(((I Will Outlive)))

it's unfair how much the structure of the internet these days robs people of the ability to hate on media without having it be taken as an indictment of other people, their actions & tastes. i should get to talk extensively about why i hate a ship, just as much as i get to talk about why i like something. and the people who like that thing and follow me should be able to avoid it without trouble. but more than that i wish there still existed the basic generosity of “i hate this thing you like but i am uninterested in robbing you of your joy, so don't take my words to heart.” and on the other side “i recognise that you have an opinion that contradicts mine but your verdict on my tastes is not a judgement on the worthiness of my pursuits.” you don't have to listen to everything someone says, even if they're your friends. and you shouldn't have to pretend to like things you don't in order to not be deemed a hater. disliking something is completely neutral.

A lot of ppl think that “love” is enough to raise a happy child and that’s not true. It also requires emotional maturity and financial stability but they don’t like hearing that because it changes their idea of a miracle that happens to them into a conscious decision that requires personal responsibility.

They think that having kids is a life phase that they’re required to go through and have no agency in but that’s not true. It’s not puberty, it’s a conscious choice that you make

You know what I hate about toxic heterosexual culture? The way others try and force it on people.

Like, heterosexuals are so used to it that they just....do that, to other couples, usually younger ones.

My partner and I are read as straight as treated as some sort of willing participants in this.

Like the other night, after dinner at family's house I started collecting dishes to wash them, because I'm at someone's house and that is how I was raised.

Now, boyfriend knows I'm allergic to dishsoap so he comes up and insists on doing it for me, I'm grateful and pick up a towel to dry the dishes. It was a nice moment actually, he's seen me break out in rashes and itchy awful hive things that stick around for weeks.

But to the older heterosexual couples it became fodder for how I "owned" him, he was whipped and down trodden etc. When I said, meekly (I was a little taken aback by the "haha you volunteer to do the dishes and then make him do it" when I hadn't even volunteered, I was just quietly collecting dishes and starting the process) said that he had insisted, the joke became about how he probably vaguely suggested and I pounced on it or that he would be in "big trouble" if he didn't suggest it.

I didn't bother saying I was allergic to dishsoap, I've been saying that since I was 10 and no one believed me, I could already had the jokes they would make about the "allergy", so I just shut up and kept wiping dishes and putting them away.

But this isn't new, my last relationship was also previously read as cis/het and it was always like, if I asked my partner to do anything for me it was met with "see if you can get your balls out of her purse while you're at it".

Like if the hets wanna have this culture, fine, do you. If you want to act like any kindness or request is emasculating servitude and that women are harpies, whatever. But don't try and push your miserable dynamics onto everyone else.

I look forward to a cultural shift when it comes to this. The amount of times I've had to tell older women that I like hanging out with my husband only to see their shock is

sad

I have to deal with toxic masculinity Every. Fucking. Day. because apparently I can't help or do anything for my wife without a million questions to see if I'm whipped. Like why would marry someone and not lift a finger for them

This. My boyfriend is very helpful and does his share of chores, and often more depending on my mobility. His care, kindness and consideration is because we love each other, his desire to do the dishes was not out of fear, but out of love because he doesn't like seeing me with blisters on my fingers.

The kindness and respect that couples show to each other should not be subject to mockery just because it looks unfamiliar.

im not familiar with that movie but ive heard of its homosexuality

mogais keep inventing bullshit homophobic and/or just plain fucking useless terms like “queerphobia” and “homonormativity” when the only similar term i can think of that might actually be useful would be some fuckshit like “queernormativity” since yall love to call every lgbt person “queer” without our consent

Ordinarily, I wouldn’t bother reblogging a post like this, especially not to this blog. But this post is a perfect example of a major problem that exists on Tumblr. In short, history is being ignored, erased, and rewritten with every new discourse flavor of the week.

The term homonormativity has existed since the 90s. It’s creation is credited to the trans community. In specific, the term is credited to Susan Stryker: a transgender woman and professor of Women’s, Gender, and LGBT Studies.

This is a screengrab from The Sage Encyclopedia of LGBTQ Studies. But a simple search will show that Stryker has written much on homonormativity and trans history.

The history of the usage of queerphobia has been less easy to track down, but a few pages suggest that its been in use since the 90s as well.

Given the push for the reclaimation of queer during the 90s and the growth of queer theory around the same time, that would be entirely logical. In addition, searches on Google books for “queer-phobic” and “queerphobia” turn up related hits dating back to the late 90s.

But I’m short on time right now. I do intend to keep looking for additional sources on this. And if anyone has any I would be grateful to you for sending them my way.

However, my point is this: even if the term queerphobia had originated on Tumblr, and it did not, it has since spread beyond into wider community and academic usage. Queerphobia has been mentioned in everything from blog posts to academic journals since the mid 2000s at least.

If the existence of the term queerphobia did not benefit or add to discussions of queer oppression, would we use it? Obviously the term has a place and a usage.

I find it interesting and telling that an exclusionist would go out of their way to lie about the origins of terms like homonormativity, so much so as to deny credit to the trans woman who coined it.

And I believe I know why: Homonormativity is a term that helps us to discuss assimilation and respectability politics within the LGBTQ+ communities. Exclusionary discourse on this website has been pro-assimilation since day one.

In any case, the tl:dr is this:

1) Be very careful what you accept as true, because lies intended to push a specific narrative are posted on this website everyday.

2) Learn queer history. When we know our pasts, it will be that much more difficult for people with less than honorable intentions to manipulate us.

3) Just because you’ve never heard something before doesn’t mean it is a new word or concept. *especially* if it sounds like academic or activist jargon it has likely been in use for awhile and you should look it up before brushing it off. (I mean, and the wider: don’t brush things off just because they are new to you thing…)

Actually, let’s clarify this one, a little more. They are obviously a couple, and were always written to be a couple. What else would they be? (No, they aren’t sisters, they have different names.)

“We never married, so we’re undivorceable,” they sang in the Stephin Merritt musical of Coraline…

(They were based on my long ago elocution teacher and her partner.)

Yet another. I appear to have answered this one many many times on Tumblr alone (and on Twitter, alav ha-shalom, and even on my blog, before that).

And what I find oddest about it, is if it had been an elderly man and an elderly woman as neighbours, who had been living in the flat downstairs for the past thirty years or more, you’d just assume they were a couple, and would not be writing to the author to find out if they were a brother and sister or perhaps roommates.

Definitely one of the most confusing time i had while being in fandoms was when everyone used to exclaim “my ovaries!!” in response to seeing attractive people bc i never understood what the hell it meant and weather those people really were serious about someone being so hot that the effect was felt all through someone’s ovaries

Y'all go off on how its not wrong to insist characters are gay bc of “comp het” but considering a) media’s allergy to the word bisexual and b) y'alls hatred of bisexuals in general, I’m of the opinion that your “uwu I can headcanon them as gay bc of comp het and if they never confirm them as bi its fine” can go fuck itself when characters display that they’re bisexual on screen.

If characters explicitly expressing attraction to two different genders isn’t enough for people to fucking accept a character is bi, maybe everyone has a big fresh streaming pile of biphobia in their lives they need to fucking deal with.

Also fun fact: the term “comp het” was coined by a radfem for the inherent purpose of invalidating bisexuals and trans women, so discrediting character’s bisexuality in the name of “comp het” is honest to god a continuation of a radfem legacy. Hope your hatred of bisexuals made it worth it tho

Food for thought

Max