15x20 and human!Cas...

I’m losing my mind a little over the fact that Jensen talked about how Cas’ celestial heritage stood in the way of Dean actually internalising that ‘I love you’ in the moment, and I’m losing my mind a little because Cas’ celestial heritage has always been hinted at acting as a soft obstacle to how these two relate themselves to one another: for Cas in his learning to not fear his emotions and to dare to feel things fully, and for Dean in his absolute belief in his unworthiness of love making him feel crazy for even thinking, let alone ever daring to hope, that Cas might ever feel anything like that for him.

So for Jensen to even mention it... *head exploding*

Guess when in the narrative this obstacle wasn’t present? Actually, it felt like it was glaringly non-present. 

Yeah, during the human!Cas arc. When Dean was already beginning to quietly enjoy Cas talking about the shower pressure and about having had sex (I mean, I cannot see that offered revelation as anything but provocative on Cas’ part) and Cas wanting a burrito, only for the cock-blocker that is Gadreel to, out of pure narrative necessity, to immediately demand Cas get asked to leave the bunker. 

And Dean’s face... “The bunker is safe!!!” But nope. Dean’s left no choice.

And so Cas goes.

And then Dean goes to see “Steve” at that Gas-n-Sip and Dean is apologetic, of course, and trying to make sure that Cas will forgive him for asking him to leave, but he’s also eager to get Cas back on a case, to work together, to remind Cas of who he truly is. And he does. Cas tells him that he’s scared of dying, still grappling with what his humanity and mortality means, and Dean understands -- why wouldn’t Cas want out of the life? -- and Dean respects Cas enough to not push or continue to cajole Cas into where Dean wants Cas to be: still in the life so he can still be in Dean’s life. But the interaction serves it’s purpose. “Steve” is nothing but an armour of pretence, because being human doesn’t necessitate giving up protecting innocent life -- only Cas’ fear of dying necessitated that, and Cas sheds the pretence, and goes to join the brothers on a case, using the fact that it’s to do with the fallen angels as a very sound excuse for him to be “back in town”.

And we get the most openly flirtatious moment ever between these two in that bar, at that table, with the beer and the “every hookup can’t be perfect” and there’s this gentle moving into something different for them, only then we get Cas learning that Sam needs help, and there seems to be a war coming, and Cas decided that he can only be useful to the fight, he can only be helpful if he’s powered up, so he swallow’s Theo’s grace.

And we get one of the most tense phone conversations between Dean and Cas ever. Dean looks so shocked that Cas is an angel again. Is Cas sure this is what he wants?? And Cas is. If there’s a war coming, he has to be ready.

And so that gentle moving into something different for them grinds to a halt, because Cas not being human again slams all of the walls back down. Dean just cannot believe that Cas won’t just break apart of he tries to care, he cannot see Cas Angel of the Lord and Warrior of Heaven as a being that would ever fall in love, not in the same way a human would. 

That’s not to say that this is the truth.

We now know that it isn’t the truth at all. 

What I’m getting it as that I’m curious what we’re getting in 15x20 because if Castiel is dead (long live Castiel), then what we’re getting back might be something different. Of course, he’ll be something just the same because the humanisation of Cas culminated in that “I love you”, but you know what I mean. 

If we get Cas back human, then this might actually mean that Dean has to readjust again... Because what was the “love” that Castiel talked about? Will Cas as a human still be feeling it? How does it work? 

I’d most likely fall apart completely if we get Dean being happy, so damn happy, to have Cas back and yet so damn self-conscious and not necessarily insecure, but nervous. Like Dean’s trying to suss out where they stand etc. and exactly how he can broach the subject or try to hint to Cas that hey, he’s felt the same way for the longest time, but he never even dared hope that Cas would ever love him. And Dean is all: he said he loves me, but that was before, and this is now, so does he still...?

Anyway. Hopes and wishes. I just love the human!Cas arc so damn much and to have them interact that way again would be ambrosia for the brain. 

*is it thursday yet?*

I almost hope we get Cas just showing up. The way he’s just shown up all the other times Dean has had faith he would. You know? 5x01 is perhaps the exception, but then again, it was all so new then. 13x04 was the first time we were brought in to witness Cas’ return, because it was important for his arc. His arc is complete -- apart from the reward -- so it would be kind of funny of Cas calls again or just knocks on the door of the bunker and is like... I’m back. 

And then it’s revealed that he’s back because Dean fucking prayed, every night Dean’s prayed, and it woke Cas in the Empty and he did his thing and got himself back... *muahahhaha I wish and hope*

Final Two Eps: Destiel Edition

Okay, look it: narratively it makes all the sense that, to get Cas back, Dean needs to have faith. He needs to believe that Cas will come back. He shouldn’t try to make a deal, he shouldn’t try to gain control of the situation, he should simply trust that Cas will find his way back to him, because Dean should realise that’s what Cas has always done.

All those times when Cas left without as much as a by-your-leave, all those times he up and disappeared and it drove Dean crazy because he figured it had to mean that Cas could see no reason to stay, Dean now knows that that was nothing but his own fear talking. His fear that this was what Cas leaving him over and over meant: lack of emotional ties, lack of love.

But Cas loves him. 

And knowing Cas loves him shouldacouldawoulda make him feel... invincible enough to face the truth in everything Cas told him, everything Cas has observed about him. Because Cas handed Dean his true identity, and more than that, he illuminated how it’s known to everyone who knows him. Cas doing this is such a strong indicator for how all Dean has to do is open up to it, accept it, stop being afraid that he’ll get rejected, because he knows now that his fear of rejection is completely unfounded.

