(((I Will Outlive)))

Ahh, pride month! What a great month to remember that autistic LGBT+ people constantly suffers because of ableist neurotypicals excluding us from the community.

Autistic LGBT+ people exist and continually denying that is doing so much harm to us. Make your safe space available for all minorities and include neurodiverse people.

Don’t even need to include “adult” since 90% of those groups are for NT parents

here, i adjusted it

It's so insulting to know that just being a partner of an autistic person can get you labeled such horrid things simply because of people's incorrect beliefs surrounding autistic adults.

It's so insulting to know that just being a partner of an autistic person can get you labeled such horrid things simply because of people's incorrect beliefs surrounding autistic adults.

Autistic and intellectually disabled adults are not babies in adult bodies.

They are grown adults and deserve to be respected as such.

It doesn’t matter what level of support an autistic and/or intellectually disabled adult needs.

It doesn’t matter if they are nonverbal.

It doesn’t matter if they need to wear diapers.

It doesn’t matter if they need assistance in basic tasks like feeding themselves.

They. Are. ADULTS. You WILL respect their dignity and personhood as adults. They are not “like a 2 year old” or “a toddler in an adult body”. They are ADULTS. They may function differently than a neurotypical adult, but their disability does not alter or displace their adulthood.

Also: Always presume competence. Present choices. Encourage any level of independence and personal choice.

I see a lot of positivity posts about 12-year-olds just learning to draw.  Posts cautioning us to be mindful of 11-year-olds with no grasp of anatomy and 13-year-olds whose characters are all the same person with different hair and clothes, and I love those posts.  Those are great posts.  Keep those posts coming, tumblr.

But can I ask, what about the 25-year-old who just bought their first ever sketchbook?  What about the 32-year-old who’s been drawing for a month and has just about got the hang of a human-looking face?  What about the 67-year-old who finally has time to sit down and learn how to paint like they’ve always wanted?

Not everyone starts drawing as a child.  Not everyone learned as a preteen.  Some people start in college.  Some people start when their career is going well and they feel like it’s time for a new hobby.  Some people start after they’ve retired.

Not all beginner artists are kids, and I just think the adults ones deserve some encouragement, too.

“The world is changing. There are more autistic-friendly spaces now.”

For children. These spaces aren’t being made for adults.

Yknow, when you keep insisting that adults can’t enjoy fandom or play video games or watch cartoons or whatever, it’s other young people that you’re hurting the most. Because the most you’ll do to adults is offend or annoy them with that nonsense, but when you plant that idea in a kid’s head, they grow older with the horrible dread looming over them that the things that bring them happiness and comfort have an expiration date. When I was a young adult, I was genuinely depressed about the thought of getting older because I thought I couldn’t keep enjoying all my hobbies, like I had to give up everything I love once I reach [x] age.

And that is simply not true. It’s bullshit. But the harm is does to people is very real. Kids are so afraid of getting older, and one of the big fears is that their life will become painfully bland and boring once they hit adulthood, as if all adults do is work and pay taxes, possibly raise kids. No more fun, no whimsy, no playfulness, no joy.

Anyway, I’m 33 and I love video games and fanfiction and cartoons. If you tell me I’m too old for that stuff, I’ll roll my eyes and block you and go on with my day. But I will worry about the 17 year old who saw your post too and feels a sinking in their chest at the thought that they have to give up the stuff that makes them happy. THAT’S what bothers me.

Anyway, super pissed off at all y’all who’ve been painting any casual, social relationship between minors and adults as “grooming” or “predatory,” as I try to point an 18-year-old on Twitter whose parents are attempting to force them into ABA therapy towards possible sources of help or support, and they say they have….zero safe adults in their life who are older than 18-20.

Folks. Unrelated, decent, older adults are a vital source of support and safety when someone’s family and school are unreliable or abusive.

There are different appropriate boundaries for friendships between kids and adults than between kids and other kids, but making kids believe that zero adults in their lives are safe to have as friends is not actually making them safer.

Adult figures can be supports, mentors, and friends. They can provide valuable perspectives on adult life, important lifeskills, and reality-checking about abusive relationships. And beyond that, they can provide tangible support and guidance to kids they know need help.

