this is only the second time i've watched the divorce scene and jesus fucking christ they really wrote this like a real-life divorce didn't they?? castiel literally says "you can barely look at me"???? "i've tried to talk to you over and over and you just don't want to hear it"???? "you don't care. im dead to you"???? "i don't think there's anything left to say"???? those are SUCH fucking hardcore divorce lines.
and then even after ALL of that when castiel turns to leave dean asks "where're you going?"
like they are literally having the worst fight of their fucking lives but dean still wants cas to stay!! he's so mad, but he doesn't want to lose him. HE WANTS HIM TO STAY SO BADLY and i feel like hearing castiel say i think it's time for me to move on" just felt like having his heart ripped right out of his chest. and all he can think is, of course he's leaving me.
(also im not trying to say that this isn't equally both of their faults because i will admit dean was treating cas really shitty but also that's what he does. he pushes people away because he thinks they're gonna leave him eventually anyway)
the best headcanon is dean just absolutely unable to function over how hot he thinks cas is. like, dean is over here like, “my devastatingly handsome friend” and “you’re looking good” and “the last person who looked at me like that, i got laid” and a million other examples. literally dean cannot control himself around cas. he’s over here making it painfully obvious that he’s into cas and is very obviously flirting with him, and that he thinks cas is the hottest, most attractive, sexiest, most handsome man he’s ever seen…. and cas is still obliviously unaware that dean has been flirting with him this WHOLE DAMN TIME
no no that is not a headcanon—that is actual canonical text. sure we read it how we want but this is how dean literally behaves with cas. don’t forget the epic parallel between how he flirts with jo on “the last night of their lives” and how he flirts with cas when they’re most likely about to die at the hands of raphael. dean constantly tests the waters in order to have the responsibility of the outcome taken out of his hands by the chance that cas will flirt back because dean is terrified. of rejection. of happiness. of everything in between. because good things don’t last and he can’t risk losing cas the same way he loses everything else which is why he keeps losing cas. because he has to face the fear and learn the lesson and accept that he deserves to be happy. and he finally does this in 15x19 and that’s why cas was in his heaven waiting for him in the finale. learn the narrative lesson=be rewarded for it. anyway this is agreement with your assessment that cas makes dean’s heart want to beat out of his chest whenever they’re close to each other. and that cas is unaware of the flirting. but to me that’s text/subtext that is intentionally influencing the character progression and how these two relate themselves to each other which in turn deeply influences the choices they make which in turn influences the story progression as a whole. aka *chef’s kiss*
Friendly Nov 5th reminder: The theme in 15x18 was loss (hence the title Despair). This theme was underlined through the motif Berens chose, where he tied the theme of loss specifically to despairing over the sudden, traumatic loss of the person you are in love with. Romantically.
I’ll repeat that for the nosebleed section: the theme of loss in 15x18 is specifically stated through the repeated narrative motif of a character in love losing the one they are in love with.
This motif was established with Charlie losing Stevie and was furthered around the midpoint by Sam losing Eileen. Berens could have left the motif as a bookend, but he went one step further and had two deep losses in the narrative to create foreshadowing through this motif for the gut punch of the final loss. Why? I would assume because he really wanted those looking for it to know beyond a doubt that this narrative choice was intentional. And that it served a deeper purpose than simply creating a mirror moment of people losing each other.
(and yes I’m speaking for Berens and I shouldn’t but the writer/screenwriter/editor in me cannot fathom that this choice wasn’t intentional so I’m leaning on that as the basis of my assumption)
Again: the theme of loss in 15x18 is specifically stated through the repeated narrative motif of a character in love losing the one they are in love with.
And why did Berens choose a freshly in love and happy couple and then another not so freshly but equally narratively stated to be in love couple to tear apart in order to explore the theme of loss?
Because our final pair weren’t stated to be in love with each other because they couldn’t be outright stated. And yes it will hurt forfuckingever that they weren’t outright stated, but Berens still gave us an unequivocal statement through this intentional and deeply resonating motif. Because through it, he told us that Dean loves Cas back.
Charlie was in love with Stevie and was the one left to deal with the loss. Sam was in love with Eileen and was left to deal with the loss. So, it’s not a leap to assume we’re meant to understand that the person sitting with his head in his hands and having to deal with his loss is not simply dealing with the loss of his best friend (though that too) but the loss of the person he is in love with.
Dean might not have said the words, but Berens signalled Dean’s true feelings to us very loudly and very clearly.
Castiel is the only thing real in Dean's life. Everything else was wrote in the way Chuck felt was more appropriate. Mother, father, brother, with the story unfolding in the directions he set. They did what they were told, Chuck said, but not you, not you, not you, Castiel.
When Dean asks "what about all of this is real?" and Castiel answers "we are", he was right.
never not thinking about dean canonically being immune to famine (as in, the horseman) not because he is satiated, but because he is insatiable. the things he wants aren't things he can eat or fuck or spend. he wants a stable sense of self, the will to keep living, hope for the future. he wants to know who he is and what he wants. how can you tempt someone with what they want most, when what they want most is to know what they want? he doesn't crave sex or cheeseburgers he wants the Resolution of his Issues and how is some fucking horseman of the apocalypse going to give that to him? s2g this show never lets me forget how fucked up dean winchester is not for a SECOND
Or he’s so repressed that even Famine can’t make him open up to what he wants most for himself. It’s not that he doesn’t want—it’s that he doesn’t allow himself to FEEL it. He doesn’t believe he deserves to have what he wants, and this belief runs so deep that it cancels out everything else. And he’s gotten so good at telling himself this lie of how he doesn’t lack for anything—because he’s in the habit of finding ways to have his every need met (food, women, thrills) (bullshit bullshit bullshit)—that he actually thinks he’s satiated. Because what he craves most is what he fears the most. Cas mentions it in passing in the episode. It took eleven years for Cas to utter that word again—and deliver what Dean has always truly longed for: love. To be seen, accepted and loved for who he truly is.
yall i thought it was impossible but i did it. i pinpointed the exact moment that dean figured out he was in love with cas
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ok IT HAPPENS IN 11x11 INTO THE MYSTIC BUT BEFORE I GET TO THE EXACT MOMENT. context:
1. casifer hand-on-shoulder. intimate moment ALL the crueler because we know it’s a deception. also this comes right on the heels of dean admitting that he has “a connection” with amara—he is evaluating what “attraction” means because he is desperately hoping he is NOT attracted to god’s evil sister. this means he has to think about what attraction DOES mean to him.
2. dean gets targeted by the banshee (because he is vulnerable. yes he WILL obsessively analyze what the shit that means)
3. mildred can tell he’s “pining” and tells him to “follow his heart”
in this episode dean has confronted 1) “cas” out of his jacket and also touching him 2) the definition of attraction 3) the fact that he has been targeted on account of some kind of vulnerability 4) the fact that he is Very Obviously romantically pining for somebody (who we KNOW is not amara, based on writer input). dean is THINKING. man is RUMINATING. keep that in mind here comes the pinpoint
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first off...laying in bed trying VERY hard to sleep. unable to sleep. he sits up.
