i think the worst thing about the whole lifelong abuse, and realizing my damage is 'fawning'(fight/flight/freeze/fawn) is that im surprised the whole family can't hear me clickclocking like a fucking metronome between the fact that Jordan and I should leave with what we can do, and feeling responsible for the parents even though they've literally done all of this to themselves
normal adults move out of their parents houses! normal adults don't feel like they have to care for their abusive parents and be their retirement plan!
Why do I have to feel like I have to include these people into a future they have tried so hard to rob me of? They're adults, shouldn't they have to figure out their living situation on their own? They've certainly done it so far with no care or input from us.
I fantasize about decorating a room the way I want. We lived in the doublewide up north for FIFTEEN YEARS and not once did my room ever felt like it was mine. And we were never allowed to decorate lol.