Wanting not to be touched doesn’t make you a mean person. Wanting people to respect your personal boundaries doesn’t make you annoying. You shouldn’t have to put yourself through things that hurt or upset you just because other people think they are harmless.

People on Twitter sharing mental health advice that helped them

It’s not talked about enough but it can absolutely be traumatic to have to hide your true self from those you want to be accepted by.

Whenever someone demands absolute perfection of you, they are setting you up for failure. They are disappointing themselves at the end because they are the ones with such high expectations. No one can ever be perfect. Not even those who seem to have their lives together and ask us to be perfect. How can someone demand perfection from another person? It is such an awful thing to do, asking others to do the impossible, and when they inevitably fail, then it's still their fault for not being able to be perfect. That is such a toxic mindset.

Whenever someone is demanding perfection from me, I often see that the person usually thinks they are perfect or at least think they are so great that others owe them perfect behavior. And none of those things are true, because asking for perfection is such a fucked up thing to do, as you set someone up for failing and then being humiliated for their failure. It's such a rude, careless, and weird thing to demand out of someone.

It makes me feel way less anxious when I think "oh, the person who is being so demanding of me is actually such an asshole, who are they to preach about perfection to me?". Whenever I am faced with situations like this, thinking about it this way has been helping me to not get anxious and to avoid complying to any demands because of an eagerness to please. I don't have to be perfect for anyone, especially someone who can only be proud, or consider me successful or even love me when I qualify to their perfectionist standards.

I am not here on this planet, alive, to live a life of constantly pleasing people, walking on eggshells, burning myself out trying to always be the best, only for someone to always believe I am never good enough to get their very conditional love. I deserve to be loved when I am imperfect, and so do you.

And the person who made you believe that you don't deserve love unless you are perfect is even more flawed than they say you are, because they are being so toxic by saying you will only get any affection when you do the impossible. There is no winning and it is such a messed up thing to do to someone you should love unconditionally. Don't accept conditional love. Remember, you owe these people nothing when they ask you to do the impossible or burn out trying.

You know what I hate about toxic heterosexual culture? The way others try and force it on people.

Like, heterosexuals are so used to it that they just....do that, to other couples, usually younger ones.

My partner and I are read as straight as treated as some sort of willing participants in this.

Like the other night, after dinner at family's house I started collecting dishes to wash them, because I'm at someone's house and that is how I was raised.

Now, boyfriend knows I'm allergic to dishsoap so he comes up and insists on doing it for me, I'm grateful and pick up a towel to dry the dishes. It was a nice moment actually, he's seen me break out in rashes and itchy awful hive things that stick around for weeks.

But to the older heterosexual couples it became fodder for how I "owned" him, he was whipped and down trodden etc. When I said, meekly (I was a little taken aback by the "haha you volunteer to do the dishes and then make him do it" when I hadn't even volunteered, I was just quietly collecting dishes and starting the process) said that he had insisted, the joke became about how he probably vaguely suggested and I pounced on it or that he would be in "big trouble" if he didn't suggest it.

I didn't bother saying I was allergic to dishsoap, I've been saying that since I was 10 and no one believed me, I could already had the jokes they would make about the "allergy", so I just shut up and kept wiping dishes and putting them away.

But this isn't new, my last relationship was also previously read as cis/het and it was always like, if I asked my partner to do anything for me it was met with "see if you can get your balls out of her purse while you're at it".

Like if the hets wanna have this culture, fine, do you. If you want to act like any kindness or request is emasculating servitude and that women are harpies, whatever. But don't try and push your miserable dynamics onto everyone else.

I look forward to a cultural shift when it comes to this. The amount of times I've had to tell older women that I like hanging out with my husband only to see their shock is

sad

I have to deal with toxic masculinity Every. Fucking. Day. because apparently I can't help or do anything for my wife without a million questions to see if I'm whipped. Like why would marry someone and not lift a finger for them

This. My boyfriend is very helpful and does his share of chores, and often more depending on my mobility. His care, kindness and consideration is because we love each other, his desire to do the dishes was not out of fear, but out of love because he doesn't like seeing me with blisters on my fingers.