I’m rewatching the entire series over the summer - not only because my memory bank is in dire need of refreshing, but because what else are we supposed to do during hellatus? Meet up with friends, go to the park, enjoy the sunshine? *snorts with derision* (okay I’ll be doing that too) (I’m not staying in all summer watching SPN and writing meta) (*shiftiest eyes*) I wanted to do this as part of this awesomeness and will attempt to catch up. If I can’t: *shrug* What can I say? Real Life and all that. Yes, friends in the park with sunshine. (be honest) I work. A lot. Of the hours.
No, I’m not going to dress up as Marilyn Monroe and come to your house and shower you with champagne. (or am I?) No, don’t be silly - I can’t do that! Instead, I’m going to encourage you all to drink! By introducing the Spectacular and Penultimate and so very Necessary Drinking Game. (*SPNDG for short) For those who do not partake of the alcohol or for those of you who are underage there will be soda pops involved. (considering how much I curse I sincerely hope each and every one of you are of age)
You with me here? AWESOME! This will be us come end of summer:
Though possibly not quite so fishy… Either way, we’ll be ready for S13, peeps!
So, I had this ambition to do this Snapshot Commentary thing for each episode, getting through one or two a day. This post has taken me four days, the hours I’ve had to invest interspersed unevenly at best, and @margarittet was nice enough to do the maths - my ambition would take me over two years to fulfil at this pace. Yah. And as I lack a Time-Turner (god I wish I had one WHY JK ROWLING??) I may just have to watch the series as planned and write meta on the episodes that stand out as deeper narrative beats, both plot and character wise. Fuck. I already know there are so many of them. But I’m excited to get started! Writing this meta has been so much fun and I hope you’ll enjoy it.
I know I’m probably repeating stuff someone else has already said, but do you know what, I haven’t gotten to say it, so I’m saying it for myself now. Keep a lookout for them drinking prompts, because that means fun times up ahead, and don’t forget to drink responsibly. (remember nesnej) (oh god we’re all gonna get sloshed) (or very, very high on sugar)
I’d like to speak of the cause and effect of the ending.
I agree that the execution could’ve been skewered just a tiny bit and it would’ve made the overall impression more palatable, but assuming production was at the very least hampered by COVID restrictions, we know that this wasn’t actually Dabb’s final vision. It’s what we’ve got, though, and it still leaves us with a lot of tying up of narrative threads.
How?
We have a final image of Dean and Sam together and I understand why this is irksome and why it feels regressive. Here’s why I think it actually isn’t:
Dark Side of the Moon tells us that Dean and Sam are most definitely not soulmates meant to share a Heaven. Dean’s memories are focused on Sam while Sam’s memories are completely devoid of Dean. Dean also needs to find Sam (and is helped to do so by Cas). Ie. they brothers are not in a shared Heaven, the way Jimmy and Amelia and Mary and John are highlighted to be.
We also know that Heaven’s system is basically a prison for the mind of the souls of those who have died, right? You get stuck in your best memories. This is simply Heaven’s idea of benevolence, because Heaven, and the angels, have never understood how much choice and free will matter to humanity.
So. No matter how much Dean and Sam succeeded in saving the world throughout our narrative, they were still always headed for forced separation and this prison for their minds and being filed away behind one of those white doors, in essence ceasing to exist, and the point of all their trials and tribulations would have been what? Living a long and happy life, only to die and go to what Dean wouldn’t have chosen for himself with a gun to his head? Eternally brainwashed into thinking he’s content?
Can you think of anything more horrible to be waiting at the end of their road?
So the point to this ending we got is, to me, gloriously clear and it’s this:
The journeys of these men, throughout this entire narrative, made the new Heaven possible.
This new Heaven, where there’s freedom of choice and endless possibility for exploration. Where human souls are now granted an afterlife worth actually living, where everyone can reconnect with the people they’ve cared about, the people they’ve loved.
(Buddhists have six Heavens and believe life exists on multiple planes meaning when you die you simply transcend to the next plane where there’s more living to be done) (Swedish children’s author Astrid Lindgren explored the death of two brothers through sacrifice and illness in her novel The Brothers Lionheart and in the mythology of this book the first Heaven one enters just after death is called Nangijala, and once you die in Nangijala you move onto Nangilima and so on) (etc.)
What we get in the Supernatural mythos is that there’s no more prison for the mind. No more only soulmates get a shared Heaven: ie. family genuinely doesn’t end in blood.
So look at what this means for the entire structure of our narrative and our character journeys -->
The Road
If Dean and Sam hadn’t been codependent, they wouldn’t have made those bad choices that brought Cas into the narrative.
If Cas hadn’t been influenced by Dean to rebel and start making bad choices of his own, he never would’ve made Heaven fall apart by trying to stitch it together and teach angels free will and stepping into a leader role he wasn’t quite ready for, and he wouldn’t have begun on the journey that brought him right to the moment when he expressed his need of bringing back a win for Dean, and for himself.
That win, turns out, was Jack.
Cas’ faith in Jack, Cas fighting for Jack, Cas feeling responsible and stepping into the Good Father Figure in order to keep his promise to Kelly and protect Jack was what led to Cas making a bad deal with the Empty, but that bad deal also left Cas with the opportunity to save Dean’s life when death was threatening to break down that door and kill them both.
The remarkable truth that’s added to this moment is that Cas’ journey has brought him to a place in his progression where he’s no longer afraid of his feelings, he’s no longer questioning them or thinking they mean a weakness he shouldn’t let define him, because he realises that what he needs isn’t Dean to love him back for that love to be real, to be valuable and valid. His fear of alienating Dean through loving him is the lie. That’s where his happiness stems from, him recognising and finally embracing this truth.
Because the love he feels isn’t a weakness. It never was: it’s his strength. It’s always guided him, even when he didn’t realise it.
And the strength of it lets him tell Dean exactly how he sees him and that he loves him, and opening up to and being honest with himself is what allows Cas to integrate with his shadow. The Empty takes him, but Cas is at peace, because he no longer fears and avoids his unconscious, he no longer needs to engage in suppression and repression of his emotions, and so his shadow no longer holds any sway over him, which is a fact given to us by how Cas’ ending in this narrative means him being free of the Empty.
A freedom that never would have been granted, never would have been possible, without his faith in, his fighting for and his protection of Jack.
Cas’ words to Dean makes Dean begin his final steps into integration as well, meaning Cas’ declaration of love directly affects the outcome of the fight against Chuck, because Dean wants Cas back, but it’s not everything he’s focused on, since it shouldn’t be everything he’s focused on.
It can’t be, since there are bigger fish to fry, and because of Cas’ view of him, Dean is opening up to his true self, to trust, to having faith in himself, which allows for a letting go of the need for control and thinking it’s all on him and everything is his responsibility or everyone dies.
Thanks to this, we get Dean in teamwork mode with Sam and Jack, the three of them together figuring out how to manipulate Michael into bringing Chuck to them in order for Jack to de-power him.
Dean’s integration is complete, and given to us through the symbology of his inner child (Jack) sucking the power out of his shadow (Chuck) and is then underlined by the ego (Dean) telling his de-powered shadow that it’s to be forgotten. Dean’s shadow, which has fed on and also fuelled the need in Dean for repression and suppression, no longer holds any sway over him.
