They really were on another plane of existence when they made Martin Blackwood. Truly the character of all time

He's queer. He's fat. He writes bad poetry. He has no degree and lies his way into a job he has no qualifications for. He manages to succeed at said job for 7 years with no one noticing anything. He has a crush on his boss who wishes he would die on a daily basis. He makes said boss fall in love with him AND elope with him to another country. He will openly tell you any emotion he is feeling at any time and you will never learn a single thing about his personal life. He watches his boyfriend kill someone and goes "huh, that was hot" and then encourages him to do it again. He had mommy issues. He has daddy issues. His suggestions for improvements of his workplace include "less murder" and "fire." His first instinct at encountering the guy who woke his boyfriend up from a coma is to kill him. He has no middle name. His one unambiguous description is that he's "not cool." He regularly fantasizes about murdering his other boss and making out with his boyfriend over his corpse. How does anyone else ever compare

*releases pack of dads into home depot* go……be free

invasive species encroach on lesbian territory

This is a common misconception because they’re such similar environments, but you should be aware that dads are native to Home Depot, while lesbians are actually native to Lowe’s. At this point, however, both dads and lesbians have made themselves at home in both Home Depot and Lowe’s to the point that trying to separate them back into their original ranges would probably do more harm than good to the delicate ecosystem of large chain hardware stores.

A properly raised and socialized Dad will be perfectly comfortable cohabiting with Lesbians. Its not really “encroaching on another’s territory”. You wouldn’t say that about foxes in a forest that also homes bobcats, would you? No. It’s just two different species that have both evolved to live in similar/the same environment. As long as they recognize each other as equals, Dads and Lesbians are more than capable of cohabitation.

Now, if you were to release a pack of Lumberjacks into a Lowes or Home Depot, that’s where chaos will reign. Being adapted to a far harsher and more demanding environment, the Lumberjacks would simply push Dads and Lesbians both out and also consume far more than a sustainable amount of resources. It would be like releasing bears at a country club.

As a former timber-harvester… I feel this is potentially accurate in theory. But highly improbable in actuality.

Lumberjacks, like most megafauna species generally require more space than the average hardware store, even a big box store could provide. The misconception is that Lumberjacks are a social species because of how they often work and live together.

This is a matter of necessity, not preference, and a survival technique for thriving under the LogBoss.

A “pack” of Lumberjacks, if not under the environmental pressure of a LogBoss will naturally disperse until they each have a wide territory.

Lumberjacks rarely fight for territory.

One on one, a Lumberjack could drive out a Dad or Lesbian, however the latter tend to travel in social packs.

Lumberjacks will passively retreat on the presence of large numbers of people. Kind of like Sasquatch.

Getting a “pack” of Lumberjacks assembled would be hard enough unless they were forced into a Hardware Store by a LogBoss. In that case, they would already be in a heightened and potentially agitated state far above their natural behavior. This artificial scenario can be likened to a circus animal running amok. If it had been in the wild, the incident would not have occurred.

Free-roaming Lumberjacks are the cryptids of the Hardware ecosystem. They are surprisingly quiet and unobtrusive.

Please stop labeling Lumberjacks as dangerous roving social predators. They are intermediate level omnivores and remarkably peaceful unless threatened.

As a hardware store worker I can say that this is all 100% accurate.

now how in the FUCK am i supposed to leave tumblr when a god tier post like THIS is just is just waiting for me daily?!?!?!

question where does the “art student” or “DIYer” “crafter” or “soap maker” or “miniaturist“ etc. who has ventured into the store for supplies fall into the ecosystem/what is their impact of said ecosystem?

Most of the above are native to craft and hobby stores (art students, historically, are native to museums, but having been introduced to hobby stores, have found a niche for themselves and thrived), but all can be seen in hardware stores on occasion due to territorial overlap. They are generally low-impact, as they tend to stick to specific small areas and primarily utilize different resources. While a large group of any of them can be disruptive (art students, in particular, are known to travel in packs), in general, they are more likely to have territorial disputes with one another than with the local fauna. 

