What are they saying?

@glendathegoodone @moosemittens23 @ms-cellanies @ladyoftheteaandblood @starynighty @nuggsmum @scully2u @littlefreya

When Santa attacks!!!😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣

@glendathegoodone @moosemittens23 @ms-cellanies @russalex @ladyoftheteaandblood @starynighty @nuggsmum @scully2u @littlefreya

Straya.

I fully understand why "character A is astounded at the sight of character B's penis" is a specific kink that gets tagged for, but the fact that some platforms choose to tag this kink as "penis awe" is unintentionally very funny. Now I'm picturing penis experience kink tags for all those other allegedly transcendent emotions in the glossary of your Philosophy 101 textbook. Penis faith. Penis Weltschmerz. Penis apprehension of the absurd.

The existence of penis awe must therefore imply its antagonistic opposite, cock ennui.

#ennuiner #if you will (tags via @blujayonthewing)

#penis lovecraftian horror (from @squeeful)

Non-Euclidean penis

Just saw an ad for fucking Kellog's cornflakes wherein a shirtless blindfolded man tied to a bed is like "Wait.. are you... eating??" and it pans across the bed to reveal that his partner is, indeed, too distracted to have sex with him bc she is chowing down on corn flakes. Now I've been caught up in wondering whether:

a) John Harvey Kellog would despise this ad; the mere proximity of bondage-play to his brand name and beloved anti-porn flakes is unforgivable

b) John Harvey Kellog would enjoy this ad, because it shows a young woman forsaking the temptations of the flesh in favour of eating a wholesome and nourishing bowl of cornflakes

"Are you sure you want to post this without tags?" What, pray tell, tumblr, would I add to this post to help it reach its 'intended audience.' #cornflakes #bondage

The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (1988)

Story is wild

Little girl was part of a county fair agro-educational program where they raise an animal for a few months and at the end it’s slaughtered. Supposed to teach them about the economics of farming and stuff.

But the little girl loved her goat so much she was crying on the day her goat was supposed to be taken away, so her mom sent the county fair people an email saying “I’ll pay for the goat and any expenses. We’ve had several deaths in the family in the past year, I don’t wanna take away one more thing my little girl loves.” Technically the goat had already been sold at auction, so the mom was on the hook for about $1000, only about $70 of which would have been profit for the county fair.

The county fair people were irate and got law enforcement involved, over this “breach of contract”. They literally got a fucking judge to sign a search warrant, authorizing them to go to this little girl’s house and search every room and every cabinet or box “large enough to contain a small goat”. The sheriff’s deputies seized the goat, and whoever they gave it to immediately slaughtered it, though they were supposed to wait until some kind of agreement had been worked out.

In the county fair’s initial email correspondence with the girl’s mother, they made it clear that they were pissed off because the story of the little girl who loved her goat was circulating on social media making them look bad, and they felt the girl needed to be taught a lesson about keeping your promises or whatever. So they refused the mother’s offer to pay for it, and insisted they get the goat. Even if it meant sending the fucking cops into her house lmao.

https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2023-03-30/goat-slaughter-shasta-county-fair

the congressman who bought the goat didn’t have any objections to the family saving the goat from slaughter either! it’s fucking insane that the cops were so eager to play act their swat commando fantasies that they played stooge to the benefit of no one except some self important local organizers!

Alternate link, LAtimes locks their stuff behind paywalls sometimes

Don’t forget the part where the goat wasn’t where they had a warrant to search, so they drove 500 miles, leaving the area they have legal jurisdiction in, then searched a farm they didn’t have a warrant for ans seized the goat. The fair then had the goat slaughtered, even though a court had ordered them to keep it alive until ownership was resolved and despite the fact that both potential owners of the goat had decided to keep it alive.

They broke multiple laws in order to “teach” a little girl the “lesson” that “everybody has to follow the rules”.

I sure hope all of the complaints sent to Shasta District Fair CEO Melanie Silva, whose decisions these were and continues to defend her actions, are polite and don’t waste too much ink. I’m certain nobody would take advantage of the fact that the Sasha District Fair and Event Center’s contact page lists their phone and fax numbers, not to mention the email form below that.

Would be a shame if that information was to circulate far an wide, and ruin that despicable woman's easter holidays

I found the lawsuit filing. It is a work of art, brief and to the point. If you read nothing else, check out page 2, the section headed Nature of the Action. Magnificent.