And Dean’s understanding and embracing of his true identity is highlighted by how he refuses to kill Chuck.
Because that’s not who Dean is: he’s not a killer. He’s internalised Cas’ view of him. Cas’ truth making way for Dean’s own truth to shine a light.
Dean is done with self-denial. And self-destruction.
Which is what 15x20 is all about: that lack of self-destruction and the finality of goodbye.
Because Dean being shown to accept the finality of the loss of Cas has such direct bearing on Dean’s ability to accept the finality of saying goodbye to his brother.
The Greatest Love Story Ever Told
All of this, all of it, is because of and thanks to Cas’ LOVE for Dean.
Thanks to the moment that allowed Cas to express it and to SEE Dean for who he truly is.
Thanks to the moment of Cas’ integration we get Dean integrating.
9x03 Deconstruction: The Burrito of Sexual Innuendo
So I started building this post in August, because I noticed the possible subtext in the final scene of this episode and I found it fucking hilarious, and then I didn’t get the chance to finish so yayyy happy to get to share it now.
So, I know this episode has some serious, serious issues, but I’m going to look at this scene as is, because Bucklemming even brought the Burrito of Sexual Innuendo back in 13x02 and, well, I just have to comment on it now.
This is Destiel subtext all the way. Which Bucklemming have always excelled at. And it’s this show’s sense of humour in a goddamn nutshell. It just makes me smile and smile and smirk and rub my hands together with pure glee.
The scene is set in the bunker, in the war room, starting with Dean trying to cover the fact that he used Gadreel to find Cas. The brothers talk and Cas enters, saying this –>
Cas: I am really enjoying this place. Plentiful food… good water pressure. Things I never even considered before. There really is a lot to being human, isn’t there?
At the water pressure comment Dean makes this face:
It’s like he can’t even believe that this is happening. That Cas is actually human and making remarks that hit on the exact thing Dean enjoys about the place and being overtly perfect in every single sense of the word and looking really fucking good to boot and just yeah, to me Dean is pretty much thinking “fuck off you amazing specimen of a man - don’t make me desire you more”
It’s the thoughts - or suppressed thoughts - of desiring Cas, however, that makes Dean offer this really, truly, markedly what’s-that-even-MEAN? comment in return:
…while bringing the penis shaped food slowly to his half-open mouth.
Now, if this particular above editing choice hadn’t been a part of this scene, then the subtext would be different for me. It’s the fact that they cut BEFORE Dean bites into the burrito that makes this shot so filled with innuendo.
The clincher, however, is the shot they cut to of Sam Winchester making this face at his brother’s weird-ass phrasing –>
That is Sam’s face telling us to react with him to what the fuck Dean is going on about.
What is Dean going on about?
Well, the subtext of Dean’s weird-ass phrasing could be seen as him really wanting to say “It can’t be all dicks and vaginas, my friend” but of course he wouldn’t go there, so instead he uses the much safer “burritos” and “strippers” as substitute words to keep it not so revealing.
(only Sam so totally knows)
Well, the phrasing is still so revealing, isn’t it?
I mean, the “vagina” portion could be linked to how the one-night-stands have always been a hollow filler of Dean’s conflicting yearning and absolute fear of feeling real feelings, right? At least that’s what the one-night-stands are to me. And in this scenario the burrito is so absolutely totally standing in for dick, as per the visual above tells us.
Why should I even for a second think that this might be a valid reading, though?
Because of the surface topic of the scene itself: which is Cas losing his virginity.
Dean doesn’t know that yet. He subtly tries to seduce Cas with that movement of penis shaped food to his mouth, with the innuendo of it all. Testing the waters, as it were, trying to bring sex onto the table because he desires Cas like damnnnn.
Honestly, I don’t even think Dean himself is fully aware of performing this song and dance. It’s a subconscious reaction to Cas feeling at home in Dean’s home, commenting on water pressure and presenting such clear common ground, and being there, properly and permanently. There’s a sudden possibility here that has never ever been here before, not in Dean’s mind.
And Dean can’t stop himself from acting on it.
Then we get the glorious moment when we leave Sam’s reaction face and move into him reacting to Cas delivering this beauty –>
Cas: Yeah, I understand what you’re saying.
Sam looking like he sincerely doubts Cas understands the finer points of what Dean is actually doing and his “You do?” might just as well have been “Do you understand that my brother is phallating that burrito for your sake, Cas?” (buuuuut he can’t say that)
The exchange continues with:
Cas: Yes, there’s more to humanity than survival. You look for purpose. And you must not be defeated by anger or despair. Or hedonism, for that matter.
Dean: Where does hedonism come into it?
Cas: Well, my time with April was very educational.
Sam: Yeah, I mean, I would think that getting killed is something.
Cas: And having sex.
Dean: You had sex with April?
Sam: Yeah, that would be where the hedonism comes in.
Okay, now, there is elegance here. It’s a little twisted, but there is elegance here. Because this scene is Dean’s scene. This scene starts with Dean talking about Cas with Sam, moving into Cas joining them in the war room and Dean bringing sex into the conversation for no reason whatsoever other than that he has sex on the brain (and that it serves the scene, which is about sex) to then lead us to this moment of pure and undiluted jealousy –>
Look. At. That. Face.
Gloriously pissed off.
Changing into:
Because here it begins to hit Dean that Cas has had sex. Cas is human and he has had sex. And as it sinks in, while they’re having their “Did you have protection” part of the exchange, there’s more coming Dean’s way. More than he ever could have dreamed of when Cas says:
Cas: Anyway, I see now how difficult life can be and how well you two have lead it. I think you’ll be great teachers.
Dean: Thanks, Cas.
Visual aid:
Dean is so turned on it’s like he can see the two of them writhing naked on a bed while he tells Cas exactly what to do to make the world explode. Like COME ON. LOOK AT SAM’S FACE IN CONTRAST! Sam aware-of-the-subtext Winchester is not too keen on being a “teacher” in this scenario, no sir, better leave that to Dean.
I mean, this scene just makes me laugh. Granted this is totally the reading of my dark and slightly demented brain and I love this type of innuendo, but the structure of the scene is ALL about reaching ^^^^ this moment!! Dean with that half-eaten burrito in his hand that is almost forgotten now that the real thing is fucking smacked down on the table and within reach.
THEN we get the tie-in to end all tie-ins as Cas asks if there are any more burritos. Yeah. Forgive me, but in my dark and slightly demented brain this clearly tells us that Cas will very, very happily listen to all of Dean’s instructions because he is about to join in the eating of the Burrito of Innuendo, which, again and to be perfectly clear, is a visual for Dean liking dick. Cas’ dick in particular, because it’s the focus of this entire exchange.
I just LOVE it, what can I say? I’m not even sorry.
And as Cas goes to grab himself a burrito, Dean gives us Sunshine Face –>
Kinda the opposite to this one –>
Because Frowny Face is all about suppressed desire, while Sunshine Face is all about the sudden, furious hope that the desire could actually be met.