A point of clarity -“crafter” is a bit misleading; while it conjures a specific image, much like ‘fish’ or ‘reptile’ it actually covers a broad array of wildly disparate species, and in general, more descriptive nomenclature is preferred. Fiber artists in particular are a genus to watch out for, particularly in groups. Beware a roving pack of domesticated quilters. They fear nothing, will go anywhere, and due to their social nature, will often seek interaction from other species that thrive best in solitude. They are quite friendly, and will happily adopt members of other species; the concern is that their adoptees do not always wish to be adopted. 

#in search of taxonomic precision and peaceful coexistence (via welkinalauda)

I do wonder how lesbian/bisexual lumberjack-mimickry fits into this

I can say as a former craft store worker that if you wish to see true fear, look into the eyes of a Dad who must venture into a craft store. Despite the overlap of familiar beings known to him from his native hardware store habitat, Dads are instinctively aware that craft stores are not for them; they contain unfamiliar perils and even the seemingly familiar may have strange variances and unnerving secrets. (”Why is this airbrush so small? What do you mean nails, why would you… WUT!!”)

Only experienced silverbacks or the boldest young Dads dare venture into a craft store for long without his mate or offspring to keep roving Craft Ladies at bay and guide him in this strange ecosystem. If a Dad enters with his mate and is separated from her, he will often scuttle for the seeming familiarity of Woodcrafts, Models, or Paints (the latter not to be confused with Fine Arts, unquestioned territory of art students), but he eyes Scrapbooking and Jewelry with trepidation and will usually venture into those exotic areas only in the company of females of his pack.

Lumberjacks are rarely spotted entering craft stores of their own volition, for while they do not fear it as Dads do, they know it is an environment unsuited for megafauna such as themselves.

Hardware store Lesbians generally adapt more easily to craft stores, although they may enlist another Lesbian of a subspecies more adapted to that environment to guide them until they find their niche. Lesbians have even been known to seek the aid of a Craft Lady, a native fauna that share similarities with Lesbians but are usually smaller and nimbler to suit their chosen habitat. Dads who witness this are often awed by the Lesbians’ temerity, for although larger, Dads are generally wary of the cunning and dexterous Craft Ladies and may mistake their enthusiastic pack greetings as predatory swarming.

Craft Ladies, secure in their ecological niche, have no fear of interlopers and take the presence of non-native beings in stride, although they may become territorial about scarcer resources.

The only truly invasive species that threaten craft stores are Brides-to-Be, who are mere annoyances individually, but like locusts may descend in hordes and lay waste, leaving swathes of destruction in their wake. Fortunately for the Craft Ladies, Brides-to-Be are seasonal and usually only a threat in the spring and early summer.

It Got Better

Is anybody going to address the newly invasive species of BuJo enthusiasts into the craft store/art supply store environment? Why aren’t we talking about the dangerous proliferation of Leuchtturm 1917s and the growing threat of Dotted Moleskins? I had to liberate a Dad from a tangle of washi tape in the art supply store the other day and it wasn’t pretty.

The natural habitat of journalers was stationary stores, which have been replaced by office supplies stores, not the same. Journalers invade the craft stores and art supplies stores to get the markers and washi tape and Sakura pens they require for survival.

@great-art-and-a-purple-tongue @onbearfeet THE LORE HAS BEEN UPDATED.

VERY IMPORTANT AND ENTIRELY ACCURATE now excuse me I gotta hit Lowes and Michaels.

Another thing to note is all of those habitats must adapt to the seasonal migration of goths. As soon as the faintest hint of spooky can be detected at those stores, goths will arrive in packs. A small pack of goths determined to forage can strip the shelves of a seasonal section bare in 30 minutes.

distressing things to say to your friends

BAD CREE!! I would like to very, very highly recommend Bad Cree by Jessica Johns (Cree author, as the title suggests). I read the whole book in two days. It's a brilliant and vivid story about dreams, family, and grief. The characters are all rich and real. For genre, I would say it is folk horror. Mackenzie wakes from her dream with a bird skull still clutched in her hand, taken from the dream into the real world. In her dreams, she tries to save her sister, and in life, she tries to save herself and her family.