One of the things that bugs me in the notes is a bunch of people being like 'it's a livestock animal, it's her fault for getting attached' and.

My dudes, I cannot emphasize enough that the little girl's emotional attachment to the goat is in fact the least of the issues with this story. The main issue in this story is the fact that a bunch of cops broke multiple laws, including the unlawful entry to the property the goat was being held, the unlawful seizure and destruction of said goat, and the unlawful use of a criminal search warrant in a civil dispute case, just to start with.

The little girl owned the goat. At no point in the proceedings - and indeed at no point in the proceedings in the course of the normal auction-purchase-slaughter of a livestock animal in this program - did the fair own the goat. At no point in the proceedings did the person who successfully bid on the goat actually own it - he had made the winning bid to purchase rights to the meat. He hadn't even done that yet! The goat legally and incontrovertibly belonged to the little girl. The very worst that should have happened in this story is a brief property ownership dispute in a civil court.

The fair CEO decided to unlawfully force the auction of the goat, and, when the girl's mother began to dispute her actions, to make a false claim of theft, with precisely ZERO legal basis, calling the cops on an already emotionally fragile child, and then had the temerity to be angry with the child's mother because the story was making them look bad on social media.

Regardless of your opinion on the meat industry, livestock slaughter, or 4H, 'cops drive 500 miles, perform an illegal search, seizure and destruction of an American citizen's property, on the word of a biased 3rd party with zero legal rights to the property in question' should make you angry. Because it is a violation of civil rights, and also had no motive besides needless cruelty to an already grieving child.

News to know: The next court update on this is sometime in October 2024. I'm watching this case because it covers a lot of different facets of how contracts work, minors rights, property rights in the face of law enforcement seizures and searches, and how does one county fair have so much brutality to wield against a then-nine-year-old. I would not be surprised if this gets bogged down again with more counter-suits. It's absolutely ghoulish that they're doing all this over less than 1000$ of goat and one little girls grief. I hope that the judge who sees this case knows just how dangerous it is to dismiss, since this is a matter of third-party property rights infringement using law enforcement agents as bludgeons. The Sheriffs *cannot* be allowed to maintain extrajudicial authority.

UPDATE:

GIRL WINS $300,000

A HAPPY ENDING

BARUCH HASHEM.

It doesn’t bring back the goat. But it does, hopefully, teach a few fuckheads some things.

I hope she has a million goats in her future. And I hope every single person who unlawfully stole and killed that goat a very merry get fucked lmfao, I hope just one tire gets slashed, I hope they stub their toes every chance possible, and I hope both sides of their pillow are hot when they're trying to sleep

Just to clear things up this isn't over. The county settled for $300k but the lawsuits against the individuals involved are ongoing.

did this morherfucker just make apples out of apples??

Yes. Yes he did.

At this point, he needs to just build the Witch's House from Hansel and Gretel. I feel like he's building to that lmao

Why Tony Todd is awesome.

Lemme tell you a story about Tony Todd.

You know him. Yeah, you do.

This fly mofo has been in everything. Like, seriously. He’s been in some major Hollywood movies (Platoon, for example, The Rock and all the Final Destination movies) but is probably most famous for playing the Candyman, and starring in about a million B-horror movies. His list of TV credits reads like a comprehensive list of genre and procedurals. Your favorite show? He was probably in it. He’s just been cast in a recurring role in “The Flash.”

But among geeks, he is probably most famous for his recurring role in both TNG and DS9 as Kurn, Worf’s brother.

Kurn was a fantastic character with a developed arc over many seasons (which ended horribly but we won’t go there). Todd also guest starred in DS9 (sans Klingon makeup) as an older Jake Sisko

Also he has a voice like deepest smoothest melted chocolate. 

Tony was a guest at Shore Leave, a fan-run mostly-Trek convention I attended many years ago in Towson. He was a great panelist, funny and honest.

Now, Klingon cosplayers are always a big deal at Trek conventions. They do not fuck around. Their outfits could walk right onto a set and be filmed. Shore Leave always featured a whole contingent of Klingons. They’d run a Klingon Jail - you could pay to have your buddy kidnapped by Klingons and put in jail, and they’d have to raise money to make bail, and then all the proceeds went to charity.

