Himeno and himeaki: a rant

I've noticed a lot of people don't really like Himeno and one of the reasons being her apparent romantic attraction to Aki ( and also other than the fact that she almost slept with Denji ) and lmao I do get the hate to some degree but sometimes it feels lowkey forced. And that's why the relationship she shares with Aki kinda gets misinterpreted or it get's watered down to a 'oh he is hot I want to fuck him'

So I just kinda wanna yap my interpretation of their relationship cuz it's not just a typical one sided hetero relationship, it has a lot of layers to it.

For one, I do think what Himeno feels for Aki is more of a personification of her idea of being remembered and mourned. Until Aki came Himeno had a number of partners and subordinates simply dying on her, and it's a very prominent part of her character; watching the people she worked with die. As Kishibe says, Public safety devil hunters have to have a few screws loose and as I say it, you got to have thick skin. The idea of having a 'few screws loose ' including lacking empathy over time which means you don't mourn the death of your comrades.

But Himeno is normal. A country mouse sticking to the city mouse ( Aki ) for his company when she would rather live in the quiet countryside instead. Here there is a lot of parallel between Angel devil and Himeno as they both longed to stay by Aki's side which inevitably brought their doom.

And back to the topic of mourning, I think the idea of being forgotten, so replaceable and discarded into the past had scared Himeno. Deep down she was scared of being consumed by the oblivion that is the apathetic and replaceable management system of public safety. No one would remember her, no one would cry for her. When she probably cried over her drink late at night.

But then Aki happened.

What she loved was his empathy and the ability to feel so profoundly for other people. She wanted that. She carved that. He wore his heart on his sleeves and she was Hungry to take a bite of it. It is selfish, kind of twisted and so uncharacteristically none sexual of Himeno.

She loves Aki but I think it's more of a, "cry me a river and I will gladly hang myself for you" kind. Her tendency to have sex with anything that moves has no effect on her relationship with Aki nor the feelings she feels for him. It's beyond that.

Though I do think her habit of having sex with almost everyone is more of a bad coping mechanism than anything. Just like Aki, she didn't get to process her grief correctly. And unlike Aki, she can't cry.

Here is a bit of parallel she has with Denji of all people with their hypersexuality and the questionable methods of having and viewing sex. Also in that scene when she makes a deal with Denji with the, "you take Makima and I take Aki". For both of them, their person of affection was someone untenable and unreachable, someone who probably didn't return their feelings.

But what Himeno was wrong about Aki not Loving her back.

Yeah maybe he doesn't love her like the way she wanted him to love. He never viewed her as a lover or someone he can have sex with ( I do have a doubt they must've hooked up at some point or Himeno at least tried something very dubious consent with Aki at some point. ). But Aki cared. And He cared deeply. So much so Himeno basically starts to haunt the narrative from this point on lol.

I don't really hate Himeno, far from it. She's so interesting I would love to put her under a microscope and analysis from where that wrecky thought process of her comes from. She's my yaoi girl. What a little freak.

Their relationship is so Yuri coded I don't even count them as a straight ship lmao

But besides anything, my favourite genre of himeaki is bisexual disaster Himeno × gay/asexual Aki queer platonic partners from hell.

Random Denji ( and Aki ) headcanon that came Outta nowhere :

CSM rant. The tragedy of the Hayakawa family

The tragedy of Aki Hayakawa was not only his own, but also Denji's own suffering. What Makima did was to raise a dog. What She did was to build a foundation in which Denji could grow, flourish as a human being, using both Aki and Power as the core of this little dysfunctional rag tag trio, only to rip that away in the cruellest way possible. Destroy his home in front of his eyes, by his own hand.

Home is a person. Aki Hayakawa was already a gaping hole of loss and grief. And Power had no sense of what human connection feels like. They Worked as a perfect beat for Denji to bite into. For Makima, Denji was a dog and Power and Aki were the meat of an animal you fattened up to kill and feed the dog.

What was more disturbing is that, not only did she used Denji's own vulnerability against him, but also Aki and Power’s. She meticulously played her cards and chose those two as they work the best. When you are lonely for such a long time you simply try to grapple with whatever you can get your hands on. For Aki however, it was rather peculiar. He never really managed to cope with his loss. Which led it to fester and rot silently. He chose to keep the wound tender and burning as it would simply fuel his single minded death parade to kill the gun devil. But what he didn't expect was for him to feel so profoundly for each and everyone around him, he was still just a guy. He chose to build walls around himself, wear his cold anger on his face, to put on that unapproachable facade that led people to view him as a stoic jerk. But what he also wore was his heart on his sleeves. And somehow, some people choose to stick with him. Himeno being a prime example. The thing is, he lets people in without realising it. Because somewhere in him, he carves the connection.

And Denji, despite not looking like it, is highly sensible and empathetic when it comes to forming bonds and connection with people. It goes beyond his horniness but rather something that his teenage self also carves, the need for nurture and for a shoulder to lean on. Which is exactly what Aki is. He is stoic, he is a perfectionist and he knows how to take care of and nurture someone and to simply put, he is everything Denji needs in a guardian.

I guess I really want to talk about his sublit but prominent suicidal tendencies too. But let's save that for later.

With Power, it's something else but also not so different. The thing is, fiends also have empathy and feelings, they aren't exactly the heartless nightmare fuel that are often their devil counterpart. Power is kind of a different case then Denji and Aki. In where Denji chooses to shut his brain in order to make himself feel at home, and Aki simply ( trying ) to give his middle finger to establishing connection ( and failing to do so miserably ) Power is surprisingly open about it. She lets her emotions control the best of her. She is willing to bash Denji’s head open and probably get herself killed just to save her cat. And that openness is something that both Aki and Denji get more and more comfortable in. Power is selfish, she's a brat, but she cares. With her you don't have to pretend as she also has nothing to hide.

But Makima actually failed to fathom exactly how DEEP this connection between those three ran. And definitely not the outcome it will lead to.

And Denji himself as a person. Makima underestimated him a big time.