I'm scared.
I am so scared all the time and I don't know what to do anymore.
I'm trapped.
In my own mind, and a repeated life circle of doing the best I can and its just one step away from being good enough for anyone...
I try...
I swear I try!
I'm building my life the only way I've ever known how.
But you tell me to do it this way, while three other people are pulling me other ways and suddenly my body snaps from all the pressure and I can't take it!
I can't take it...
And so I relapse. I relapse in any way I can that won't make you feel like you are the problem because I love you.
I love you...
I love you so much that I don't think I could breathe without you.
So I don't pick up the blade....
Instead, I skip a meal.
But then you notice and you become worried, and I don't want to have you worrying over me when I'm fine.
I'm fine...
And so I change my plan.
Instead, I think...
I think...
And then suddenly I'm overthinking and one thing leads to ten hallways of impossible scenarios with twenty doors on each that lead to complex situations, each one more outrageous than the last.
But I twist it all.
I twist it all until its completely plausible. And then the nightmares they cause sleepless nights, and sleepless night cause days of over thinking which cause more sleepless nights.
And so I'm stuck in this never ending loop.
I lay my bricks down to build my path only to be told that I used the wrong bricks.
And after so long you just want to take a hammer to the stones that you have so wrongly placed many times before...
You know...
You can't criticize the path, when the bricks are destroyed, and theres no one there to replace them anymore....
