just got done really Having Therapy immediately went to make a post about it and out of sheer muscle memory I logged into this blog that i havent used in 4+ years 

if literally anyone still follows me & remembers who i am & cares, i made another blog (message me) AND i have a weekly tinyletter that i care about very much 

update:

i've been on an impromptu hiatus from social media for the past 4 months, which felt right & cleansing in ways that make me sound like a baby-boomer (yikes !). i’m at a point in my life where i feel very private, which means i won’t be around here much, and i’m working on cultivating connection (honest, vulnerable, cry-in-each-other’s-arms kind of connection) with people in my physical life. i like tumblr a lot as a platform–it seems the least performative to me–but not all the people i want to be vulnerable with are here !! i’m not sure if this means i’m gone forever, but i don’t think i’ll be back in the short term. if you’d like to stay in contact with me, send me a message and i’ll make sure it happens.  

there is terror in absolution // time for me to leave social media? perhaps

two more hours in the bed of my childhood. I can't sleep

in the crux of my chest i have found empathy. to be softened so by an emotion is overwhelming, is beautiful, is incredibly human. I am speechless, I want to foster it. and i know that is what i have been doing. on mornings like this I feel bottomless–not so much like a bucket with a hole in it but more like a cup pouring water endlessly. something about the love i take and give, about the feeling of wholeness i receive from each instance of intimacy and bring with me to the next. i want to say yes. i am saying yes–to this, to this, to myself.