she snapped

Here’s a cool trick to see if a man actually respects you: try disagreeing with him

A friend of mine did something with online dating where, before meeting a person, she’d say no to something minor without a reason for the no. For example: “No, I don’t want to meet at a coffee shop, how about X?”, or “No, not Wednesday”, or “No, I don’t want to recognize each other by both wearing green shirts”. She said how the potential dates reacted was a huge indicator of whether she actually wanted to meet them, something I readily believe.

I’ve mentioned this to a few people and sometimes I get very annoyed and incredulous responses from guys about how are they supposed to know that it’s a test if the girl is being unreasonable? How are they supposed to know that and let her have her way? I find it difficult to explain that if you find it unreasonable for someone to have a preference of no consequence which they don’t feel the need to explain, then you are the one being unreasonable. You can decide for yourself that it sounds flaky and you don’t want to date her, but you don’t have a right to know and approve all of her reasons for things in order to deign to respect that she said no about it. Especially in the case of someone you haven’t even fucking met yet.

The point isn’t to know it’s a test, the point is that if you would only say “yes” if you knew it was a test, then what if it’s not a test, but because she hates coffee shops, or because she’s attending a funeral Wednesday and doesn’t know you well enough to want to share that, or whatever else? Because if you’re making rules for when other people can have preferences and not explain why… yeah, that is a thing they can reasonably want to avoid.

@ all the angry dudes in the replies: the point is not to trick or manipulate men. The point is to see how a potential romantic partner reacts to a minor inconvenience.  If they say, “oh, ok, would seven work instead?” or “well there’s this Armenian tea house I’ve been meaning to try out, want to go there?” then that’s a good sign that they’re safe to date.  If they throw a fit and/or demand to know every little detail about your rationale over something as simple as rescheduling dinner plans, that’s a bad sign. A really bad sign.

It’s like this, dudes. Women in Western society are socialised to cooperate and compromise. Some men are socialised to get all their own way, all the time.  These dudes are incredibly dangerous to women their partners,* and the only way to tell them apart from the OK guys is to pay close attention to how they react.  If you’re one of the OK ones, this isn’t about you. Learn to take “no” for an answer, and you’ll be fine.

*Updated to reflect the fact that abusive men can target any gender, and the fact that I used this screening tactic to good effect during my Big Gay Slut phase.

The thing a lot of the men reblogging don’t get – they think this post is telling women to lie. They think this post is telling women to start a fake argument and to be manipulative.

Actually, this post is doing the opposite. This post is telling women to be straightforward, and forthright, and upfront about their values and opinions.

This post is telling women, “I know you’ve been socialized and conditioned to nod and smile at everything a man says your whole life, since you were 4 years old and your grandma told you that little girls should be seen and not heard. I know that by now it’s second nature to you, and you probably don’t even realize you’re doing it half the time. You don’t even realize that the laugh that just came out of your mouth is a laugh of appeasement, rather than a laugh of genuine humor. ”

It’s telling women, “Force yourself to resist your conditioning. Consciously make an effort to be open and honest in that initial conversation, when you’re making small talk, about small things. If he says something you don’t quite agree with (and he inevitably will, because nobody agrees on everything), don’t smile and concede the point like you’ve been trained to do. Consciously make a point of vocalizing your real opinion.”

It’s telling women “If a man doesn’t respect your real opinion about a small, insignificant issue when you first meet him, then he’s not going to respect your real boundaries later on when you’re in a serious relationship.”

Seriously, ladies, read this to men already in your lives. If they get outraged…maybe reconsider their place in your lives.

Women should NOT be forced to feed their babies in a bathroom, all because we live in a misogynistic, porn-warped society that’s been brainwashed to believe that female breasts used for anything other than male pleasure is “indecent”. Support public breast feeding and end the porn culture.