Now, of course this is a love story, it’s not all about sex, but Dean is nowhere ready in S9 to admit to himself that he’s been in love with Cas for years. That’s way, way too scary. Sexual desire, however, is a brilliant way for his brain to cover up the fact that there’s so much more to it. He knows he fancies Cas, but that’s all.
But, to my mind, the Sunshine Face is about the fact that there IS SO MUCH MORE THERE. Subconsciously Dean knows very well that he’s truly madly deeply in love with Cas - but his conscious mind beats against it because feelings mean weakness and love means pain and no-no-no none of that - but there’s also the fact that Cas is a fucking angel of the Lord who, if he tries to feel things, ends up breaking apart, and who acts like he’s only there to protect them and doesn’t seem to understand what he means to Dean, at all, because clearly Cas can’t relate to the feelings Dean has because Cas doesn’t FEEL that way and also there’s how he ups and leaves every five minutes.
But Cas isn’t an angel of the Lord anymore. All of that ^^^ bullcrap that’s tied to Cas’ grace doesn’t have to factor as an obstacle anymore (no matter how much Dean’s interpretation of these things and his making them into a huge obstacle is tied to his inner struggles with himself - but all this for another post!!)
Dean is still denying the love part - focusing on the sex part. The sex part, the desire that is wholly based in the love he refuses to acknowledge, is suddenly a viable possibility. And in this scene that finally begins to land with Dean.
All the possibility. (consciously - sex; subconsciously - love)
And yeah, that’s why the next exchange with Gadreel, where the angel delivers the ultimatum that either Cas leaves the bunker, or Gadreel will have to leave, which means he can’t heal Sam, which means Sam will die, makes Dean say:
Dean: …but this is Cas, okay, who vouched for you when I didn’t know you from Jack.
Look. At. His. Face.
All those possibilities going the way of bye-bye.
And to add injury to injury, there’s –>
Cas: That’s epic food. I can’t get enough.
LOOK AT
DEAN’S FACE
(Cas innocently holding eye contact like FOR REAL?) *dying*
And then, of course, Cas is Cas. Instead of a blow-job simulation, he’s shown to bite through the burrito because the visual food-as-penis subtext is tied to Dean. I mean, look at Dean reacting to Cas engaging with eating the burrito, when Dean not five minutes earlier was trying to use one to indicate he wants to know what Cas’ dick tastes like.
And then Cas goes on to do what he almost always does - taking whatever innuendo Dean is throwing at him (or the narrative is throwing at them) and grounding it in a moment of honesty, in feeling.
Dean: Cas. Can we talk?
Cas: Of course. Dean, you know I always appreciate our talks. And our time together.
I mean…
…ow.
And Dean clears his throat because they just went from writhing together on that bed, to snuggling close and holding each other all night and oh, man, Dean is really very not ready for that, like, nope, not at all, there will be no “feelings” involved here, ever. And yet, this is painful. Telling Cas he can’t stay…
…means calling him “buddy” and Dean bringing himself out of the headspace of All The Possibility and focusing on what needs to be done. For Sam. Of course. And honestly, it’s so gorgeously thought out because if these two - if human!Cas and Dean Winchester - ever got to spend actual, real time together, with talks, and innuendoing all over the place, and all that stuff, then oh man there would be bed-writhing before too long. *mh mh good*
*mh mh good* for THEM, I mean.
It would be good for them to alleviate some of the sexual frustration. Speaking of which, Cas in this scene has barely been touched upon (pardon the pun), and what I love most about human!Cas is demonstrated here: he is still sassy Cas. I look at his face and the subtle changes in it and I see a challenge here.
“My time with April was very educational” ^^^ looks straight at Dean.
After Dean’s “You had sex with April?” Cas looks like ^^^ he wouldn’t mind punching Dean in the face for sounding so incredulous. It’s even possible he notices Dean’s pissed off expression and wants to say “What?” (like he will in just a few episodes).
What I’m getting at is that Cas is growing increasingly aware of his own feelings, right? Right. And absolutely growing aware of his attraction to Dean. And Cas is involved in a much subtler subtext of his own all based in him wanting to provoke Dean into some sort of reaction. Which he does. And so I read this whole exchange as a mutual unspoken recognition of attraction. Both of them feeling the new possibilities. Both of them devastated when the possibilities end in sudden and immediate separation.
I’m not saying they’d be doing the bedtime conga within a day or two, because I don’t think they would ever do that - there’s so much at stake that approaching one another would be a slow and drawn out affair of tentative trial and errors (mixtape-esque ones) - but the thought of actually living together, working together, all the possibilities surrounding that would have come with all of the here established desire attached to it. And that’s why it’s established in this scene.
Human!Cas means Cas with human emotions, human desires, human reactions and human musings. He’s already beginning to relate to the world around him differently because he has to, he’s living in it now, he’s not just observing it. I LOVE human!Cas. In case I’ve not made that clear.
Also, to be clear, the mentioned recognition of desire and possibility is not at all understood to be mutual by either of them. Oh, God, no. Never. They do not understand that the other wants them as much as they will ever want the other. HAH! No way. Miscommunication and lack of openness based in fear of rejection based in fear of not being enough based in… ok, stopping now, but THIS will forever be the biggest hurdle for these two. They’ve no IDEA what either is insinuating, too caught up in their own insinuation.
This said, with all the character progression we’re already getting in S13 for Dean, and with all the character progression I hope and hope and can see is on the horizon for Cas, oh there’s hope now for hurdles being overcome.
Especially after 13x02, there is a lot of fucking hope now. That’s my next post. Better get to work! :P
You don't think killing Dean the way they did was contradicting to his character arc and development?
Hello, lovely!
As the initial shock of watching Dean die is wearing off more with each passing day, I can tell you that no, I don’t think that killing Dean the way they did was contradicting to his character arc and development.
Let me explain.
And let me be clear, I’m basing this on my hopes and wishes for the narrative, for Dean, and they, in turn, sprung up from my reading of the narrative.
My reading has always, as all meta readings are, been wholly subjective, though I’ve striven to be objective, trying to base my reading in my understanding of narrative structure and possible production choices as much as possible. The initial shock after the finale came from how the delivery of Dean’s endgame stepped outside of what I wanted and had grown to expect in those weeks leading up to it, due to 15x18 and queer love suddenly being a stated part of the narrative.
Letting go of the idea of a long and happy life for Dean with Cas as a human on Earth, because that was simply the framework my brain invented to give them a happily ever after, I’d like to take a look at some of the other hopes and wishes I’ve had for Dean, in no particular order:
Dismantling the toxic masculinity ideal
Non-performance
Open communication and honesty
Self-acceptance leading to self-worth leading to self-actualisation
Integration
Clear sense of identity
Learning to let go of need for control
Learning to trust
Feeling deserving of happiness and embracing it
Ending the codependency
Teamwork and sharing responsibility/not feeling it’s all on him
Admitting to himself that what he longs for is to love and be loved
Believing in deserving to have a future
The world balanced out (no more firewall)
Putting the past to rest
Letting go of Protect Sammy as predominant purpose
Letting go of fear
No more Butch and Sundance/blaze of glory ending
Now, the more I think about all of these things in relation to S15 in general and the final three episodes in particular, the more those finale three episodes make me feel nothing short of delight for our characters. (sorry but it’s true) (I feel the distress of our family and it’s just horrifying but oh I do feel we need to take a breath together and calm down)
Here’s what I see. And what I see may come off as dismissive of people’s frustration and anger and disgust with the finale, but it’s not meant to be. I’ve always read this narrative how I described above, knowing that it’s impossible not to be subjective, but striving for objectivity.
