Lost by losing you.
I feel so lost.
Some days I manage to live.
Only twinges of pain at the memories here and there.
Other days
Days like today
Its overwhelming.
It clenches my heart and drains air from my lungs.
It tightens my throat and erases any hope I have left.
On the days that I live
I feel guilty.
At the end of the day I’ll lie in my bed and feel guilty that I laughed at something funny. That I ate something I enjoyed.
That I spent time with a friend or a loved one and I was happy.
And when I look back on the time we spent together watching tv, or playing on our phones, not paying attention to one another.
I hate myself.
I hate myself for not appreciating it more.
Because I would give anything and everything to spend just one more moment with you.
To tell you how much I miss you.
To hold you close and tell you how much I love you.
How much you mean to me.
How much I wish I could see you one last time.
These are the things that I think about.
The things I wish I could Tell you.
The feelings that flood me with piercing agony and leave me feeling so broken and empty that every poem, book, song, movie and show depicting loss in such an aggressive and dramatically tragic manner makes sense.
Some days I live.
Other days I just survive.
I can never truly explain how much I miss you.
How much you mean to me.
How much of an impact you made on me.
You changed me for the better.
You were there when no one else was.
And now inexplicably you’re gone.
And it’s soul crushing.
Every part of losing you has shattered everything around me.
I’m lost without you.
I’m so lost by losing you.