Forever reblog

No. I’m eating. I don’t wanna see you hang out your goddamn tits while I have food. My kids don’t wanna see it. It’s not some misogynistic ideal, it’s fucking public indecency. Can I take my cock out under the table and feed my wife/girlfriend? No? Fuck you

i genuinely cannot believe that you just compared a blowjob to breastfeeding oh my fucking god 

getting a blowjob is a sexual thing and it also does not ‘feed’ anyone whereas breastfeeding is literally not even a sexual thing a baby is having food that they need to live like it’s nowhere near on the same level as getting a blowjob omg

if you are uncomfortable seeing a woman breastfeeding then that is your problem because you have oversexualised breasts so much that you can’t even stand seeing them being used for their actual purpose and also you’re an idiot

go eat your dinner in a public bathroom, you trash bag

End skeevy dudes who compare whipping out their dick in public to breast feeding 2k15

DO YOU FEED YOUR CHILDREN SEMEN? SHOVE A TRASH CAN UP YOUR ASS

Pediatric anthropology student, here.

1.) Breasts as sexual fetishes is a (largely Western) cultural construction. Yes, it’s a fetish – anything you are sexually attracted to that is not the genitals of an adult is a fetish, or paraphilia. My professors have met non-Westerners who think our men are “like babies” because they are attracted to breasts.

Breasts ≠ genitals. Scientifically, they are considered secondary sexual characteristics – same category as facial hair. They can be sexual in a sexual context, just as necks and feet can be. But their primary purpose is reproductive.

2.) Breastmilk is not a “bodily fluid.” It is FOOD.

It is not categorized by the CDC as a biohazard, and so no you don’t need to freak out if your coworker wants to store her milk right next to your Lunchables.

MOREOVER,

Breastmilk is not just protein and vitamins. It is a living, dynamic substance that BUILDS HUMANS.

It has hundreds of ingredients (<— actually that list needs to be updated because they’ve discovered more already). There is a lab at the University of Washington St. Louis, where they have written all of the ingredients of human milk on the wall – They have run out of room on that wall. Among those ingredients:

These ingredients change hour-to-hour according to the baby’s needs. It will even add more water on hot/dry days. Fuck, breastmilk kills cancer in a petri dish. Breastmilk. is. not. a. bodily. fluid. It. is. liquid. gold. 3.) When you tell a woman to go to the bathroom to breastfeed, you are perpetuating the notion that it is dirty and shameful and needs to be hidden away. This idea is the biggest barrier to achieving breastfeeding goals in the United States. Because women feel ashamed, they often stay isolated at home when they should be spending time out and about with friends and family and having, like, a life. This isolation can contribute to postpartum depression. From the Surgeon General’s Call to Action to Support Breastfeeding: Women may find themselves excluded from social interactions when they are breastfeeding because others are reluctant to be in the same room while they breastfeed. For many women, the feeling of embarrassment restricts their activities and is cited as a reason for choosing to feed supplementary formula or to give up breastfeeding altogether. And since we have this culture of shame and privacy surrounding breastfeeding, young girls and women don’t see it enough to learn what is normal/not and how to do it, so they often give up when they run into problems because they don’t realize there’s an easy fix. Moreover, an infant needs to be integrated into society in order to develop properly. He/she needs to see faces and hear voices. Isolating them – or throwing a blanket over their head – takes this important component of their development away. It also often annoys them because they are understimulated. 4.) YOU NEED TO SEE IT. That’s right, YOU. Even if you are a dude. Maybe you aren’t a parent, but you probably have loved ones who are. Or you might become one yourself someday. And if you are American chances are you have no idea how breastfeeding actually works, because you never fucking see it. It’s messy and complicated, and hard. It used to be a part of everyday life, because there weren’t any alternatives – So we learned how to do it by being around it all the time, NBD. The whole sexualization/modesty thing surrounding breasts wasn’t a thing until like the mid-20th century. Check out this 1871 drawing of a woman breastfeeding IN FUCKING CHURCH:

