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#love this – @andillwriteyouatragedy on Tumblr
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somewhere between the soul and soft machine

@andillwriteyouatragedy / andillwriteyouatragedy.tumblr.com

mello. 28. they/them. trans non-binary. luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. @nicole__mello on twitter, and ShowMeAHero over on ao3.
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Hassun is just Hannibal making sad cannibal noises and regretting all of his choices as he pines away for his little Graham cracker.

He’s like a toddler who hasn’t learned about object permanence. “Oh, if I put Will in jail then he won’t be around any more! Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.”

But that’s the thing! That’s why this moment is so big in Hannibal’s development and such a mark of how falling in love with Will has changed him. Because with the way Hannibal’s memory palace works, he’s created a system where objects are always permanently with him, even when they’re physically absent. His memories of people and events and things are as real as they were when they happened. Even Mischa’s never far away, except insofar as he closes her away in the rooms he doesn’t go because the memories are too painful for him. It’s one of the reasons he can kill people he cares about, or just leave Alana and walk over her and away, etc, without regret. He doesn’t need to be physically near a person to be with them: once he experiences them, he has them, that experience with them, with him forever. 

Except Will. Will he can’t just leave–he misses Will “desperately, desperately.” For the first time in his life, the memory palace isn’t enough. He can’t just conjure Will sitting across from him and have it compare to having the the real thing. It’s why it’s too much for him to go through killing Will at the end of the second season, why he can’t move on once he’s in Florence, why there’s an aspect of self-destruction to his gesture of “literally” getting inside Will’s head along with Jack in “Dolce,” why his memories can sustain him while he’s in prison but not nourish him, why he has to get back into Will’s life in any way he can, why Bedelia describes his love as daily hungering for Will and finding nourishment at the sight of Will, and why his compassion for Will is so damned inconvenient. It’s how he could put Will in prison in the first place and not anticipate just how much he would make himself suffer: it’s nothing he could plan for, because it’s completely unfamiliar territory. Will’s presence has become something bigger in Hannibal’s life than can be contained within the vastness of the halls of Hannibal’s mind.

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