Having supportive adults can mean the librarian who helps them with college applications, getting a tutor, or finding an apartment. It can mean the teacher who tells them about a scholarship to the summer camp that gets the kid out of the house for the summer, or helps them get into a college away from home.

It can mean the boss or supervisor who’ll say they’re working when they need to go to a doctor or therapist without their parents knowing, or let them store a go-bag of supplies in the staff room in case they get kicked out.

It can mean the aunt or uncle who lets them stay in their spare room for a few nights or months when things are too tense at home, or gives them a ride to the bus station and money for the trip.

It can mean the pastor of the only LGBT-friendly church in town coming over to drink coffee with their parents and talk about how much better things turn out if you support your kid’s transition

Or in this case, it can mean an older autistic adult who can help them find a better treatment program to suggest instead, maybe recommend a therapist who will advocate for them, and testify personally about how much ABA harmed them.

Abuse can make it really hard to trust, because telling someone you need help makes you vulnerable, and what if you get hurt again? So it really helps for kids to have lots of alternatives to an abusive relationship, and a sense of how to recognize and avoid abuse.

So just teaching kids that any adult outside their family is a Guaranteed Predator, and not talking about what abuse looks like other than “if they’re nice to you they’re trying to molest you” does not keep kids safe. It does the opposite.

Having supportive adult friends when I was a teenager meant that when I finally realized I was gay, I had someone to reach out to and ask if they were sure it didn’t make me a horrible sinful person, which helped me feel comfortable getting back in touch with queer friends my own age that I’d (briefly) cut off in a panic, including the girl who would one day be my wife.

It also meant that a couple years later, when I’d been forced to move back in with my homophobic family and essentially forced to “work” (aka volunteer) at a homophobic, transphobic, abstinance-only sex education organization in order to not be kicked out and homeless, I was able to make plans to move in with a trusted adult friend instead of staying in a harmful home situation, until I was able to get somewhere else.

It meant I had someone to talk to about my rape when I knew my parents would blame me for it having happened (they did, when they found out).

It meant I had people who provided me with support and care during a period of my life when I came so close to hurting myself very badly more than once, and who were some of the important reasons I didn’t.

I probably would not have survived to celebrate my 35th birthday less than a week ago if I hadn’t had unrelated adult friends when I was a teenager. They weren’t grooming me or abusing me or anything, they were just being older people who considered me a friend. Like… older siblings or fun aunts. They clearly recognized my age and occasionally treated me differently than their friends who were peers because of it, but they were still my friends. And I am so so so glad that they didn’t hold to this bullshit of not being friends with teenagers, and that I didn’t hold to it being intrinsically predatory for them to be my friend.

Because it’s not intrinsically predatory. It’s just human.

Rebloging this since I also reblogged a post about adults making kids/teens uncomfortable a week or so ago.

This here is the other side of interacting with adults. Thankfully they aren’t all scary, predatory people and it’s good to have them as older friends with more life experiences and advice to share. It’s just important to keep both sides of interacting with them in mind.

Autistic adulting is when you repeat yourself, and repeat yourself, and repeat yourself, because the person you are “communicating” with keeps replying with things that AREN’T a response to what you said.

Gotta love the “I don’t want to answer you’re question/the answer should be obvious” silence that just ends up with me asking again. Like, I need an actual answer here???

Right?  Like, if I already KNEW the answer, then I wouldn’t have asked the question!  I find myself starting questions with a preface like “Now I’m seriously asking this,” or “I really need a response to this.”  It feels like that shouldn’t NEED to be said, and yet.

Why do some neurotypicals find it so hard to believe that autistic adults used to be autistic children? Do they not know how aging works?

Autistic and intellectually disabled adults are not babies in adult bodies.

They are grown adults and deserve to be respected as such.

like okay. okay. I’m trying to not start things lately I really am. but ppl on here will be like “omg isn’t it so cringey when people make their whole personality [fandom, a certain hobby, a certain interest, etc]? isn’t it so funny when people don’t get sarcasm? isn’t it hilarious when people have inappropriate (but harmless) emotional reactions? isn’t it weird when people talk too formal? isn’t it embarrassing when adults still like media? isn’t it stupid and immature when adults are still socially anxious??? btw I LOVE my autistic siblings!!!!! wow!!! no hate xoxo 💖”