She’s covered head to toe, in accordance with modesty standards of the time – except for her breast, about which the people around her give zero fucks. More from the Surgeon General: In American culture, breasts have often been regarded primarily as sexual objects, while their nurturing function has been downplayed. Although focusing on the sexuality of female breasts is common in the mass media, visual images of breastfeeding are rare, and a mother may never have seen a woman breastfeeding. Mothers need to see it. Future mothers need to see it. Future fathers need to see it. Family members need to see it. Everybody needs to see it. SO THEY FUCKING GET USED TO IT. So, no, I’m not gonna go to the bathroom to feed my kid. If you don’t want to see it, then DON’T. FUCKING. LOOK.

T

We’re Ready

I was presenting an assembly for kids grades 3-8 while on book tour for the third PRINCESS ACADEMY book.

Me: “So many teachers have told me the same thing. They say, ‘When I told my students we were reading a book called PRINCESS ACADEMY, the girls said—’”

I gesture to the kids and wait. They anticipate what I’m expecting, and in unison, the girls scream, “YAY!”

Me: “'And the boys said—”

I gesture and wait. The boys know just what to do. They always do, no matter their age or the state they live in.

In unison, the boys shout, “BOOOOO!”

Me: “And then the teachers tell me that after reading the book, the boys like it as much or sometimes even more than the girls do.”

Audible gasp. They weren’t expecting that.

Me: “So it’s not the story itself boys don’t like, it’s what?” The kids shout, “The name! The title!”

Me: “And why don’t they like the title?”

As usual, kids call out, “Princess!”

But this time, a smallish 3rd grade boy on the first row, who I find out later is named Logan, shouts at me, “Because it’s GIRLY!”

The way Logan said “girly"…so much hatred from someone so small. So much distain. This is my 200-300th assembly, I’ve asked these same questions dozens of times with the same answers, but the way he says “girly” literally makes me take a step back. I am briefly speechless, chilled by his hostility.

Then I pull it together and continue as I usually do.

“Boys, I have to ask you a question. Why are you so afraid of princesses? Did a princess steal your dog? Did a princess kidnap your parents? Does a princess live under your bed and sneak out at night to try to suck your eyeballs out of your skull?”

The kids laugh and shout “No!” and laugh some more. We talk about how girls get to read any book they want but some people try to tell boys that they can only read half the books. I say that this isn’t fair. I can see that they’re thinking about it in their own way.

But little Logan is skeptical. He’s sure he knows why boys won’t read a book about a princess. Because a princess is a girl—a girl to the extreme. And girls are bad. Shameful. A boy should be embarrassed to read a book about a girl. To care about a girl. To empathize with a girl.

Where did Logan learn that? What does believing that do to him? And how will that belief affect all the girls and women he will deal with for the rest of his life?

At the end of my presentation, I read aloud the first few chapters of THE PRINCESS IN BLACK. After, Logan was the only boy who stayed behind while I signed books. He didn’t have a book for me to sign, he had a question, but he didn’t want to ask me in front of others. He waited till everyone but a couple of adults had left. Then, trembling with nervousness, he whispered in my ear, “Do you have a copy of that black princess book?”

He wanted to know what happened next in her story. But he was ashamed to want to know.

Who did this to him? How will this affect how he feels about himself? How will this affect how he treats fellow humans his entire life?

We already know that misogyny is toxic and damaging to women and girls, but often we assume it doesn’t harm boys or mens a lick. We think we’re asking them to go against their best interest in the name of fairness or love. But that hatred, that animosity, that fear in little Logan, that isn’t in his best interest. The oppressor is always damaged by believing and treating others as less than fully human. Always. Nobody wins. Everybody loses. 

We humans have a peculiar tendency to assume either/or scenarios despite all logic. Obviously it’s NOT “either men matter OR women do.” It’s NOT “we can give boys books about boys OR books about girls.” It’s NOT “men are important to this industry OR women are.“ 

It’s not either/or. It’s AND.

