To be ruined to satisfy another’s desire

*banging pots* Posessive Cam! Posessive Cam!

@deluxewhump ok, ok look. I barely have art juice this days, but hoho, Zee brought some out for his convenience! Hope you like it! (Also don’t mind me making his hair fluffier than usual and Cam’s darker)

@deluxewhump I couldn’t resist so here

So I’m feeling weird tonight, so I decided to draw actual whump for once and Zee came to mind when the cedar chest happened. @deluxewhump

Alex & Zee, post running off drabble

I deeply and sincerely apologize there are no hugs in this but there will be some, you’ll see.

CW: bbu, alcohol, slight drunkenness, pet whumpee stuff, past noncon alcohol use, dubcon mention, consent issues, past conditioning, past memory issues due to conditioning/torture

****

Cam had come home with a soaked and shivering Zee in tow, sopping muddy rainwater onto the kitchen floor. Alex had already drawn the bath, it was warm but not hot— ready to go. 

He stayed out of their way, resisting the urge to grab Zee’s other arm and help get him down the hall into the warm water. Was it only a year and a half ago he and Paul had done the same thing, only in an attempt to get him cooled off? He’d been so sick and timid out of the box, his skin hot and his eyes glassy. 

Cam helped him into the bathroom, sat him on the edge of the tub. He and Alex made eye contact before Cam swung the door shut, closing it with a quiet click.

The following day was Monday, and Cam drove back to campus. By Thursday, he hadn’t been back. 

Zee had avoided him skillfully. He slept when Alex was awake, moved about when he was asleep. When Alex got home from work or grocery shopping or going out with friends Zee was nowhere to be seen, his bedroom door shut. The only evidence he was there at all was an extra glass or dish neatly tucked into the dishwasher here and there, the kitchen trash having been emptied, a different towel folded over the rack in the bathroom. 

Several times Alex had come close to knocking on his door. He went over some things he might say, but they all sounded wrong, or like they skirted around the point. 

What was the point? I’m sorry I yelled at Cam in front of you? I’m sorry I yelled at Cam at all? No. He still felt he was right about that, in his gut. If it wasn’t Cam he wouldn’t have said anything. If it were someone new, someone who hadn’t fucking bought Zee less than sixteen months ago… Every time, he dropped his hand away from the door, went and did something else.

He went by JD’s place Friday afternoon, but his heart wasn’t in any of it- conversation, or hanging out. He couldn’t get distracted enough to forget the mess that was Cam and Zee, and Cam had barely texted him all week. Just like Cam, to dip out when shit got weird and show up a week later hoping it had all blown over. 

JD invited him out to a pub with some friends but he declined, citing schoolwork. He didn’t feel like a crowd tonight, or mediocre craft beer for seven bucks a pop.

He was expecting much the same as the past five days had been, a quiet apartment with no readily available sign that he shared it with another human being. Instead, all the lights were on in the living room. The glass door to the balcony was left open- only the flimsy screen door was shut. Alex dropped his keys on the counter and slipped the screen open just enough to peek his head out. 

Zee looked up at him from a canvas fold-out chair, like he wasn’t particularly surprised to see him, but hadn’t been waiting for him either. He was wearing sweats and a light jacket left unzipped, his cheeks flushed and pink. He had a bottle of tequila next to his right leg, and Alex could see it was a few inches lower than he last remembered.

He must’ve looked comically surprised, because Zee snorted. “You said I could have… anything.” He swept a hand back toward the apartment. “Help myself. So.”

“N-no, yeah.” Alex ran a hand through his hair. He opened the screen another six inches, slid out sideways. The air was cool, but with such low humidity it felt clean and good. The sun had just gone down, and the city hummed around them. “I meant what I said. Help yourself, Zee, to anything. You know that.”

Zee reached down and took a nip of tequila, offered it to Alex by the neck. “It’s Friday, isn’t it?” His eyes had a brightness in them that could only partly be explained by booze.

Alex took the bottle, but didn’t drink. He could smell it at arm’s length. “You uh… you mixing with anything?”

He shrugged. 

Alex pulled out a second camping chair from where it lay folded up against the vinyl siding. “Mind if I join?”

Zee didn’t answer, just put one foot up on the railing contentedly. Alex set the second chair alongside his and sat down, taking the tiniest of nips off the bottle and surpressing the shudder it brought. “Reminds me of the House.” He said with a trace of loathing. 

Zee gave him a look that said me too, but was not full of reproach like it might have been. 

“You been out here long?”

“Not really. I just…got bored.”

Alex felt a twinge of guilt. “It’s not fair you gotta be cooped up like this.”

“No,” Zee corrected, reaching for the bottle. “It’s fine. It’s not that. I just…” He trailed off, staring at the tequila a moment before setting it down. The next time he looked at Alex he had tears standing in his eyes. His coppery hair was a bit longer than usual, soft on his forehead, reminding him sharply of a hound dog puppy in some old cartoon. He made a mental note not to let him have too much more of the tequila right off. He didn’t know how quickly he’d been drinking it, or how much he’d had already.

“I’m sorry.” Zee said. He pressed his lips together to keep them from trembling. “I’m sorry for… for taking off, I meant to come right back. I just… I took a wrong turn and I-”

Alex shook his head, shushing him just a little, just enough to be reassuring. He was terrified of coming off as condescending, ever since Zee had turned on him with such anger in his eyes, such indignation. “Shh, no. It’s fine. I know.”

Zee made a noise in his throat and looked at the sky to force back his tears. No stars were out just yet, only the blinking lights of a commercial airplane, impossibly high. “I was just so mad at you.”

Alex stared at his hands, limp on his lap. “I know.”