Most Klingon cosplayers I knew weren’t that into Worf. He was just too…Starfleet. So when Kurn came along (and before Martok, the ultimate Klingon character of Trek), he was sort of the standard-bearer. He had been raised Klingon (unlike Worf, who was raised by humans) and was the very image of an honorable Klingon warrior. So you can imagine the excitement when Todd was a guest.

After the panel, we all left the hall, and there in the lobby was a big group of Klingons, standing in formation, in all their costumed glory, waiting to greet Tony. We all stood around to see.

He walked out and saw them. He didn’t greet them. He didn’t smile. He didn’t say hi.

No. Without missing a beat, he strutted up to them, and started…dressing them down.

Suddenly, he WAS Kurn. No makeup, but it was like Kurn was there. Walking up and down the ranks, calling them maggots, criticizing their attention, their bearing. Asking why none of them had bruises. Were they not fighting? Was their bat’leth practice falling behind? Where was the blood? And WHY WAS NOBODY DRUNK. He really tore into them, a little twinkle in his eyes.

The Klingons stood there, responding with SIR YES SIR when he addressed them, quivering with joy.

It was so awesome.

RIP, my good sir. You were a real one.

Qapla!

“kill them with kindness” WRONG. GROND GROND GROND GROND GROND GROND

Just so like... it's clear... anyone who censors words that contain "man" or "men" to anything like "xxn" that's TERF shit.

Any reference to women/womanhood that solely revolves around having a uterus or "womb" is TERF shit.

Any sentence where the OP says they support people being "trans identified" with quotes around ""transwomen"" or ""transmen"" is TERF shit.

I'm seeing a lot of you baby Tumblr gays out there not knowing what these specific TERF dogwhistles look like.

"Wombxxn" is an incredibly dumb way of spelling "woman" that treats the word "man" like a slur and also reduces women to their ability to give birth.

"Trans identified" is their way of saying "this person calls themselves trans, but I don't believe they are."

Saying "People should be allowed to identify however they wish, but we still need to protect women/children" IS TERF SHIT.

Learn to identify this garbage, because not all TERFs are going to spell out their intolerance for you. Some of them are going to try and seem reasonable and polite and normal, and it's fucking dangerous to our community.

Also unpack any internalized transphobia and your transmedicalism, because both those things will have you quickly siding with TERFs and bigots.

Shmol

Zen cat

me throwing the canterbury tales across the room: flying chaucer

me throwing ‘sailing to byzantium’ and ‘the celtic twilight’ across the room: YEATS

*whispered* I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you both to leave this library.

There's something hilarious about how so much subsequent media has positioned Vampires and Werewolves as, like, binary opposite entities, and then you read Dracula (1897) and realize that wolves are that guy's preferred solution to every problem. You'd say something to Dracula about "ah yes, werewolves, vampires' great eternal enemies," and he'd just be like "you mean my subcontractors?"

I'm really enjoying the growing consensus in the notes that there's an Eternal Rivalry Between Vampires and Werewolves now, entirely because the werewolves, sick of Dracula's bullshit, have unionized.

One of my favorite things about learning about traditional textiles is the little ghosts they left in the language. Of course the ghosts are there, now that I know to look for them. Once upon a time, half the population spent a majority of their day making textiles. Spinning, at the very least, has been a part of humanity since the Neanderthals. That kind of knowledge doesn't just disappear.

A heckle was a device with sharp metal spikes, and people drag flax through the spikes to separate out the fibers from the chaff. When you say someone heckled a performer, you think you are being literal but you're speaking in an ancient metaphor.

When my grandpa says "spinning yarns" to mean telling stories, he knows that one's not quite literal, but its vividness is lost to him. There is no image in his mind of rhythm, muscle memory, and the subtle twist that aligns clouds of fibers into a single, strong cord.

When a fanfic writer describes someone carding their fingers through someone's hair, that's the most discordant in my mind. Carding is rough, and quick, and sometimes messy (my wool is full of debris, even after lots of washing). The teeth of my cards are densely packed and scratchy. But maybe that's my error, not the writer's. Before cards were invented, wool was combed with wide-toothed combs, and sometimes, in point of fact, with fingers. The verb "to card" (from Middle English) may actually be older than the tools I use, archaic as they are. And I say may, because I can't find a definitive history. People forget, even when the language remembers.

official linguistics post

Marcus Tullius Cicero is the funniest name to polish people because "tullius" means "hugging" (tulić) and "cicero" means "boobies" (cyce).

So to Polish classicist his name basically means... Marcus The Boobie Hugger