We can celebrate boys AND girls. We can read about boys AND girls. We can listen to women AND men. We can honor and respect women AND men. And And And. I know this seems obvious and simplistic, but how often have you assumed that a boy reader would only read a book about boys? I have. Have you preselected books for a boy and only offered him books about boys? I’ve done that in the past. And if not, I’ve caught myself and others kind of apologizing about it. “I think you’ll enjoy this book EVEN THOUGH it’s about a girl!” They hear that even though. They know what we mean. And they absorb it as truth.

I met little Logan at the same assembly where I noticed that all the 7th and 8th graders were girls. Later, a teacher told me that the administration only invited the middle school girls to my assembly. Because I’m a woman. I asked, and when they’d had a male author, all the kids were invited. Again reinforcing the falsehood that what men say is universally important but what women say only applies to girls.

One 8th grade boy was a big fan of one of my books and had wanted to come, so the teacher had gotten special permission for him to attend, but by then he was too embarrassed. Ashamed to want to hear a woman speak. Ashamed to care about the thoughts of a girl.

A few days later, I tweeted about how the school didn’t invite the middle school boys. And to my surprise, twitter responded. Twitter was outraged. I was blown away. I’ve been talking about these issues for over a decade, and to be honest, after a while you feel like no one cares. 

But for whatever reason, this time people were ready. I wrote a post explaining what happened, and tens of thousands of people read it. National media outlets interviewed me. People who hadn’t thought about gendered reading before were talking, comparing notes, questioning what had seemed normal. Finally, finally, finally.

And that’s the other thing that stood out to me about Logan—he was so ready to change. Eager for it. So open that he’d started the hour expressing disgust at all things “girly” and ended it by whispering an anxious hope to be a part of that story after all. 

The girls are ready. Boy howdy, we’ve been ready for a painful long time. But the boys, they’re ready too. Are you?

I’ve spoken with many groups about gendered reading in the last few years. Here are some things that I hear:

A librarian, introducing me before my presentation: “Girls, you’re in for a real treat. You’re going to love Shannon Hale’s books. Boys, I expect you to behave anyway.”

A book festival committee member: “Last week we met to choose a keynote speaker for next year. I suggested you, but another member said, ‘What about the boys?’ so we chose a male author instead.”

A parent: “My son read your book and he ACTUALLY liked it!”

A teacher: “I never noticed before, but for read aloud I tend to choose books about boys because I assume those are the only books the boys will like.”

A mom: “My son asked me to read him The Princess in Black, and I said, ‘No, that’s for your sister,’ without even thinking about it.”

A bookseller: “I’ve stopped asking people if they’re shopping for a boy or a girl and instead asking them what kind of story the child likes.”

Like the bookseller, when I do signings, I frequently ask each kid, “What kind of books do you like?” I hear what you’d expect: funny books, adventure stories, fantasy, graphic novels. I’ve never, ever, EVER had a kid say, “I only like books about boys.” Adults are the ones with the weird bias. We’re the ones with the hangups, because we were raised to believe thinking that way is normal. And we pass it along to the kids in sometimes  overt (“Put that back! That’s a girl book!”) but usually in subtle ways we barely notice ourselves.

But we are ready now. We’re ready to notice and to analyze. We’re ready to be thoughtful. We’re ready for change. The girls are ready, the boys are ready, the non-binary kids are ready. The parents, librarians, booksellers, authors, readers are ready. Time’s up. Let’s make a change.

i just got home from seeing birds of prey and i’m just so ANGRY ok like every time i see a movie/tv show written/directed by women, starring women, made for women, i leave the theater feeling so HYPE and SEEN and like i can do ANYTHING and the way women love MATTERS, like hustlers and little women and the witcher made me want to eat the world RAW, and i just feel so much RAGE because this is how men get to feel ALL THE TIME about NEARLY EVERYTHING EVER MADE and they don’t even REALIZE it, they have no idea the world could or should be ANY DIFFERENT no wonder men can be such entitled MONSTERS they think everything is FOR THEM because it IS

and ANOTHER thing!!