Striving for objectivity by looking at what’s come before, the threads I’ve seen them pulling on, the overarching themes that have been consistent for fifteen years, the character traits that have been explored and narratively stated over and over again, and basing my analysis in these narrative constants.
So first, let us ask ourselves: was Dean’s death foreshadowed in S15?
The simple answer is that yes, it was.
It was foreshadowed by Amara saying that she wanted to release Dean from his anger, it was foreshadowed by Billie asking if it wasn’t time for the sweet release of death, and it was foreshadowed by the heart symbology peppered throughout the entire season.
Had it been coming for a long time?
Well, yes, it had. There were only two ways that his arc could end: him living or him dying, right? He’s died a lot, which is why I thought it should end in him living, finally, but let’s look at what the narrative tells us living constitutes:
fear (of losing his brother and of what’s around the next bend), as Dean admits in 15x17: he’s always afraid
pain, because the pain of losing Cas will never go away
Has Dean decided to deal with that? Yes, he has. He’s decided, by 15x20, to accept the loss, to look to the future, to not give up, to keep on fighting. He’s not even self-destructively looking for a case to distract him: instead he brings Sam to a freaking pie festival. Yeah? Dean is living his life.
This means that we’re shown him as having let go of toxic masculinity because he’s wholly non-performing at the start of 15x20, he’s openly communicating and being honest about the pain he feels over losing Cas, but as opposed to Chuck’s version of the “perfect ending” which was always tragic, where Dean losing Cas meant that he saw no purpose to living or fighting anymore, Dean takes that pain and is able to handle it because?
Because of Cas. Because of Dean internalising Cas’ view of him. Because of Dean being shown in 15x19 to grieve Cas, to want Cas back, to go through the motions (getting drunk etc.), only for him to realise (and yes the execution is lacking but I’m going to go with the narrative we have for the sake of this reading) that Cas isn’t coming back.
By the end of 15x19, Cas’ words have taken such hold that Dean not only eases up on control and is shown to confidently share the responsibility for de-powering Chuck by working as a well-oiled team machine with Jack and Sam - because he trusts them, he’s also symbolically allowed to fully integrate by refusing to kill Chuck, because his Shadow (toxic masculinity as passed along by John the Bad Father Figure) (John also has a good side but he had a very bad side, for sure) no longer holds any sway over Dean, and because of Cas’ words, because of Cas’ faith in him, through Cas’ love for all that Dean is, Dean is given the sense of self-worth needed to finally be able to move into self-acceptance, allowing him to self-actualise, to integrate.
Cas saved Dean’s life AND saved Dean from his crappy self-view. I mean. It’s kinda fucking remarkable that this reading is right there for the taking.
So here we have the narrative ticking boxes like JAYSUS, yeah?
Let’s look it:
Dismantling the toxic masculinity ideal
Non-performance
Open communication and honesty
Self-acceptance leading to self-worth leading to self-actualisation
Integration
Clear sense of identity
Learning to let go of need for control
Learning to trust
Feeling deserving of happiness and embracing it
Teamwork and sharing responsibility/not feeling it’s all on him
Believing in deserving to have a future
The world balanced out (no more firewall)
And this, all of it, is thanks to LOVE.
Because this is a story about love and... love.
So Dean being able to integrate thanks to Cas’ love is, to me, all about Dean opening himself up to the fact that what he wants, truly wants, and has always wanted (and needed, for that matter) is to be loved for who he is, and to allow himself to feel that very same unconditional love for another.
In the act of letting go of needing Cas back to somehow validate that love or validate Dean actually truly being deserving of receiving and giving love, we get the unconditional aspect of it underlined. There’s no dependency anymore. No fear attached to the emotion. Just the love itself, untouched by death. The healthy side to that profound bond that’s always kind of tripped these two up before. I mean. I think it’s kind of breathtaking.
Also, I’ve been told there’s an application that we see on Dean’s desk for him to get a job as a mechanic, which seems to me an underlining that Dean is looking to the future and in so doing is shown to feel deserving of happiness and embracing it. Something that I feel is established at the beginning of the episode, even without this detail, but is brought into focus thanks to it.
Dean doesn’t want to die. He has no desire to die. The implication being that he’s trying to make the best of what he’s got and is completely honest with himself about what he wants. Not owning a bar, but working on cars. The good side of John getting a nod, or so I would say. Especially poignant in an episode so heavily focused on Good Father Figures.
I haven’t seen the detail of this application for myself though, I just trust my sources. :)
Now we get to the meatier part of this reading: Dean and Sam.
What do we have left on the list of hopes and wishes of stuff to be addressed as pertaining to Dean?
We’ve got:
Ending the codependency
Putting the past to rest
Letting go of Protect Sammy as predominant purpose
Letting go of fear
No more Butch and Sundance/blaze of glory ending
I wonder if you might already be seeing where I’m going with this, but for good measure, let’s discuss the death scene and what it narratively results in for Dean and for Sam.
Dean and Sam end up in that barn because they’re two men who will not stand for harm coming to innocent lives, especially when those innocent lives belong to two little kids. This is who they are at their core.
Dean is killed by a vampire wearing a mask. Yeah. Someday perhaps I’ll make proper sense of it. Point is: Dean is impaled on a rusty nail that imbeds itself in his heart and sort of holds him together until the moment of his passing, giving him time to ask his brother to stay (zero performance and only vulnerability) and tell Sam exactly what Sam has always meant to him.
Which, for Dean, is vulnerability on steroids. Honesty times one thousand. In your face true identity flares of beauty.
This scene is stunning. When I watched it the second time around last Saturday I was blown away. Jensen makes this scene what it is, because it is such an absolute mirror of Dean’s scene with Cas and the differences to Jensen’s acting choices are paramount to the emotional significance of either. (oh Misha was extremely paramount to the declaration of love, don’t get me wrong, but here we have Jensen pivotally impactful, since he’s in both)
And through this mirroring we have two major threads of this narrative on display and effectively highlighted and tied up: the familial vs the romantic.
Because this is a story about love and... love.
The thing that I’ve been turning over in my head a lot is the codependency aspect here. I’ve had issues with it. Could it only be broken by Dean’s death?
And no, I don’t think that’s what’s happening here at all.
This moment is absolutely about the codependency breaking. In part. But it’s also about Dean going out bittersweetly, suddenly, without any glory or blaze, and it’s a very human, very real, very grounding moment to me for his arc: he didn’t expect it to be today, but it is.
*i’m seriously cry*
And Sam’s grief is so raw. I wish Sam had gotten to break away on his own. I’ll always wish that for him. That he could’ve seen his worth as a leader and leaned on that and on his love for Eileen, but Sam’s arc was always, always dependent on Dean’s progression, and this is what Dean’s arc needed in his final moment: clarity, honesty, trust, faith, letting go. A voicing of the fear, of the past, of what got them here, of the dependency - it was always you... and me - and both of them choosing, in the moment, to recognise the finality of it.
