Snow Day

When Christmas and New Years fall on Wednesday, it gives the school kids the longest possible holiday. I can remember feeling like a stressed-out pile of goo, back in the day, when my kids went back to school on Monday the 6th. And they were good kids, mind you, not little hellions - but Christmas gets Very Intense.

So it is with some sympathy, this snowy morning, that I consider the plight of parents who thought their kids would be back to school today.

Morning

Taken the dogs out, got the woodstove started for morning, cleaned up the kitchen and started the dishwasher. Can't really get started cleaning, yet, because my husband and K aren't up. I've been feeling pretty damned rocky the last week or so, and I sure hope today is better.

One thing I noticed recently; I go down to Home Farm to do a chore or drop something off, and my son and I get talking. However, I have to leave soon because I have something else going on, or I need to get home for dogs' potty breaks. Then I remembered being young(er) and how my parents never seemed to want to visit me. Come over for a quick visit or a meal, leave immediately. A whole LOT of my parenting strategies have been based on my reflections about my own parents (not surprising). Both good and bad, truly; they both did some thing very right and other things .. uh.

Anyway, I did have to go to HF yesterday, but the library/book-tidying job I was expecting was much smaller than I thought. When I was done I asked him, do you need some alone time right now (he had just completed some STRESSFUL finals) or would you like a visit? He was up for a visit, so I sat down and we talked for quite a while. Until I was sure he was finished. That felt good.

Both kids are so kind and caring toward me. I'm so lucky.

One more Time

I guess it's Sunday morning Thoughtful Time. Children growing up is a little bit like death. Hear me out.

Twice upon a time I had a three-yr old. It may not be a common opinion, but three is one of my favorite ages. Like, yeah they will fight about bedtime, but . . damn. The joy in living! The bounciness, cuddles, and giggles! The growing independence of age eight. Rushing home from school to tell you Mr T. Squished a Stinkbug In Class It was So Funny!!! Halloween parties. Twelve-yr-olds allowed to be at the rollerskating rink by themselves. Can't wait to tell you how they perfected their backwards skating or that one pinball machine has an electrical short and it shocked someone!!

Right now all those people, and more, exist somewhere inside my young adult children. But, crucially, I can no longer see them, interact with them, cuddle them. My three-year olds are just as gone from me as if they had died. The young adults are delightful! I love them to pieces. I might even, in the fullness of time, have grandchildren.

But I would step on a Lego every night for a year to be able to see with my littles one more time. Go down to the creek and turn over rocks to see Creatures. Bake cookies together.

Kids, man

Oh, geez. I can't even remember how funny stuff got passed around in the earlier days of the internet. I do know that lots of people would forward 'humorous' emails around, and it was difficult or impossible to figure out who had created the original content. However. I remember one of those pass-arounds was a list of things you had to do to be able to say you were "ready" for parenthood. Two things from that list have stayed with me forever.

One: In order to prepare for having children, take a live goat to the grocery store with you. You have to get through the store and buy your weekly groceries without letting the goat destroy anything or harm anyone. If you plan on having multiple children, you must take multiple goats. (If anyone wants to borrow a goat for this purpose, Nutmeg volunteers)

Two: Suspend a whole cantaloupe from the ceiling by a string. Cut a small hole in one side of the cantaloupe. Get some Cheerios and milk in a bowl. Now, set the cantaloupe swinging gently. Try to spoon the Cheerios into the hole in the melon.

Just those two things had me laughing until I cried. I had really good kids, mind you! But we certainly had our challenging moments. Those items sound like they are humorously exaggerated. However. I must tell you. They are not.

@rederiswrites do you remember any moments like that?

Teen summer

Sitting quietly on an August morning, pondering my teen daughter's summer.

Her older brother moved out, down to Home Farm, and acquired a Roommate - so she not only got to spend lots of time in Brother's house, but also received a free, bonus brother. Roomate brought Missile the thoroughbred/quarterhorse cross to the pasture, so they have been riding a whole LOT more than she would have ridden on her own. The had to ride after dark through the worst of the heat, but horses have decent low light vision; no problem.

She had ordinary chores; farm animals, cleaning, a bit of cooking and canning, and garden - but only a very reasonable amount. She had one summer class online, but it was a rather compact seven weeks, and not too hard.

Friends. Tons of friends, really. College friends who traveled here to guest with us for a weekend, local friends. She is very blessed that way.

Swimming. Riding. Hiking. Catching crayfish. The Fair. Berrying. Caving. Travel. Family events. Gardening. Crochet, painting, drawing. We didn't manage to do the biking we wanted to do, but there's always something that falls off the list.

It's hard not to be jealous, really. But I know how hard I worked to break cycles and provide my kids with the opportunities they have for a safe, peaceful, pleasant life. Success comes as a surprise.

She's packing, now to leave for school on Sunday. I sure will miss her.