i saw both birds of prey and the witcher with my bff, who is a straight cis man, and in both cases he enjoyed them because i enjoyed them so much, and god bless him for that, but when i asked him what HE thought of them, he said he didn’t particularly like them. and we had a long discussion about how the plot comes secondary to the characters “so it’s like the story doesn’t even matter” he said. and i told him, do you know that’s how most fanfic is too? and character-driven stories where the plot and stakes are less important than the growth of the protagonist are often the kinds of stories women are drawn to??

and i asked him, who is the audience? he didn’t know. i asked, do you think this is a story made for you? and he said, i guess not. (i should pause here and say we have these kinds of discussions a lot; i’m not like baselessly interrogating him. he made it clear he wanted to be having this conversation.) and then i said, if it’s not made for you, how can you enjoy it? he said he didn’t know.

and then i told him this is what it’s like to be a woman watching media made by men, that “ehh, it was alright but it obviously wasn’t for me” feeling he had while watching birds of prey and the witcher is threaded through every second of our lives. and so we’ve had to develop the tools to find ourselves in stories, to empathize with people who aren’t like us. this is true for queer people, people of color, and disabled people too. 

i told my bff he would like these things if he watched them through a woman’s mind. he said he didn’t know how to do that. and i told him that i have to watch everything to a man’s mind all the time. i know how to see through a man’s eyes in order to enjoy stories that are by and for men, but men have never been tasked with seeing something through a woman’s eyes in order to make it for them.

i’m just so mad about the life i’ve been denied, the person i might have been if i’d been surrounded by stories for whom i was the audience. 

I just don’t understand where this concept of ‘fake geek girls’ came from. Like, AT ALL.

Cus when I look for fandom related stuff like 90% of the fan art and the fanfiction and the meta, zines, comics, etc. Like 90% of the shit that I’ve seen is created by women & girls.

And all that stuff take’s a lot of work and research and critical analysis and staring at reference photos for hours.

We are literally the most well versed and invested group in the fandom. So, like, What the fuck boys? You mad you can’t keep up?

I saw an argument, and I can’t find it now, but it totally made sense, that there’s a gender split in fandom. Male fandom tends to be a curator fandom; male fandom collects, organizes, and memorizes facts and figures. Male fandom tends to be KEEPERS of the canon; the fandom places great weight on those who have the biggest collection, the deepest knowledge of obscure subjects, the first appearances, creators, character interactions.

Female fandom is creative. Females create fanart, cosplay, fanwritings. Female fandom ALTERS canon, for the simple reason that canon does not serve female fandom. In order for it to fit the ‘outsider’ (female, queer, POC), the canon must be attacked and rebuilt, and that takes creation.

“Male” fandom devalues this contribution to fandom, because it is not the ‘right’ kind of fandom. “Girls only cosplay for attention, they’re not REAL fans!” “Fanfiction is full of stupid Mary Sues, girls only do it so they can make out with the main character!” “I, a male artist, have done this pin-up work and can put it in my portfolio! You, a female artist, have drawn stupid fanart, and it’s not appropriate to use as a professional reference!”

In the mind of people who decry the ‘fake geek girl,’ this fandom is not as worthy. It damages, or in their mind, destroys the canon. What is the point of memorizing every possible romantic entanglement of heterosexual white Danny Rand if someone turns around and creates a fanwork depicting him as a bisexual female of Asian descent (thus subverting Rand’s creepy ‘white savior’ origins)? When Danny Rand becomes Dani Rand, their power is lessened. What is important to them ceases to be the focus of the discussion. Creation and curatorship can work in tandom, but typically, in fandom, they are on opposite poles.

