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#bullying – @aph-japan on Tumblr

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i feel like. being anti-harassment should be the default. i think its REALLY strange to go out of your way to bully strangers online. i don’t think. harassing people online and in fandom spaces should be the norm. that’s just me tho

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oaluz

“Usually, trauma is seen as something that needs to be healed. Something to be “processed” - to be dealt with privately, in therapy or among a circle of close friends, to be addressed as a problem and solved. To be neatly and tidily compartmentalized, separated from oneself, shrunk smaller and smaller until it no longer affects one directly, until it is altogether stored away. “Your trauma should not define you,” clinicians will say.

If an event or circumstance is harmful to or painful for a trauma victim or survivor, it is framed as “triggering.” It couldn’t possibly be that the event or circumstance is in of itself harmful, and that an individual’s trauma has provided them with insight into the event’s harmfulness. No, the issue is that the victim has not dealt with their trauma effectively enough, that their trauma is still affecting them.

In this sense, trauma is framed as a singular and isolated incident, as an exception to the rule. The world is a generally safe, just place, but victims and survivors have been falsely convinced by their traumatic incident that the world is unjust and unsafe. It is not possible that trauma could be an ever-present constant, perpetually occurring in every sphere of life.

Not only are experiences of victimization not seen as expertise, but they are seen as pathology. As something that causes victims to see the world less clearly, to think less rationally.

Yet for me personally, my victimhood has only allowed me to see the world more clearly. I grew up in a fairly conservative, capitalist family and shared and embodied those values for a large part of my life. I had been taught, and so it seemed to me, that the world was a fair place, and people who were economically marginalized (for example) were just not working hard enough. My victimhood fundamentally rattled my trust in the safety or justice of the world, and as a result I increasingly developed empathy for other victimized populations. My victimhood did not cloud my judgment or get in the way of my thinking clearly; rather, it radicalized me.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not advocating for victimization or attempting to justify victimizing people because it gives them expertise.

But I wonder how our communities and contexts might change if, instead of always asking people how they plan to treat or heal from their trauma, we gave them more opportunities to share what they have learned about the world, about the human condition, about power structures, about the impact of ongoing and pervasive systemic issues. What if, instead of asking, “What happened to you [as an individual]?” we gave victims more chances to situate their traumatic experiences within a broader framework of systemic injustice and contextual power imbalances that they now have insight into?”

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Anonymous asked:

An anti just told me that whenever I write *ship they don't like*, they have to take sleeping pills they're allergic to in order to cope, so I need to stop writing before I kill them. What do I do?

You are not responsible for someone else’s inability to curate their own experience. Block them.

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skiplo-wave

Anon that’s emotional manipulation

Them doing that is beyond what you write. Please block them and hope that other person seeks help

No they don’t come on now , they’re just bullshitting

Listen if anyone ever says shit like this they are bullshitting cause they think you’ll bend to their will. Threatening you makes them look like the bully. Falsly threatening themselves makes YOU look bad, they never ever thought about hurting themselves come on

It is their responsibility to curate their online experience, not yours. They can block you, their choice to read the content is entirely their own. It’s guilt tripping at its finest. Block them.

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start calling bullying what it really is. peer abuse. no more ‘bullying builds character’ or ‘be the bigger person’ shit. it’s time to recognize that this type of abuse can be just as damaging and just as traumatizing. at worst, it makes people suicidal and too scared to be themselves. not just in the moment but potentially for the rest of their lives. being abused by your peers is immensely harmful and it’s about time people admit that

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Mentally ill people don't owe you their illness history for you to take them seriously. Don't ask a person with ptsd "what happened", don't ask a psychotic person if they've been hospitalized, don't force someone to show you their scars or otherwise 'prove' their right to call themselves mentally ill.

Curiosity is not inherently wrong, but remember that this is someone's life and trauma you're prying into. Saying that we struggle with a mental illness can be necessary information to share, and is usually not meant as an invitation to discuss our personal worst nightmare in polite company.

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It's okay to call yourself strong.

It's okay to call yourself brave.

