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#but beaujes meant so much to me and i wanted one final post dedicated to them – @alli6 on Tumblr
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feels just like i don't try

@alli6 / alli6.tumblr.com

Allison. Early twenties. Vids stuff. Far too obsessed with fictional characters.
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reblogged
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flowercoasts

i’m so sad. like they could’ve been It. because day one they looked at each other and recognized something so uniquely other but familiar about each other it’s like they gravitated together. two lonely girls out in the world, broken in different ways, wearing armor and masks and loud personalities to cover their hurt; coming together. it’s like the universe pointed at both of them and went like “you two. you are the same. go be friends.” first friends. then best friends not long after. and then there comes the storybook aspect: you have one who’s obsessed with getting a fairytale ending, with having the perfect play by play of every book she’s ever read where the girl gets the guy and they live happily ever after. and then the other who gave up on that a long time ago, only looking for cheap, inconsequential flings and bruises that’ll stay, because the pain is something she’s used to, and she doesn’t know if her hands can be softer.

but then the fairy tale doesn’t happen. except it does, but it doesn’t. the guy isn’t ideal. he’s her friend. he has flaws. it takes ages for her to realize he’s a person, and not just a nameless figure to place in her book. and the other girl doesn’t get a fling. she gets a family. she gets a best friend. she gets “i love you” and connection and hands that don’t hurt but hold - she doesn’t have to be softer, not for them, but she learns anyways, because she was always soft, she just never showed it. so it’s not a fairy tale. people die, the romance doesn’t turn out the way it should, everyone grows up, there’s a war, there’s blood, there’s fear they fight in the name of justice, theres ghosts in their past, there’s the weight of nations on their backs. but there’s also each other.

it’s 80 episodes of love and support and constant communication, and they always were soft around each other - even from day one. of course, they have miscommunications. they argue. they don’t always understand. but they care about each other, down to their core, like it’s written in their blood to. and that care is dedication, it’s hugs and shared rooms. it’s just being there for each other, always. always. the fairy tale is just how pure and strong their love is for each other. regardless of anything. then, like the universe was making some kind of inside joke (you had to be there), one falls for the other. and it’s slow, like love always is - slow until you realize, and then it’s like it’s been there all along because it has. it’s always been love, just now it’s shaped into something different. not deeper or less than, but different in the way that’s dangerous and righteous all at once. it’s slow and soft and non-consuming. it’s always been love.

the fairy tale flips on its head. the girl who was supposed to find the perfect guy instead finds herself. the lone wolf of a girl who swore off deeper connections falls in love with her best friend. the two girls find a family and a home and heal and grow and learn and love. they have family. they have each other. always.

imagine like. 40 episodes of slow pining after realization; denial into anger into acceptance. the girl in love with her best friend hates that she’s in love until she realizes that there’s nothing she can do about it. because she can’t change the fact that the love always existed, can’t unlove someone after practically moving into each other’s hearts. and then the anger at herself turns into acceptance; looks like warm nights in the same bed where they curl into each other and she just accepts the fact she’s going to love this girl forever, always. and then the other girl who slowly, slowly realizes, that after all the growth she’s been through, maybe she still can have her own happy ending. maybe she can fall in love with her best friend. maybe it won’t be easy, because it’s not the easiest way, not what anyone planned - but it’s right. because they just fit, because whoever made the universe made them out of the same stuff and they will always care about each other. it’s not easy, not by a long shot. neither of them want to ruin what they have. and it’s hard to get over the fact that falling for your best friend is so out of the picture it’s in space, that nothing ever prepares you for it. but it’s there, staring them in the face. it takes them both so little to realize that they’ve loved each other for forever. and then they just exist. together. like they always have been, but more. maybe there is no fairy tale then, because none of the stories would ever look like this. but that’s okay, because they have each other. they can write whatever they want.

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