Because of and thanks to knowing, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that Cas loves him.

Dean’s eyes opening to recognising his own worth as he realises that through it all -- all the wrong turns, all the bickering and the arguments, through all of Dean’s poorer choices and his failures -- Cas has loved him. Because Cas has seen Dean’s real strength: his heart.

Being loved by the person you love is euphoric. Dean feeling the pain of the loss only to begin truly comprehending everything Cas laid bare for him, beginning to find his way into the happiness that comes from being seen and loved just as you are, for who you are, this might push Dean into a moment where his faith finally blossoms, and his doubts begin to leave him.

It could bring on clarity. And honesty. Regarding what he wants. And this might make him clear-headed enough to think, really think, about what Cas said to him. Cas thinking that what he wants, he can’t have. Cas thinking that Dean never felt the same. And is Dean going to be okay with that?

Or will he remember how Cas escaped the Empty once before?

Jack reached out to Cas in the Empty and he managed to reach him simply because Jack wanted Cas back. He didn’t bring Cas out of the Empty, because Cas had to do that himself, but Jack woke him. 

(and also kinda interesting... Nick reached out to Lucifer) (Nick managed to wake Lucifer through pure, deeply rooted craving) (through longing) (through their shared bond) (through prayer) (I’ve never been more excited to watch a Buckner Leming episode) (will they tie back to this moment??) (because even though Dean’s not aware that prayer works -- WE are) (it’s totally believable that it would and that you don’t need any powers for it to do so!)

So.

What if Dean remembers Jack saying how he wanted Cas back. What if Dean emembers Cas telling him how he “annoyed a cosmic being” into setting him free. Imagine Dean seeing the two pieces and how, if Cas is woken up by someone wanting him back, then Cas might be able to annoy his way back again, and Dean starting to have complete faith that this would happen, because why wouldn’t it be possible for it to happen again? What if we get Dean reaching out, with his whole heart, believing fully -- having all that faith -- that Cas will hear him. That there’s no way that he won’t. 

Dean prays to Cas. 

And Cas wakes up. Of course he does! And he hears Dean’s prayer, telling him to get his ass back home and...

Well, was the deal with the Empty that Cas would sleep forever? 

Nope.

Symbolically, Cas being taken by the Empty can be seen as a visual manifestation of Cas integrating his Shadow. There’s balance between his Shadow and his ego now. He knows who he is, he knows what he wants, there’s no more confusion, no more hesitation, and Dean waking him... Well, that would be like a giant flaming beacon for him, wouldn’t it?

Even if Dean doesn’t tell him he loves him, it’s still Dean not rejecting him. It’s Dean not giving up on him. Refusing to, in fact. It’s Dean with an invitation for him to return home. Not an expectation. Not a demand. Not a need. But a sincere hope. 

Don’t get me wrong, a verbalised want or verbalised emotions would be fantastic, but maybe save something for the final ep. Know what I mean? (of course you do) (if this takes place in 15x19) (and by all accounts this feels like the episode where they fight Chuck so it would make sense...) (anyway this is very detail speculation-y and oh how wrong one can be but it’s a lovely framework and anything in the ballpark would be *chef’s kiss*)

So, again, the deal wasn’t that Cas would sleep forever.

It was that the Empty would leave him to suffer, until he gave himself permission to be happy and then it would come and drag him to nothing. Then it would get him forever. So what if Cas confronts the Empty again, filled with renewed self-worth and focus because he has heard Dean’s prayer. He knows there’s everything for him back on Earth.

And the Empty is furious that he’s awake again, but there’s nothing it can do, as we’ve been made privy to more than once. All it can do is make a deal, so that it can finally go back to sleep.

Human!Cas angle and perhaps we get the Empty refusing to let him go without a sacrifice this time. So it gives him an ultimatum: he can go, but his powers will stay in the Empty -- he’ll have to go back human. Is that really what he wants?

And Cas smiles. 

And he says yes, it is.

And the Empty hesitates, then says fine.

And sends him back.

Or, in order to secure his freedom and realising it would be an advantage to the fight against Chuck, Cas wakes the angels... or they wake... there’s angel wake-age anyway, and he raises an army and demands the Empty send them back, again, so that it can finally sleep.

And the Empty says fine (or something like it), and sends them all back. Perhaps in the very nick of time to defeat Chuck and, then, to repopulate Heaven, so that Cas’ arc ends in him finally having reached the moment in his progression where he’s able to fix what he’s broken: he fixes his home.

Or a combination of the two. I mean, I’m a human!Cas freak so I’ll just tote that every day of the week, but I’m fine fine fine with him staying an angel, as long as he goes back back back.

Here’s hoping. And wishing. And thinking. And dreaming. 

Sprinkles of salt, guys. This is all just spec. And this was very detailed! Basically my hopes are now:

Dean is shown to have faith and hope that Cas will come back (Sam might think Dean is acting slightly mental and that he’s not dealing with his grief again, but really Dean just believes deeply in Cas returning)

Dean prays to wake Cas in the Empty (an honest and heartfelt prayer)

Cas wakes and confronts the Empty

Cas returns, with or without an army of angels

If he returns with an army, he gets to repopulate and fix Heaven (with all the fallen angels his gullibility and choices managed to get killed)

Yes. Well, then. Let’s see what we shall get!!

:)