It's okay to call yourself a survivor, and it's okay to be proud of yourself for surviving what you did.

You are not inflating yourself. You are not creating a grandiose delusion. You are not selfish or self-centered.

The fact that you survived your trauma and hardships is incredible, and you're allowed to praise yourself for it.

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I legitimately don’t understand anon hate like you are literally just….giving them the last word? Like you’re setting up for them to have time to think of a great comeback and then post it publicly for everyone to see and laugh at your asinine comment. Not to mention that you’re limited to 500 characters while the other person can write eight paragraphs dragging your ass and all you can do is watch in horror or write yet another anonymous message which again gives them the last word. You’re literally setting yourself up for failure. What is the plan. I don’t understand.

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it’s kinda fucked up that bullying is treated like a “soft trauma” or not REALLY a serious kind of trauma/abuse just because the abusers are generally other kids, because it’s honestly so damaging. it stays with you. it fucks with your sense or self, your self-esteem, your ability to trust people and make meaningful relationships. 

like yes those bullies ARE kids who generally don’t understand the consequences of their actions and i don’t doubt that most of them grow up not to be awful people but the damage they cause is real and people just………don’t take it seriously

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bloodyl1ps

this post hasn’t left my mind since i’ve first saw it

people jest but this is literally how i worked out i was gaslit for like 15 years of my life

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aphony-cree

People who “want trauma” are recognizing, on some level, that they were traumatized but in a way that’s not “socially recognized” as trauma. What they really want is for people to see that they’ve been traumatized and be on their side

Hold up

I wanna expand on that for a moment. I’ve talked to a lot of trauma survivors about their backgrounds. And two things that are damn near universally true?

1. We almost all say “It wasn’t that bad” at first. 2. That statement is pretty much always a lie, be it to others or to yourself.

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hazeldomain

By the way, it’s also common for people with mental illnesses (including ptsd) to “wish” they were suffering from a physical illness such as cancer— because then they’d get some kind of acknowledgement that their body was hurting them in a way they could not control.

This can also be part of the motivation behind self harm. It’s an attempt to “prove” the seriousness of the mental or emotional damage by causing it to manifest into something with equally serious physical symptoms.

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“If somebody is investing time, resources, and energy into convincing you of your own worthlessness, that same somebody has revealed to you that they have a lot to lose if you don’t believe them. They’re protecting their own loss of power. Which means they perceive you as somebody who can take that power away. If somebody is putting in the work to knock you down, it’s because they’ve got something to fear about you if you’re standing up.”

— Harriet J., “On Interpersonal Badness (You Are Worthless, Let’s Be Friends)” (x)

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asneakyfox

one big thing i think people outside fandom (like, all fandoms, fandom in general, not any particular one) tend to misunderstand is they know it's a subculture of people who are weirdly deeply invested in fictional media, and they hear about drama caused by people in those subcultures being unhinged in not-fun ways, and they think the unhingedness comes from the fact of being overinvested in works of fiction.

which is a natural assumption, but in my experience that's not really the case? like in my experience the drama llamas in fandom are usually not the ones who are just genuinely very deeply into the fiction. i've known people who are basically thinking about star trek or x-men comics or supernatural pretty much 100% of their free time and ime that type of person is usually very nice and surprisingly functional in their regular life. when someone's a constant nexus of fandom drama it's usually not that they are obsessed with the actual work of fiction the fandom is about, it's at least one of the following:

  • what they're obsessed with is not the source material but their unhealthy parasocial relationships with one or more of the people who created it
  • what they're obsessed with is not the source material but some elaborate shared-universe subset of fanfic about it that's only barely related to the original at this point, and/or an esoteric reading-against-the-text reinterpretation of the source material (often if the canon is active and ongoing this leads to becoming actively hostile toward it for its inevitably increasing failure to conform to their preferred fanon)
  • what they're obsessed with is not the source material but the fandom itself and gathering clout within it, so that the source material basically only exists to them as a tool for scoring points in increasingly arcane fandom disputes

and very often you get the same person doing 2 and sometimes even all 3 of these, and that's where the trouble really starts

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