somewhere between the soul and soft machine

Fred and George would have been in slytherin if Rowling didn’t hate slytherins so much and that’s that on that

Philosopher’s Stone, Chapter 12

Hey, remember that time Fred and George Weasley bewitched a bunch of snowballs to punch Voldemort repeatedly in the face?

(via braveremus)

chamber of secrets au where fred and george steal ginny’s diary bc “haha ginny why are you keeping a diary omg its old and blank” and they just start drawing dicks in it and then the dicks fade off the paper and fred and george just look at each other and go “omg infinite dicks” so they draw dicks on it all year until the diary literally ink vomits itself to death bc tom riddle cant handle the dicks anymore and no one ever opened the chamber of secrets and fred and george destroyed the very first horcrux the end

This is my legacy

#dicksoutfortomriddle

in 124,000 notes no one has added a caption so completely wonderful and succint and beautiful and goddamn perfect ive been laughing for 15 years thank you

diary: stolen pages: self-erasing dicks: out

TOM MARVOLO RIDDLE IS FORCIBLY REMOVED FROM THE HORCRUX

“listen… harry’s in trouble, and we could tell mum and dad, but I reckon we should just steal the flying car and go kidnap him in his muggle neighborhood, even though I’m 12 and you’re both 14 and this is a crime and the three of us cant drive”

“excellent”

Courtesy of Sincerely Tumblr on Twitter

This is the greatest post I have ever laid eyes upon.

Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes

“We could all do with a few laughs. I’ve got a feeling we’re going to need them more than usual before long”

I imagine his first day back at the joke shop after the series ended would have been really hard for George Weasley. 

George Weasley did not celebrate his twenty first birthday. When his mother had sent him an owl inviting him back to The Burrow, all she got back were the words “I can’t blow out the candles alone.” He hasn’t celebrated a birthday since then.

It took George almost two years of therapy before he had the strength to re open Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes. He designed a new line of products for the reopening, Trigger Charms that would temporarily block out your senses when a trigger was detected, No Nightmare Nougat, Lethargy Lollipops, etc. Eventually Ron decided that being an auror was too stressful for him, and George offered him a job. It got easier to run once he had a brother with him.

Life slowly got easier, George’s business was booming, his family didn’t have to worry about money as much. Nieces and nephews started cropping up. George reconnected with Angelina and after a few years of dating they wound up getting married. It was harder picking a best man with Fred gone, but George managed. When Angelina gave birth his son, it was all too easy to pick a name.

One day George was sitting at the table explaining to Fred II how fainting fancies worked, Fred looked up and asked,

“Dad, when is your birthday?”

“Oh, in about a week,” George replied glancing at the calendar.

“Are you going to have a party?”

“No, a don’t really do birthday parties.”

“Aw, c’mon! You have to have a party!”

“Okay, I’ll have one, on one condition, you have to help me blow out the candles.”

A week later for the first time since George was twenty, Fred and George blew out the birthday candles together.

I am George

THE FOURTH GIF HE’S SNEAKING PAST LIKE oh man this is gonna be bloody perfect