This is not to say that there aren’t brilliant male cosplayers or smashing female trivia experts, this is to say that the need of the individual fan is met with opposing concepts: In order for me to find myself in comics, I need to make that space for myself, and that is a creative force. Het white cis males are more likely to do anything possible to defend and preserve the canon because the canon is built to cater to them.

This is genuinely the best post I have ever read.

Comment bolded by me because effing important that’s why.

I read this article in my film class! It was about Star Trek and it was written in like the 80s.

Omg for once we can ask where the rest of the essay is because there is in fact an entire essay.

I just want to say that this is why minority representation in the media matters. Mae Jemison was inspired to become an astronaut after watching Nichelle Nichols as Uhura on Star Trek. 

but u guise it’s just a tv shoooow.

Women support women.

#WeStandWithTaylor

A New History of Fandom Purges

On November 24th, 2018, I posted a list of major deletions of sites or of content on sites that stripped fandom of its history. A bunch of pro-shipper blogs had just been deleted, and people were nervous. I suppose I was thinking “All this has happened before…”

On December 3rd, 2018, Tumblr’s Department of Irony announced the NSFW ban. Thanks for providing this salutary lesson to The Youth and a billion reblogs to me, I guess.

Today, we have AO3 for writing. Audio, images, and video are in as much danger as ever, yet fans attack AO3 every donation drive. For those of you who forget our past…

HERE IS WHAT HISTORY HAS TAUGHT US!

This is only a small taste of the many times that:

It’s not always malicious. It’s not always about us. But we lose every time.

Some of these purges hit everyone. Many of them hit m/m content specifically or female gaze-y material in general. This is why antis are dead wrong. This is why anti-fujoshi policies end up being anti-m/m policies. This is why we need clear labeling, not content restrictions.

This is why we need AO3.

And it’s why we need a solution for audio, visuals, and video too.

“When I was a student at Cambridge I remember an anthropology professor holding up a picture of a bone with 28 incisions carved in it. ‘This is often considered to be man’s first attempt at a calendar’ she explained. She paused as we dutifully wrote this down. ‘My question to you is this – what man needs to mark 28 days? I would suggest to you that this is woman’s first attempt at a calendar.’ It was a moment that changed my life. In that second I stopped to question almost everything I had been taught about the past. How often had I overlooked women’s contributions?” ― Sandi Toksvig

Okay but after seeing this I started doing it too and it’s amazing how many men I’ve run into bc they expected me to move

Gotta try it

I work (and walk) on a college campus. I’ve lost count of how many men I’ve smacked shoulders with.

Recently, I was standing outside my son’s classroom waiting to talk to his teacher. I stood on one side of the hallway, not even close to the center. At some point, a man came walking along. I was standing right in his path, but the hallway was empty, so I logically expected him to swerve around me. Instead he kept walking right toward me, got to me, and stopped, as if waiting for me to get out of his way. I didn’t; I just smiled politely at him. He finally walked around me, clearly annoyed that I hadn’t leapt out of his manly path.

Now I’m wishing I’d leapt aside, taken off my jacket and laid it on the floor before him, then bowed deeply and said, “My Liege!”

I also work at a college campus. I smack shoulders sometimes, but I find that if I stare straight ahead and follow the advice below, people get the heck out of the way.

Honestly this post changed how I carry myself when walking alone in public, or in a situation where I’m the one leading. People definitely move for the murder gaze.

Confirmed. I once had to rush back inside a convention hall as the con was closing in order to a retrieve a sick friend’s medication, and I didn’t understand why people in the crowd were jumping out of my way (literally—one guy vaulted a table) until I realized I was dressed as the Winter Soldier and doing the Murder Walk because that’s just how I walk in those boots. I got the meds, got out, and made a mental note.

I repeated the experiment later, wearing the boots but otherwise my usual clothing and mimicking the expression I thought I’d had at that moment. People parted like I was Charlton Heston.

