The Starklings idolize, draw strength from Robb and want to be like him, the same way Dany is with Rhaegar. And guess what the fandom does? Take the Starklings idolization of Robb as a good inspirational thing, and Dany’s idolization of Rhaegar as a bad thing. Sure, there are a few metas here and there about the costs of the War of the Five Kings and Robb’s role in the horrors that happened, but people never really demonize him. People might recognize that his war is bad for the smallfolk, and even recognize that his motivations for war are personal revenge for his father, but people will still sympathize with him and recognize his good intentions. Meanwhile, Rhaegar is completely demonized. Everything positive that is said about him is dismissed as “unreliable narration” (because apparently there’s not even a drop of truth to literally everyone singing praises to Rhaegar). Rhaegar’s personal motivation for running away with Lyanna, his love for her, are seen as something that makes him a monster, or even distorted to seem that he never loved her at all (he freaking died saying her name, ffs), while the fandom doesn’t do the same with Robb’s personal motivations for war (his love for his father). And Rhaegar didn’t even start a war like Robb. Sure, he made something really reckless in running away with Lyanna, but starting a war was not his intention, meanwhile Robb did start a war.
And I can’t help but think this is very connected to Dany hate. Robb is not demonized because he is a Stark and connected to the Starklings, Rhaegar is demonized because Dany MUST be wrong about her brother, she MUST be wrong about looking up to him and this MUST be seen as a character flaw for her. Dany MUST NOT have any rights to the throne. The Rebellion must be 100% right in everything, they must be perfectly justified, to justify the idea that Dany is wrong in wanting the throne back. So Rhaegar and his actions during the Rebellion must be seen in the worst light possible.
I truly don’t care about Rhaegar as a character. He is too much of a minor character for me to feel anything about him. But the Rhaegar hate does bother me, because to me it’s very clear that Rhaegar hate (as well as Targaryen hate) is connected to Dany hate. Sure, not everyone who hates Rhaegar hates Dany, but it seems to me that Rhaegar hate only really got as popular as it is because the fandom in general has an anti Targaryen sentiment (and this anti Targaryen sentiment comes from anti Dany sentiment). Even people who might not hate Dany are still influenced by fandom climate, so to me it does seem like there’s a clear connection. Because it’s always everything that is connected to Dany in a positive way that ends up being demonized.