Inspection of those Feratu

Being raised by areligious jews with 0 exposure to christianity outside pop culture is so fun. One time I asked my ex-catholic friend why a picture of jesus had a bristle crown and she looked at me like I was insane. One time I heard someone mention the "lance of longinus" and responded, word for word, "Like from Evangelion?" One time during a history lesson my professor described an important monk and scholar as "Dominican" and I spent the rest of class super confused and hung up on it because I was very sure that the Dominican Republic didn't meaningfully exist as an entity back then, maybe she meant he was a native Taino or something but that's a weird way to say that and I'm pretty sure this was pre- European contact? Really fucks people up when they realize I genuinely have no idea.

This but it's my partner taking an art history class in college and the professor looking at them like they grew a second head when they answered "What came out of Jesus' wound when he was stabbed on the cross" with "...Blood?"

Additions that prove my point by mystifying me because what on earth would come out of a nail wound besides blood. Are you telling me it was something besides blood. What was jesus full of that wasn't blood. You guys are scaring me

Apparently it was water?? I guess he was also stabbed on top of being crucified (which feels like overkill imo) and water came out, which was a huge deal in medieval symbolism and also to my medieval poetry professor, who was genuinely shocked and upset that I didn’t know. This man fully docked me points because I, a whole ass Jew, hadn’t somehow heard about the secret waterballoon Jesus lore that I guess everyone is supposed to like… intuit

On the plus side, it does lead to some absolutely wild medieval Jesus art of angels tapping him like a fucking keg

I was copyediting a college essay for a friend (not on a religious topic), and at one point he referred to "the church" and I highlighted it, with the note "what church?" He called me in tears of laughter, saying "all people raised by evangelicals should hire Jewish copyeditors to keep them grounded" 😂

see this is like the opposite of my experience as a jewish archaeology major because i’ve been at a church service once ever when i was four but i know a TON about christianity from an empirical perspective, sometimes more than christian laymen do. y’all’re experiencing a high i can only hopelessly chase by being full of shit and convincing people that just because I’m jewish that means it’s possible i can grow up in north virginia and still have never heard of jesus. it’s the funniest thing on earth i wish i knew less about christianity because new testament archaeology is insane sometimes. there are trained scientists running around working under the assumption that WAY more of the bible is historically accurate than we have any reason to believe, as if ancient judean accounts have much of a track record of accuracy especially compared to other contemporaries like ancient egypt or rome. people are digging up two separate bethlehems looking for the birthplace of jesus meanwhile all we have for the nativity is two conflicting accounts from substantially later and zero evidence for a roman tax census making people go back to their parents’ house, and if this whole thing weren’t tied to jesus and written in the bible no decent scientist would think we can base any assumptions off this, much less excavations. you wanna know a fun bible archaeology fact? the best evidence we have for crucifixion is an ankle bone with a nail in it and the angle of the nail suggests that jesus wasn’t crucified on an upright t shaped cross but on an x shaped cross. like a bdsm dungeon. so all the paintings are wrong and have fun with that one. man i wish i knew less about christianity. i fucking wish i thought this was evangelion.

i’m fucking slogging through this anthropology 101 class and the problem is that i already know… pretty much all of the material through independent study but in college you’re not allowed to get credits by saying “i̇ already know all of the material source just trust me dude” and all the other classes where i’d actually learn something have this as a prerequisite so instead I’m just sitting here going “this textbook just spent 5 pages explaining the faults in linnaeus’s transformational evolution and it hasn’t even mentioned epigenetics” and then ten pages later they mention epigenetics and spend forever explaining it and then they do a summary of the same chimpanzee warfare behaviors i mentioned in my last discussion post but they don’t even mention gombe, and i am so bored

mom come pick me up they’re explaining opposable toes as a human evolution vocabulary term and they haven’t even mentioned the inline hallux

when writing a textbook don’t forget to start every sentence with “indeed,”

*Indeed, when writing a textbook it is important to start every sentence with the word “indeed,”.

t shirt that says “I SURVIVED FEBRUARY”

happy march 2024 bitch