having a genital preference isn’t transphobic, not wanting to date a trans person is
you don’t have to be the classic “gay person who doesn’t wanna date bisexuals because they think they’re cheaters” to be biphobic as an lgbt person. policing what slurs we can reclaim, erasing bi figures from history to make them seem monosexual, shaming them for preferring a certain gender, saying they’re not actually bisexual because of the ratio of their attraction, or trying to invalidate our experiences by saying we have it better than another group is all biphobia and bi erasure. please be mindful of the ways you think and talk about us.
today’s reminder is that even though straight and aro aces are so valid and welcome in the lgbt community, you do not get to use the f slur unless you are romantically attracted to the same sex! not everyone who’s lgbt gets to use it, straight trans people or questioning people shouldn’t use it either, so please be vigilant with the language you use.
mlm romance is just as valid and beautiful as wlw romance and commenting shit like “get well soon ❤️” or “my condolences” under pics of mlm couples is still borderline homophobic even if making fun of men is kind of a trend now.
i post a lot of content about ace issues, so i thought i’d share sara sunflower’s video since it’s very informative and i think you guys would like it! i find that a lot of it is based on actual studies and research, rather than just opinion, which is really helpful since a lot of the discourse around this topic is mostly people’s opinions. anyway, enjoy? hopefully you can learn a thing or two from it?
before you dismiss aphobia, maybe consider that:
- most of us have grown up in a heteronormative education system that has told us that not feeling sexual attraction is abnormal, or even a straight up mental illness (just to be clear, it is not). even the most progressive curriculums won’t include us, and that makes it harder for us to discover and accept our acespec identities.
- we have the second highest rate of sexual assault compared to the other members of the lgbt community.
- some countries won’t recognize marriages as legitimate until you consummate them, and in many others, including the us, refusal to have sex is a valid reason to get a marriage annulled, so imagine being an ace who doesn’t have sex.
- studies show that landlords are just as likely to kick out ace tenants as they are gay ones. now, obviously it’s easier to just not be out to your landlord if you’re ace, but no one should have to be closeted so they don’t lose their home.
- aces who grow up in religious environments aren’t accepted by their churches most of the time. even if it seems like religious communities prefer chastity, they want you to have sex eventually, and since asexual people don’t tend to do that, they’re outcasted for their sexuality.
- the russian government classified asexuality as a mental illness, so now russian asexuals aren’t able to get drivers licenses which i know is oddly specific but it’s also fucking insane and such blatant aphobia that i had to share it
- we aren’t ever included in media. ever. we get no representation. actually, i’ll bet that out of all the lgbtq identities, we get the least amount of recognition. seriously, think about it, because i can’t name a single asexual character except for todd chavez from bojack horseman and the one episode of house where he “cured” an ace couple. like c’mon, that’s ridiculous.
- many ace people can tell you stories of doctors trying to “cure” them of their asexuality by trying to convince them of sexual assaults that never happened, telling aces with chronic pain that that’s the reason why they’re ace, or giving them hormones that they don’t need. there’s so much bias against us in the medical field and we shouldn’t have to waste our time, or money anymore.
- the lack of representation doesn’t help, because there’s so many misconceptions about asexuality, and almost all of them hurt us. no one understands us, and tbh i’m sick of being called a plant, or emotionless, or incapable of love.
- half of the lgbtq community fucking hates us. there’s so much unnecessary vitriol towards us that i honestly don’t like telling other queer people that i’m asexual because then we need to talk about discourse for two hours and i get talked over. even if you don’t think we’re lgbt (you would be wrong though), you don’t need to hate us or make fun of us. there’s no reason for us to be your laughing stock.
- when we do speak up about what we experience, we either get a “who cares” or confused aphobia from straight people, or just a “aces aren’t lgbt lol” from other lgbtq people who don’t care, and don’t want to listen to us.
- allo people want to speak on acespec identities and issues when they don’t understand them at all, haven’t consulted with any of us, haven’t done research, and don’t bother to listen to us when we explain them. the best part is that most of the time, their voices drown out ours when these issues come up. wonderful. when people want to talk about trans issues for example, normally they educate themselves first and talk to actual trans people first (this is definitely not everyone though), but we don’t get the same respect.
and that’s a small sample of half of what we go through. even if you don’t think we’re lgbt or whatever (i’m prepared for the enevitable argument over this that will break out in the comments of the post), respect us, listen to us, don’t talk over us, and educate yourself! i’m sick of all the arguments and hate and misunderstanding. we already have so much stacked up against us, so at least give us your respect.
I can’t help but help but feel that claiming aces don’t belong in the lgbtq+ community contributes to asexual erasure and aphobia. It implies that asexuals are straight, which is just incorrect. We aren’t straight, straight people feel sexual attraction to the opposite sex, we don’t feel it for anyone, we aren’t straight. It doesn’t matter if you’re heteroromantc or not, if you’re ace, you are not straight.
Hetero people don’t respect us (I don’t mean like, individual hetero folks. I’m sure you’re lovely), and when we’re denied a community with other queer people, well, it’s not long before no one will acknowledge our existence. Denying us doesn’t make us stop existing, it just makes life a thousand times harder for ace people
Aces are valid, important members of our community. Always have been, always will be