who's a heretic now?

[…] When I heard “Breakthrough Artist”, all these things went through my head, and said: “I’m 43 years old and I’m a Breakthrough Artist.” [Laughter] And I was gonna make some cheeky jokes, just like I did. And you know, I’ve been around, and how ironic that is.

And then I started thinking about something my mom would always say to me, back in Long Island. She’d say: “Honey, you’re not really gonna make it until you build a thicker skin, and stop caring about what people think. The universe won’t give it to you until you’re ready.”

Well, it’s been many years of highs and lows and ups and downs, and beautiful moments like Rent, and Wicked, and then years of obscurity, and no work, and frustration. And you get dropped from enough labels and told countless of times a broadway singer can never cross over. You’re too expressive, you’re too dynamic, you’re too presentational, you have too much vibrato. Can you play the guitar while you sing, don’t play the guitar while you sing. What kind of artist are you? Well I’m a cross between this and this. You should write your own music, don’t write your own music.

Well, who are you? Who. Are. You.

And the answer to that question at the age of 43 is a resounding “I don’t know”.

I mean, I know I’m a cool chick, you know, I’m a good mom, a good friend, loyal friend, hard worker, pretty talented singer in all that. But it’s taken me this long to realize that if you can easily describe and categorize yourself, you’re probably adhering to other’s opinions of who and what you should be.

I have to be honest, I have yearned for so long to be accepted by the people in this room. Never realizing that, until I could finally surrender, and just sing music that I love, whether it be Broadway, or pop, or RnB, or rock, whatever, stop caring about fitting into some kind of mold, this moment right here and right now would never happen.

Breakthrough Artist at 43.

I think it’s less about a calculation of success, and a great year, and having a bigger profile. It’s not so much about a breakthrough publicly. It’s simply a breakthrough. A personal breakthrough for me.

It’s the irony of being given a song all about accepting who you are and then unleashing your power, your ability to be different and extraordinary without apologizing for it. I’ve been given the gift of this amazing song “Let It Go”, at a time in my life, a crossroads, when, I was finally learning to let it go. When I made the decision to stop trying to describe who I am, and follow my heart, my gut, my truth.

Thank you Billboard, for noticing me, for giving me my first magazine cover ever, for being there when I finally had my breakthrough. Thank you.