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Beauty in the apertures of pain

@anenlighteningellipsis / anenlighteningellipsis.tumblr.com

I want to say Without temper If possible without the least sense of the heroic Without even the measured ambition to speak the truth which is only another vulgarity To say I am not what I was Indeed I was nothing and now I am at least the possibility of something and this I will defend.
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I’m a poor audience for my memory. […] She wants all my time and attention. She’s got no problem when I sleep. The day’s a different matter, which upsets her.

She thrusts old letters, snapshots at me eagerly, stirs up events both important and un-, turns my eyes to overlooked views, peoples them with my dead. […] She wants me to live only for her and with her. Ideally in a dark, locked room, but my plans still feature today’s sun, clouds in progress, ongoing roads.

At times I get fed up with her. I suggest a separation. From now to eternity. Then she smiles at me with pity, since she knows it would be the end of me too.

Wisława Szymborska, from “Hard Life with Memory,” Here (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2010)                          

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Someone come cry unexpected tears with me over Manhattan Melodrama. 

It’s been on my watchlist for years now and today I finally decided to pop it in, for some ‘lighter’ fare. Hardcore cinephiles, scoff away. I’d read next to nothing about it prior to this viewing and somewhat subconsciously judged it based on its title. Given the substantial cast Gabe & The Powells, I assumed it would go over well with me as a slightly saccharine, albeit glib dialogue rich, rom-com. What a naive little fool I was. This ménage à trois has thoroughly, gloriously wrecked me, and I can honestly say that I am a better human being for it. For being opened up by it, for not allowing my jadedness to cloud my deep innate desire to see humanity’s complexity explored and revealed by William Powell’s fucking phenomenal face with entertaining storytelling.

This is going to sound terribly cheesy, but I don’t give a damn; the energy between Powell and Gable is palpable, I have seldom seen such desperate an undercurrent of unconditional love portrayed on film. Agape? Philia? Eros? A combination of all three? We don’t know for sure, but Powell’s mercurial expressions and emotional honesty leave this question open ended... also, take into account this film is pre-code, whatever connotations that may have, feel free to let your minds roam. I completely bought this relationship. I would throw my money at it. I wanted a comedic spin-off wherein they are two bisexual Bruce Willis and Billie Bob Thornton types [Bandit fans, stand up] who both end up married to Minnie, and each other [!! SOMEONE WRITE THIS AU !!]. Don’t get me wrong, there is some light-hearted comedy in the film, but it’s the emotional intensity of devotion and self-sacrifice that I’m a complete sucker for. The scene that illustrates this best is towards the end of the film, when the two disparate men are in a death row jail cell. There’s a moment where Powell looks at his lifelong friend [honestly it’s like he’s seeing him naked, vulnerable, knowing him entirely *smashes their faces together* KISS NOW !!], conveying a silent, pleading request, begging him not to do this, not to make him do this, begging him to let him commute his sentence, while knowing that this story couldn’t end any other way, that this was always in the cards... just rip my fucking heart out, William Powell, and trample it under your impeccably shined oxfords.

Yes, there are flaws, there are tropes and contrivances and a few stilted lines. There are racist and sexist stereotypes [and a prepubescent Mickey Rooney... blech] and I’m not discounting any of this or chucking it up to being ‘a product of its time.’ I’m just saying that, dammit people, there is so. much. H E A R T. here. So much genuine trust between these actors, especially between Minnie and Bill [in their first pairing !! which I haven’t even gone into at all !!!!!!!], such natural comradeship and familiar chemistry and charm and wit and a deep underpinning of affection between these three people, it catches you up and makes damn sure you’re emotionally invested. And I damn sure was.

Maybe I’m especially emotionally unstable and raw lately [I am], maybe this movie found me when I needed it [as movies/books/music tend to do], maybe I’m more of a sentimentalist than I’d like to admit [*cough*], maybe I saw my own interpersonal dynamics and heartbreaks reflected back at me [*ugly sobbing*]. Probably a messy combination of all four. But none of that really matters. All that matters is William Powell’s eyes .... idk man. life. death. love. the inevitability of mortality. humanity’s myriad emotional variations. Stop rolling your eyes when you hear ‘melodrama’ and go give your emotional intelligence a little TLC.

So, as this has turned into more of an effusive review than was ever intended and has gotten away from me, I’ll wrap it up with a verdict. No letter or number rating, I hate that shite. Just open your heart, go grab a box of tissues, and watch this movie. And, if you want, come dish in my inbox afterwards.

xx

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nmimarks

Black women are not often told that we’re beautiful unless we align with certain standards. Trans women certainly are not told we’re beautiful. Seeing a black transgender woman embracing and loving everything about herself might be inspiring to some other folks. There’s beauty in the things we think are imperfect. That sounds very cliché, but it’s true.

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I'm a poor audience for my memory she wants me to attend her voice nonstop, but I fidget, fuss . . . step out, come back, then leave again. In her stories I’m always younger, which is nice, but why always the same story every mirror holds different news for me. She wants me to live only for her and with her -- ideally in a dark, locked room -- but my plans still feature today’s sun, clouds in progress, ongoing roads. At times I get fed up with her. I suggest a separation. From now to eternity . . . then she smiles at me with pity, since she knows it would be the end of me too.

Wisława Szymborska, from “Hard Life With Memory”, Here

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I’m a poor audience for my memory. she wants me to attend her voice nonstop but I fidget, fuss, step out, come back, then leave again. she thrusts old letters, snapshots at me eagerly, turns my eyes to overlooked views, peoples them with my dead. she takes revenge by hauling out old errors. she wants me to live only for her and with her. ideally in a locked, dark room. I suggest a separation. from now to eternity. then she smiles at me with pity, since she knows it would be the end of me, too.

Wisława Szymborska, from “Hard Life With Memory”, Here

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I’m a poor audience for my memory She wants me to attend her voice nonstop, but I fidget, fuss, listen and don’t, step out, come back, then leave again. She wants all my time and attention. She has no problem when I sleep. The day’s a different matter, which upsets her. She thrusts old letters, snapshots at me eagerly, stirs up events both important and un-, turns my eyes to overlooked views peoples them with my dead. In her stories I’m always younger, Which is nice, but why always the same story. Every mirror holds different news for me. She gets angry when I shrug my shoulders, And takes revenge by hauling out old errors, weighty, but easily forgotten. Looks into my eyes, checks my reaction, Then comforts me, it could be worse. She wants me to live only for her and with her, Ideally in a dark, locked room, but my plans still feature today’s sun, clouds in progress, ongoing roads. At times I get fed up with her. I suggest a separation. From now to eternity, Then she smiles at me with pity, since she knows it would be the end of me too.

Wisława Szymborska, “Hard Life With Memory”, Here (via anenlighteningellipses)

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