The entire show has revolved around these two men’s absolute inability to let go of each other and the stupidity and recklessness this inability has resulted in. Choice after choice serving to bring about the near apocalypses they’ve kept finding themselves in.
And reflecting itself in that has been the dependency Dean has felt for Cas’ presence, his annoyance and worry and fear whenever Cas has disappeared, how Dean’s progression has stopped in its tracks whenever Cas has been removed from the narrative.
So for this scene of the familial love allowing a letting go of that dependency to reflect itself once more so beautifully in how the romantic love allowed for a letting go of that dependency is kind of. I don’t even know. Everything glitters?
Dean finding peace ultimately has everything to do with having met, known and fallen in love with and having been loved by this angel of his.
But is that canon?
I mean, it’s subtextual canon, which is good enough for me, because it was all I ever expected and it’s such a blatant statement through the couples in love losing each other leading into Dean and Cas losing each other that there’s just no doubt in my mind how we’re meant to be understanding what these two men mean to each other, and from that draw the conclusions of what it is that’s influencing Dean’s moment of integration.
Does Dean’s death make a statement that happiness and love can only be found in death?
No. It really does not. Because that’s not what the narrative message is. Because Sam finds love and happiness by living his life. And I sincerely disagree with Sam being depicted as being depressed his whole life (the way Dean was with Lisa) because he lost his brother. Sure, there could’ve been pictures of all the found family when Sam is on his death bed, but he’s also thinking about the brother he lost and that’s simply a visual establishing of this fact. Could there have been more? Sure! But that doesn’t mean that all Sam cares about was Dean for all his life, living it in grief and loss.
Sam loves his son, helps his son, laughs with his son, is a good father figure to his son, and this thread is pulled on throughout the episode: the good father figure thread.
Dean’s goodbye to Sam isn’t just a brother saying goodbye to a brother.
It’s a father bidding farewell to his child. It’s a father gently relieved to not have to watch his son die. To get to go first. And yes, sure, that’s sad, but it’s also very human and real and says so much about their relationship.
Dabb era has hit the father/parental thread so hard that the Good Father thread running through this episode makes perfect sense to me.
Dean goes to Heaven not to find Cas, not expecting Cas to be there, but finding Cas there all the same (reward for letting go and having faith that if he’s meant to, and why wouldn’t he be, then he’ll see Cas again *headcanon*), and more than that, learning that Cas has made Heaven what it is now, moved Heaven away from trapping souls in endless memory loops (which was benevolent enough, but completely missed the point of what it means to be human) and that now there’s discovery and exploration and more life to be lived, because Heaven is overflowing with free will, with choice, with all the possibility for longevity and happiness.
The eternity that Dean deserves.
Created for him by Cas.
Cas ensuring Dean’s death is not an ending, but a beginning. That it’s not a prison for Dean’s mind, but instead a homecoming, filled with the prospect of reconnecting with all the people Dean has ever cared about, ever loved.
I mean, the fact that Cas’ prevailing faith in Jack has enabled all this is like strobe lights for the fucking brain.
And the irony is that while I focused entirely on how Cas needed to be grounded and choose to live a human life on Earth, the narrative had other plans (okay yeah the writers) and instead brought Dean to Heaven, and immortality.
It takes away the final obstacles for giving these two a happily ever after.
It also reflects itself in how Mary, in Heaven, is “complete”. She’s with John. She’s at peace. She’s happy. And who have always been fairly strongly tied (through mixtapes and whatnot) to Mary and John Winchester? Yeah.
Also, Cas the angel will never age and will never die, and him with human Dean, watching Dean grow old and die only to go visit Dean in his little Heaven always made me depressed. Human!Cas took care of that, but left the Heaven conundrum wide open. And now it’s just gloriously fixed.
And, speaking of, Cas got to FIX HEAVEN. And he’s fixing it together with his son. All of that faith, all of that struggle, completely rewarded. And Cas building that Heaven in wait for Dean to arrive, because if Dean hadn’t died in that barn (take me back to the night we met...) Dean would’ve died at some point, and Cas can wait, he just wants to make sure there’s happiness waiting for Dean when he arrives. I’m sorry but OMFG. I’m just so happy for our Castiel!!
Could Dean not know happiness on Earth?
I think he was on his way. I think there would always be that pain and that fear, but he was ready to accept that and make the most of it and live his life. Only... his heart is missing, because his heart went away, and perhaps there’s this chance that he’ll find it again, because he always has before, but he doesn’t know, and he doesn't expect it, and that’s okay, he can wait, and then he’s brought to Heaven, and there it is, and he smiles that smile and Heaven is basically complete apart for one final piece.
Because of course Dean would wait for Sam.
Now. I realise this is my reading of this narrative. No one needs to accept it as the begin all, end all reading. I’m only hoping that it will offer a counterweight to the absolute and utter negativity being bandied around as the only true begin all, end all, because I do not see it or believe that it’s all there is to this finale.
There’s beauty here. And discounting it, at least the possibility of it, even if it’s not exactly what I’ve laid out in this reply, because of frustration of not getting textual Destiel is not doing anyone any good. We got subtextual Destiel, we got subtextual bisexual Dean, and it’s confirmed. To my mind, it’s confirmed.
That’s everything I ever dared expect. And that expectation came solely from how clear the subtext has always been, how invested the writers have seemed in it, and the actors too.
And Cas is canonically queer.
Which is fucking amazing and truly enormous and I’ll talk very gently about why I don’t feel his death was a case of BYG in a separate post, but Cas is alive in the narrative as it’s been presented to us, and he’s in love with Dean and they get to be together in the Heaven Dean deserves, remodelled for Dean by Cas. If that’s not the beginning of a happily ever after, then I don’t know what is!
Thanks for asking, love. I’ve been meaning to write all this down and have spent the afternoon doing so. It’s quite cathartic!
So I slept. And waking up the first thought in my head was... but there is this open ending with them all in Heaven and Cas not a stated angel even, just a helper to Jack...
And then I felt the need to watch the episode again. Because of how I’ve said, perhaps not for always, but often enough, that this show of ours was never about Destiel, was never about Dean and Cas’ love story, and beginning to hope that the ending would be focused on them... it wasn’t fair. Not really. And I remembered reading somewhere that a big chunk of the internet accepted Cas’ death as final, and seeing posts to that effect and thinking LUDICROUS and NO WAY and knowing all along that it could all be denial on my part.
And oh boy was it.
I know there were plenty of us who kept that hope alive, and I’m thankful for you, but I made myself believe that he’d be back because I couldn’t imagine he’d die like that, or that the love story would end unreciprocated like that. And I guess, in a way, it still did, BUT... in another way, it really didn’t.
It’s not enough. Subtext is not the representation I’ve always hoped for, but it wasn’t just erased either. And we got as much as we could get, because obviously Dean being textually bi and us getting an I Love You out of him was just never going to get green lit by the studio.
