A Grown-up Geek Girl

Couldn't deal with my pain anymore tonight so absolutely high as fuck instead tonight.

Proof of life I guess.

Part 1

Morning Nerds 🤓

Back at it after a few days off 💪🏻

This part of my journey and dealing with Fibromyalgia has tested my endurance and mental fortitude to be sure, but I can feel myself growing stronger and I'm proud of my progress.

One of the reason I've been in my feels lately is I've worked really really hard to improve my health and no matter what I do I will always be in pain.. no matter how hard I work, it is never going to go away.

I think I was a bit more complacent when I was highly overweight because I was so inactive that even though I hurt it was just something that "was". Now I'm walking, doing yoga, and going to the gym and I can see/feel progress and so my brain I think thought "Oh you won't hurt as much, won't that be amazing!?" But, chronic illness doesn't work that way, and no matter what I will always have Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis and so hurting 24/7, not sleeping well, and struggling to walk sometimes will never go away.

My knees aching so badly I can hardly move or walk sometimes, let alone sleep, is apparently not enough for the Dr's here to let me have injections, because "your only 44" and "if you want surgery later injections could be an issue". When they say later they mean 20 years from now!! So I'm just supposed to suck it up and cry in pain for the next 20 years? They gave me exercises to do, which I'm already doing and have been doing for the the last 6-9 months between yoga and the gym.

Just frustrated and venting..

So stiff upper lip and all that.. and back to work.

Don't forget your meds my sweet Nerds 🤓

I have multiple Chronic illnesses and have had a Gastric Sleeve surgery so this is a life long thing for me. Just because someone doesn't look sick doesn't mean they are not.

Show compassion, you never know what someone is dealing with.

Been awake since 2am... It's almost 6 now 😭

Insomnia and pain kept me up..

Welcome to my life lol

Morning Nerds 🤓

The last few days (weeks honestly) have been very rough on me.

A few weeks ago I ended up in the ER because of abdominal pain and found out I had gallstones. After an ultrasound and an MRI they finally let me know yesterday they want to remove it, so I'll be scheduled for surgery.

Then a few days ago I had some bleeding like I was having my period. The issue there is I have not had a period in 14 years because of a procedure I had. So obviously freaked out I went to the Dr and I've been scheduled for some further tests. It could be that because I was under 40 when I had the ablation done in the first place that the uterus cells have grown back. Which I wasn't told could happen..

Either way I've been struggling with pain and emotions and feeling overwhelmed. Up until the gallbladder thing I had been feeling really good and was very happy and proud with my progress since my gastric surgery, I've lost 117lbs (53kg) total and I went from only being able to walk for about 5 minutes to walking multiple miles a day and doing yoga.

All of this has me feeling like I'm back peddling and I'm trying not to be discouraged but it is hard. These type of things on top of my ever present chronic illnesses is just wearing me down.