The real reason Cas didn’t get that vampire

At first I was like WTF when Cas couldn’t kill a simple vampire. I mean, come on, this guy is a badass with eons of experience killing demons, he won the war against an archangel, Molotoved the devil, and has a ton of super powers.

Then I remembered… this was him last time Dean was missing: 

And it makes a lot more sense. Cas didn’t fail on a hunt because he couldn’t find a vampire. I think he was too depressed and distracted by Dean being missing to hunt. Sure, he tried a bit, but I’m betting 90% of that hunt was him checking his phone, downing coffee and moping, listing for any hint of a prayer, and sitting in the car playing sad songs on repeat. Poor boy’s so smitten, he couldn’t even concentrate long enough to find a single blood sucker. 

Yeah, and back then he was slowly dying from his grace burning out too, but it was depression helping him along there. Just like it’s been ptsd and depression since early s11 too…lying in bed, watching bad tv, too messed up to even leave the bunker to help Dean on a hunt…

But he didn’t have anything to fall back on here. He didn’t even have Sam, and the one time he’d contacted Mary when Sam and Dean first disappeared, she blamed him for not keeping them safe. (I mean she was scared and hurt and had felt left out that they didn’t call her for backup, but still… that hurt to hear from her).

So yeah. Basically I agree.

Not only is Cas depressed and adrift without Dean (or even Sam, really), he doesn’t even have enough human coping skills to recognize the fact that he’s depressed. He’s so much more at the mercy of his own feelings than a human would be, because they’re so alien to him, as well.

(yes, I know, he’s been human before, but he wasn’t supposed to feel this with his own grace back now, you know)

Dean trying to reach out to Cas inside his Lucifer-possessed mind. 

somewhat of a continuation of this 

11.18 | Hell’s Angel

I love everything about Dean and Cas’ phone call but what kills me the most is how Dean says, “I’ve been there.” He gets it, the crippling guilt, the flashbacks, the panic attacks. He’s been in Cas’ position and is worried that Cas might hide forever. Because what if Cas loses a part of himself? What if he ends up losing Cas? And the most painful thing about this is Sam’s question to Dean in 11.04: “You don’t ever think about something? Not marriage or whatever, but… something? You know, with a hunter? Somebody who understands the life?”

Remember when he was mourning Cas after he died in season 7 and would watch soap operas?

#my angel murder babe armoring himself for battle#look at him i love him i love him#this show treats him like garbage like the thinnest of c plots#but here he is heavier than heaven packing his guilt and fear and anxiety into his pockets so that he can get up and try again#can you imagine??? think about it: is being in the bunker the first time he has EVER felt safe????#when was the last time he felt safe: like he couldn’t hurt anyone and wasn’t being hurt himself#when was the last fucking time that was true?#he was camped in the bunker sinking into his ptsd sure#but also nesting also feeling secure for the first time in POSSIBLY FOREVER#but then he sees and he knows#he’s got to get up#open the door and let the world hurtle back#go back to the pain and the fight#and all he takes is that second#look up at him he only takes one second to square his shoulders and pull his armor tighter#and then he goes up the stairs (via @robotmango)

11.06 // Our Little World

So, trash T.V. became Cas’ coping mechanism because he was so traumatized from the curse and being violent and hurting Dean, which then makes his Netflix binges that much sadder because oh my god, my precious bab.