I’ve always believed the writers would’ve gone there if allowed. I think Cas’ love declaration underlines that they would’ve. But they weren’t given the opportunity, and I’ll lament it until the end of time, but it is what is.
What we did get, though, is quite beautiful. No, listen, IT IS.
There’s the emotional substitute Miracle Dog, getting so much LOVE from Dean, which I know most of us all went the big awwww at, no matter what we thought of the rest of the ep.
There’s the healthy way Dean is dealing with the loss of Cas, and of Jack, knowing that pain will never go away, and accepting it. Accepting it because he’s feeling worthy of moving on without them. He’s no longer attaching his self-image to the perceived failure of protecting others. He’s letting them go, believing that they may meet somewhere further down the road.
But looking at the finale for what it is, rather than for what I wanted it to be (cardinal sin omfg my emotions really ran away with me and I wish I could’ve been more level headed and come on here with this positivity and calm) (but) (no dice) (anyway) it’s just beautiful how Cas is in the background, not waiting, not really, because he’s busy preparing Heaven and fixing his home in ways that will actually mean peace AND freedom when the brothers are done.
Something Cas would not have been able to do if he’d not fallen in love with Dean. If he’d not gone through his journey. I mean. Those implications are highly satisfying.
Last night all I could think, ALL I could think, was that it’s not ENOUGH.
But it has to be. Because it’s not dismissive. It’s not erasing anything. It’s the same subtextual thread we’ve always been pulling on, and it’s there for us to continue to pull on, and that’s a goddamn gift.
I wish that 15x18 hadn’t been quite so in our face “kill your gays” buuuuuuuut that’s if you’re surface watching, yeah? Cas isn’t dead, for starters, and everyone was, obviously, brought back when Jack took Chuck’s power, so even if it wasn’t visually established that Stevie and Charlie are back and thriving, it’s narrative fact that they must be. What it is, more than anything else, is what I read it as to begin with: a love letter to the love story, where we get the subtext of couples loosing each other so strongly stated that there’s no way we’re not meant to understand that Dean losing Cas is within that exact same context.
We didn’t get textual Destiel, but we did get the love story textually confirmed through Cas’ declaration, and we did get it subtextually confirmed, not hinted, subtextually confirmed through all those other couples losing each other, that the love story EXISTS there, on that level, for us.
Oh guys I feel so sad that I was so SAD yesterday. Why didn’t I just take a breath?? Guys, guys, guys, there’s such BEAUTY.
And Jensen.
Jensen in how he played that death scene. Jensen who kept it so even, so gentle, so... brotherly. These brothers have been through hell. Dean ending this way... it’s a travesty, but it also means he meant to go to the place where he doesn’t have to hope to see Cas again--because he will see Cas again.
And why didn’t Cas come right back to Dean once he was out of the Empty, why did he go off with Jack to fix Heaven?
2. Dean seems to be perfectly fine after losing his best friend who just sacrificed himself for him and pie magically fixes everything. He’s a completely different person than he was last episode.
3. Not to mention Dean and Sam make no effort whatsoever to rescue Cas from the empty. They leave the guy they call their brother in a shit hole to rot.
4. Sam doesn’t have a moment to reconnect with Eileen and they don’t show us anything concrete, so we can’t be sure if they actually end up together.
5. They’re hunting probably the lamest monsters on the show to date and protecting some random kids who are unimportant to the plot.
6. Some vampire girl from an earlier season who nobody even remembers shows up and gets a moment.
7. Dean, who has just defeated god, dies by accidentally impaling himself in the back with a rusty nail.
8. Sam and Dean make no effort to summon Jack or do anything else that could save Dean’s life.
9. Dean and Sam share a moment where they look like they’re going to kiss that I know the bibros/wincest people will never shut up about.
10. Dean gives up so easily as if he’s been hoping to die despite being “finally free” for the first time in his life.
11. Apparently Cas had been rescued from the empty but he never comes to save Dean even though he loves him canonically and can always seem to sense when Dean is in danger.
12. Sam and Dean didn’t get to grow old together.
13. Dean didn’t get to meet Sam’s son or have a kid of his own (we know he would have been a great dad because of how he was with Ben).
14. Sam’s son is named Dean and he has his name printed on his overalls?
15. Sam’s aging looks so unrealistic and the wig is so tacky it just makes me laugh and I can’t feel emotional about it whatsoever.
16. Sam is clearly not okay without Dean and he never stops mourning his brother’s death.
17. Dean didn’t get his apple pie life, or any other life for that matter. All he ever knew was hunting, and he died on the job just like he always feared.
18. Jack and Cas created the new and improved heaven and were probably hanging around there somewhere when Dean arrived but they never reunite.
19. They show the scene with Dean driving the impala as if it’s symbolic of Dean’s happiness when we all know it’s a total downgrade from the episode before when he had Sam in the passenger seat.
20. Dean drives around in the car for ages and we think he’s going to find Cas but no, he’s just driving to some random bridge in the middle of nowhere.
21. Eileen isn’t there even when Sam dies.
22. They keep bringing all the attention back to the relationship between Sam and Dean, completely disregarding almost all other relationships they’ve formed along the way.
23. Cas isn’t in any part of the episode and the writers blame it on Covid-19 but then they show a bunch of people crowding together on the bridge with no masks so they’re clearly not taking Covid precautions. They just didn’t want to unpack the confession because they didn’t want to make it gay but they were okay with queerbaiting all this time.
This is the absolute worst ending I could have envisioned. I can’t point to a single thing I liked about the episode and it’s the last one ever. Fuck.
May I add that Dean dies in a barn. He met Cas in a barn. I cannot believe he dies facing down vampires in a barn getting himself impaled on a fucking nail.
I’m losing my mind a little over the fact that Jensen talked about how Cas’ celestial heritage stood in the way of Dean actually internalising that ‘I love you’ in the moment, and I’m losing my mind a little because Cas’ celestial heritage has always been hinted at acting as a soft obstacle to how these two relate themselves to one another: for Cas in his learning to not fear his emotions and to dare to feel things fully, and for Dean in his absolute belief in his unworthiness of love making him feel crazy for even thinking, let alone ever daring to hope, that Cas might ever feel anything like that for him.
So for Jensen to even mention it... *head exploding*
Guess when in the narrative this obstacle wasn’t present? Actually, it felt like it was glaringly non-present.
Yeah, during the human!Cas arc. When Dean was already beginning to quietly enjoy Cas talking about the shower pressure and about having had sex (I mean, I cannot see that offered revelation as anything but provocative on Cas’ part) and Cas wanting a burrito, only for the cock-blocker that is Gadreel to, out of pure narrative necessity, to immediately demand Cas get asked to leave the bunker.
And Dean’s face... “The bunker is safe!!!” But nope. Dean’s left no choice.
And so Cas goes.