This was not how he expected a confrontation to go. He didn’t expect one at all, unless he finally initiated it. A car alarm blared to life in the back parking lot. Someone silenced it quickly, and it gave a final chirp.

“I’m sorry about Cam.” Zee continued. 

Alex had seen him messed up a hundred times before, but he’d never seen him get emotional, or chatty. Of course, he’d never seen him buzzed of his own free will, either.

He fixed Alex with a gaze that was surprisingly clear. “I know you two… whatever. I’m not stupid. I know. But me and him did it first.” His tone grew almost sharp. “So. Sorry.”

“Zee…” Alex began carefully. It’s not that.

“No, no. I know. You’re trying to look out for me. I heard you. You always did. With Tyler and Cam and…Michael. Even Amber. You did.” He was nodding like a bobblehead.

Alex swallowed at a lump rising in his throat. If it was induced by guilt or self pity, he wasn’t sure. He had tried to help. But there were just as many times he was out voted or out ranked, times where his protests did nothing and other times he just wasn’t there at all.

“But butt out of this one, right?” He said. He wished he had a chaser, he might take another swig. He wondered how much of this conversation Zee would clearly remember tomorrow, if he kept at that bottle. He was surprised at how his voice nearly cracked, how the lump in his throat had not gone down yet. “Leave you be?”

Zee watched him with something like sympathy, or affection. Their streetlamps clicked on, washing everything with an orange glow. “Wanna know a secret?”

Alex raised his eyebrows, not sure if he did or not. “…What?”

“…My name’s Jamey.”

He said it quietly, like it was, in fact, a secret. But he also said it clearly, like it belonged to him. Alex supposed it did. It always had. They looked at one another, feeling more like two strangers than they had since the day they met, that hot day in August. 

“Hi, Jamey.” Alex whispered, so his voice would not falter. He held out his right hand. 

Zee took it, shook it once. They didn’t keep shaking, nor did they break apart. They just held each other’s palms for a moment, Alex’s skin cool and dry and Zee’s warm, almost hot. Then Zee smiled, and it was exactly the Zee he’d always known. Who else? He pulled away and laid his head back against the canvas chair, looking for stars. Alex looked up, too. 

A few were out now, just barely. One might have been a satellite, he wasn’t sure. In an hour the sky would be filled with them, too many to count.

“My name’s Jamey”

This is the only thing I could do today, it was a warm up to begin on commission work supposedly but yeah…ran out of energy. Idk hope you like it! (I just noticed the description said something completely different about his looks, but yeah;;;)

I got told I did a good job by one of my most difficult clients and I´M living! So I treated myself to some Z2 thoughts about him getting dressed up and put some reindeer antlers for christmas. @deluxewhump I mean, wouldn´t Cam think it hilarious? Now, I´m sorry if he looks a bit different than usual. I´m kinda practicing his badly shaved head for another thingie an anon requested. >;3c

*bamging pots* Soft Cam! Soft Cam!

@deluxewhump

Ok but that sweet moment when Cam was crying at home and Z2 silently comforts him, stayed with me for a while so I found the sketches I made when I read it and decided to clean them up a bit. So here!

...yes, it was me and just noticed I didn’t write “Jamey” correctly 😂

I love drawing Zee and I don’t show all the doodles because they’re not good. But have this one I actually liked. (Also Jamey being nice towards pets but having that slightly intimidating air to him, must give some cute interactions ahhhh)

OK OMG TUMBLR SUCKS.

Anyways, I received a real cute ask requesting for Cam and Zee comfort after Cam learns his father died and tbh I struggled so much to find the Drabble! Turns out it’s a fic from @gottalovethemwriters !

(So good by the way!)

Im so sorry for just finishing it now anon, but, I’m not really on a mentally healthy spot since March. So I’m just floating at this point. (Don’t worry tho, it will pass eventually)

In any case, I hope this is what you were hoping for and damn if I didn’t like drawing Zee again! So thanks~

Gotta tag @deluxewhump for this!

(My personal lil headcanon but Zee has his own shoes by this point and that makes me real cozy inside. Because 1) taking care of Zee!! 2) I get to draw shoes!! >:D)

Tbh, this might be a risky thing to share. Because yes. Sometimes tracing is needed to get the work done faster and stop burning your fuses over poses. However, it just seemed nice to show that I’m not perfect or just “born with talent”. I struggle with painting and drawing as much as anybody else. It sometimes drives me to tears and desperation and sadness. But in the end, it’s my oxygen and nobody can lie without breathing.

Characters are from @deluxewhump ‘s fab frat house box boy series. (I’m sorry for the ping)

Just wanted to draw @deluxewhump​ Jamey, running away from a cop. This are like three weeks old and I´m still proud of how dynamic they look Also, a week or so ago, I got into the thought “what if Jamey had never became Z2 and went to college with them” while doing commissions and absent mindedly drew this. 

One can dream.

And another because I found it next to the colored Zee. 

@albino-whumpee back at it again making me lose my MIND brb crying ♥️ this is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen 😭

:D!!!

I could not resist

Told myself.  If you finish this today, you can treat yourself to paint whatever you want. 

So you can guess what I decided to color. @deluxewhump​ (im sorry for so many pings lately;;;;)

OOOPS 

MY HAND SLIPPED. 

Baby Zee being the rebellious teenager was all I could think of on today´s warmup session. @deluxewhump 
So I had to draw it and additional murder stare because who doesn´t like the murderous stare? 

So, TLDR, It´s been tough and I´m learning to love drawing again. In the mean time, I found @deluxewhump frathouse boxboy story and yeah. It got me moving a bit again. (thanks!) I love Z2 to pieces and the writing is done so beautifully I love. 

Hope you like this!