the timestamp says 2017 but every fiber of my being is saying 2003

He got mad as helllll

This doesn’t sound like it was composed by a human

That’s ‘cause it was composed by the spider wizard

if u ever find a genie and you’re really craving a dessert that looks like this:

do NOT say “i’d like a lifetime supply of raspberry crowns”

while this is, in fact, the name of the pastry, it’s ALSO the name of a species of wasp for some reason. the genie, being a nasty trickster, will no doubt give you a bunch of wasps.

this is an oddly specific post are you ok

Hey Goth Mutuals, Stay Hydrated

When someone writes “GLBT” instead of “LGBT”

When someone says “LGB” to something that can easily apply to the T as well

When someone says “BLT” instead of “LGBT”

I love some cereal in the morning

Fuck you

drink up my sweet boy

my favorite sport is freaking people out by feeding my birds hot peppers and not telling them that capsaicin doesn’t work on birds

That first scoop of the day

If I walk into a Subway and ask them to make me a grilled cheese, do you think they’d do it?

Try phrasing it like “American cheese on six-inch Italian bread, toasted”

Good news:

Every time I think this post has died, someone brings it back and I am forced to relive possibly the worst sandwich I’ve ever eaten

dollar touched my popcorn chicken

bastard

i want 2 say something but it might be too controversial..

Lesbian: liqueurs & whiskey

Gay: cocktails and vodka

Bisexual: wines and champagnes

you know i really wanted to like this post, but there’s just one little thing that’s being overlooked

don’t make me do this ginger-ale-official

please… it is your duty

I’m sorry it has come to this. I wish we could have been friends

heterosexual: ginger ale

oh yeah? oh fucking yeah? I’m going to sell my soul to the devil in exchange for the assurance that he will place a thumb tack on the ground wherever you walk so you can never take off your shoes again.  have fun sleeping in your loafers jackass

👏CHARACTER👏FLAWS👏ARE👏FUCKING👏IMPORTANT👏

me when someone tells me to stop eating mayo packets like theyre gogurt tubes

you W H A T