I still talk to you (when I'm screaming at the sky)

The thought had been lingering with her for a few weeks now. It was easy to understand where it had come from, with the recent events that had caused such haunting scenarios to plague her mind for the past few weeks.

Winter had just begun in Ketterdam and so had Inej’s stay in the city. This was the time when the sea would be calmest -- no mercher or slaver in their right mind would dare to cross the frozen True Sea during the season, and the few who tried usually ended up at  the bottom of the ocean. It was the perfect time for Inej and her crew to lay low, gather information, do repairs on her ship, gather supplies and, of course, allow themselves a little break for the next month or so.

A week had passed since her return and her time had mostly been spent at berth twenty-two, making sure everything that needed to be done was on track. By now, only a few had remained on the ship— the rest had found a place to stay either with their families or friends, or at a boarding house where they could enjoy the pleasures the Barrel would offer.

Her days were consumed dealing with damage control -- keeping track of what needed to be fixed or  replaced, barking orders to the crew, getting her hands dirty along with them to make sure everything was taken care of. It was only when the moon hung high and the docks began to welcome the gangs and the lowlifes that she knew it was time to go back to the Slat.

Back to Kaz.

Read more

I know better (but I still feel you all around)

The farm is almost too quiet at this time of the day. 

Sunset blooms on the horizon, painting the sky with an amber glow on a summer evening—an invitation for the cicadas and crickets around the farmhouse to dutifully begin their nightly serenades. All the windows are open, allowing the cool air, along with the smell of flowers and grass, to permeate the interior as he waits for her arrival.

The evening is quiet, as expected in this part of town. The farmhouses are far apart from one another, in contrast to the buildings crowded  together in the Barrel, and it’s a welcome change of scenery—having space is a luxury that not many in Ketterdam have the pleasure of experiencing. Space is the one thing people do have in the south.

It's a far cry from what Kaz had grown accustomed to after so many years in Ketterdam: a place where he found peace and quiet during his childhood that now, in his thirties, seems like a distant dream compared to the combination of noises, smells, and sights that only the Barrel could offer.

But that is no longer a problem. Lately, he has relished in the sight of the fields more than expected, as well as the calm and anonymity that only this part of Kerch can offer him. For once, it is nice not to be recognized as Kaz Brekker, Dirtyhands, the Bastard of the Barrel, and the many other names people have come up with over the years for him.

Here he is just a Rietveld, a husband and a father, and that brings him all the peace and quiet he needs.

Read it on AO3

Sacred prayer - Chapter two: Don't let the sun catch you crying

As patient as Kaz tried to be, waiting for Inej’s return after five months away proved to be a challenging task. Keeping himself from leaving it all behind to search for her was nearly an impossible feat.

It wasn’t a matter of wondering if Inej was dead or alive— he knew the answer to that without too much effort. News about The Wraith had begun traveling the gambling halls and the harbor faster and faster in the past few years, the investors becoming more eager than ever to know if their precious cargo had been the target of the fearsome pirate queen who haunted the True Sea, the passengers sharing ghost stories after witnessing the remains of ships on their way to Kerch — or even worse, the bodies of the sailors floating away and the dark blue water stained with their blood. 

When Kaz had the time, he enjoyed taking a walk on the docks, trying to catch whatever the sailors had to say about her when they thought no one was listening. Weeks prior, he had heard about the safe return of ten young girls to Novyi Zem a mere two days after they'd been taken by slavers. Two dozen sailors were brought back to Ravka where Queen Zoya herself sentenced them for slavery and decided their fates. No news of any casualties ever since. It was good.

And yet, not one piece of news, not one letter had arrived. No visit either. 

There was no reason to be worried about her. Inej had been a survivor since she was fourteen and had been brought to an unknown country without speaking the language or being aware of what she had come here to do. Kaz had no doubt she was alive and thriving. No news of her was a good sign in these situations — news of her downfall would come much faster than that of her success.

He wasn’t worried.

Read it on AO3

Come home

Inej had never owned a house before.

Well, to be fair, she had never lived in one before either.

Growing up, Inej never had felt like she was missing out on something. The Suli were travelers, performers, and were always on the move, so most of them, including her, never understood the concept of staying at one place for a long period of time. Of course, not being allowed to own a piece of land to actually try it also helped.

Her first experiences of being stuck at a place for a long period of time had come later, when she was owned by Heleen and was a prisoner in the Menagerie, followed to being a member of the Dregs. She was allowed to leave the Slat, of course, but her freedom was still limited to a contract that stopped her from fleeing back to her community across the True Sea.

But even then, when she was free to do as she pleased, free to leave the Slat, leave Wylan’s home, leave Ketterdam, with her ship and her crew to travel around the world doing the Saints’ work, there was an uneasy feeling towards it. 

Read it on AO3

Read it on AO3

Traditions

There were some traditions Inej was never able to let go of.

Her culture was one of the most important things in her life and Inej tried to stay connected to it as much as possible. The life she led made it harder — just like the Suli, she didn’t stay in one place for long; she was always traveling, always meeting new people, new cultures, new traditions — but she always made sure to bring it with her in her heart.

Now, at the age of twenty-seven, so much had changed within herself, and her understanding of her culture had changed with her. As a seasoned pirate, who spent most of her time at sea, it was hard to find the remnants of her Suli origins if you didn’t take a closer look. Most didn’t have the chance to.

Her clothes were different, to begin with. No silks, no colorful fabrics, no traditional embroidery along her skirts, none of that. These days, Inej was most comfortable wearing practical clothes that allowed her to climb and fight, and made it possible for her to blend into the shadows. That change didn’t affect her that much. She was more than happy to return back to her origins whenever she visited home, fitting in with her people, belonging to her community. But the silks were still a problem, even after all this time, so removing them from her life was a decision that didn’t pain her as much as others.

Read it on AO3

Monsters

Having a full night's sleep still doesn’t sit right with him. After years of avoiding it, running away from the nightmares, the voice of his brother, and the waters that still haunt him, his body finds it easier to stay active as much as possible. Even now, nineteen years later, the best he can do is four, maybe five hours of sleep every night. Not always consecutive, but it’s better than the alternative.

So he stares at the ceiling and waits. For his mind to shut down or his brain to start working on something that will keep him occupied long enough to leave his bed at a reasonable hour. It’s still dark, barely two bells, so he knows he has a long way to go, but it doesn’t bother him as much anymore. He enjoys those days when he can linger a little longer in his bed, not feeling so alone anymore, even though he is the only one awake.

Well, at least he thinks he is.

Kaz feels her presence as soon as she enters the room, but he doesn’t move. Perhaps he should; she usually doesn’t come at this time of night, and her mere presence might be a sign of trouble, but still, he stays where he is. This is a game for them, of a sort. Kaz always knows when she’s here and when she leaves and she, persistent like no one else, still tries to sneak up on him and catch him by surprise.

She never manages to.

Read it on AO3