Little boys

Yesterday my son sent me a little video of a couple of very small boys digging in dirt and playing with sticks in the woods. The message of the video was about not entertaining kids all the time, but giving them time to be 'bored' and mess around in natural spaces. He thanked me for giving him that kind of childhood, where he was allowed to be bored, dig holes in dirt, and mess around in the woods. I'm crying.

There are literally still holes in places up in the woods. When I see them they always make me So Damned Sad. Kids grow up, I certainly wouldn't want the alternative. But it's like a death in the family. Where are my little kids? They are gone. The ruins of a carefully-built 'fort' sit in the woods, home to mushrooms and salamanders.

Monday musing

This will generally be a non-relatable problem, but I just need to vent a tiny bit.

First off, I think I had the world's NICEST mother in law. She was a great model to me of how to treat adult children, letting go gracefully and such. Unfortunately she passed away in 2003. And now here I am.

Son floated the idea of moving out, just for the summer, and living with a roommate, back in early April-ish. I thought it over and agreed. We started moving things around down at Home Farm, my late father's place, and adjusting furniture, etc. Roommate, however, had an early end to his semester, so he moved in the first part of May. Son moved (collecting his belongings a bit at a time) as well, even though his semester isn't over until this week.

I wished him well, sent some food down there - bear in mind, Home Farm is only a quarter mile, (.4 km) away - and took a deep breath. I can do this.

What I hadn't anticipated was that my daughter, home from her first year away at college, would spend more than half of her time down there, as well. She missed her big brother a lot when she was away, considers Roommate to be a Bonus Brother, and prefers to be around the energy and fun down there instead of home.

I can do this. But for many years summer has been fun family time where we could do activities we didn't have time for during school, take spontaneous adventures, read together, and. I am missing that. more than I can say. Having to specifically schedule time to be with my own kids is new and will take a LOT of getting used to.

I will reflect on MIL, and her way of treating her children.

Year one, done

Husband just left to go to our daughter's school and pack her up to come home. Finals were a bit early this year, so today is her last day. I'll be glad to get her home.

Teens and Twenties

Spend twenty years agonizingly "Breaking the Cycle" and then turn around and look at your cheerful, emotionally mature and healthy young adult children and say "How did this happen?!"

I'm so proud of them, and I worked very hard to have this outcome. It can be almost baffling, though. You mean, I could have been like this when I was 20? I thought I was doing well, back then - but it was all duct tape, string, and an industrial-strength mask with cracks around the edges! NOW I realize what young adults are supposed to look and act like!

Damn. Crazy. Well, no time to cry, have things to do.

Everyday I worry about the world my young adult children are going out into.

Markers ARE magic

When my daughter was home for winter break between college semesters, she got out a coloring book she had had for a while (fancy, complicated undersea scenes) and worked on it. She has a lot more patience and sticktoitiveness at 18 than she did when she first got the book, and she did a lot with it. However, the markers she had were not terribly good, more of a 'tweenage' set. She made the best of it.

I decided to send away for a more adult set of markers with more colors. They were surprisingly expensive (I know everything is, right now, but I avoid noticing it by shopping very little) and have been on back order for quite a long time. They finally came, though. She came home from school unexpectedly this afternoon, and after dinner and barn chores I gave them to her. The ear-piercing squeal was very satisfying.

So between my quickly-expanding quilt* and her pages of sea life, there will be a heck of a lot of colorful fish around the house soon.

'* 56 of 70 fish, and I hatched a plan for jellyfish made from an old piece of blue gauze I've had since 2008.

Better late than never

I have decided, midway through February, that I, in fact, DO have a New Year's resolution I want to work on.

My son was born in February 2002, and my mother died (age 61) in December of that year. I did the memorial service, cleaned out her house, took care of her will/estate, mourned, and kept raising that baby. Little by little, as he grew, I started noticing things about parenting that I had never processed before. At one point, I went to an aunt I was especially close to, and asked her to 'memory check' me about things from my family when I was just a toddler. Because, you know, I didn't want to take my very early memories as fact. But I was noticing that my son, then three, had had NO serious injuries (because I was watching him!) while I had been seriously injured multiple times by the time I was four. Two emergency room trips, many scars, stitches, dislocated hips, etc.

Her mouth compressed into a straight line and she shook her head. "Yes," she said, "You were left to raise yourself. And then you raised your brother."

I had had what I thought was a decent relationship with my mother while she was alive. Like 95% good, 5% WHOA, NELLIE WTF! But as I aged, reflected, and parented, I started getting angry. And angrier, and angrier. And F*ing FURIOUS.

Not unreasonable, but . . man, it's been years. Decades. I need to - find a way to let this go. Make peace with her (very complicated) memory. Stop feeling so much rage. It's just TIME.

So this year I am going to try to get very intentional about that, and work on settling the issues rattling around my skull. Yeah, not completely sure HOW, but I have started working on it.