hire me for just whatever

[fills out a job application] i can do whatever and am good at anything, my biggest weakness is i love too much

String identified: t at [ t a acat] ca at a a g at atg, ggt a t c

Closest match: Sparus aurata genome assembly, chromosome: 13 Common name: Gilt-head Seabream

(image source)

wizard college is going to kill me I swear to god. I just saw someone without a component satchel reach into their pocket and pull out a handful of LOOSE tapioca to use as a substitute for blood in their fell ritual. and it worked. I've never been so fucking mad.

I love that only weeks after Dan and Phil met in real life, AO3 was born. It’s way too perfect

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being a fan of Chappell Roan I just think some of them need to realize and accept that they are a fan of a mainstream popular artist making popular pop music and therefore straight people are going to play it at weddings and it’s going to be in commercials for DoorDash and stuff. And that’s literally okay. It’s actually good. It’s good and normal for gay people to be making popular music. Idk if it just hasn’t sunk in for people yet that she is very popular. Ok I am telling you now. The woman is very popular

ID: Tags via thevowels-pt2: #elton john isn’t less gay for being grandmas’ favorite the world over.

just finished reading american psycho. crazy stuff.

sorry. neurodivergent*

if theres anything you want crushed and ruined just let me know

ill put it in my mangle

HELLO?!?!?! WHAT IS THIS AD

Pee in them.

I just learned that the Russian word for “ladybug” translates to “God’s Little Cow”

It’s the same in Irish! bóín Dé!

in hebrew it’s “our rabbi moses’s cow”

Oh I love this news!!!!

Multiple cultures upon seeing a ladybug for the first time: “Who’s cow is this????”

IMPORTANT COW UPDATE FROM MY BELOVED

feminism never taught me to hate men but it did help me realize that i shouldn’t prioritize them over women & it turns out that alot of men consider that to be hatred lmao.

So if you were in a room with two prisoners; a man and a woman, you’d never met, and the gender neutral soldier with the big gun told you to kill one of them, you’d automatically shoot the man?

tag yourselves I’m the gender neutral soldier with the big gun

im the completely off the wall reaction to a fairly mundane post

Your soldier with a big gun looks gnc af

Shoot the gender neutral soilder, walk out with your new bf and gf

dionysus big naturals

hey so this is simultaneously the best and worst reply you could have ever made to my post

i fly like paper get high like planes

What the fuck?

I saw this in the news today. Political side of tumblr does this mean this will invoke a global war?

Certainly not. You see, the great powers of Europe have entered into a series of mutual defense agreements which, should war break out between any two European nations, would require the whole continent to take up arms against each other. No civilised nation would do any such thing, the loss of life incurred would be too great.

Thank you for your political insight mr tumblrman

@noctumsolis what the fuck you lied :(

Oh, heavens no, this can't be right! The plan for lasting peace was flawless. But even if war has broken out I'm sure it will be over shortly. Modern weaponry makes a protracted campaign infeasible as the common soldier may simply advance under cover of heavy fire and rapidly overwhelm the enemy.

It will be all over by Christmas, surely!

Such a swift war will surely have no long-lasting negative consequences and the patriotic spirit raised by the war will surely stabilize empires such as Russia and Austria and the Ottomans!

ohh don’t worry about me, im eatin a whole buncho oysters.

oysers

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tragedy lovers when the tragedy impacts them deeply: this is FUCKED UP. do it again and again forever please