The kindness and respect that couples show to each other should not be subject to mockery just because it looks unfamiliar.

People on Twitter sharing mental health advice that helped them

sorry i can’t relate to mean people. i can understand not being openly friendly but how can you go out of your way to actively be so mean….on purpose….for fun….aren’t u exhausted …

Forget people's criticisms of body hair. People on the internet are feral and in real life, you'd be surprised how little people care if you shave or not. I have shaved since ever since I can remember, since I was a young teenager and at that time, I was expected to shave by society, but there IS a choice around the matter. Hair on girls is not weird if it isn't on boys, that makes no sense. You do not have to ask anyone for permission to stop shaving or apologize to anyone. Body hair is not unhygienic. If you want to do this, there is absolutely no problem with it. When it comes to your body, it is not normal for others to tell you what to do, even if you're in a relationship with them. Telling anybody what to do with their body is not ok. Sleeping with someone and then asking them to shave is not ok.

Don’t waste your time trying to correct someone who constantly misunderstands you on purpose. They want you to go in circles and get angry from trying to correct them.

People who do that to you aren’t worth the time or the effort. Let them think what they want. It’s not your problem.

Save your energy for more important things. The people misunderstanding you on purpose will look silly in the end.

don’t let people abuse your kindness don’t let people abuse your kindness don’t let people abuse your kindness don’t let people abuse your kindness don’

autism problem #1318

When your friend knows you’re autistic and have been bullied for it your whole life, but still won’t respect you and stop using “autist” as an insult.

If anyone does that to me, they’re not a friend of mine!

I wish someone would of told me this back in high school. This would of helped me a lot.

sometimes you say or do bad things while you’re in an awful mental place. sometimes you say things that are rude or uncalled for or manipulative. and i’m not going to hold that against you. mental illness is hard, and no one is perfect. but once you’re through that episode, you need to take steps to make amends. you need to apologize.

“i couldn’t help it, i was having a bad episode” is a justification, not an apology.

“i’m so fucking sorry, i fucked up, i don’t deserve to live, i should stop talking to anyone ever, i should die” is a second breakdown and a guilt trip. it is not an apology.

when you apologize, the focus should be on the person you hurt. “i’m sorry. i did something that was hurtful to you. even if i was having a rough time, you didn’t deserve to hear that,” is a better apology. if it was a small thing, you can leave it at that.

if you caused significant distress to the other person, this is a good time to talk about how you can minimize damage in the future. and again, even if it is tempting to say you should self-isolate and/or die, that is not a helpful suggestion. it will result in the person you’re talking to trying to talk you out of doing that, which makes your guilt the focus of the conversation instead of their hurt.

you deserve friendship, and you deserve support. but a supportive friend is not an emotional punching bag, and mental illness does not absolve you of responsibility for your actions. what you say during a mental breakdown doesn’t define you. how you deal with the aftermath though, says a lot.

I don’t know how to tell you this, but you should not be afraid of your friends judging you or misinterpreting your intentions.

Like. your friends should not be assuming bad intentions when you voice an opinion or disagree with them. They shouldn’t be picking apart how good or bad of a person you are at every opportunity. They shouldn’t be evaluating your worth or your “progress” or whatever every time your views don’t perfectly align with theirs.

Your friends should not make you feel like you are a bad person struggling to be good. They shouldn’t make you feel like you have to look to them for guidance on how to be a better person. They shouldn’t make you feel like only they have the keys to being healthy, happy, and a positive person. They shouldn’t make you feel like you constantly have to fight for their trust.

Friends should know you well enough to trust that you have good intentions, and give you the opportunity to prove it before they start wondering otherwise.

I refuse to just sit here and be treated like this. This conversation requires both of us—and if you’re not going to respect me, I’m going to leave.

— Lang Leav