Closed triads will not spare you from having to unlearn toxic monogamy. I think there is a misconception, especially amongst newcomers to polyamory, that as long as their partners were only dating people they were also dating, they’ll never be jealous. After all, they can’t be scared that their metamour is going to steal their partner away if their metamour also has a romantic reason to stay. Toxic monogamy says you must constantly be defending your partner from the attempts of the world to steal them from you. As long as the only person with romantic or sexual access to your parnter is also your parnter, you can have several partners without having to unpack that defensive mindset, you can just switch to defending them as a pair. 

But it doesn’t work like that. If you don’t unpack toxic monogamy, even your closed relationships won’t survive. Toxic monogamy won’t spare you because your relationship is closed. You’ll feel jealous when they’re having alone time together, you’ll feel uncomfortable when they kiss each other if they don’t then immediately go over and kiss you, toxic monogamy will whisper in your brain late at night that your partners love each other more than they love you, strangers will tell you that your partners are one day going to leave you to be monogamous and if you haven’t unpacked why that’s bullshit, you’re going to believe it, even if only a little. There is no way of being polyamorous where your own toxic monogamy will declare you one of the good ones. You must unpack it now or when you are finally in that relationship you’ve always longed for, you’ll fuck it up. 

*eg. Said character is crushing on multiple people, or multiple ppl are crushing on them, or has a situationship w them, or is dating and cheating on them at the same time (LMAO), or smth else

I do think it's pretty funny that fanfic premises based on illegitimate kids as an excuse for crossovers over the years have gone from "Mom character CHEATED on Dad character 😡" to "once upon a time, mommy and daddy had a threesome and now we have YOU!" lmaoooo. People don't want marital discord they just want a third parent

This post is "three parents living happily in one house" erasure smh

Only two parents? In *this* economy?

I love this post. I LOVE this post. When I was in Kindergarten, my teacher wanted to show my family a drawing we were supposed to do if our parents or family members (something like that). At that time, I was living in the house with my mother, my aunt, my grandparents, and my dad would visit sometimes on the weekend. As a baby, my mom was involved with a gay man who even after he came out stayed close with the family (there’s tons of pictures of him holding me as a baby). Anyway, they showed the picture I drew, where I told my teacher I had FIVE PARENTS.

I was an only child, but I was never lonely. My aunt was like the cool big sister, my grandpa pushed me on the swing and taught me about yardwork and exposed me to classic musicals, my grandma is the reason I can cook and bake.

It doesn’t matter how they get there: more people in your child’s life is a good thing.

Fast forward to when I am 15. My grandparents adopt me. My aunt legally becomes my sister, her children legally become my niece and nephew, my grandfather, almost near retirement, gets to joke around with his office that he has a teenager at home and she’s accomplishing xyz insert whatever activity they were keeping me busy with. My grandparents wouldn’t have it any other way.

You know who “gave me away” at my wedding? Six different people all in unison agreeing to help me and my husband on our journey.

I had TWO father/daughter dances that night. No one batted an eye.

More people doesn’t make your kid’s life complicated. It makes it better, I promise. It takes a village. Whether that village comes about organically, legally, through marriage, or polyamory.

I didn't initially tap this post as good poly rep (you can tell it was my second thought), but I am always of the opinion that you can have as many parents in your life as are there are people willing to raise you. There is no such thing as 'replacing a rightful role'; there are only people who love you and are willing to put the time in to be there for you, and your willingness to receive them. Likewise, I imagine, come partners and children.

Thank you for adding your experience.

Extremely validated that someone else also assumed there was just a talking computer monitor in their house and they just lived like that

@mistresskabooms has me, her dad, her stepdad (my wife), her stepmom (my other wife), and her dad's long-time, now-ex girlfriend in her life for years. She's also had her uncle and her uncle's partner, both of whom are closer to peers bc my brother is several years younger than I am.

It's fucking hard to raise kids with just 2 people. When I found out that friends of mine are trying to have kids, I said, listen, I'm naturally nocturnal. I can come over and spend a week and hold the baby at night so you can sleep.

That's how it's supposed to be.

"oh, if you make out with friends, you could ruin the friendship" so who am i supposed to kiss? my enemies? get a grip

normalize polyamorous people having families and raising children together. destroy the idea that the nuclear family is the default, that it’s the best option for everyone, that it’s the only option that “counts” and that any other kind of family is automatically unhealthy and ‘bad’.

I think we need to normalize the idea of marrying friends. I don’t mean in a “the best romantic relationships come from the best friendships” type way, though I do believe that’s true. I mean in a “I have zero romantic feelings for you, but I would totally spend the rest of my life committed to a future where you are my primary partner and maybe even raise a family together” type way.

Like, I don’t think it should be an aromantic-exclusive option, or a plan B when you and your best friend are still single at 40 and want to take yourselves out of the dating market.

I’ve heard it mostly as that backup plan, that “if I don’t find anyone, I’ll just marry Trish haha”, and I don’t think that’s even what I’m talking about normalizing. That’s a secondary outcome, seen as “giving up” on finding “real love”, and even if a pair of friends go for it, it’s plagued with this general feeling of “sub par”.

What I mean is that marrying a best friend (or having a committed intimate or emotional platonic relationship) should be seen as just as worth doing as marrying someone you’re in love with. It should be normal for teenagers to try as many committed friendships as they do romantic relationships. It should be normal for someone to say “this is my best friend and if everything works out, maybe we’ll move in together later” or “Trish and I have been roommates for two years now. We’re considering adopting soon, or Trish might carry a child!”

And as an aromantic person, it shouldn’t be strange for me to say “I prefer friendship to romance”. People should hear that and nod their heads like “that’s understandable. John feels the same.”

Hell, I see so many people expressing that they prefer their friends’ company to their romantic partner’s. “My friends understand me better and I think treat me better” and they’re expected to go home to this person, to marry and have kids with this person. It’s bizarre to me. Your platonic feelings for your friend aren’t inferior to your romantic feelings for your boyfriend, and if one of them treats you better than the other, I think you should probably rethink which one is your primary partner.

I also find it strange that it’s not more common in poly spaces for a friend to be considered a legitimate “partner”. In a world where friendships were just as likely to bloom into life partnerships as romantic relationships, I think polyamory would be much more commonplace. “I committed to Josephine about a year ago and now we own a home, but I fell in love with Joe about six months ago and we’re all trying to make it work.” Josephine shouldn’t have to worry about her partner leaving her for Joe just because their bond is romantic and therefore the “sensible” relationship to choose over the other.

I’m just ranting at this point, but I reiterate: committed friendships should not be seen as strange and “sad”, but as a legitimate option for a lifetime commitment. Not just for aromantics like myself, but for everyone. It should just be normal.

And not to be presumptuous, but I don’t think I’m alone in this thinking

Reblog this if your blog is a safe space for polyamorous people! 🌈