Andrea1717

Sidestepping all the fandom drama — I just saw the gif set you reblogged of Steve twisting (breaking?) Bucky’s arm on the helicarrier and I’ve launched myself into sad gal mode, like that scene is so underrated??

Imagine how much it must have b r o k e n Steve to hurt Bucky like that, the one person he swore to love and protect, for as long as he’s known what it means to care for a person. The one person he swore he would never, ever hurt, no matter what. Imagine him thinking back to pre-war times when he’d promised Bucky, in the dim light of their small Brooklyn apartment, that he’d rather die than ever hurt him, emotionally or physically. And then flash forward to now, when Steve feels like he’s breaking all his promises. Of course he still blames himself for letting Bucky fall, and by extension he blames himself for the 70 years of torture Bucky endured and the very fight they’re fighting now on the helicarrier.

The one thing that keeps him going on that helicarrier, the only thing keeping him from just letting Bucky kill him, is that he knows that Bucky — his Bucky — would want him to stop the Winter Soldier. He knows his Buck would always want him to prioritize the greater good, even though it’s hurting him to the core to do so. So Steve breaks Bucky’s arm, the same arm that held him in their bed when Steve was sick and small and scared, and he closes his arms around Bucky’s neck until he passes out, the same neck he’d peppered kisses all over the morning before the fateful mission on the train when Bucky fell. Steve brings himself to do these things, but only just. Only because he knows that he needs to do good by his Buck, his best guy.

In the future, when Bucky’s recovering and they’re together again, he struggles each day not to blame himself for every blow he ever landed on Bucky’s body while he was the Winter Soldier. Whenever Steve slips back into self-blame and self-loathing, Bucky does everything he can to make sure Steve knows it’s not his fault. It was never his fault. Every day, with Bucky by his side again — safe, loved, his — Steve slowly hates himself less and less.

I’m sorry okay I’m just so deep in my feels and I love them so much 😭💔

OK THANKS FOR BREAKING MY HEART INTO A MILLION TINY PIECES I GUESS 😭💔😭💔

No but seriously, this is EXACTLY what I think every single time I see a gifset of that moment. The pure despair and misery on Steve's face, Bucky's anguished cry, it's just really fucking heartbreaking and I will never be ok again as a result of it. I fully second everything you're saying here, all those heartbreaking sentiments you've put into words so beautifully, and now I'm just going to cry from seven hundred years minimum

I love them so so so so much also, for ever and ever ❤️❤️❤️❤️