I now wear that style of boots whenever possible. I recently had a man do a double-take as I walked by and ask me, politely, where I had served because I “looked like a soldier.” I’m not current or former military. I was wearing a flowy purple peasant top and looked as un-soldierlike as possible.

Moral of the story: wear comfortable shoes, square your shoulders, and walk like you’ve been sent to murder Captain America.

WALK LIKE YOU’VE BEEN SENT TO MURDER CAPTAIN AMERICA

It’s called the Murder Strut.

IT’S BACK!!!!!! I was searching for this to show my daughter the other day and couldn’t find it. I’m so glad IT’S BACK!! I will always reblog the Murder Strut!!

A guy on a bike went around me because he could tell I had no intention of moving. Thanks to this post.

This post went from Scientific to Feminist to Educational to HILARIOUS!

#make men get the fuck out of the way 2k17

#make men get the fuck out of the way 2k19

we still need it

I perfected the murder strut LONG ago.

This is my favorite advertisement. Also, a short story about sexist parenting with LEGOS. I work at a toy store that sells thousands of dollars of legos and I’ve seen time and time again parents refusing to buy blue box legos for girls and refusing to buy pink box legos for boys even when they ask for them. One girl came in with her parents and she wanted LEGO CITY because it was her birthday and they wanted to buy her gift with her at the store. [LEGO CITY is a LEGO series that lets a child build train stations, firetrucks, passenger ships, space exploration vehicles, drawbridges, garbage disposal trucks, basically anything related to the running of a city and it is not a gender based toy.] I showed them the LEGO CITY, but the mom told the child over and over “No, this is for boys you can’t get that” and eventually, she made the little girl choose a LEGO Disney Cinderella Castle instead because it was “more appropriate”. Even after I pointed out that every box has female and male LEGO people because the toy is meant for both boys and girls, she refused because it looked like a “boy” toy. I’ve had many occasions where a girl will be drawn to the LEGO CITY series only for the parents to come to me and ask  “Where are the GIRLS Legos, you know, princesses and stuff. I’m not buying her this sort of thing” and it makes me so, so, so, so, sad every time because I can already imagine the types of values in education and career choices the parents will be scolding child for wanting in the future when they aren’t even allowed to play with anything blue.  Let girls be kids without all the forced gender stereotyping, dammit. 

You know what little girls could grow up to be? Architects, engineers, builders.

You know what little girls cannot ever be, no matter what they do in life? A princess.

We sell real life careers to little boys, but to girls we sell lies and fantasy. Then we have the gall to say that girls ‘choose’ careers that earn them less, that girls just aren’t interested in STEM fields, that girls are stupid for pursuing frivolous nonsense, etc. etc.  

This is gender in action. Not nature, but socialization.

That last comment especially 👏🏻👏🏻

As a female architect I approve this message.

I loved LEGO when I was little, and it was an activity I enjoyed with both my sister and my two brothers. It galls me how the brand was marketed so heavily to boys in the 80s and 90s, because now those kids are adults and remember it as ‘something for boys’ and keep it away from their girls. Marketing can do damage for *generations*, not just in the immediate short term.

GENDER IN ACTION what a great fucking way of putting it

I was just thinking about this post/ad the other day. I’ve reblogged it before, and there’s a version that links to an interview with the little girl in the picture about her memories of the photo shoot. It’s all very girl-positive and how gendering toys is terrible, and for the most part, I agree. There’s no such thing as boys’ toys and girls’ toys. Or there shouldn’t be.

The thing that occurred to me about this ad, though - it’s not really breaking any gender barriers. The little girl in the picture? She’s dressed like a boy. She’s not wearing pink. Her hair’s not in ringlets. She hasn’t built what could obviously be called a princess castle. If you looked fast, you’d probably think she was a boy (until you noticed the braids).

So yeah, maybe this ad is saying, “Hey, girls can play with Lego too!” Except, not really. Because what it’s actually saying is, “Hey, girls who are actually tomboys can play with Lego too!”

