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Tales of an Injured Fog Rat

@almaasi / almaasi.tumblr.com

Elmie. 31, they/them, Aotearoa New Zealand. Words-witch and illustrator of soft queer fiction.
"[Elmie is] not an un-charming person." - Siddig el Fadil, July 2nd 2021
highkey: ⋆ Rabbit LightningRhett & Link ⋆ lowkey: ⋆ GarashirGood OmensDestiel ⋆ ⋆ intersectional feminism ⋆ misc. ⋆
☆ · · · nsfw on occasion
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almaasi
“So,” Garak said, trying to act nonchalant, “what you’re saying is, Captain, you’re… ordering me… to
“I’m ordering you to cuddle him, Mr. Garak,” Sisko said, smiling.

Elim Garak/Julian Bashir ⋆ G ⋆ 3k

Sisko’s away team have to spend the night sleeping on the ship’s bridge. Bashir is sleeptalking too loudly for anyone to ignore – but Garak, apparently, is accustomed to it. The crew decides: if anyone’s going to get Bashir to shut up, it’s his secret boyfriend.

Oh my GOD it’s so. Cute.

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sidras-tak

Bro the tenderness of the first story scenes of princess bride? Westley the farm boy in love with a woman who only ever called him by his job title, yes, harsh and aloof, but beautiful and talented and a hard worker herself. Buttercup, slowly realizing she wanted this farm boy near her and gave any excuse to have him stick around. The intense, smoldering eye contact? “As you wish”? “Farm boy......fetch me that pitcher?” And her voice is so uncertain and he just steps closer and closer and she KNOWS he’ll have to get up all in her business to fetch that pitcher for her and he DOES and he WHISPERS “as you wish” and even if we don’t see it you KNOW their hands brush as he gives her the fetched pitcher??? Modern movies would have that scene lead directly into a passionate and unplanned make out scene, but Princess Bride—wise, talented, sophisticated—doesnt, and the first kiss we see of them is outlined by sunset, tender, longing, familiar, assured in its strength and grounded in reality, not the kiss of two people discovering it for the first time but the kiss of lovers whose love is too strong not to be expressed even though it’s the hundredth kiss they’ve shared......a tearful goodbye...... “I fear I’ll never see you again” “this is true love. Do you think this happens every day?”................did I mention the sunset

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jvlianbashir

i feel like on paper garashir looks like a really classy ship. a doctor and a spy. lunch dates with tea once a week where they discuss literature and politics. tuxedos. buying each other fancy chocolates and writing each other long letters when apart.

but it’s all an illusion

upon closer inspection it becomes rapidly apparent that they’re complete disasters both seperately and as a unit lmao

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Listen… Dean Winchester doesn’t think he’s straight

I agree that Dean knows he’s attracted to men, he’s probably even slept with plenty of them. But it’s also possible that Dean doesn’t believe he’s gay or bi. 

I obviously can’t speak for him because I’m not writing the show, but let me tell you, I have lived my entire life as a bi person and didn’t realize that the attraction I had to the same sex made me a real life gay until this year. It’s not something I actively squished down either. I just didn’t think about it much until it hit me over the head that I was ignoring another side of myself. 

Sexuality is complicated and there is a reason that Dean isn’t out and proud. His biggest problem has always been that he denies himself happiness because he’s always worrying about everyone else. Selflessness has kept him in the closest just as much as shame. 

I mean, this is real for sure, but there’s also an important difference between not thinking or realizing you’re queer and thinking that you’re straight.

Dean has self-confessedly felt like a ‘freak’ his entire life on more levels than one, so thinking that he’s straight is likely a privilege he never had, regardless of who he’s felt attraction toward or had sex with. He was barely an adult when he canonically flirted with cross-dressing as a sexual fetish. I think Marghe is right in that he’s never thought he was straight, what ever he did think of himself. Because straightness does impliy things above and beyond heterosexuality, of a non-deviant, unquestioned normative status, you know. The stuff of privilege.

I agree with both of you. I don’t think Dean thinks he’s straight. 

The reason I replied to this post in the first place (which I should’ve clarified) was because I didn’t agree with @postmodernmulticoloredcloak ‘s tags

the interpretation of him as repressed or in denial is getting more and more grating to me that boy knows his shit okay dean is bi spn

I don’t think it’s fair to say that Dean isn’t in some form of denial or that he isn’t repressing part of his identity (which is why I think it’s possible that he doesn’t apply bi/gay labels to himself-yet). I mean, performing!Dean exists for a reason. If denial/repression wasn’t an issue we would see a much more open Dean. 

