happy pride!! i have a very cheesy and rambling post to share about it!!
another pride month is upon us! i have done so much reflecting, over my whole life as well as in the year since last june, and i feel as though i understand more and more of who i am and how i identify than i ever have before. i know who i honestly am, in my core, where i do not have a name, or a language, or anything but myself and the person i am. it took me a very long time to find the correct words to describe who i am, and those words are very important to me and to other people.
my pronouns are they/them. i am pansexual. i am non-binary. i am trans. i am queer. these are all words that label and identify different parts of me and aspects of who i am that make up the whole of me. it took so long to not only find those words, but to find comfort and security in those words, and to find a way to express those words to others. i love how these words allow me to show myself to others, to identify with those who share my experiences, and to understand these pieces of who i am that compose me. i love being able to share who i am with the world and have them understand me better because of it.
i have also increasingly realized that i will never have all the words to describe and identify and quantify and label every individual distinct part of me, because it's impossible. we are primarily made of these feelings and emotions, these very primal and atavistic notions of ourselves, and there are not always going to be the words to explain all the pieces of us, and how we feel, and who we are. actually, i don't think there will ever be enough words to explain all that i am as a person, who we are as people.
i yearned to know who i am, even without words; i yearned to know my feelings, to know my honest and genuine self. it's the most uniquely freeing experience: to look within yourself and try new things and be deeply honest with yourself and explore who you are and know that, and take comfort in that, as often as you can. if there aren't words, there aren't. if there are, there are.
but always remember: the person you will hurt most by not exploring who you are, and being honest with yourself, and loving yourself, will always be you. if you never explore how incredible you can be, you will never know what you are capable of. you will never know who you truly are. do not trust others to know you; you must know yourself.
so, this pride month, if i can encourage you to do anything, i want to encourage you to examine yourself. all the parts of you, and the person that those parts make up. even if you don't have words for them all, that's you. know who you are and be yourself deliberately. only you can be you; that's a magnificent thing. do not waste your time closing yourself off to yourself and others and the vast, immense self that you are.
you are so much; you can be anything you want; you are yourself. if pride reminds you of anything, let it remind you of that. this post might be a little rambly, and hopefully i'll get even more coherent with every passing year, but, in summation: happy pride! be proud!