I’m just saying - I think it would have been way more powerful if you’d had a girl in pink and ruffles and ringlets building space ships and skyscrapers and King Arthur’s castle. That it’s possible to be both girly - and want to do those things. This ad? Ain’t showing that.

Okay, so the thing i’m having a problem with here is that this little girl is NOT dressed like a boy, she’s dressed like a little girl at play in 1981.

Girls’ clothes in 1981 were not limited to various shades of pink and purple but ran the full spectrum of colors. They were also expected to stand up to the wear and tear of regular play (which in 1981 meant running around outdoors). Ruffles and the like existed but those clothes were fancy, meant for occasions or events like church and holidays, not everyday wear.

For example, here is a photo of my brother and i in 1983 wearing our everyday clothes

I am five years old here. At this time, my room was painted pink, i had what i called my princess dress, and my Barbie was the one that came with an all-pink wardrobe. At that time in my life i was absolutely NOT considered a tomboy; i was a typical little girl.

To your modern eyes, inundated with the sharply gendered clothing of today, the girl in the ad didn’t even read as a girl whereas in 1981, she did. And i’m wondering who is in the more constrictive box, girls then or girls now?

Also i saw these from the same campaign and they are adorable!

How terrible is it to know that as a society we’ve probably gotten worse with pushing gender norms on kids instead of better.

Little girls wearing those clothes was literally the result of feminist activism for little girls to have functional sturdy clothing they could move and play in just like little boys. So that maybe girls could grow up to have real jobs just like boys and be real people just like boys.

Now I see little girls in skin-tight pink leggings and heeled boots.

Still can’t find a single fucking pair of pants made for women that I could do anything that involves bending let alone yardwork or projects in. I had to buy men’s which of course don’t fit my body at all and end up also restricting my movement because they’re made for people with tiny hips (men). Women and girls DESERVE realistic practical comfortable sturdy clothing for doing more than being just ornamental. Because we are real fucking people!

The message is good, but isn’t it also company pandering. I like that it defies gender roles, but they still get a ton of money from it.

Imo you can make money from something you genuinely want to do - isn’t the gender split partially to drive more sales, bc girls and boys have to be bought separate things? So going for a more gender neutral angle is of course marketing, but isn’t necessarily pandering or ungenuine, depending on who is driving it

when girls like horses we call them ‘horse girls’ and mock them for their bond with giant nightmare leg-finger creatures

but if boys like horses we call them ‘future cowboys’ and ‘rugged outdoors men’

I’m just saying, I’ve met a lot more horse girls than horse boys so when the dystopic breakdown of society hits us, it’s not going to be roving bands of young men on horseback (they don’t know how to ride, they haven’t B O N D ED)

it will be Kelly from elementary school and her band of fifty midwest girls in pink cowgirl boots who have come for your resources

Wanna know a fun fact?

When they were filming Lord of the Rings, they needed A LOT of extras to be able to ride horses into battle. They couldn’t find nearly enough men with horses/ riding skills, so they hired just like a crap ton of women who were expert riders, slapped some beards on ‘em, and called it good. The VAST majority of the riders in that film are horse girls. Horse girls win battles.

Horse girls win battles.

getting over your hatred for pink is self-care

I love that we’ve all had this shared journey of falling in love with pink and realizing that it’s ok to like pink

Teach girls it’s okay to not want kids. Or even like them. That they can be functional people without being a mother. That deciding into their 30s they want kids isnt bad and they’re not “too old.” Teach girls that they don’t have to sell their youth to kids. Because motherhood isn’t for everyone. And we need to stop acting like it is.

Ten things I practice as a woman artist:

I’ve seen Horny Internet Fangirls fall physically in lust with everything from standard hunks to weird cartoons to robots to monsters and every body type from potbelly bear to skeletal beanpole and it never fails to amaze me, when by comparison, straight guys seem to have trouble with any woman who isn’t hourglass shaped

woop there it is