Perhaps I’ve misinterpreted what you really meant @postmodernmulticoloredcloak. I know we’ve discussed Dean’s struggle with performing, toxic-masculinity and internalized homophobia before. 

Yeah sorry I didn’t elaborate on that, in the tags I was referring to interpretations of Dean as so deep in denial that he is convinced he’s straight, and that kind of vision is kinda grating to me because that’s not Dean’s character. Dean has built up this entire system of façades and performances because he knows what he is (re: sexuality and many other things) and because he knows, he knows what to hide and how. I hope I’m making sense because I’m not functioning much tonight lol.

My interpretation of Dean is that he’s muuuuch more aware than most part of the fandom seems to give him credit for, and as I always say that’s the tragedy of Dean, that he chooses to sacrifice emotional needs he knows he has for self-preservation and family-preservation, so to speak. And there’s also that aspect of self-deprecation @f-ckyeahfutbol has pointed out which I think it’s all connected, he self-deprecates because he knows he has emotional/sexual/whatever needs that make him a freak in the context of the cultural and mental frame he’s grown up in. So yeah I think he’s been quite self-aware since day 1. I see his journey more about self-acceptance than self-discovery tbh, while is Sam’s case there’s a process of self-discovery and Dean-discovery so to speak.

Dean may not have been up to date with the latest elaborations of queer theory in 2005 and he may not be up to date with the latest elaborations of queer theory now, but he has had a journey of connecting with queer people with various different experiences (look at who has shown or taught Dean about hacking stuff throughout the show. Could hacking be a metaphor? Yes I think so.) and I’m not sure where I was going with this exactly but yeah, I believe that Dean knows his shit, he simply has self-preservation mechanisms deeply ingrained and he’s basically fighting a silent fight against them.

I think identity construction and especially queer identity construction is an interesting question and @aslightsgoflashing brings up important points. While Dean Winchester clearly has some knowledge of non-mainstream queer culture, the environment he was brought up in is far from ideal for the construction of a strong identity of any kind – something that we saw him struggling with in main text in the early seasons. I’ve written before about how I think meeting Charlie Bradbury was something that started him on the journey of constructing an actual queer identity, but how far along that road he is still remains open.

As an aside, I had a conversation with my partner when we were starting to date about when we knew we were queer, and they introduced the topic of conversation with “Well, that’s always the kind of thing you ask another queer person, isn’t it?“ We all have a… journey, and for ourselves we write a story about it.

But I was actually thinking about all the other connotations of ‘straight’ when I first saw Marghe’s post, and something about that is still trying to take form in my mind. Dean Winchester fancies himself a renegade, took much joy in being counter-culture, explictly said that he’d rather be a part of the Munsters rather than main-stream society. With no regard to his sexuality at all, I find it difficult to reconcile with his character that he would ever have thought of himself as any manner of straight just because bucking the system was his way of dealing with the burden placed on him.

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We need to stop seeing autism as some sort of one-dimensional sliding scale. Autism is not a thermometer. It’s not a rating that is “more” or “less”. High-functioning and Low-functioning do not exist in the real world.

Autism is a collection of symptoms and behaviours. Like a sundae bar. You choose your toppings that fit you.

Are you a bipolar extravert that loves socialising, is good at math and bad at remembering time? That’s ONE way to be autistic!

Are you a socially anxious autistic who has meltdowns when your clothes don’t feel right but a genius knowledge of music theory and is great at scheduling? That’s another way to be autistic!

Notice how both of those examples has strengths and weaknesses? Is one more “employable” or “high-functioning” than the other?

There is no one-size-fits-all category or rating for autism.

Though I’d often heard the phrase “autism spectrum” I didn’t really understand it. This post really helps.

Good analogy.

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snakedance

This is the best analogy I’ve yet encountered because it accounts for the days when I get more of one topping than I do on other days, and sometimes get a topping dumped all at once.

THIS, this is a post I reference ALL THE TIME but I’ve spent years never being able to find it again! Very happy to see it still making rounds.