Absolutely fantastic read and I cannot recommend it highly enough.

adding the moon of the crusted snow by Waubgeshig Rice, A post-apocalyptic thriller by an Anishinaabe author

[ID: Bluesky post from @ cuntleyjane: "this lex post is an excellent film subplot premise"

The attached lex post reads: "Day 180 in Poly Housing — No one has noticed that I am not in the polycule. I have been dish martyr for months now and my place in the house is all but solidified. I pay no bills, I have no rent to speak of; my only fear is that soon someone will ask "Who are you dating?" and my palace will collapse on my head" /end ID]

Forget subplot, I want the novelization!

Though ngl I'm pretty sure this person is part of the polycule in the way that molecules sometimes capture free electrons. Incredible.

There’s a plant called the “TomTato” which is a cherry tomato plant with potatoes as roots. It yields large quantities of both tomatoes and spuds.

OK BUT YOU LEFT OUT THAT THEY CALL IT “KETCHUP N’ FRIES” IN MARKETING.

the fun thing about this is while it may be marketed ts you can do this yourself. it usually comes as grown seedlings or potted plant if its the genuine deal and not fake amazon seeds (fake seeds and seed scams are a big thing on amazon). but anyways these plants are made via grafting which is really pretty simple.

right now late june might be too late to try this out and get good results BUT. pick out any variety of tomato plant you like best. i prefer a good slicing tomato for sandwiches, not cherry tomatoes. any thing like Better Boy or even Black Cherokee is tasty. the other part is choosing a potato plant. you got to pick out a potato you like too. this has to be done before either plant starts fruiting or blossoming in the spring.

here’s you a video how to assemble your Frankenstein plant :D

“sometimes you can just tape two sorta-related plants together and get double crop frankenplant” is one of my favorite biology hacks.

wheres seasons greasons

its that time of year again

It doesn’t have to be

its not optional

Warming up this morning with a little noodle dragon

How many ways can I draw this couple kissing? I found a ton of these while putting together my 2023 artvsartist grid. Way more than what's here, but these are the ones that I like, that have no background, and won't get me banned on social media haha

A Palestinian boy throws a rock during the first intifada

His name is Ramzi Abu Redwan. During the time the picture was taken he was 8 years old. Today he is 36 and has become a world-class solo musician and composer, playing the Oud, Buzuq, Violin and Viola. 

He was discovered by a Palestinian musician who recognized his natural talent at the viola, and later received a scholarship to study at a conservatory in France. He could have stayed there and lived a comfortable life in Paris, but instead, he chose to return home and give back the gift of music by openning music schools in Palestinian towns and refugee camps.

he’s got a spotify btw!! if you’ve never heard a oud, i def encourage listening to his work. it’s a beautiful instrument from a beautiful people ❤🖤🤍💚

here’s my personal fave of what i’ve heard so far from his top 5

Fuck, yeah ✊🏻✊🏻✊🏻✊🏻✊🏻

I ran an Aliens rpg years back. But the players didn't KNOW it was an Aliens game until halfway through the first session.

They thought it was a sci-fi game but they also thought the monsters were going to be zombies.

Over a period of 2 hours they then proceeded to make EVERY Aliens movie cliche "mistake" known to man. Because at the time they all made sense.

The characters in a story don't know they're in a story or what kind of story it is.

They might think their in a romcom instead of a slasher movie. And if you're not in a slasher movie, why the fuck would you search through every closet in your house just because a cup mysteriously fell off a table in the dining room?

WE'RE BACK FROM THE GROOMER'S AND SHE LOOKS SO STUPID. I AM OVERJOYED.

PICTURES! PICTURES! PICTURES!

Freshly peeled Biscuit posing for all her lovely constituents. She promises to stay true to her platform of prioritizing sillyness above all else.

Nabil Anani, Palestine (1943)

A key founder of the contemporary Palestinian art movement

Sorry for the spaces it was the only way to get the generator to recognize the cadence I wanted

kimtty