than with the local fauna. 

A point of clarity -“crafter” is a bit misleading; while it conjures a specific image, much like ‘fish’ or ‘reptile’ it actually covers a broad array of wildly disparate species, and in general, more descriptive nomenclature is preferred. Fiber artists in particular are a genus to watch out for, particularly in groups. Beware a roving pack of domesticated quilters. They fear nothing, will go anywhere, and due to their social nature, will often seek interaction from other species that thrive best in solitude. They are quite friendly, and will happily adopt members of other species; the concern is that their adoptees do not always wish to be adopted. 

#in search of taxonomic precision and peaceful coexistence (via welkinalauda)

I do wonder how lesbian/bisexual lumberjack-mimickry fits into this

I can say as a former craft store worker that if you wish to see true fear, look into the eyes of a Dad who must venture into a craft store. Despite the overlap of familiar beings known to him from his native hardware store habitat, Dads are instinctively aware that craft stores are not for them; they contain unfamiliar perils and even the seemingly familiar may have strange variances and unnerving secrets. (”Why is this airbrush so small? What do you mean nails, why would you… WUT!!”)

Only experienced silverbacks or the boldest young Dads dare venture into a craft store for long without his mate or offspring to keep roving Craft Ladies at bay and guide him in this strange ecosystem. If a Dad enters with his mate and is separated from her, he will often scuttle for the seeming familiarity of Woodcrafts, Models, or Paints (the latter not to be confused with Fine Arts, unquestioned territory of art students), but he eyes Scrapbooking and Jewelry with trepidation and will usually venture into those exotic areas only in the company of females of his pack.

Lumberjacks are rarely spotted entering craft stores of their own volition, for while they do not fear it as Dads do, they know it is an environment unsuited for megafauna such as themselves.

Hardware store Lesbians generally adapt more easily to craft stores, although they may enlist another Lesbian of a subspecies more adapted to that environment to guide them until they find their niche. Lesbians have even been known to seek the aid of a Craft Lady, a native fauna that share similarities with Lesbians but are usually smaller and nimbler to suit their chosen habitat. Dads who witness this are often awed by the Lesbians’ temerity, for although larger, Dads are generally wary of the cunning and dexterous Craft Ladies and may mistake their enthusiastic pack greetings as predatory swarming.

Craft Ladies, secure in their ecological niche, have no fear of interlopers and take the presence of non-native beings in stride, although they may become territorial about scarcer resources.

The only truly invasive species that threaten craft stores are Brides-to-Be, who are mere annoyances individually, but like locusts may descend in hordes and lay waste, leaving swathes of destruction in their wake. Fortunately for the Craft Ladies, Brides-to-Be are seasonal and usually only a threat in the spring and early summer.

It Got Better

Man, nobody’s even mentioned the territorial rivalry between Knitter and Crocheter subspecies yet.

Seriously. Guys. Knitter and Crocheter subspecies are naturally armed, either with pinions or hooks, and their battles for resources are legendary.

The idea of inherent enmity between Knitters and Crocheters is a common misconception, but much like hierarchical wolf pack dynamics, hostility between these subspecies seems to occur only in captivity or under unusual stresses.

In their native ecosystems, these two closely related populations rarely advance beyond threat displays over territorial boundaries. When food and nesting materials are plentiful, they have even been known to establish joint colonies, sharing resources and helping tend each other’s young.

Hybrid offspring, while rare, have been observed in the wild. It is unknown whether these hybrids are capable of reproducing, but if they are, it may suggest that their common ancestor is even more recent than previously thought.

Not ONE PERSON has brought up cosplayers.

the last time i was in a joann’s, i walked past a display of fabric specifically marked as for cosplayers. The craft ladies have welcomed them.

Cosplayers are a highly adaptive and wide ranging subspecies, spanning across craft stores, hardware stores, and art supply stores in their search for the correct resources. It is thought they may be an off shoot of craft ladies adapted for a wider range, or the result of crosses between hardware store lesbians and craft ladies. 

Cosplayers will seek resources far and wide until they have located the exact items needed to complete their colorful appearance. They then descend in a mass flock at a seasonal gathering, where they often preform ritual displays of their adornments for their fellow cosplayers to gain standing in their packs. Thus they tend to be transient visitors to any one ecosystem. Like Brides-to-be they can sometimes arrive in large packs just before a gathering and consume large numbers of resources very quickly, but the system usually has time to rebound afterwards. 

‘I’ve been lost but I’m here now. You’re the only person who has ever been able to find me.’

if capitalism didn’t exist what would your dream job be. btw if you say something like ‘engineer’ i’ll kill you

Love it when Black Sails gets Extra Theatrical… Flint entering the main deck to face Singleton like he’s walking onstage… a hush falling over the assembled crew in response like they’re the audience as a play begins… the logbook and blank page utilized as props… Singleton, Gates, and Billy all becoming actors against their will… Flint donning blood like a costume of strength… performing a monologue which earns him cheers and applause… and Silver being the only audience member to IMMEDIATELY recognize the fictional nature of the whole performance and see everyone and everything for what they really are.

If this ain't me

(Marrast)

"C'mon Olympians it's bedtime, time to go to your anti fuck beds!"

wtf is the "weight of one person"?

they're acting like some of the athletes aren't 95lbs and others 300lbs+

Yeah, you bring a good point. I know weighlifters and other fat athletes get treated like shit on the daily, but this is excessive

this is completely fake btw. these beds are intended to be recyclable and can hold up to 440lbs/200kg. there are no reputable outlets reporting on this “anti-sex” beds and the only ones that do are citing the tweet above. here’s another article disproving it like yes fat athletes get treated like shit and it’s important we talk about it but this whole anti sex bed thing is 100% untrue lol

Ok but on a more serious note: tumblr literally says we can monetize fanart and fanfiction and I don't know if they are flat out stupid or if they don't care about their users (it's probably both) but holy shit those are hundreds of serious lawsuits waiting to happen for the love of god don't do that

Cinderella marries the Prince, part 1/2

Part 2/2

This was a short story originally written by @batneko ! You can read the original post here: https://batneko.tumblr.com/post/171036276147/cinderella-marries-the-prince-and-its-fine-the

Thank you for reading ☺️

It’s so beautiful!!! 🙌

OH MY GOSH AMAZING

Thats it folks. We can all go home. We have the peak humans are weird space orcs story.

Uh, Galactic Central? This is Zorblax 863-G. The Humans WANTED to mate with us, what do we do?

Did you mention the pain caused by mating?

Yes, 50,000 of the original volunteers withdrew, but 30,000 new ones stepped forward.

Those are some freaky lifeforms

“We… We showed them examples of our genitals. Scans show that 57% of the volunteers developed increased heart rate and elevated body temperature while a further 16% began to make noises. And. Well. One individual presented us with a device that they had custom designed a year before our arrival and I swear it is an exact replica of the High Council Leader’s penetration organ.” “What, you mean with the-” “Yes, with the suckers and everything. They said they are working their way up to the Jumbo version. I was too frightened to ask what that meant.”

OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

CALLOUT POST FOR FUCKING EURIPIDES

did classical athens do something problematic

I so desperately wish I could physically stop you fucking people from using the internet.

That said, has the answer to the question “did classical Athens do something problematic” ever, in all its history and all subsequent discussion, been “no?”

Not to me. Not if it’s classical Athens.

guess who just found out the difference between wax paper and parchment paper the hard way

wait what’s the difference?

one you can use in the oven safely and the other you can also use in the oven if the thing you are trying to make happens to be fire