-Brother Cat

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#whenever phil gets out the tarot cards and pulls something scarily accurate i'm just like.... yes.... good...show us your witch powers......#(my own experience with tarot? so reassuring. and calming. it's like asking for a friend's advice but that friend is your own brain.)#also my great grandmother was a witch by profession and i definitely got some of her magic#i have not yet learned to recognise a feeling when i feel it.. but when stuff happens later i'm like OH THAT WAS MY MYSTERIOUS FEELING#one of our sheep died a week or so ago.. and for two days straight i was outside in the middle of the night staring at the moon#and wondering why i felt death in the air#and the rain made me cry and it felt like release but i didn't know why#and i immediately started worrying about our sheep but didn't follow up to see if they were okay#then two days later my mother comes in and tells me one of our sheep died and two days ago had given my mother ''the death look''#if you've never seen someone or something die... there's this look they have that's like a disgraced peacefulness and self-awareness#but basically i knew the sheep was gonna die without any reason for me to think that#and i need to learn to follow up on my instincts because they're ever-present and i never know when it's a psychic thing or random anxiety#*#ANyway#Dan Howell#Phan#witchy things#about me#disclaimer: IS IT ALL BULLSHIT who knows? but science doesn't know a whole lot about a lot of things and this stuff is natural to me#so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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Um, so I hope I’m doing this right (I’ve never submitted something to someone before, I’m such a newb at tumblr still -_-)…But anyway, I was dog sitting for someone last weekend and I saw this on the mantle above the fireplace (and yes I know, they aren’t rooster feathers but still). It made me think of your fic Roost (which I loved) so I thought I would share it with you. Made me think of like, after Dean and Cas die that Sam would keep this on a shelf somewhere in remembrance of them or something, I dunno…

HOW DARE YOU INVOKE DEAD CHICKENS

This is a mini-timestamp for the 12k Dean/Cas Chicken AU Roost. (Warning for past character death (dude, they’re ghost chickens))

Dean whirled around the living room, enjoying his flight ability. It seemed ridiculous that chickens couldn’t fly for all that long - they had wings, for cluck’s sake. Besides, flying was totally awesome. People could say what they wanted about the disgrace of dying, but being dead had its perks.

Dean grew tired after a while (hey, death had some perks, not all the perks), so he flew over to Cas and perched on the other end of the mantelpiece. Between them were two vases, made and arranged so they leaned towards each other, aching to touch. Each contained one of Dean and Castiel’s feathers. The feathers bustled in the puff of air Dean created as he plopped down, wings tucked by his sides.

Castiel glanced over, ruffling his glorious white plumage happily. “Cluck?” he asked, tilting his head. Fun?

Dean nodded. “Bok-bok.Yeah. Lots of fun.

Sam sat at the dining table with Sarah and Ruby, laughing about something. Berkley was at their feet, panting. The mutt was getting grey and clumsy nowadays, but he’d shown a sweeter side in his old age.

It was good to see them all smile. It was like nothing had changed since Dean and Cas had passed away.

Well, one thing had changed. Their little cygnet sat in Sarah’s lap, all grown up. She was a swan, really, but Dean had never gotten out of the habit of calling her his little cygnet. She gave a cheerful honk, her long neck curling around Sarah’s arm.

Dean stood up and strutted across the mantelpiece, straight through the vases and their feathers. He snuggled up next to Cas, sharing his ghostly warmth. Castiel preened him with his beak for a minute, until Dean heaved a sigh.

Castiel tilted his head questioningly.

Dean clucked and shrugged at once. You think they even know we’re haunting them?

Castiel gave a slow blink, a gesture meant to ease Dean’s worry. He didn’t cluck a reply, however, and took a moment to think.

Dean was convinced nobody else could see them. It was just him and Cas in their little world. Castiel wasn’t so sure - after all, Berkley seemed to hear them if they clucked too loud. Yet, in all the time they’d been floating around the house, Castiel never thought to test his theory.

Eventually Castiel nudged Dean in the side. There’s an easy way to find out, you know. Find out if they can sense us.

Dean pecked his beak, an easy affection. With a cluck of anticipation, he flew off the mantelpiece and hovered in mid-air, waiting for Cas. Castiel rolled his eyes and huffed, then spread his wings and followed him.

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almaasi

Try-Something Tuesday ― almaasi

Dean/Castiel | NC-17 | 48,400 words

Summary: Human AU. Dean Winchester teaches a third-grade class. He’s new to this whole ‘bisexual’ thing - but by pure happenstance, he meets Castiel: a particularly dapper male librarian who moonlights as a substitute teacher. Dean’s curious and Castiel is willing, so why the hell not?

Except, fate never intended it to be one-time-only…

LJ | AO3 | PDF
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