Beauty in the apertures of pain

08.27.20 - 8.30.20

Hello lovelies, I’m still [barely] alive. Just a quick-ish update: all of my bio-family have now cut me off financially; I’m still going through the process of applying for ssdi and waiting for approval [or rejection], but that could take months, if not [over] a year; shelter is a potential option, but the mere thought of the spoons it would take to make that gigantic leap is overwhelming [it’s still something I’m seriously considering]; I have transportation, though it’s not very reliable and I don’t have gas money; I have set up case management and medical appointments, but they are weeks, if not months, away and some are out of network so I have to pay out of pocket.

See a pattern here? There’s a ‘but’ for everything and I quite literally can’t afford to keep waiting. I’m at my wit’s end. I have practically no one, few resources, no support system outside my therapist and there’s only so much she can do. I still can’t work [cfs/cptsd kicking my bum, but I’m trying to kick back] and thus still have little to no income. I’m selling what few things of any value I have, basically. Things are much worse than when I first posted around four months ago [when my crisis really began, see links below] and have gotten progressively more and more oppressive and emotionally/psychologically abusive.

[jic you’re new here: I’m panro/demi and nonbinary, I have multiple physical and mental health issues including, but not limited to, depression, gad, chronic pain, aforementioned cfs and ptsd, and more !! I am a writer and artist, an abuse survivor… and, darlings, that’s just the tip of the iceberg]

I would normally never dream of putting myself out there like this, but these are not “Normal” circumstances and I don’t have any other options at this point. I’m just trying to keep going, to exist on the bare minimum, seeking the light. If there is absolutely anything you can do, any practical advice you can offer, anything at all, you would be a lifesaver and I would be immeasurably grateful!! [Psst... Reblogging is sooo important, helpful, and easy !!]

Marty xx

[my paypal]

[my story/context here and here]