And then Dean goes to see “Steve” at that Gas-n-Sip and Dean is apologetic, of course, and trying to make sure that Cas will forgive him for asking him to leave, but he’s also eager to get Cas back on a case, to work together, to remind Cas of who he truly is. And he does. Cas tells him that he’s scared of dying, still grappling with what his humanity and mortality means, and Dean understands -- why wouldn’t Cas want out of the life? -- and Dean respects Cas enough to not push or continue to cajole Cas into where Dean wants Cas to be: still in the life so he can still be in Dean’s life. But the interaction serves it’s purpose. “Steve” is nothing but an armour of pretence, because being human doesn’t necessitate giving up protecting innocent life -- only Cas’ fear of dying necessitated that, and Cas sheds the pretence, and goes to join the brothers on a case, using the fact that it’s to do with the fallen angels as a very sound excuse for him to be “back in town”.
And we get the most openly flirtatious moment ever between these two in that bar, at that table, with the beer and the “every hookup can’t be perfect” and there’s this gentle moving into something different for them, only then we get Cas learning that Sam needs help, and there seems to be a war coming, and Cas decided that he can only be useful to the fight, he can only be helpful if he’s powered up, so he swallow’s Theo’s grace.
And we get one of the most tense phone conversations between Dean and Cas ever. Dean looks so shocked that Cas is an angel again. Is Cas sure this is what he wants?? And Cas is. If there’s a war coming, he has to be ready.
And so that gentle moving into something different for them grinds to a halt, because Cas not being human again slams all of the walls back down. Dean just cannot believe that Cas won’t just break apart of he tries to care, he cannot see Cas Angel of the Lord and Warrior of Heaven as a being that would ever fall in love, not in the same way a human would.
That’s not to say that this is the truth.
We now know that it isn’t the truth at all.
What I’m getting it as that I’m curious what we’re getting in 15x20 because if Castiel is dead (long live Castiel), then what we’re getting back might be something different. Of course, he’ll be something just the same because the humanisation of Cas culminated in that “I love you”, but you know what I mean.
If we get Cas back human, then this might actually mean that Dean has to readjust again... Because what was the “love” that Castiel talked about? Will Cas as a human still be feeling it? How does it work?
I’d most likely fall apart completely if we get Dean being happy, so damn happy, to have Cas back and yet so damn self-conscious and not necessarily insecure, but nervous. Like Dean’s trying to suss out where they stand etc. and exactly how he can broach the subject or try to hint to Cas that hey, he’s felt the same way for the longest time, but he never even dared hope that Cas would ever love him. And Dean is all: he said he loves me, but that was before, and this is now, so does he still...?
Anyway. Hopes and wishes. I just love the human!Cas arc so damn much and to have them interact that way again would be ambrosia for the brain.
*is it thursday yet?*
I almost hope we get Cas just showing up. The way he’s just shown up all the other times Dean has had faith he would. You know? 5x01 is perhaps the exception, but then again, it was all so new then. 13x04 was the first time we were brought in to witness Cas’ return, because it was important for his arc. His arc is complete -- apart from the reward -- so it would be kind of funny of Cas calls again or just knocks on the door of the bunker and is like... I’m back.
And then it’s revealed that he’s back because Dean fucking prayed, every night Dean’s prayed, and it woke Cas in the Empty and he did his thing and got himself back... *muahahhaha I wish and hope*
the empty also knew (in that same breath) what Cas feared… and we now know it was Dean’s rejection. and then he fully embraced the love and let himself feel happiness about it anyway… and here we are
And when the Empty tries to convince Cas that there’s nothing for him back on Earth, Cas refuses to believe it, because he hopes that Dean loves him, but when he returns and Dean acts like that return is just par for the course, never letting on how losing Cas left him completely adrift, Cas begins to think that perhaps the Empty was right, so out of self-preservation he decides to focus on what he’s always focused on -- duty. Namely, the duty that is his promise to Kelly, to protect her son. Only, that duty leads him to make the deal with the Empty, and the deal with the Empty finally brings Cas to a moment where he has to admit defeat. He can’t have what he wants, so there’s really nothing for him on Earth. He’s ready to let his hopes go, and in the letting go, he finally reaches a moment where he understands what true happiness is: the fact that he’s been able to go from fearing the very concept of emotions, to allowing this love to cancel all of those fears out once and for all.
Like they’d put in a scene where Cas calls Dean on the phone (hello 13x05) and Dean gets SO excited and SO hopeful and SO worried because Cas is HURT and Dean runs like the wind to get to Cas and let him in, only to be met by the Devil...
...and it’s not meant as foreshadowing for Cas’ return.
When I tell you I screamed, I really screamed. Immediately, I knew it couldn’t actually be Cas, the writers won’t bring him back until the last episode, so I assumed it would be Chuck or some other big bad in disguise. I was right. But what killed me more than seeing Cas’ name pop up on Dean’s phone was Dean’s reaction.
Right here, utter despair. Since the beginning of the episode, he’s been grieving Cas non-stop. I don’t have screen caps of the other Destiel scenes in 15x19 yet, but y’all… Dean was destroyed. I mean, you don’t have to watch the whole episode to be able to see how low Dean is: the regret, the sadness, the desperation.
When he sees Cas calling him, he’s confused, in disbelief. Dean doesn’t want to believe it, since he’s been tricked already when Chuck Thanos’d the dog he found. But his expression quickly shifts from confusion to alarm and heartache. Dean has been let down so many freaking times in this show, he just can’t catch a break. So putting his hope in that Cas is alive opens himself up to another heartbreak.
Even though Dean knows it could be a trick, hearing Cas’ voice for the first time after days of grieving him looks to be the point where he has to know. His lip almost quivers, like he’s mouthing something to himself. He stands up with a clear purpose, to get back to Cas. To tell him what he couldn’t.
And Dean literally sprints up the stairs to get to Cas. The moment Cas got taken by The Empty, Dean was definitely reciting what he could’ve said back to Cas. That’s his rush here; to finally have a chance to let Cas know how he feels. Even though it might be a trap.
Dean pauses with his hand on the door handle, in contrast to the speed he was going up the stairs. It’s clear he’s still in disbelief; hesitant. But undoubtedly, Dean wants to cling to the hope that it’s really Cas behind that door.
So yeah. Y’all saying this episode “ignored” Dean’s grief, you clearly didn’t watch the episode. More scenes to come soon.
like. taking off my destiel goggles sam didn’t even check on eileen ??? they didn’t check on the rest of their friends and family they just. drove off??? what was the entire series of character and relationship development for
Exactly! I mean, we survived an episode that could have been a monstrosity and it wasn’t. Buckleming wrote one of their worst episodes and gave the bronlies the ending they wanted. They got something crappy, from the crappy writers. But if they choose not to watch 15x20, it’s their choice.
Next week, Dabb will give us the end of what we care about the most: the character arcs. And after tonight, I’m feeling very optimistic for REASONS.
I was personally quite happy with a lot in this episode as it could have been one of those structural messes full of weird porno jokes and uneven storytelling, and I was happy it at least wasn’t that. *shudder*
That said, the superficiality of the ending lands so flat it’s almost laughable, right? It’s almost like the lack of mentioning both Eileen (who is obviously back!) and Cas (and asking Jack to bring him back) is meant to be a silence for everyone to pick up on.
It’s gorgeous!
I’m so with you on the optimism. Cas was planted strongly in this episode. And omfg that DOG (who has been likened to a dog more than once in this narrative?) and Dean being so happy at this little miracle and putting the dog in Cas’ spot in the backseat like wow!
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